A Perfect Fit, page 18
Ella looked at Parker, now standing inches away, as she placed her fingertips on Ella’s, guiding her as she placed each button in its respective hole with painstaking care. Parker never met her eyes, even when the outsides of her hands brushed the undersides of Ella’s breasts with a whisper-light touch. When she heard Ella draw in an audible breath, Parker closed her eyes against the thrill that ran through her. She licked her lips as her heartbeat picked up its cadence.
When she finished closing the final button, she chanced a glance at Ella. She was somewhere else. Her eyes were unfocused, and she looked to be within moments of dropping her head back and letting out a moan. How did Parker instinctively know that? They had made love only twice, but she knew in her very core exactly what Ella wanted her to do. She knew that Ella was on the verge of shedding her false calm like an obstructive outer skin and exposing her inner sex goddess. She had spent so much of her life buttoned up just like the vest Parker had dressed her in. But now? She was just on the verge of some beautiful release. Parker felt her body go taut like a bow string, ready to be plucked. It would only take just…one…touch.
She inserted one finger between the two buttons on the vest just over Ella’s belly button and ran it up and down slowly as she reached behind her and pulled out the tie Ella had chosen. Parker imagined wrapping Ella’s hands around behind her and tying them together before having her way with her. How delicious it would be to have Ella completely restrained, moaning and bucking under her as Parker pleasured every inch of her body. She retracted her fingers from the vest in order to gently loosen the tie’s Windsor knot and began to move the loop slowly down over Ella’s head. She wondered if she should stop where she was, as the loop sat directly over Ella’s eyes. She could easily tug on the knot to blindfold Ella, allowing delectable games to ensue. Parker stepped back out of the moment, feeling like she had been under some sort of spell.
The gentle landing of the tie on her chest snapped Ella back to attention. She looked down to see it traveling down between her breasts with the very tip resting against her stomach. She ran her hand down its silken length and looked back up at Parker, who had retreated back to the bed and was picking up the rejected outfits.
“Well, there you go,” she repeated without turning around. Parker was attempting to busy herself with hanging up the clothes. This woman was captivating. Parker realized she would have to keep her wits about her, or else get pulled into Ella’s atmosphere. She was pretty sure she would not survive the impending collision.
Ella was surrounded by Parker’s very essence, her perfume and the scent that was just Parker. She couldn’t get enough. As Parker kneeled on the ground to sort out the extremely tight jeans, Ella happened to look down. Seeing Parker on her knees before her brought her right back to their first night together; the night that had inexorably changed her life as she’d known it.
Ella remembered Parker lifting her leg for her and resting it on her own surprisingly strong shoulder. She remembered Parker’s first simple touch and watching her suck every bit of wetness off her fingers afterwards, before nearly bringing her to her knees with her fingers and tongue. She was overcome with the moment and couldn’t stop herself from drawing in a breath as the moisture grew between her thighs and the drum line thundered in her chest. Parker met her eyes and she knew. She knew what Ella was thinking and what she wanted, but she didn’t react and simply continued to help Ella sort out the bottom half of her outfit.
When it came time to place the tie around her neck, Parker stepped in close. In this proximity, Ella could feel the heat radiating off Parker in waves like lava. She had to be doing everything in her power to hold back; Ella knew she was. In her heart, she knew that she was only fighting the inevitable, or, at best, delaying it.
When Parker’s fingers delicately stroked Ella’s stomach through the vest, she felt the skin from the top of her head to the tips of her curled toes come over in gooseflesh. When Parker placed the tie around her neck and looked at her with that smoldering gaze, she thought she might just evaporate then and there. All too soon, they both seemed to come to their senses and Parker took a giant leap back. But Ella wasn’t ready for the moment to end. As Parker turned around to start hanging up the other clothes, Ella dared a step forward.
“Aren’t you going to do my makeup, too?” she said in a register much lower than her regular voice. Parker visibly tensed but didn’t turn around.
“Your makeup looks great already. It always does. I think you’re ready to go,” she said, hanging up the last article of clothing and continuing to stare into the closet. Ella stepped forward again, lifting her hand with the intention of placing it on her shoulder. Then…what? What would she do when Parker turned to her with eyes filled with lust or, worse, pain? She knew the answer immediately. She would take Parker into her arms and kiss away all the torment. Ella would hold her while it all trickled away like a blood-letting of the soul. Then the uncontrollable passion between them would erupt and ignite and nothing would stop them from progressing directly to the bed only a few feet from where they stood now. Ella let her hand drop back down to her side before retreating backwards to the doorway.
“Well…” she said, swallowing with an audible click in her throat. “I guess I’ll head out. Thank you for everything, Parker. I hope you have a great evening.”
“Yup, will do. Have fun,” she said, doing her absolute best to choke back the mix of emotions filling her throat. She didn’t dare breathe or turn around as she heard Ella’s footsteps recede and her front door open and close. It was in that very moment that she knew she couldn’t continue this arrangement. It had to be all or nothing with Ella. She couldn’t handle the push and pull of their current situation and the way it tugged on her heartstrings when they were together. She resolved to tell Ella the next time they spoke, and she would deal with the consequences as they fell.
