Something in the Air (The Skylarks), page 23
‘I kept him away from family, that was why. I shouldn’t have married him really; it was never going to work. We split up but that was a good thing.’
‘You’re happily single?’
‘Something like that.’ She hoped she wasn’t blushing at the thought of Hudson, the almost-kiss, the way she felt when he touched the side of her face before he left earlier.
‘Bella seems happy in her auntie’s arms.’
Nadia felt a wave of emotion at the words and holding this precious bundle. ‘I was pregnant, you know.’
‘I know. And what you went through must’ve been awful.’
‘It was. But I didn’t mean that time. I was pregnant again, when I was married to Jock.’
‘You have a baby? Archie never said.’ Her face lit up but fell at Nadia’s expression.
‘I lost it. An ectopic pregnancy for a second time; I was lucky to survive.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘There’s one thing you do better than me: motherhood.’ She regretted the words as soon as they were out. ‘I didn’t mean that, I swear. Well, I did, but I didn’t mean to sound like a bitch.’
‘It’s fine, honestly.’
Nadia looked at her sister and couldn’t help the tears tracking down her cheeks. ‘It’s still painful; I wanted children, I really did. It just didn’t happen for me.’ She held Bella, the little girl more than settled again now. ‘The Skylarks became my family; the job is more than I ever imagined it to be.’
‘What made you leave nursing?’
‘It wasn’t planned; I saw the job advert for an operational support officer with the air ambulance in Whistlestop River and I was looking to move to a smaller town, somewhere where people knew each other better, and so I applied thinking I’d see what I thought if I got an interview. I did, I loved the airbase and the staff, the town, the sound of the role and what the air ambulance does. It was as though everything fell into place for the first time in years.’
They talked about her job, the teammates she adored, about Monica’s work in hotels, which had been on pause since she’d taken early maternity leave with a plan to return once the baby was a year old.
‘Archie was going out of his mind with worry about you,’ said Nadia. ‘I’ve been so focused on how this has made me feel, the fact that you’re okay and your baby is too, that I haven’t asked you why you didn’t get in touch with him when you knew he’d contacted the police.’
‘You wonder how I could’ve tortured them like that?’
‘Kind of, yes.’
‘Archie didn’t ask me straight away, the birth was too traumatic, he didn’t even ask right after. It was only in the early hours of Saturday morning when I opened my eyes and saw him sleeping in the chair near my bed that I woke him and told him why.’ She gazed adoringly at her little baby in her sister’s arms. ‘Did he tell you about the university reunion?’
‘No, he didn’t mention it.’
‘It was for your course: yours and Archie’s; I thought you might have got a letter.’
‘My course?’ She shook her head. ‘I never heard a thing. But then I didn’t keep my details up to date; I moved here and left Switzerland behind.’
‘It was a couple of months ago. Archie went, and when he got home, he said that he’d been asked about you half a dozen times. People talked about how lovely you were; they wondered what you were up to. When he told me, I think he intended to make me think about my sister, but instead, I was thinking about him. He’s always put me first and it reminded me of the friendship I took from him. He’s never thrown it in my face, he wouldn’t, but I knew he missed you. And he wanted our kids to know their family – all of their family. You were the only one who could change that. I had hopes that you were happy, married, with kids. All I wanted to do was find you, for him, for me, for our kids.
‘That’s another thing that contributed to me suddenly coming here; it added a bit more fuel to my desire, so to speak. I went to all the hospitals in the area, convinced I’d find you or that I’d find something. I showed your photograph at a few places; I must have seemed like a crazy woman. I thought about putting something out on social media but I decided that if you got wind of that, you’d steer clear of me. Face to face was the only way I could ever see me being able to talk to you and tell you how much I regretted everything I did, how much Archie missed you, how much we both wanted you in our lives.’
Nadia’s emotions bubbled up; she couldn’t have spoken even if she wanted to.
