The Other Husband, page 6
‘It must have been hard,’ she says. ‘Your divorce.’
He nods, a slow, methodical movement. ‘Yes, it was hard. Harder than you could ever know.’
It occurs to her that maybe he still loves his ex-wife, but not even alcohol prompts her to go there. ‘I can imagine—’
‘I really hope you can’t. I hope you never have to know what it’s like. What a mess it makes of everything.’ He stares at her and his eyes glaze over. ‘You and Rob seem solid, though.’
Solid. Yes, that’s what they are. Or what Rob is, at least. She feels anything but that; more like a wave on the ocean, no foundation, never knowing quite where it belongs, or where it will end up. ‘Yes,’ she agrees. ‘We were friends for a while before we got together. I think that helps. We already knew each other’s faults.’
Greg ponders this. ‘Friends. Interesting. Sienna and I weren’t, not really. And probably still aren’t.’ He looks at her as he takes a sip of gin.
If they were having this conversation under any other circumstances, she might feel uncomfortable, almost as if she is betraying Sienna by absorbing Greg’s words, allowing them to flood into her and make a permanent home inside her. But she decides that their agreement to do this in the first place means social norms have taken a back seat.
‘Friends talk openly to each other, don’t they?’ Greg continues when she can’t find an answer.
She has to defend Sienna. ‘Yes, but she’s a very private person, despite being so, well, open. I might not have known her that long, but I’ve worked that much out.’
‘To the outside world, she is, sure. But I’m on the inside. It’s a very different thing to be on the inside.’
The thread of the conversation is lost on her; if Greg is saying that he knows Sienna too well, then that contradicts his assertion that they aren’t friends. She’s confused now. ‘All I know is that Sienna’s been a brilliant friend to me,’ Abby says. ‘I don’t know what I would have done without her these last few months.’
Greg looks her directly in the eyes, piercing her with his intense dark stare. He’s an attractive man – the sort of attractiveness that creeps up on you, that you don’t know is there until it’s bowling you over, chiselling away at your control. Above anything, it’s his personality. Even after drinking all evening, he’s somehow still in control of himself. Dignified. ‘Whatever it is that you’ve gone through, you’d have been fine without Sienna. You’re a strong woman, Abby, I can tell that about you. You don’t need anyone but yourself.’
Delighted as she is by his compliment, she wants him to understand. Some of it, at least. This is what compels her to tell Greg about her mum’s death. How her stage four bowel cancer had gone undetected until it was too late. How Abby never got the chance to say goodbye because she’d chosen that exact moment to leave the hospital for a break. She’d been there every day, all day, for a whole week, watching her mum die, yet Val had chosen her daughter’s short absence as her time to go. ‘It was only eight months ago,’ she tells Greg. ‘Before we moved here. She was only sixty. I’ve been a mess ever since.’ Abby feels purged saying all this, allowing it to leave her body. Some of it she’s never even told Sienna.
Greg grabs her hand and the warmth of him sends a jolt through her body. It’s the alcohol. Nothing more. She has no desire to be unfaithful to Rob, and she’s positive, despite Greg’s comments about Sienna, that this isn’t on his agenda either.
‘Cancer is a cruel and heartless beast,’ he says. ‘And there’s nothing I can say that will make you feel better about losing your mum, except that, believe me, it does somehow get easier to live with. Just give yourself time.’
And what about everything else that’s wrong in her life? Will that just take time too? She wants to ask this, but of course she won’t. Greg doesn’t have those answers and, even if he did, she can never speak aloud things she won’t even admit to herself. Not to her friend’s husband. Not to anyone.
For over an hour Greg listens as she talks about her mother. He lost both of his parents years ago, so he understands and, being a surgeon, he will be accustomed to dealing with grief. This is exactly what she needs. And then he is making her laugh, so that she feels lighter, as though her pain is beginning to seep from her pores.