Parker allowed a single tear to trickle down her cheek before scrubbing her face violently and heading to the living room for an evening in front of the television.
Wrong. Everything about this felt wrong. Why was she on the way to meet up with Tally for a date when that is not what she wanted at all?
As she pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot, she was overcome with a feeling of what could only be described as a debilitating ache, like she had left something important behind. Or someone. Phantom pain ran through her body. She wanted to be back at Parker’s house for whatever. Dinner, a movie, a make-out session, mind-blowing sex, or cuddling and talking until the sun came up. She had to be honest with Tally, first and foremost. But, dammit, Universe, she was looking for a sign that what she wanted with Parker was indeed where she should be.
When Ella walked toward the entrance, she spotted Tally waiting outside. She was beautiful in a cornflower-blue wrap dress that accentuated every aspect of her flawless figure. Ella waved and caught Tally’s attention. She waved back with a bright smile, but as Ella approached, she noticed the tightness around her eyes that accompanied it.
“Hi, it’s so great to see you again,” Tally said, leaning in for a hug, albeit much more tentative than her previous embraces. Ella initially intended to wrap her arms around her waist for a full-on hug, but at Tally’s obvious attempt to keep their bodies from pressing together in any way, she could only awkwardly pat her on the shoulder blade before she had drawn away. What’s up with love interests and their weird hugs today?
“Hey, it’s good to see you, too. But is everything okay?”
Tally smiled and looked away before nodding. “Yeah, I’m good. Can we sit down for a moment?”
Ella’s brows furrowed of their own accord before she could process what Tally was saying. She looked around at the wrought iron benches in the courtyard waiting area before spotting an empty one and gesturing they should sit. Once they did, Tally stared off into space and seemed to be preparing herself for something difficult. Ella could only wait in uncomfortable silence, steepling her hands on her knees. After a few moments, Tally finally turned to her and took one of her hands.
“I just…” she said, staring into the middle distance for a moment. “I think I’ve met someone. Well, we’ve known each other for a while, but only recently have we started to see each other in a romantic light.” Tally paused and looked into Ella’s expressionless face before continuing. “I just wouldn’t feel right going on this date with you. I would like to be friends if you would like that, but I think I am ready to pursue something serious with her. I’m sorry, I should have said something earlier, I know. I’ve just felt so bad about it, and I wanted to wait until I could talk with you in person. I hope you understand where I am coming from and I haven’t ruined any potential for friendship. I just didn’t want you to feel like you should continue to chase me,” she said.
She did look apologetic despite sounding a little presumptuous and full of herself. She used Parker’s last name. Was that just coincidence? Ella was honestly not at all sure how to react to the situation presented to her. She bent over to place her elbows on her thighs and looked down at her shoes. But they were not her shoes. They were Parker’s shoes. And her arms were resting on Parker’s pants. She couldn’t help but chuckle. The signs were right here in front of her, and Tally’s words had sealed the deal. Ella Gardner wanted Parker Chase. She wasn’t going to fight it any longer. Tally cleared her throat drawing Ella back into the present.
“Oh sorry. Yeah, I’d love to be friends. And I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’m not angry,” she said and stood up.
Tally mirrored the movement, and Ella leaned over to place a kiss on her cheek. Tally breathed out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness. I have been so worried you were going to be angry with me.” She motioned over her shoulder. “Shall we get some food? As friends, of course.”
But Ella had other plans and other places to be. She couldn’t stop the smile from blossoming on her face as she slowly shook her head. “Thank you, but I have somewhere I need to be right now. I wish you all the happiness in the world,” she said, slowly walking backwards before turning around and heading swiftly to her car.
Chapter 17
Parker decided that ordering enough Thai food for four people was the proper way to wallow in her pit of depression. There was nothing like a big bowl of drunken noodles she could cry into followed by some mango sticky rice. But a text message brought her back to the present. It was her sister. Parker hadn’t heard from her in a few weeks and was truly excited to hear what was going on in her life.
Keeka, 8:15 p.m.: “Peeka! I miss you. How are you?”
Her heart lit up with excitement at the use of her childhood nickname. When her sister was little, she couldn’t quite get ‘Parker’ out properly, so Peeka was born. The moniker Keeka quickly followed and, unless they were angry at one another, that is how they referred to each other to this day.
Parker, 8:16 p.m.: “Hey Keeka! I miss you, too. How’s school and what not?”
After discussing light topics back and forth for a while, her sister seemed to get down to the real reason for reaching out.
Keeka, 8:23 p.m.: “Can you come over Tuesday? And can you clear your schedule for the whole evening? I’ve been talking to Mom and Dad a lot and I think I have finally gotten through to them. I want us all to sit down after school and talk.”
Parker pursed her lips, wondering what her sister had been saying to their parents. Things were fine as they stood as far as she was concerned. Parker went to the family home for all major holidays and birthdays. She and her parents were civil enough with one another, but they kept discussions on shallow, casual topics. She and her sister could spend as much time together as they wanted, although lately that had been limited by school and extracurricular activities and Parker’s work. It was a perfectly comfortable situation, even if not ideal. Parker was happy taking care of herself and living her life exactly how she wanted to do it. There was no reason to change anything.
