The Survival Code, page 32
We take turns finding various bushes to act as toilets.
So gross.
Mom fiddles with her pack as the rest of us load the supplies that the mercenaries tried to steal into the back of the truck. This time, Charles wants to ride in the back, so Dad makes a point of checking the bed for any unwanted stowaways. When it’s all clear, MacKenna, Toby and I join my brother, leaving the adults to ride in the cab.
Toby takes a seat next to me on one side. Charles snuggles up against MacKenna on the other. The sun has risen and at least it’s a little warmer.
Dad drives the truck and trailer around to the other side of the hill, returning to where MacKenna and I left Cuddles and Freckles. I’m relieved to find the horses still standing there, unbothered by what’s happened. Dad already had Jessie’s Girl and Goldilocks in the trailer so now we have all four of Ramona Healy’s horses.
“On the bright side, this doubles our number of available animals,” Dad says.
“How far are we going?” I ask.
“Ten miles south. Give or take. My buddy works at the casino down there. Hopefully, it’s still standing,” Dad says.
MacKenna and I exchange a glance. I can tell that we both want to ask why he thinks that the casino might no longer be standing. But neither of us does.
We load the horses in the trailer and put the packs and bag of guns into the back of the truck. We have to dump a lot of the extra stuff we’d packed in the trailer to make room for the extra two horses. We leave the love seat there in the desert.
I wonder if anyone will ever sit on it again.
As the truck takes off, Charles goes on and on and on about every plant he saw while they were waiting for us. “...I’m almost sure that it was Argemone arizonica. The Roaring Springs Prickly Poppy. Hard to tell precisely, since it’s January, so it was not flowering, but I’d bet my subscription to Southwest Gardener that...”
I tune out the rest of his botany lecture.
It feels almost normal to be sitting next to Toby.
Except things aren’t normal. Toby folds his arms over his chest and won’t look at anyone. He just said goodbye to a girl he’s probably in love with.
I think Annika is pretty awful, but I do understand what Toby saw in her. Sort of. She represents that part of his character that wants or needs to see the good in everyone. His faith. His optimism. His belief that things will always turn out okay. Annika was like a stray kitten that could be brought inside and cared for. Someone to be rescued and saved and then exist as proof that you could make the world a better place.
I pat his arm as we drive on.
* * *
By the time the sun is directly overhead, we can see the casino. It’s a long, white building that looks kind of like a permanent circus tent with the words DESERT JEWEL CASINO printed in huge letters that span the whole width of the building.
“Where are we?” MacKenna asks.
“The Tohono O’odham Reservation,” I say.
Even from a distance, it’s easy to see that something has gone really wrong at the Desert Jewel. Cars litter the parking lot, all askew. One is on fire. An RV has been turned onto its side. A police car with every window broken out rests nearby. A sign that must have said BINGO has been cut in half, right down the middle, leaving only BI and part of an N.
Coming closer, I can see that the building’s glass doors have been torn off. A truck with its front end completely smashed in lies abandoned in front of a dented metal part of the building.
Dad brings the truck to a stop in a corner of the parking lot.
“What the hell is going on here?” MacKenna asks.
Toby pushes himself onto his knees to get a better look. Studying the postapocalyptic parking lot, he says, “I’m guessing the banks didn’t open today and that the credit card systems are still down. This is what happens when people get desperate.”
Dad gets out of the truck and says, “Wait here. I’ll see if Louis is inside.” He leaves us two Glocks and one of the AKs.
Staying out here is a dumb idea, but going into the flaming casino of death is an even worse one.
So we wait.
Toby sighs dramatically.
“Oh, for God’s sake!” MacKenna snaps loud enough that the horses in the trailer whinny in disapproval. “There’s more than one big-boobed, six-foot-tall, blond-headed girl in the world. You only met Annika Carver yesterday, Toby.”
“You don’t get it,” he snaps back.
“You mean the feeling that you put your faith in someone because you think they’re one kind of person and then they turn out to be another? Yeah. We get that, Toby,” I say, hoping I sound sympathetic.
His frozen exterior melts a little and he’s more like his usual self. The one who used to read Ralph Ellison by the pool. The one preoccupied with Sociology and Psych 101.
“It’s gonna be okay,” MacKenna says.
“We’re a family and we’ll stick together,” I say and MacKenna doesn’t argue.
We sit in silence for a minute and I find myself thinking of the minimart and Lee and wondering if this is the feudal world he’s imagining. “‘Philosophy with a hammer.’”
“What?” Toby asks.
I said that last part out loud, I guess. “Somebody told me that’s what Ammon Carver represents. Philosophy with a hammer.”
Toby laughs for the first time in ages. “Some grad student was trying to pick you up by misquoting Nietzsche?”
MacKenna laughs.
Before I can answer, Toby continues. “Well, definitely don’t go out with that loser. Nietzsche would not like Ammon Carver. ‘Philosophize with a hammer’ means that you take a tough look at what you believe, at who you believe in. You challenge every preconceived idea, take a hammer to all your systems of thought, until you end up with ideas that can stand up. Blindly following the son of a son of a rich man because you think that doing so is your best shot at being rich too is bullshit. If you take a hammer to The Opposition, all you get is the broken pieces of old idols.”