‘I’ve changed a lot, Nadia, but some things are still the same – I’m still that same girl who does things first and then thinks about the consequences afterwards. And this was one of those times. By the time I pulled myself together, realised trying to find you was futile, and so got ready to make my way home, the police showed up at my hotel room to tell me that my husband, my child and my sister were all concerned for my welfare.
‘I’d been so stupid. And knowing you were all worried, I sank into the depths of shame for how I’d behaved. That was why I didn’t get in touch with Archie. I was devastated at what I’d done. I’m a mother and I’d abandoned my son, left my husband, come to a different country so close to when my baby was going to be born. It was as though I’d stepped onto a set, a stage and was playing a different part and I didn’t recognise myself. I’d acted irrationally; I thought I knew what I was doing at the time. For weeks, I’d convinced myself Archie wouldn’t disrupt their lives and follow me, but then I saw that he wouldn’t have had any choice. Yet again, I’d caused trouble. Just like when I was a teenager.
‘I’d only just got my head around it all and went to the address that the police gave me when Bella decided she wanted to amp up the drama. I can’t bear to think what might have happened if the police hadn’t come, if I hadn’t known people were looking for me, if I’d gone into labour when I was travelling to make my way home.’
‘Don’t think about that now. You’re safe, both of you.’
‘Thanks to you and Archie.’ Her voice caught.
Nadia felt so close to this little baby in her arms, the baby who had made a dramatic entrance into the world.
‘I was stunned when you turned up, Nadia. I mean, I knew Archie had located you, the police mentioned you by name, but I never thought you and Archie would be a team and that you would suddenly appear at my side to help me. I almost thought I was hallucinating.’
‘I’m glad I was there.’ With Bella in her arms, she passed her sister a tissue for her tears.
Monica hesitated. ‘Do you think… do you think we can ever go back to being sisters? I think I need to know, I need to process, get my head around it. I’ll respect whatever you decide. I know you have a life here, and that that life doesn’t include me, us.’
‘No… we can’t ever go back.’ And she knew when she saw how distraught Monica was, the way her face, her shoulders and her whole body sagged, that she really was sorry, that she really did want to repair the damage that had been done over the years.
Nadia put a hand on Monica’s as her sister’s tears tracked down her cheeks. ‘We can’t go back. Not ever. But we can go forwards.’
Monica’s breath caught. ‘You mean that?’
‘I think we both owe it to each other to try.’
‘It’ll take time…’
‘And effort.’ Their words crossed each other; the tears flowed some more. Both of them wanted, needed, to see what the future held for them.
But they didn’t get to do much more talking because Giles barrelled into the ward with a call from his father to walk, not run.
And after Nadia passed Bella to her daddy, she hid her emotions behind a hug with her nephew.
28
Hudson hadn’t seen much of Nadia over the last week since that day at the hospital, since their almost-but-not-quite kiss. But he understood. Her family had been absent from her life for such a long while that this, her sister turning up and Archie as well as two kids in the mix, was a lot to get her head around.
When there was a knock at the door that evening, he opened it expecting it to be Beau having forgotten his key again. He did it frequently, had done for years. Beau had improved a lot; he was working hard at school, he’d helped a lot at the airbase. Hudson guessed he couldn’t change everything about the kid, and why would he want to?
But it wasn’t Beau, it was Nadia, and he didn’t mind one bit.
A rumble of thunder came in overhead when he answered the door. ‘Come in,’ he said.
‘I don’t want to intrude.’
‘You’re not intruding. Now come in before the heavens open.’
She looked behind him as if to check who was around. ‘Are you sure this is okay?’
‘It’s absolutely fine.’ He took her hand, led her inside. ‘Carys is asleep, Beau is out with a friend. How about a cup of tea?’
‘That sounds good.’
In the kitchen, he put the kettle on and offered her a biscuit from the tin. ‘They’re only the packet sort, I’m afraid, nothing like the ones you make.’