How is it possible that this man – who she’s known such a short time – is able to help her like this when the closest person in her life can’t?
Abby will often wonder whether her opening up to Greg so candidly prompts what happens next. It will play out in her mind like a scene from a film she’s seen a thousand times. Only she won’t be able to rewind or erase it – as much as she’ll want to.
The next morning, when she wakes up, the dread hanging over her tells her that nothing will ever be the same.
EIGHT
Sienna
As soon as Abby and Greg leave, Sienna sees a change in Rob. The alcohol is beginning to wear off, and there’s nothing left to drink. Sienna is sure there was one more bottle of red, but she’s searched everywhere and can’t locate it.
‘Sorry, we’ve run out,’ she tells Rob.
‘Don’t worry. I’ve probably had enough anyway.’ His eyes dart to the door then to his phone.
‘She’ll be fine,’ Sienna says. ‘Stop worrying.’
Rob’s face reddens. ‘I’m not. I’m just—’
‘Wondering why we did this, now that it’s actually happened?’
‘Something like that,’ he admits. ‘Sorry. No offence to you.’
‘Oh, none taken.’
‘It’s just that I’m not the kind of person who… does things like this.’
Sienna knows this is inevitable – one of them was bound to get cold feet. She’s surprised, though, that so far Greg hasn’t. The fact that he left with barely a glance back chills her, cements in her mind that she needs to do something to fix the cracks before they are beyond repair.
‘I’ll make coffee and we can chat a bit if you like?’
Rob follows her into the kitchen and stares through the doors where, outside, the gazebo lights are still on, dotted against the black sky, highlighting the mess she’ll have to clean up tomorrow. She tries to focus on this moment; she wants Rob to enjoy himself, so it’s important she puts him at ease. ‘Greg’s really fond of you,’ she says, spooning too much coffee into two cups.
‘That’s good to know. I like him a lot. How long have you two been married?’
‘Four years.’ She smiles and wonders if Rob would prefer to hear that they’ve been married for ten or more. Would that make their marriage appear more solid? Or would that make either one of them more susceptible to cheating? ‘Not as long as he was married to Holly.’
‘So that’s the ex-wife then.’
‘Yep.’ Sienna chuckles. ‘She who must not be mentioned.’ More laughter.
Rob’s face is blank.
‘It’s from Harry Potter,’ she explains. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve never read it, or at least seen the films? How is that possible?’
‘I thought that was for kids,’ Rob explains, but at least he’s smiling now.
‘Not at all. Anyway, we’ve all got an inner child in us somewhere, haven’t we?’
‘You’re probably right,’ he says.
‘Here,’ Sienna says, handing him his coffee. ‘Drink this and sober up. We don’t want you embarrassing yourself, do we?’
They take their coffee outside and sit at the patio table. The air is still muggy, even though it’s past eleven p.m., and she wishes she could stay in this moment, pause it until she’s ready to face Greg. Being around Rob feels easy, natural, as though she doesn’t have to keep up the show. She can just be who she is. She feels this way with Abby too, although to a lesser extent. Abby is more on guard than Rob, more aware of what she says.
‘You and Abby,’ she says, ‘have really got something special.’ She’s not trying to pry; she just knows that talking about Abby will help Rob feel better about what they’re doing.
‘I think so,’ he says. ‘I’m a lucky man.’
‘And she’s a lucky woman.’
He blushes. ‘Oh, I’m not sure about that.’
Sienna leans forward, intrigued. She abhors gossip but wonders if Rob is about to reveal something about himself. ‘What do you mean? Of course she is.’
He takes a sip of coffee. ‘An ex-girlfriend said something once that still sticks in my head – I think it always will. At the time I didn’t pay it much attention, but now I think she had it spot on. She claimed that in every relationship one person always loves the other more. There’s no perfect balance as we all want to believe. That just doesn’t exist. For example, there’s always one person who would cope better if the other left.’
