Christmas on Inishmore, page 19
“You’re not hearing me, Emma. It’s not enough. Your absence and your radio silence have already damaged the perception of SLICE beyond what you can repair. We need to make a change.”
“Alright, then why don’t we—“
Dean cut her off. “I didn’t mean you and I, Emma. I meant ‘we’ as in the actual owners of the company. The ones who provided all the capital to get it up and running and who stand to lose the most if it tanks. We need to change the public face of SLICE.”
“You mean get influencers on the app? I was thinking about that, too. They’re so much more—“
“Of course we need influencers on the app. But we need a new face of SLICE, too. I’m sorry, Emma, but we need to talk about your future at SLICE.”
Emma was silent. It couldn’t be happening…could it? This was her idea. How could anyone possibly fire her from it?
“Emma? Are you still there? Say something.”
“Dean, I…” Emma’s mouth was dry, her face growing hotter by the moment. “I don’t understand. How is this even possible? SLICE is my app. You can’t replace me!”
“This was in the contract you and I both signed when I made my initial investment, Emma. There’s a clause in there about sharing the responsibility to make decisions in the best interest of the company, and—“
“It certainly doesn’t feel like you’re sharing this decision with me,” Emma interjected.
“You didn’t let me finish. Decisions are shared among the investors and the founder, but if any one stakeholder is deemed incapacitated by the remaining others, then those others reserve the right to make decisions on behalf of the whole.”
“Incapacitated? I’m in Ireland, not in a coma! I can’t believe this is even a possibility!” Emma stood and started pacing in front of the fire. She could feel Connor’s eyes following her, but her gaze remained locked in the middle distance. If she turned to him, she’d either fall apart or direct her frustration in his direction, neither of which would help her through this phone call.
“You’ve been unreachable, and you’ve been unresponsive to the emails that have been sent. Your social presence has been nonexistent, even as media outlets and app users have been tweeting directly at you and going viral in the process. You’ve been truly ‘off the grid,’ as they say. And that’s all well and good if you need a mental health staycation, but for God’s sakes, Emma, you’re running a company.”
Emma couldn’t believe what she was hearing. They couldn’t let her go…replace her…could they?
“Dean, I’m sorry, I truly am. I was under the impression we were all on the same page about this—you and Beth were the capable hands I was leaving the company in. What changed? How did we end up here, having this completely unbelievable conversation?”
“Because things got real, Emma. It was one thing when Chad Bradley seemed like a flash in the pan, getting his fifteen minutes of fame. But it’s been two weeks. And honestly, none of us really thought you’d be offline the whole time. We thought we could send you away, you’d get a bit of rest, but you’d be working with us remotely the entire time. It’s like you ghosted us, Emma. And frankly, the fact that you were able to check out this much says something alarming to the rest of us.”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on, Emma, let’s get real. It’s one thing for a coffee shop owner to leave work at work. To go home and not think about all the lattes he made that day. Or to go on vacation for a week, leave someone else in charge, and not check in every fifteen minutes.”
“Right…and in contrast to those coffee shop owners, I would say on-call doctors have the opposite experience. They probably shouldn’t even go to the bathroom without bringing their phones or pagers with them, just in case.”
Dean sighed. “And folks in the tech world, too, Emma. You might be right that no one’s life is depending on you doing your job…but this app and the livelihood of everyone attached to it depends on you being reachable. All the time, honestly. Things move too fast in this realm for you to take an entire week off and expect everything to be just the same when you come back to work. I can tell you that, at all the other big apps, no one’s ever really taking a vacation. They’re checking in, they’re working from the beach, and they’re leaving a highly capable team of people behind to run the show back home.”
“Which is just what I did. I still don’t get what changed, why this has to be such a big deal.”
“…it’s that, Emma. Right there. It’s hard to believe your heart is in it when you can walk away from it. And the other investors and I…we need more than that. We need the assurance that our money was well spent and it’s going to find its way back to us. I’m sorry to say it, but we no longer have that assurance with you.”
“What…what’s going to happen? What do I do now?”
“We need you to come back as soon as possible. This is serious, Emma. I can’t offer you any assurance that it’s not too late to save your position at SLICE, but the sooner you come back…well, the better it will be for all of us.”
As soon as Emma hung up the phone, she was stomping down the hall towards Connor’s bedroom, with him hot on her heels.
“Emma, what happened? That sounded bad.”
She wheeled around to face him. “You think? I might be losing my job. My job, Connor! For being here. For not being available to them by email or text message or social media. Connor, I founded the damn thing. I…I didn’t even think this was possible. I don’t know what’s happening.”
Connor stepped forward, approaching her like the wild animal she felt she was possessed by in that moment. “What are you doing? Where are you going?”
“I have to be there, Connor. I can’t fix this from here. Not over the phone.”
“Can you fix it there?”
Emma was quiet as Dean’s words raced through her mind, his tone of disappointment like she’d never heard it before. “Honestly? It doesn’t sound like it. I think they’re done with me.”