“What about The Spark?” I ask.
“The Spark wants to create systems that are fair and that will last. But ones where the people will always have a voice. That’s what Rosenthal is doing.”
I envy Toby and MacKenna. They have a hero. I have a survival instinct.
Toby goes on, “That’s why he’s so dangerous to The Opposition. In my poly sci class—”
He doesn’t get to finish his thought. A Jeep whizzes by us at top speed and crashes through the double door area into the center of the casino.
Gunfire erupts.
A woman screams.
My chest tightens and my palms break into a sweat. But I have to pull it together.
I grab the guns and scramble out of the back of the truck.
Dad.
I just got my dad back and I can’t lose him again.
“Jinx! Stop!” Mom shouts through the open truck window.
From behind me, I hear MacKenna say, “Charles, wait here.”
I make a run for it across the parking lot toward the casino building.
To my surprise, MacKenna comes with me.
She quickly catches up. “Am I the only one who thinks we should be running away from the sound of guns and not toward it?” MacKenna asks, in between her paces.
I’m too out of breath to answer.
We stop at what’s left of the doorway, which is now more of a wide hole. Toby arrives on our heels. He takes the AK, leaving MacKenna and me with a Glock each. I load them both and pass her one.
“Ah. Okay. Well...” I want to say something but I’m out of words.
Toby motions for us to stay behind him as we enter the casino. He always wants to save everyone, protect everyone. But he has no practice handling a gun. Stepping around him, I enter the doorway first.
I’ve never been in a casino before, so I don’t know what they ought to look like. I’m sure it’s nothing like this. Most of the slot machines in the place have been flipped over and torn apart. We have to tiptoe around dropped ashtrays and pieces of cocktail glasses. A gooey pile of nachos squishes under the toe of one of my Cons. Mixed nuts, maraschino cherries and cigarette butts cover the purple carpet.
The three of us duck behind an overturned slot machine a few feet from the door. I stare at the shiny plastic graphics that cover the side, advertising some kind of game show. A smiling model fans out a wad of cash while two other grinning women look on.
I scan the room and spot my dad.
I exhale in relief.
He’s on the far side of the casino, ducking behind what I think is a bar or a small service counter of some sort. He’s in a firefight in front of a counter underneath a large Cashier sign, exchanging shots with a gun on the opposite side of the room.
“What. The. Hell,” MacKenna mutters, surveying the room.
She’s right. It’s total chaos.
The Jeep is inside making a ton of noise, weaving around the slot machines, heading in the direction of the cashier counter. There are people everywhere. Most of them have some kind of weapon. I flinch each time the low boom of a Remington sounds.
A gray-haired man attacks the iron bars that cover the cashier counter with a crowbar.
There’s a pause as the shotgun guy has to reload.
Chances are Dad’s got way more ammo than every other person in this place combined. This is a waiting game. That’s all.
I move closer to Toby. “It’s okay. We’ll be okay,” I tell myself.
As I say this, a figure forms on the glassy blue surface in front of me.
A reflection.
MacKenna turns and screams.
It’s one of the soldiers from earlier. Bruce. He reaches for MacKenna, bring the barrel of his gun only inches from her forehead. “Screw Tork. I hate loose ends,” he says.
In that moment, I find out exactly what kind of person I am.
I don’t think.
I don’t hesitate.
I fire two shots.
DR. DOOMSDAY SAYS:
SURVIVAL IS RELATIVE.
I become someone else.
The me who keeps stuffed animals under my bed. Who sometimes eats so much chocolate chip ice cream that I make myself sick. The girl who still gets scared of thunderstorms even though I deny it. She disappears.
I am gone.
I am something else.
MacKenna screams again.
I take her hand and pull her away. Before she can see the blood. Or the body drop. Or the disgusting mess you make when you blow someone’s brains out. When you take their humanity and reduce it to a pile of guts.
The shock on Bruce’s face. That’s something I will never forget. He clearly didn’t think I had it in me to shoot him.
I guess now we both know that I did.
I drag MacKenna toward the wall and push her behind a row of video poker machines—basically the only things standing upright in the whole place. I scoop up a few ashtrays.
And I run.
I’m cool. Cold. Adrenaline running all through me.
The element of surprise is all I have going for me, so I need to take out the guy with the shotgun as quick as possible. I don’t stop running until I get to the Sugar and Spice slot machine. The barrel pokes out over its side.
Moving farther from the door, I take off fast and round the corner between a small bar and the main casino floor. I spot the man crouched behind the machine, resting the barrel of his gun on the Plexiglas panel. I’m surprised to find that it’s not really a man. It’s a boy. Someone around my age. A teenager robbing a casino. In one of those god-awful red Opposition hats.
I throw the ashtray at him before he has time to react. The heavy glass hits his arm with a crack.