Rob’s words cement themselves in Sienna’s head. All this time she’s been desperate for her relationship with Greg to be equal, when most likely there’s been no chance of this happening. She will always be the one who loves more. With a different man, had she made other choices, it might have been the opposite, but this is the way it is with Greg.
‘I think you’re right,’ Sienna says. ‘So who is it in your relationship?’
His answer comes without hesitation. ‘Oh, definitely me,’ he says, shocking Sienna with his candour. ‘When I first met Abby, I never dreamed she would be interested in me. I mean, we were friends so I knew she liked me as a person, but I just never thought I could be… good enough for her, I suppose.’
‘Why on earth would you think that?’ Sienna says. ‘You’re an attractive man. You’re intelligent and work hard. I don’t understand.’
Rob shakes his head, stares at his shoes. ‘It’s not about that, though, is it? I can’t explain what it is, it’s just a feeling. Please don’t tell Abby I’ve said all this.’
‘Does Abby make you feel this way?’ Sienna can’t believe this is true. Abby is so down to earth, so unassuming.
He ignores her question. ‘So what about you then?’ Clearly, he’s ready for this conversation to change direction. She can’t blame him for that.
‘Greg,’ she lies, without hesitation, because telling the truth is not an option. ‘Maybe it’s always the men who love larger? Now isn’t that funny?’
‘Can I ask you something?’ Rob says.
‘Go ahead.’
‘Why did you suggest this?’
She looks at Rob and knows that she will never be able to tell anyone the truth. ‘Because I want to feel alive.’
* * *
It’s to be expected that she’ll be a physical wreck the next morning. Those days when she could party all night, waking up bright and fresh after only a few hours’ sleep, have long since gone. Somehow, she manages to clean up the mess in the garden, and with every bottle or glass she transfers to the recycling bin or dishwasher, she marvels at how only four people could produce such a gargantuan mess.
Rob has already left, having the excuse that he was desperate to shower and get into clean clothes. He’d declined her offer of something of Greg’s to sleep in, saying he’d make do.
Being in the kitchen with the sun streaming through the doors, it’s hard to believe this is the same place where last night everyone had gone along with her suggestion. It’s too late to be undone, but now she fears things might be different between her and Abby. They have seen each other’s husbands in a way that they never would have normally, and there will always be those missing hours in their marriages, long moments shared between their partners and someone else. Something they will never be part of, even if they recount every detail.
Greg has already left Abby’s to go to the hospital; Sienna found this out when she texted him the moment she woke up. He needed to catch up on paperwork, he’d said, even though it is a Saturday.
It feels strange that she hasn’t seen him since he left last night with Abby, and that she isn’t the first person he saw when he woke this morning.
She can still picture him walking out of the door last night with Abby, with barely a glance back, as if what they were all doing was the most natural thing in the world.
She’s tried calling him several times already, only to find his phone switched off. She’s also sent Abby a text, but she’s yet to reply. It’s nothing to worry about; they’re not avoiding her. This is just paranoia, and she must control it. Greg will be home eventually and then she’ll see that everything is normal. A normal that she knows has to change.
* * *
It’s well into the afternoon before she hears Greg’s key turn in the door. She remains in the kitchen – she doesn’t want to show him that she’s worried – and calls out a greeting.
‘How was everything?’ she asks when he appears in the doorway.
‘I feel a lot better now I’ve caught up on work. Do you want a coffee?’ He doesn’t wait for her to answer but busies himself at the coffee machine, clanging about, making too much noise.
‘I meant how was last night. How was it with Abby? I hope you two weren’t talking about me!’ This is a stupid thing to say, and Greg will see right through it. But she’s nervous, unsure how to speak to Greg about what they’ve all done.
How different things look in the cold light of day.
Greg shrugs. ‘She’s nice. How did your night go?’
She tells him about chatting to Rob in the garden, and that he started yawning before too long, so she’d taken pity on him and made up the guest bed. Greg isn’t listening. ‘That’s good,’ he says, focusing on the coffee. ‘I like Rob.’
