Do It for the Crowd, page 1
KAYA LASALLE
Do It for the Crowd
Copyright © 2021 by Kaya LaSalle
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission
from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or
distribute it by any other means without permission.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents
portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to
actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
First edition
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Contents
Prologue
1. Gabby
2. Diana
3. Gabby
4. Diana
5. Gabby
6. Diana
7. Gabby
8. Gabby
9. Diana
10. Gabby
11. Diana
12. Gabby
13. Gabby
14. Gabby
15. Diana
16. Diana
17. Gabby
18. Diana
19. Gabby
20. Diana
21. Gabby
22. Diana
23. Gabby
24. Diana
25. Gabby
26. Diana
27. Gabby
28. Gabby
29. Diana
30. Gabby
31. Diana
32. Gabby
33. Diana
34. Gabby
35. Diana
36. Gabby
Epilogue
About the Author
Also by Kaya LaSalle
Prologue
The fragrant scent of rain hung heavy in the night air as Gabby crept
towards Diana’s window. It was a path she had taken a thousand times
before, but it felt different tonight, likely due to the fact that she had a letter
in her pocket that she knew was going to upend everything. She shoved
those thoughts aside for the moment, ignoring the way she imagined she
could feel the letter burning against her skin. Her top priority was getting to
see Diana. Everything else could wait.
Diana’s window was cracked open just how she always left it. Gabby
had gone through some version of this trek to Diana’s window too many
times to count over the past four years ever since they’d first met at school.
She’d been terrified to start high school, worried that her classmates
would judge her for her ill-fitting clothes and interest in heavy metal and
rock music. It was always hard to start a new school, but when you didn’t
fit the mold of what most people expected, well…it certainly didn’t make
her many friends.
By the time she’d gotten to her third period algebra class that first day
she’d been convinced that everyone hated her. To top it all off, she despised
math —there was something about the numbers and equations that she just
couldn’t seem to wrap her head around —and she’d resigned herself to
another hour of misery. The teacher had been droning on about classroom
expectations when Gabby had felt someone kick her chair from behind.
She’d turned, already expecting a snarky comment, but her heart had
stopped when she’d been met with a blinding smile instead.
“Hey, I don’t think I’ve seen you before. I’m Diana.”
Gabby had sat there with her mouth hanging open for a few seconds.
The girl — Diana — was everything that Gabby wasn’t: gorgeous chestnut
hair that fell in loose waves over her shoulders, fashionable clothes, and just
enough makeup to highlight the natural beauty of her dark brown eyes. On
what planet would someone like her willingly initiate conversation?
She’d realized she was staring and snapped her mouth closed before
coughing awkwardly. “Uh. Hi. I’m Gabriella, but you can call me Gabby.”
The grin she’d gotten in response had made her heart do a little flip in
her chest, but before either of them could say anything else the teacher had
cleared her throat at the front of the room.
“Please save the socializing for outside of class time and pay attention,
everyone.”
Gabby had turned around, sufficiently chastised, but not before she saw
Diana give her a conspiratorial wink.
And that was it. That was all it took for the two of them to fall into an
effortless friendship that should never have worked on paper. Diana was
outgoing and friendly where Gabby was reserved; Diana came from a stable
household with parents who held steady jobs and loved Diana dearly, while
Gabby had an absentee father and an alcoholic mother who was a source of
stress rather than support; and they were polar opposites when it came to
fashion, Gabby’s punk rock attire clashing hilariously with Diana’s cozy
cardigans and skirts. In spite of their differences, though, everything about
them just seemed to fit together —they loved to find new bands to listen to,
they could talk to each other for hours on end about anything and
everything, and they both had a burning desire to make something of
themselves.
Her friendship with Diana had also given Gabby a soft place to land
when her own life was spiraling out of control. Diana’s parents were kind
hearted enough to turn a blind eye to the fact that Gabby spent an inordinate
amount of time in their daughter’s bedroom, and if they ever noticed that
Diana always left her window open or that there were muddy footprints
outside of it some mornings, they didn’t say anything.