‘Not for me, thanks, I’ve just eaten with Monica and her family.’
‘Your family,’ he corrected her and got a smile in return. ‘How are they all doing?’
‘They’re doing well.’
‘And is Giles enjoying having a sister?’
‘So far, I think he is. He sees himself as her protector by the sounds of it.’
‘Just like Beau. I kind of love that about him: that he wants to keep watch for his little sister. God help the boys she goes out with one day – he’ll likely have left home by then but knowing him, he’ll be keeping a close eye.’
He set the mugs down on the table once the tea was made and she reached for hers. ‘Beau is well liked at the airbase.’
He knew she wasn’t here to talk about work or about Beau, not directly anyway, but what he’d learned along the way with Nadia was that sometimes, she had to settle into a conversation first before she’d say what was really on her mind.
‘He is; it could’ve gone a very different way. But I’m glad it didn’t. And he is very keen on a career with an air ambulance one day; his passion is growing and I’m over the moon about that. I think Brad talking him through some of the stuff he’s involved with as a critical care paramedic may well have ignited a flame of enthusiasm. The way he talks about his next years in education is a lot different to the moaning he’s done in the past; it’s as though he sees the point of it now. It might not last but…’
‘I really hope it does.’
‘I’ve told Lucinda too. In the interests of joint parenting and keeping each other in the loop.’
‘I’d say that’s wise.’
‘She hoped he’d go into business, the same way she has, that he’d be in charge of a team and work his way to the top. He might still do that, but I didn’t want her to dampen any of his enthusiasm for a possible career doing something else if it came out of the blue.’
‘Do you think she’d do that?’
‘I don’t, not really. But I just need to make sure we’re both on the same page when it comes to the kids.’
‘You’ll always be linked by them.’
‘Yep, and that’s not easy or pleasant sometimes. But it is what it is.’
Nadia had the fingers of one hand looped through the handle of her mug as she shifted it across the table but didn’t lift it up.
‘Okay, out with it: there’s something on your mind.’ He reached for her free hand but she quickly clasped her mug with both hands and his heart sank. ‘I thought things with us were good, that it might even be the start of something. Was I wrong to think that?’
‘You weren’t wrong. But… I’m paranoid about getting in the middle of anything, with your family.’
‘In the middle? You mean with me and Lucinda?’ When she nodded, he reminded her, ‘We’re divorced, happily divorced.’
‘It’s not just Lucinda to consider though, is it? Watching Archie with Giles and Bella today, they’re a little family. So were you four at one time and you still need to be in so many ways.’
‘Believe me, we’re better off apart than we were together. It’s upset things, made them unsteady, especially for Beau, but not in the long run. Staying together for them would’ve been the worst thing we could’ve done. There’s no going back and Beau knows that; it’s why he suggested I start dating.’
‘But did he really mean it? Is he ready for it? I know you, Hudson; you put your kids first and rightly so. I don’t want to be the one to come between you.’
‘Is that why you came: because you think you’re going to be a problem with the kids?’
‘I can’t stop thinking about it.’
They were interrupted by another knock at the door. ‘This will be Beau, I expect.’
Nadia got up. ‘I’ll leave you to it; you’ve got enough on your plate. We can talk another time.’
But Hudson wasn’t going to let her make a dash for it. Instead, he took her by the hand before she sensed what he was going to do and went to open the front door, not the easiest with only one hand free.
‘Forgot my—’
‘Key, yes, I know.’
‘Hey, Nadia.’ Beau briefly looked at their hands and then closed the door behind him. ‘I’m starving.’ He headed for the kitchen.
Nadia still didn’t seem convinced that this was a good idea.
‘Hudson, I—’
He stubbornly kept hold of her hand and led them back into the kitchen.
Beau closed the fridge, having given it a scan, and clocked their hands entwined again. ‘Are you two going out somewhere? Want me to look after Carys?’
Hudson let go of Nadia’s hand now he didn’t think she was about to run off and she sat at the table.