The boy groans and drops the shotgun. As he cradles his hurt arm, he says, “What the—”
I come close enough to snatch up the shotgun. Before he can finish his sentence, I point the Glock in his direction and say, “Get out of here or I’ll shoot your face off,” through clenched teeth.
He hesitates for only a second and then scrambles up off the ground.
“Don’t look back,” I say.
All the screaming and shooting and the dead bodies have been enough to drive most of the opportunists from the casino floor. Only the Jeep is left. Its three passengers, two middle-aged men and a woman, have climbed out and are pacing around their vehicle. The wheel is wedged on one of the slot machines.
“It will work,” one of the men is saying to the other. “Just help me move this shit out of the way. We need to clear a path so we can build up enough speed to really ram the counter.”
“I still think this is a stupid idea,” the woman tells him. She’s clad in a red Team Carver sweatshirt and her brown hair is pushed up into a messy ponytail. “They’ve probably put all the cash in a safe or a vault or something.”
“If you’re not gonna help, get your butt outside,” the second man says.
“But don’t think you’re gonna get a share of the money though.” The first man grunts as the two of them successfully move the slot machine over a couple of feet.
I walk fast. With purpose and deliberation. The three of them are busy planning the world’s dumbest robbery and don’t pay much attention to me.
Until I arrive at the woman. Coming up behind her, I yank sharply on her ponytail and shove the muzzle of the Glock right up against her temple. “Get out of here. Now. Or I will kill you.”
I sense Toby moving behind me, and Dad is making his way over from the other side of the casino. The two men drop the slot machine they’re moving and stand up.
“Girl, you ain’t gonna do shit,” the shorter man says. But he bites his lower lip.
“There’s a man up by the door who might say otherwise. But he can’t. Because I shot him in the head,” I say with a hint of a growl.
The woman squirms. “You’re gonna shoot me? Why? What the hell do you care whether we take the money? Do you have any idea what’s going on? There ain’t no way to get money. And there might not be for a long time.”
“I’d like to blow your brains out for wearing that sweatshirt,” I say.
It occurs to me that this is how killing works. It gets easier and easier. The chasm between what I am and what I used to be will get wider and wider. Until I can’t see or even remember the old me.
“You’re one of them,” she gasps. “You’re The Spark. You’re for Rosenthal.”
“Everyone’s for Rosenthal.” I tug harder on her ponytail.
The two men exchange a look, and the tall one gets behind the wheel of the Jeep. He backs it out the way he came in. I drag the woman with me toward the door. Toby follows behind me, clutching the AK tightly. At the sight of Toby, the man drives a little faster.
I spot MacKenna poking her head out from behind the video poker machines.
Her eyes are filled with terror.
I push the woman out the door. She casts a hateful glance at me as she hustles into the backseat of the Jeep. It screeches into the parking lot, leaving us alone in the casino.
MacKenna comes out from behind the video poker. “Wow,” she almost yells. Her face is stuck in a mixture of shock and awe, and I fired the Glock so close to her face that it’ll be a few minutes before her hearing returns to normal. “I really... My life basically flashed before my eyes. I thought we were—”
“Thanks for coming in with me,” I tell her, not really wanting to listen to what we almost were. As my body calms down, I become aware of how sweaty I am. I tuck my gun into my waistband and rub my dewy palms on my jeans.
“What?” MacKenna yells.
“Thank you,” I say louder.
She nods.
Toby’s whole body almost shakes as he comes closer. He bends over, putting his hands on his knees and, for a second, I think he might throw up. “Next time,” he says between pants, “how about filling us in on the plan before you decide to become a one-woman army ranger unit?” More heavy breathing. “I’m not...here only to...look good in...this T-shirt.”
“I know.”
“I can help, you know.”
I killed someone.
I. Am. A killer.
Toby must be thinking the same thing because he says, “Jinx. Are you okay? You just—”
I can’t think about that. Or about that guard I beat the hell out of at Goldwater Airfield. I can’t think about it.
“I’m fine. Why don’t you help me move a couple of these?” I ask Toby, waving a hand over the damaged slot machines.
I killed someone.
My hands shake and don’t work the way I want them to. Toby doesn’t want to show it, but I can tell he’s having a tough time keeping his end up too.
When we drop it in front of the door/hole, I say, “In case that Jeep comes back,” as loud as I can.
Dad joins us near the doorway. He checks out what used to be Bruce.
Goes through his pockets.
We all move that way but keep a bit of distance between us and the body.
Dad comes to stand next to me. For the first time possibly ever, he’s worried, his expression a bit stricken. “Bruce must have sent Annika away with that other soldier and then doubled back for us. Whoever brings us in will receive a huge reward and probably a medal. So the question isn’t why, it’s how. How could he know we were coming here?”
I lean in closer to Dad. I’m not sure if anyone else should hear what I’m about to say. There’s no reason to scare everyone more than I already have. “He mentioned Tork. Dad, about that guy, I... I thought he was going to...” My voice tremors as I whisper. I thought he was going to kill us. But I don’t think what I did was right. And I’m scared.
For some reason, these words don’t leave my lips.
Dad sizes me up. “You did what you had to do to survive.”