Gabby figured it had been inevitable that she would fall in love with
Diana. How could she not, when Diana was like the sum total of everything
good in the world made flesh and bone? Gabby had never been the type to
go in for sappy descriptions about falling in love, but she was only a little
ashamed to admit that she’d spent the better part of a year putting together
carefully curated playlists to share with Diana in the hope that she would
read between the lines and understand what the lyrics were conveying
where Gabby couldn’t quite find the words.
It hadn’t worked out quite the way she’d imagined, but one rainy night
halfway through their junior year, Diana had caught her by the wrist and
kissed her for the first time under the awning of their favorite coffee shop
late one night, and in that moment it had felt like things had happened
exactly as they were meant to.
Every moment with Diana was filled with more love and care than
Gabby had ever dreamed possible. They’d graduated high school two
months prior and spent the summer cruising around the desert and
mountains, hands linked across the dashboard of Diana’s ancient car, warm
wind in their hair and the sun beating down on their smiling faces. Diana
was slated to start college nearby in the fall and Gabby had no clue what
she was going to be doing, but the future could wait. It was enough to savor
the moments they had together in the here and now. Gabby couldn’t
envision a better summer, but the memories made her heart clench for
entirely different reasons now.
It was no secret that she’d always wanted to be able to play music
professionally. Diana had often teased her about her plans, and had even
penciled in Rock Star on a school form they’d had to fill out one year about
their career aspirations. But she’d always been supportive, listening as
Gabby worked through lyrics, sometimes making suggestions here or there
on phrasing or word choice. When Gabby had been terrified to play her first
live show at a tiny coffee shop to a bustling crowd of four patrons, Diana
had been the one standing right in front of the stage, giving her that brilliant
grin and two thumbs up in encouragement. And when Gabby had debated
sending demos to record companies, Diana had helped her with the
recordings and proofread the emails, kissing her and telling her she was
proud of her for chasing her dreams.
The only problem was that Gabby had never really thought anything
would come of it. She’d gotten a call a week ago from a Mad Cat Record
Label in New York saying that they wanted to sign her. The pure joy of
hearing those words had immediately been stamped out by their next
sentence:
“We’ll need you in New York by next week at the latest if you want to
move forward with the contract.”
They didn’t mean it as in, “Just fly to New York for a day and then you
can go back to Santa Fe,” either, and Gabby had been left with the most
difficult decision of her life: go to New York and pursue her dreams of
making a living from her music, or stay in Santa Fe with Diana?
She’d run through every possible permutation, trying desperately to find
a way to not have to choose. There was always the possibility of a long-
distance relationship, but she knew she would never be able to give her
music career a genuine shot if she was constantly pulled in two. She
couldn’t imagine being in New York and knowing that Diana was still in
Santa Fe —it would tear her apart, and she figured she would last maybe a
week before coming back with her tail tucked between her legs, music
career be damned.
No, the only option that would end with her knowing she gave her
career the best possible chance was breaking up with Diana. Just the
thought of it was enough to suck the air from her lungs. Diana, who was the
best thing that had ever happened to her —and who had no idea that Gabby
was going to leave her. Gabby had agonized over how to talk to Diana
before finally settling on the idea of leaving her a letter that explained
everything.
If she tried hard enough, she could almost convince herself that she was
doing Diana a favor. After all, right now she was a nobody. She had nothing
to offer Diana other than her love and affection, and she knew Diana
deserved more than that. Maybe if she went and made something of herself
she could come back one day, prove that she was worthy of being Diana’s
partner. No matter how many times Diana told her she was perfect just the
way she was, she couldn’t silence the wicked voice lurking in the back of
her mind that Diana could do so much better —and that maybe one day she
would realize that herself. At least if she left now it was on her own terms,
and she would be able to prove to herself, if no one else, that she could do
something more with her life than follow in her mom’s footsteps.
Just for the night, though, she wanted to have one last moment with
Diana to commit to memory before dealing with everything that would
await her in the morning.
Gabby carefully lifted the window until she could climb through. She
landed on the other side with a quiet thud and closed the window behind
her.
“Gabby?” Diana’s voice was sleepy. “Is that you?”
“Yeah,” Gabby said, moving over to the bed and slipping her shoes off
before climbing inside so that she was pressed against Diana’s back. “Sorry,
I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Diana twisted in Gabby’s embrace so that she could look at her. “Is
everything okay? Did your mom do something?”
