Longing for Julia, page 23
“Home! I’m going home!” she said.
They weren’t alone. Wagons carrying families rumbled ahead and behind them, and single riders were racing toward town.
Ryan seemed content to gallop wordlessly alongside Julia as they crossed the creek and leaped up the far bank. After being holed up for days, trapped in a train fighting a wall of fire, both of them relished their freedom.
The ride was exhilarating. Fresh air poured into her lungs, the waning sun streaked across the sky, and birds—which she hadn’t seen in days—chirped and soared above the trees. She would tell him. She would let him know exactly what she thought.
Where could they go and be alone to talk?
They neared the edge of town. Ryan’s pace changed. He looked troubled. He raised his arm and reached over to touch her saddle horn, indicating for her to stop.
Her cowboy hat, with its leather thong hanging around her neck, bounced along her spine. The long loose coat dipped around her knees.
“You have a right to do as you please,” he said as she slowed her gallop. “You have every right to go to Holt. If you said yes to his proposal, then I suspect what I have to say won’t matter much. But I need to say it, Julia. And you need to hear it.”
Ryan thought she’d said yes to Holt? Her heart beat a little faster.
“I’ll go straight to the hospital right now, Julia, and tell him what I think. I’ll do it if you want me to. I’ll tell him you and he aren’t suited. I’ll tell him you and I are.”
“Oh, Ryan…I don’t want you to go to Holt.”
“I’ll do anything it takes this time to let you know I want you. I want you, Julia. I want you as much and more than I did ten years ago.”
What did this mean? Did she dare hope for a future with him? Tears sprung to her eyes at the possibility.
She believed Ryan would go straight to the fort looking for Holt, and, convalescing or not, the sergeant would have to listen as Ryan explained his frame of mind.
It was heavenly to hear him say it. She should slow him down and tell him she’d refused Holt’s marriage proposal, but it felt so good to listen to Ryan trying to convince her in his own special way.
“I’ve changed,” he said, his forearm pressed along the length of his thigh as he rode beside her. He faced into the wind with determination, and his voice rang with sincerity. “You were right. I didn’t know what I wanted or needed until it was out of my grasp…until you were out of my grasp.”
They passed along the livery stables and the bootmaker’s.
“I know you suffered, Ryan. I didn’t know how much until you came back.”
“No one deserved to be treated the way I treated you.”
With a tightening in her throat, she nodded to riders, to folks she knew. Ryan mumbled hellos, appearing equally impatient to be rid of everyone so that he and Julia could be alone. The sun had nearly set. It was getting dark.
“I made mistakes, too.” They were nearly at her printing shop and she had so much more to say. She pulled at the reins, coming to a stop in the middle of the road because she couldn’t go home yet.
Beside them stood the Prairie Hotel, so she nudged her horse to the hitching post there. Sliding off her mount, she pressed her quivering hand along her skirts to keep them from riding up. The old tan coat she was wearing—his duster—brushed her thighs.
Ryan was instantly at her side, standing tall and dark. He looked toward her shop, across the street and two stores down, as if trying to buy more time with her.
“I made so many mistakes,” she whispered. “One of them was blaming you for everything that went wrong in my life. You were right that I was harboring resentment and unable to let it go.”
“I’m sorry I said that, Julia, that wasn’t fair.”
“You had every right to be frank.”
“I had no right to hurt you. Everything that came out of my mouth was a barb.”
Catching her breath, she pressed on. “The other mistake I made, and this one was a big one—” she had to disclose it all if they were being truthful “—was not letting you know how I felt. I depended on you to speak for the both of us, when I should have let you know…how much I wanted…how much I want to be with you.”
The streetlamps hadn’t been lit yet, so he was standing in the purple dusk. His eyes glistened, capturing the glow of lantern light coming from inside the hotel. “What are you saying, Julia?”
“I can’t say it out on the street. I can’t just say it then go back to my shop as if nothing was different. I can’t pretend for another moment.”
Ryan swung around, unbuckled his saddlebag from his mare and lifted it to his side. He peered at the hotel doors. “I’m meeting my family here later. Let’s go inside and talk.”
Ryan placed a firm hand at the back of her waist. She was wearing his coat parted open at the front, but she still enjoyed his possessive touch. Whether it was improper or not to be seen going alone with Ryan into a hotel, Julia picked up her long skirts and followed him into the lobby.
CHAPTER 20
“You’re coming up to my room,” Ryan told her minutes later, making Julia’s pulse beat in a wild rhythm. He’d asked her to wait in the alcove at the bottom of the stairs while he went to the front desk and returned with a room key.
“I can’t do that,” she whispered in astonishment. “People will think—”
“Where else can we talk alone? The reception hall? If I have to nod and say howdy to one more person, when what I want to do is shut out the world for five minutes to get you alone, I’m going to shoot someone.”
“Hello, Dr. Reid. Great job on diverting that fire,” said an older gent.
“Much obliged, Mr. Smithers,” said Ryan. He tipped his hat to Mrs. Smithers. “Ma’am.”
“Thank you so much, sir,” said the woman. “You saved our house in town and saved the lives of countless people.”