Parker, 8:25 p.m.: “Kee, what have you been doing or saying to them? Everything is fine exactly how it is now.”
Keeka, 8:26 p.m.: “But it’s not though. I know they miss having you around more often. I have overheard them talking about it a lot. And I think you miss hanging around here. I just want everyone to be happy.”
This was not a good idea. Parker and her parents did not see eye to eye on her career path. They thought it was ‘unsavory’ to have a daughter who worked in a nightclub and was working toward something musical or artistic as a future career. They didn’t see the merit in such an unreliable occupation. But Parker knew she had to be true to herself, and if that meant supporting herself financially, then so be it.
Parker, 8:29 p.m.: “Listen I appreciate it and I love you more than you’ll ever know. But this is a lost cause. I’m not going to change. I’m not going to be a number cruncher or a doctor or a lawyer. I’m going to do my own thing and they can’t deal with that. We have an arrangement that works out for everyone, and I think that’s just what we should stick to.”
Keeka, 8:30 p.m.: “But I miss you.”
Her heart filled with love at her sister’s declaration. She would have to set up some time for them to hang out. Maybe this weekend if she was free and didn’t have a lot of schoolwork. But what harm could it do to have dinner with the family? If things got too heavy, she could just leave. She had that option. She could simply tell them that she was going to do things her way, like she always had, and depart before things got ugly. With a deep sigh, she agreed to her little sister’s request.
Parker, 8:32 p.m.: “I’ll come. What time? And do you want to come over next weekend?”
Kee’s excitement radiated through the phone, and Parker giggled to herself. She would be happy to see her sister and, if she were honest with herself, her parents, too. They made plans for a rendezvous at Chez Chase around four.
She then queued up the next episode of Wentworth on Netflix when she heard a knock at the door. She checked her watch versus the time she had placed her order and did the math. Wow, only twenty minutes to make and deliver that load of food? Whoever happened to be on the other side of the door would be getting a huge tip.
“Wow, that was fa—” she said, cutting herself off when she saw it was not her food delivery, but Ella who stood before her. “What?” was all she could manage as Ella smiled warmly at her.
“Can I come in?” she said, and Parker nodded, still so flabbergasted the words were not happening. Ella stepped quickly into the apartment and began shifting her weight from one foot to the other almost immediately. “You’re not busy, are you?”
“No, I was just texting with my sister,” Parker said, holding up her phone as evidence.
Ella looked at her with some confusion. “Your sister’s name is Keeka? That’s interesting. I’ve never heard of that before.” She was starting to lose her nerve and ramble.
“Yeah, it’s a childhood nickname. I’ll tell you the story later,” Parker said, putting her phone in her pocket and moving cautiously toward Ella who had the energy of a deer during hunting season. Parker did not want Ella to bolt before they’d had a chance to really talk.
“Is everything okay? What happened to your dinner?” Parker said as Ella continued her nervous marching around the entryway. When Ella didn’t immediately respond, Parker reached out and took her elbow. “Hey, look at me. What’s going on?”
Ella turned to face her and saw nothing but concern in her eyes. She got caught up in her feelings in the moment and took Parker’s hand before stepping directly into her orbit. Parker’s breath caught as Ella leaned in and kissed her tentatively before pulling back, waiting for a response.
Parker was immediately drawn in as the magnetic pull between them took control. Her arms encircled Ella’s waist and drew their bodies and mouths together so there was no space left between them. Parker moaned when she felt Ella’s tongue on her lips, but the surprise also brought her back to the moment and she pulled out of Ella’s arms. “Wait, no, I can’t, Ella. I can’t do this with you,” Parker said. Ella looked startled but backed off at her request.
Parker sighed heavily as she pulled Ella over to the sofa. When they sat down together, Ella ran her fingers through her hair and placed her head in her hands. Parker paused for a moment to give both of them time to find their bearings.
“I went to meet Tally at the restaurant,” Ella began, still not looking at Parker who sat huddled against the arm on the opposite side of the couch. She didn’t stop to let Parker speak. She had to get it all out before she lost her nerve. “It just felt wrong. Everything felt wrong tonight. I was on my way over, and I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I shouldn’t be going to meet another woman,” she said and dared a look at Parker, who remained completely stone-faced. She scooted toward Parker and reached out to cup her cheek. This broke Parker from her impassivity, but she shied away from the touch.
“Ella, I just can’t. I can’t do this with you. I know I said I could, but I’m sorry. I can’t just put my feelings aside and try desperately to hold on to the concept that it’s better to have you as a friend who I have sex with than not at all. It’s not true. This is killing me,” she said, placing her hand over her heart.
Ella saw her eyes were frightened and full of hurt. This was self-preservation on Parker’s part, she knew that. But Ella had a lot more to say to her tonight. “Parker, look at me,” she said, and those dark, soulful eyes looked up to meet hers again. “I shouldn’t be going to meet anyone else for dinner because I should be here with you. Whether it’s making food together or ordering out or watching a movie or just hanging out or whatever, you’re the one I want to do it all with.” Ella paused allowing her time to respond.