‘We’re just catching up; no plans to go out tonight. But I wouldn’t mind taking Nadia for dinner at the weekend if you’re up for a spot of babysitting?’
‘Sure,’ Beau replied, his head in the pantry this time.
‘You sit down,’ Hudson suggested to his son. ‘I can make you an omelette.’ And then to Nadia, ‘He’s a teen; all he sees is what he can grab, not ingredients he can put together to make something halfway nutritious.’
Beau rolled his eyes but thanked his dad. ‘Do we have mushrooms?’
‘We do.’
Hudson didn’t miss Beau’s attempt to grab a cereal bar from the pantry without him noticing.
‘What? This will keep me going. The omelette won’t be instant.’
And Hudson didn’t miss Beau’s cheeky grin towards Nadia either. Maybe Beau, without directly being asked the question, could put a stop to Nadia’s fears. Otherwise she might never go out on a date with him and he so wanted a chance with her.
‘Can I ask you a question?’ Beau said and when Hudson looked round, he realised it hadn’t been directed at him.
‘Go ahead,’ said Nadia.
‘I have to arrange work experience next year. I was wondering, would I be able to come in and do it with The Skylarks?’
Hudson beat the eggs with a fork but rather than a stab of resentment that Beau hadn’t asked him, he listened to his son talk with Nadia about the side of The Skylarks that Hudson wasn’t involved in. He wanted to be out in the field, he said, not just because of the action, but to save lives.
As Hudson prepared an omelette, Nadia answered more questions about the charity. They talked about her nursing degree, her days as a nurse, about the extra qualifications to be a critical care paramedic with the air ambulance, about the experience some of the team had joined up with.
Hudson tilted the pan and let the finished omelette slide onto the plate he’d set in front of his son.
‘I’m sure Brad or Bess or any of The Skylarks would talk to you more,’ said Nadia, comfortable in his son’s company. ‘I’ll look into getting you a week’s work experience. We’ve never had a student in before, but you’ve shown how hard working you are on a voluntary basis. I can’t see why it wouldn’t work.’
As Beau ate, he talked more at the dinner table than he had in a long while and Hudson enjoyed watching the interaction between him and Nadia.
When Beau eventually went off to watch TV, Hudson pulled out a chair. ‘Thanks for that.’
‘For what?’
‘The way you talk to him. It’s nice – it’s like there’s a mutual respect.’
‘He’s earned it.’
‘He has. Now, are you going to tell me why you tried to run off before, just because Beau came home?’
She was far more relaxed. ‘I didn’t want him to be put out that I was here. I mean it when I say I’m worried. What if he didn’t really mean what he said about you dating?’
‘I think he meant it. And now you’ve sat with him, perhaps he’s convinced you too?’
‘I think he might have done.’
‘Well, that’s progress.’
‘I needed to see it for myself. And a few days ago, I saw Lucinda at the supermarket with Conrad. She seemed happy with him. Seeing her with someone else reminded me that life goes on and even though you will always be linked to her, you deserve the same kind of happiness.’
‘Lucinda’s romantic relationships are her business now but I’m glad she seemed happy. She isn’t exactly likely to tell me. She’ll always be the mother of my children; you’re right that we’ll always be linked. But that really is it, I promise you.’
‘I guess I’m worried about making a mess of this… us.’
He got up, looked out of the window. ‘No sign of rain yet; how about we take Beau up on his offer and go for a walk?’
He went in to clear it with Beau, who was fine with the arrangement and his main concern was whether there were any choc ices in the freezer.
‘Plenty, but just one, okay.’
‘I’m not twelve, Dad.’
They left Beau in charge and headed out of the front door, down the garden path and turned left. The moody sky hovered above; another rumble of thunder came. A neighbour called out a hello and urged them to hurry to wherever they were going before they got wet.
‘Feel better?’ he asked Nadia as he took her hand.