She shakes her head even though Greg isn’t looking at her. ‘I’ll call Abby in a bit, see if she wants to meet up for a walk or something later. I’m sure we could both do with some fresh air, and Rob mentioned he’s got a load of work to do at home today.’
This catches Greg’s attention. ‘Is that a good idea? I mean, we’ve just spent a whole evening – and night – with them. Shouldn’t we just give them some space?’
Sienna senses it immediately – there’s something there, something she should worry about – but she lets it drift away like a balloon, out of reach and then out of sight. She refuses to be that paranoid person.
‘Maybe you’re right,’ she agrees. ‘I’m sure I’ll catch up with her in the week. Make sure you didn’t bore her to death.’ She forces a laugh.
Again, Greg doesn’t respond. ‘Here you go.’ He hands her a mug. ‘Do you mind if I take this upstairs? My head’s aching from staring at the computer all morning. I just need to relax.’ This will mean music on his headphones and lying back in his reclining chair, something Greg always does after stressful days at work. As desperate as Sienna is to get out of the house, she’s not about to force him.
* * *
It is much later when Abby’s reply finally comes. Sienna is throwing some random food together for dinner that evening, hoping it will turn into something she can pass off as a meal. She doubts Greg will care; he’s too distracted today to notice anything.
Abandoning the food, she sits down to read Abby’s message.
Thanks for a such a fun evening! Hope you’re feeling ok after our overindulgence. Just planning a takeaway and Netflix this eve – can’t agree what to watch though. Hope Greg’s ok.
There is nothing out of the ordinary in her message, yet when Sienna replies, asking Abby to let her know when she’s free to meet up, all she gets in response is a smiley face and a kiss.
The food turns into an inedible jumbled mess in the end, so Sienna convinces Greg to go out for dinner. She can tell he’s reluctant, but he gives in when he realises there’s nothing she can rustle up for them.
‘Let’s walk somewhere, though,’ he suggests. ‘We can try that new Greek place on the high street.’
Their house is only a five-minute walk there, so they make their way, Sienna grabbing Greg’s hand as they walk. Neither of them speaks, and Sienna laps up the silence. Sometimes it’s easier not to say anything. Instead, she makes a point of being mindful, taking in everything they pass, letting the scenery imprint on her mind. People walking past will assume they are a normal couple in love, and she relishes this idea; sometimes the surface is what matters.
‘I don’t think we should mention what we did last night to any of our friends,’ Greg says, letting go of her hand. Sienna freezes.
‘I wasn’t planning to.’ She slows down, even though Greg doesn’t. If anything, his pace quickens.
He nods and finally slows his walking speed. ‘It’s just that… well, it wouldn’t look good, would it? I’m a doctor. I shouldn’t—’
‘Shouldn’t what? None of us did anything, did we? It was just a bit of fun. What’s the big deal?’
‘We know that, but you can see how it would look to others?’ Greg persists. ‘They wouldn’t believe that it was all innocent.’
Sienna concedes that he has a point. Now that they are away from the situation – no alcohol masking their inhibitions – it does seem unlikely that people would believe them. And Greg’s friends don’t know Abby and Rob. Only she and Greg know that they aren’t the type of people who spend their weekends swapping partners. ‘Okay. My lips are sealed.’ She reaches for his hand to reassure him. It’s felt comforting walking together hand in hand and she’s not ready for it to end.
Then it happens – the first clear sign that something is wrong; one that Sienna can’t ignore.
‘Do you trust Abby?’ Greg says. His question comes out of nowhere, hurtling around her head, refusing to still.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t know. It’s just that spending that time alone with her made me see things I wouldn’t have otherwise noticed.’
Sienna feels clammy, even though she’s wearing a thin top and the evening air is cooler tonight. ‘You’ll need to give me more than that, Greg.’
He doesn’t reply.