“Now, she’s still not back from last week’s bender.”
Diana cuddled closer, pressing a soft kiss against the side of Gabby’s
throat. Gabby shifted so that she could wrap her arms around Diana and hug
her tighter, maneuvering them on the bed until she was laying on her back
with Diana draped over her.
They were both quiet for a minute, and Gabby thought Diana might
have drifted back to sleep. She took the opportunity to look at her in the
faint moonlight streaming through the window. It made the dark fall of her
hair shimmer, reflections of the light turning it into a glistening sheet of
brown silk.
Even with her eyes closed, Gabby could imagine the exact shade of
hazel that would be watching her if Diana was more awake. She’d always
thought that her eyes reminded her of the polished agate stones that were
sometimes sold in the touristy gift shop downtown, amber and dark brown
and gold all swirled altogether.
“You’re thinking too loud,” Diana mumbled. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Diana’s eyes blinked open to stare at her skeptically, and
Gabby sighed. “I’m fine, really. I just needed to see you, that’s all.”
“I am pretty awesome,” Diana said with a smirk. She held Gabby’s eyes
for another moment. “You’re sure everything is okay?”
Guilt rose hot in the back of Gabby’s throat as she swallowed back the
torrent of words that threatened to escape. “Yeah. I love you.”
Under different circumstances, Diana never would have let her get away
with such an evasive answer. But whether it was due to the late hour or the
fact that she’d been asleep when Gabby had crawled through the window,
she didn’t push for more, just murmured, “Love you too,” as she settled
back down against Gabby’s chest.
Gabby laid there as the minutes ticked by into hours, trying to commit
every second to memory. She never wanted to forget how it felt to have
Diana in her arms, to know that she was loved. Just before the first rays of
the coming sunrise crossed the horizon around 5:00am, she slipped out of
bed, taking care not to wake Diana as she moved.
She paused at the foot of the bed and did her best to take a mental
snapshot of how Diana looked tangled up in the blankets. She was
objectively beautiful, but it was more than just physical attraction that made
Gabby’s heart skip a beat. Diana was the closest thing she had in the world
to family —the only one she had ever truly loved, who she knew loved her
in return. The letter felt like it weighed a million pounds as she took it out
of her pocket and set it carefully on the bedside table next to Diana. She had
agonized over what to write for days, and even without looking she knew
the entire contents of the letter by heart.
Diana,
I want to start off by saying I’m so, so sorry. I always promised myself I
would never hurt you, but I know that this letter is going to break that
promise.
I was offered a deal with Mad Cat Record Label, but part of the
contract says I have to move to New York. I wish I had been brave enough
to tell you that I was leaving, but I’m not. I’m a coward, and this letter is
the proof of that. By the time you read this, I’ll already be on a plane.
Please don’t try to come after me. They’re giving me a new phone, so my
old number won’t work. I have to do this on my own, to see if I really have
what it takes. I wish more than anything that we could be doing it together,
but it’s just not possible.
No matter what, I hope you can believe me when I say that you’re the
best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you —have loved you probably
ever since I first saw you that morning in third-period algebra. Me leaving
has nothing to do with you. You are perfect in every possible way. This is
just something that I have to do.
I hope maybe one day we’ll be able to meet again, and that when we do
maybe you’ll be able to forgive me for leaving like this. I would give you the
world if I could, Diana, but I can’t. Not yet. You deserve happiness more
than anyone I’ve ever known, and even if it’s not with me I hope you’ll still
find that.
I love you, always and forever.
Gabby.
She hated knowing that she was too much of a coward to tell Diana that
she was leaving to her face, but there was no way she would be able to look
her in the eye and still leave after. Even having her asleep a few feet away
was almost too much to bear, and Gabby let herself steal a final glance
before going back over to the window. She lifted it on silent hinges,
thankful that they’d always make sure it was kept well-oiled, and climbed
out into the early grey light of dawn.
She made a quick detour to her own house where she grabbed a bag
with the few belongings and clothing she had to her name, along with the
guitar that Diana had given her two years prior for a combined birthday and
holiday gift. It was easily her most treasured possession, and the weight of
it in her hand was reassuring. She glanced at her watch and saw that she had
three hours to go before her plane was due to take off. The ticket that the