“I’m glad it’s over. Now we can start rebuilding,” said Ryan sincerely.
“Isn’t there another place?” Julia whispered in his ear.
Two more people, then a crowd entering the dining room also stopped to offer their congratulations and thanks.
When Julia and Ryan were alone again, he said, “See what I mean? These are fine folks, but I want to talk with you. Alone. No one else is going to take priority again. Five minutes. Five minutes then you’re free to go.”
“Ryan…” She struggled to say no, but wanted to say yes. She had to practically leap up the stairs to keep up with him. A hotel guest, a middle-aged man, came down as they went up, looking at the couple with a question in his eyes.
“What are you afraid of, Julia?” Ryan muttered. “That Holt will discover where you’ve been? I don’t care about that anymore. We need to talk, heart to heart.”
“Would you please slow down for one minute?” Julia lowered her voice at the sound of footsteps coming around the hall corner.
A young maid with red hair and fair skin, carrying a stack of clean but worn-out towels, passed by. “Good evenin’ to ye both,” she said in a Scottish brogue. Glancing at Ryan in uniform, seeing the way he possessively held on to Julia’s wrist while unlocking door, she turned as red as his tunic.
“Evening, miss.” Ryan nodded. “How’s the towel business?”
She giggled. “They’re keeping me busy. Will you be needin’ newspapers in the mornin’, sir?”
“No, I’ve got my own source for the news now, thank you.”
She left them.
Julia bristled beside him. “This looks like the same room you had the day you came back. Did you ask for it on purpose?”
Ryan raised his eyebrows and grinned.
In his scarlet uniform and dark breeches, he burst through the door and she followed. He closed it shut then dropped his bag and his hat, and spun toward her.
He removed her coat and tossed it to the bed. “I like your blouse. I’ve never seen this one before. Peach is my favorite color on you. I’m going to buy you ten more like it.”
She smiled and walked to the window, recalling how intimidated she’d been when she and David had first interviewed Ryan in this room.
He stepped beside her and as she lifted her hand to part the curtains, he grabbed hers. “I’m going to make some investments. There’s a shop in town. I have great faith in its owner. It’s just a little place, not much to it, but the workers inside are what make this place special. They never give up. No matter how hard and rough life gets, they keep the presses going.”
She was surprised at the impact of his gentle words. “You’re being very generous.”
Someone must have lit the streetlamps, for one glowed just beyond their window and cast a spell inside the room.
“I hear the owner can be a real handful,” she said, enjoying the feel of his fingers entwined in hers.
He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.
Her heart hammered. Ryan tossed his hat to the bed. Dark strands of hair gathered at his forehead. The light in his dark eyes had the power to turn her world inside out.
He reached up and ran his finger along her cheek, down her lips and chin, then to the base of her throat. The silky contact caused spasms in her stomach.
He studied her closely, his eyes glimmering with emotion.
“I am so sorry that I ever left you,” he whispered. “Somehow I…we…got through the pain of meeting again, in his room…and now I must struggle to repair everything.”
“Oh, Ryan…”
“I’ve been such a fool.”
His mouth puckered in sorrow, then his face brightened.
“I’m a wealthy man now. Thanks to Adam Willeby. And I don’t see a problem with that. I’m going to rebuild all the houses I blew up. I’m going to build a big music hall with Adam’s name on it.” Ryan grinned. “He’d like that. I’m going to spend money on my family, every one of them, and I want to spend it on you. You and Pete. What does he like? Fishing poles and rowboats? What do you like? Pretty clothes and fancy meals? Name a place anywhere in the world. I’ll take the two of you there. The Taj Mahal. London. The southern tip of South America. The northern tip of North America. We can get away from everything. From Holt, too. If only you want to. I don’t deserve you after what I’ve put you through, but I’d like to think I have a chance. Julia, I love you in the deepest way imaginable.”
Her heart leaped.
“I love you with my whole heart, Julia. When I was away, I never stopped thinking about you. Dreaming about you. Longing beyond words that you’d still be here.”
She was touched and ached to tell him more. “I said goodbye to Holt last night.”
“Goodbye as in…”
“Goodbye as in I can’t marry him.”
Ryan swallowed hard. “Did you tell him why?”
She nodded. “I told him I’m in love with someone else.”
His lips parted. His deep eyes riveted to her utter stillness. Nothing mattered but the world between them.
She watched the whirl of emotions play across his handsome face—surprise and pleasure and joy.
“Julia. My sweet Julia.” He said her name in such a moving way. “I love you with everything in me.”
She closed her eyes as he kissed her lids, her cheeks, laughing as he finally reached her mouth. This was what she’d always wanted, this feeling of connection with Ryan that ran so deep and true that, beside him and Pete and Grandpa, everything else in the world dimmed.
“I love you, too, Ryan. I never stopped loving you.”
He cupped her cheek softly. “Julia…there is one more thing. Will you marry me?”
She gasped. “Oh… Yes I’ll marry you, Ryan.”
She slid her arms up along his neck, captivated by the feel of his mouth on hers. She poured her soul into the kiss, wanting him to know how much she felt, how good it was to be with him.