“I’m sorry, Emma. I really am. Even as critical as I’ve been of the whole industry, I never would have wanted this for you.”
“I just keep thinking over what I could have done differently. How I could have prevented this colossal mess from happening.”
Connor stopped her words with a kiss on the nose. “You couldn’t have changed it, Emma. And what difference would the last few days have made? It was Christmas yesterday, for crying out loud.”
Emma laughed humorlessly. “Apparently, in the tech world, there are no off days. Not even for Christmas. And apparently that was my problem, how easily I was able to step away.”
Connor shook his head. “If that’s the case, then good riddance to them. You need a job, a life where you can take a day off. Or, for God’s sake, take a vacation once a year. Emma, this is no way to live—“
She held up her hand to stop him. “I’m pretty sure you’re right about all of that…but I can’t hear it right now. I just lost my job, Connor. My job at the company that I founded. I don’t need to hear about the silver linings of it right now.”
He nodded. “You’re right. What do you need from me?”
Emma forced a smile. “You’re sweet to ask. Sorry, I’m just…kind of all over the place right now. Can I use your phone to look for flights?”
“Of course. I’ll make you a cup of tea.”
“Thanks. You’re a gem.” Emma kissed him on the cheek, already feeling the strain this new dynamic was putting on their relationship. She didn’t have time to worry about that right now, though. One crisis at a time was more than enough to manage, thank you very much. A career she’d spent nearly the last decade of her life building disintegrating before her very eyes had to take priority over a relationship that was barely two weeks old.
Even as she thought it, she felt a pang. Between her career and Connor, only one of those things filled up her heart. Sure, SLICE had been full of dopamine hits, from the first time she saw her name trending on Twitter to the first time she was asked to be a keynote speaker. But, like all dopamine baths, the effect never lasted long. Even in the midst of one ego-boosting opportunity, she’d be daydreaming and scheming about how to secure the next one.
Connor, though…this was different. And that’s why it’s all too good to be true. Why it’s all about to crumble before your very eyes, Emma’s cynical brain chimed in. Just because one area of your life is falling apart doesn’t suddenly mean another area is fantastic. That’s just how contrast works. If anything, maybe avoiding this whole “relationship” mess would have kept you from losing your job.
“I can’t go there right now,” Emma muttered to herself under her breath. She might not be a relationship guru with 10,000 hours of experience being in a couple, but even she knew that blaming Connor’s existence in her life for something bad happening thousands of miles away wasn’t the way to go.
She sat down at the kitchen table, where Connor had placed his phone for her. He was bustling around in the kitchen, filling the kettle and finding the good biscuits in the pantry, so she got to work on searching for a flight.
“Dang…Connor, what time does the last boat leave?” she called over her shoulder.
“In about an hour. Why?”
She still wasn’t facing him, engrossed in scrolling through the phone in front of her. “There’s a flight tonight. I’m wondering if I can make it to the airport in time.”
Connor had come closer, looking over her shoulder. “Tonight tonight?” Emma looked up at him, reading in his tone what was written all over his face. He ran his hand through his hair. “Wow, this is really happening, I guess. That soon.” He rallied, pasting a smile over the downcast expression too late for Emma not to notice it. “We can get you there in time,” he said. “Are you all packed up?”
Emma didn’t have time right now to worry about his feelings and what they meant. If they made it to the boat in time, there would be a few minutes to say meaningful things to each other there.
She jumped to her feet. “Not yet, but I will be. Wait—“ She pivoted back to the table, picking up the phone she had so unceremoniously dropped on its surface. “I should actually book this flight. Where is my head?”
While she went through the checkout process, Connor stood quietly next to her, offering his strength without smothering her with affection. She wanted to be wrapped in his arms, in that moment and plenty of future moments to come. But if he held her right now, she might crumble, and she might not get the things done that needed to happen if she was going to salvage any semblance of a professional reputation.
It was good that Connor picked up on her need for distance and strength, even if his doing so felt strange and foreign. She kept telling herself that, over and over again, as she left the room alone and packed her things, preparing to leave Inishmore.
Nineteen
Connor had insisted on joining Emma to the airport. “It’s not really up for discussion,” he’d said. “If you’re only going to be in my country for a few more hours, you’d best believe I’ll be spending every minute that I can by your side.”
It was hard to argue with that, even if his words had stirred up something that Emma didn’t particularly care to think about. She’d been so focused on straightening out the mess that was her career that she hadn’t had a moment to think about what was about to happen with Connor.
They were going their separate ways, after a week and a half that had changed everything. It was so overwhelming to think about what the future held for them that Emma wondered if it wouldn’t be safer just to focus all of her attention on work.
That’s it, she thought. A to-do list. That’s what I need. Let’s see, I’ll need to have meetings with each of the investors, talk with Beth about booking some media appearances, tap into my network to see what opportunities are out there…
“Everything okay?” Connor had poked his head into the bedroom, where Emma was packing up the last of her things.
“Great,” she said, forcing a smile. “I’m just about ready to go.”