He murmured loving words in her ear, sending her pulse racing and her senses soaring to the clouds. She basked in the security of his arms, knowing that he would always protect her, that he had come home to her, and he had pulled her back beside him, where she belonged.
Eager to be with each other in every sense, they landed on the bed. It squeaked. They stifled their laughter, kissing and embracing.
She rushed to unfasten his tunic, then ran her hands along the soft cotton of his undershirt. His skin smelled good, tinged with wildfire smoke and prairie grass.
“You look good in breeches. I wouldn’t mind if you stayed in them.”
He buried his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling the scent of her hair, as if he’d just discovered something he marveled.
He undid some of her blouse buttons.
“I’ll parade in my breeches all you want later, but right now, they’re coming off.”
She smiled at the mischief in his voice, combined with the urgency as he peeled off his pants.
“Ah, Ryan, I did miss you.”
“Let’s see if we can make up for lost time.”
Abandoning herself to pleasure, Julia leaned back so he could undo all the buttons of her peach blouse. The lace collar flopped against her throat as he yanked the sleeves down her arms.
The curtains on the windows blew aside as a breeze rolled through. “I remember our time in this room,” she said. “You looked like a beast to me that day.”
“You looked like a proper Victorian lady. I wanted to unfasten every single button you owned. Like this,” he said, undoing the two on her skirt.
“You’re naughty.”
“Shift this way and you’ll see how naughty I can be. I’m going to make love to you like you’ve never imagined possible. I’ve decided making love to you is my favorite pastime.”
Her pulse shimmered again. Could this really be happening to her?
He removed her corset, unlacing it so slowly it was agony to wait. The corset flew open. Her breasts rose, soft tips pointed upward, the chilled air feeling wonderful on her bare skin.
His expert hands slid over her nakedness like velvet. Grasping the back of her pantaloons, he yanked them down with one firm tug.
“You have many talents,” she said.
“I’d like to demonstrate them all to you.”
She laughed softly. She was completely naked except for thigh-high black stockings. Reaching for one to roll it off, she was surprised to hear him say, “Leave them. You look beautiful wearing only stockings.”
“As you wish, Commander.”
He was naked and beautiful.
“This is what I’ve wanted for so long,” Ryan whispered. “I wanted you.”
Slowly, so that they could enjoy every blissful moment, Ryan slid his hands up her ribs and claimed her body as his.
He kissed a path down her bosom and along her ribs. Above her, his skin was moist with a golden sheen, his face intense, as if he’d never get enough of her.
She found love in his eyes as they rocked together gently, and she accepted everything he offered. It was an experience so powerful she tried to capture it and hold it so she could remember it always.
Thirty minutes later, wrapped in Julia’s arms as she lay naked beside him, Ryan playfully slapped her rump. “An hour ago, I had no idea what you’d say to me when I told you that I love you. And now look at us.”
Lying on her belly, she opened her eyes and laughed softly. Her bare shoulder blades moved up and down. He loved watching the rise and fall of her ribs, the way her body, warm and soft, shifted on the blankets. When she rolled over from her belly to her side, wrapping one bare leg over his, he drew in a sharp breath at the gorgeous sight. Her breasts spilled against each other. Her abdomen, softly rounded, gave way to full hips.
“Are you truly all for me?” he asked, breathless.
“Could be, if you play your cards right.”
“I’m pretty good at cards.”
“What aren’t you good at?”
“Anything to do with women.”
“Oh, I’d say you’re pretty good with women, too.”
“Let me specify. Anything to do with women’s expectations of me.”
She took her time answering. “I love you the way you are. If you hadn’t gone to Africa, you’d be a different man now. I’m not sure I’d like that person as much as I like this one.”
Her words brought a rippling tide of pleasure. She seemed to know exactly what he needed to hear. He had to forgive himself for the man he used to be, but that man didn’t exist anymore—thanks, in part, to Julia.
“You know what I love about you?” He eased his hand along the curvy side of her luscious body.
“What, Ryan?” she said with amusement.
“Everything.”
“Well, it’s about time.”
He tilted back his head and gently laughed.
Julia leaned against the pillow. Golden light from the streetlamp outside spilled over her skin. It etched the pretty lines around her eyes and gave her auburn hair a golden sheen.
His words turned more serious. “I can’t live without you, Julia.”
“You don’t have to. I’m here.”
He leaned against her, his firm chest pressing against her soft breasts, his naked thigh brushing hers all the way down to her toes. They wiggled against his.
“My father…did you know that my father offered to build me a house on his property?”
She pulled back in amazement. “He did? What did you say?”
“I told him yes.”
Ryan had finally come to terms with his family and with himself. He no longer needed to push people to their edge. He would still seek adventure, especially with the Mounties, but the wild part of him that hadn’t seemed to realize the influence he had on people had matured into something better. He preferred to channel his energy into building things and improving life for those he loved, not wreaking havoc.
“Ryan, that’s wonderful.”
“Now, it’ll be our house. Yours and mine, and Pete’s and Grandpa’s.”
She sighed with such relief that he knew he’d made the right decision.
“Your mother will love that you’re so close,” she said. “I’d like to get to know her, and all of your family, better.”