Connor’s smile mirrored her own. “Terrific. I’ll take that suitcase for you when you’re ready. And I called the dock already, just to make sure there’s room for us on the boat. We’re all set.”
“Thanks, Connor. I really appreciate it.”
“Of course.” He shifted his weight as if he was about to leave, then leaned back on the door frame. “If there’s anything I can do, you’ll tell me, right? I want to help, I just don’t know—“
Emma cut in. “I will. But honestly, I think it’s all pretty much a waiting game at this point. There are a lot of things I need to figure out that I won’t be able to delve into until I’m back home and talking with people face to face. The irony of working in tech and social media is that direct human interaction still prevails above all else.” She laughed without humor. “Though I might have to stop saying I work in tech and social media soon, huh?” She looked up from the suitcase she was zipping, her eyes finding Connor’s. “I think I’m about to be unemployed. It just hit me. And I have no idea what I’m going to do next.”
At the desperation in her eyes, Connor pushed himself off the doorframe and crossed the room, encircling Emma in his arms. “I remember how scary that feeling was.”
She looked up at him, scrutinizing his face. “You do? I thought you wanted to leave your job? That it was your idea?”
He nodded. “It was. But that doesn’t mean I was smart about it, that I had a plan before I left. I found myself back here on the island, sleeping in my childhood bedroom, with no clue what I was going to do next.”
“How long did it take before you started working at the pub?”
“Oh, that happened pretty soon, actually. But it was never meant to be long term. Just a means to an end, helping out my family and earning a bit of money. It’s still a bit of a shock to the system some mornings, realizing that I’m still here, still working at the pub, even though it’s literal years since I started.”
Emma shook her head. “No offense, but that’s what I’m afraid of for myself, too.” Noticing the look on Connor’s face, she hurried to explain. “I don’t mean about the pub, specifically. Or about Inishmore, either. I think I’d love to be here, and the pub might be one of the most fun places there is to work. I’m just afraid I’m going to find something temporary and it’s going to become my whole future. I don’t want my next job to be the one I retire from unless it’s, like, perfect. You know? But if I end up doing tech support at a high school…well, there’s nothing wrong with it, but let’s just say it’s not my dream.”
Connor was quiet for a moment as he pulled her tighter and rested his chin on top of her head.
Finally, he spoke. “Do you know where your worth comes from, Emma?”
She pulled back so that she could look into his eyes, trying to find his meaning as if it were written across his irises. “What do you mean? What worth? Like how much the next company I work for is going to pay me?”
Connor shook his head. “I probably shouldn’t have started this conversation when you had work on the brain this much. But no, that’s not what I meant. I mean, your worth as a human being. What’s your value to this planet? To the people in your life? Where does it come from?”
“I already know it doesn’t come from my work or from how much money I make, so you don’t have to patronize me with that particular lesson.”
“I’m not trying to patronize you. This is the lesson I learned when I left Dublin, and it wasn’t an easy one. It was a real kick to my ego, working in the pub. And every single person who came in, for at least the first month, every single one of them asked me what happened to my big fancy job, why I had come back. It was like I had to relive my failure with each one of them, over and over again.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…”
“And at first, I got defensive. I tried to justify myself, to convince both them and me that I was going to do something bigger and better. Because on some level, I still believed that my worth came from how much I achieved.”
“How did you get past that?” Emma asked.
Connor shook his head. “I think being asked the same questions day after day just finally broke me. I realized there was nothing wrong with working at the pub. With serving people and putting a smile on their faces. I realized none of them actually cared if I got rich and famous; they just wanted to see me, to know that I was happy and healthy and up for a chat. Things got a lot simpler then.”
“Is that it, then? The answer?”
“What do you mean?”
Emma was exasperated. “I mean, do I have to let go of all of my ambition in order to be happy? Is that the big secret that I can’t figure out, for some unknown reason? Do I need to spend the rest of my life scrubbing toilets to realize that there’s more to life than magazine covers and TV interviews?”
Connor’s jaw tensed and his cheeks flushed. “There’s no shame in serving others, Emma. Remember that before you start to shame any particular professions. I’ve scrubbed my fair share of toilets, and that’s done a lot more good for the people that use them than any magazine cover ever did.”
Emma shook her head. “I don’t really need this right now, Connor. If you’ve got something to say, then go ahead and say it. Otherwise, save the profound wisdom nuggets for another time, please.”
“That’s just it, though. When is there going to be ‘another time?’ Your work pops in to demand your attention, and you’re just…gone. Faster than I can even keep up with what’s going on, to be honest. You’re out of here, and it feels a bit like you’re blaming me for what happened. But you’re forgetting that you chose to be here, Emma. I wasn’t the one that took your phone away, I wasn’t the one that made you miss your boat back, and I sure wasn’t the one to make the weather too bad for you to fly back. So if there’s something that you feel like I’ve done to ruin all of this, then please feel free to let me know what it is so I don’t do it again. Because right now it feels like you’re about to walk out of my life forever and not even look back.”
