Dinosaur Disaster!, page 23
Contents
Dog Diaries: Dinosaur Disaster!
Last Sunday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
About the Authors
STEVEN BUTT-SNIFF is an actor, voice artist and award-winning author of the Nothing to See Here Hotel and Diary of Dennis the Menace series. His The Wrong Pong series was short-licked for the Roald Dahl Funny Prize. He is also the host of World Bark Day’s The Biggest Book Show on Earth.
JAMES PAT-MY-HEAD-ERSON is the internationally bestselling author of the poochilicious Middle School books, Katt vs. Dogg, and the I Funny, Jacky Ha-Ha, Treasure Hunters, House of Robots and Max Einstein series. James Patterson’s books have sold more than 400 million copies kennel-wide, making him one of the biggest-selling GOOD BOYS of all time. He lives in Florida.
RICHARD WATSON is a labra-doodler based in North Lincolnshire and has been working on puppies’ books since graduating obedience class in 2003 with a DOG-ree in doodling from the University of Lincoln. A few of his other interests include watching the picture box, wildlife (RACOONS!) and music.
DOG DIARIES
When the evil Miss Stricker accuses Junior of being a BAD DOG, Ruff and Junior have to attend obedience classes to get him out of trouble …
HAPPY HOWLIDAYS!
From Fangs Giving and Crisp-Mouth to the mysterious Saint Lick, follow Junior on the poochiest, most barktastic adventure through the Howliday Season!
MISSION IMPAWSIBLE
Junior is going to Hollywood! But when the vacation with his best mutt-mates takes a VERY unexpected turn, he’ll need to find a way to escape a LIVING NIGHTMARE!
CURSE OF THE MYSTERY MUTT
Something terrible is going on in Hills Village … Can Junior find the evil mastermind who is TERRIER-izing the town?
CAMPING CHAOS
Junior is going to the most magical place in the world … the WOODS! But will his vacation plans be ruined when evil Iona Stricker turns up?
To Teddy and Ralphy
– S.B.
OH BOY! OH BOY! OH BOY!
You’ve picked up this book in your five fingery-digits at just the right moment, my person-pal. You must have been practicing really hard to improve your sniff-a-licious senses and your houndy honing skills, huh?!?
If you’ve nosed your way through my DOG DIARIES in the past, HELLO AGAIN! It’s BRILLIANT to see you’re back for more fun!
And if you haven’t, my name’s JUNIOR. JUNIOR CATCH-A-DOGGY-BONE! But we don’t have time for proper introductions and courteous butt-sniffs right now … Oh, don’t worry your human-heart … there’ll be plenty of time for all that snuggly cuddle-umptious stuff in a little while, but first, I have to tell you about the latest news, my furless friend! It’s something so EXCITING … so unbelievably BARK-TASTIC … my tail has been wagging for days. IT WON’T STOP!
Okay … okay … if I’m going to do this and let you know how TERRIFIC my news is, I need to set the scene properly.
First things first. Close your eyes.
Oh no, wait … scratch that … If you close your person-peepers you won’t be able to read my MUTT-MANUAL. Maybe just squint your eyes a little? Yeah, that ought to do it …
Now, this may sound a little crazy, but I want you to play make-believe with me. It’ll be worth it: I cross my houndy-heart!
Let’s cast our minds back into the far distant reaches of the past, my person-pal … Just imagine it!
No, further than that!
I think we’ve arrived, my person-pal. We have successfully cast our imaginations all the way back to the very beginning of Hills Village.
Picture this …
We’re in a dark, overgrown forest filled with amazing things to sniff and taste and chew. Everywhere we look there are GIGANTIC prehistoric sticks that make us drool like a shih-tzu at snack time. Stickiest-sticks like those would take the likes of you and me a whole week to gnaw through, so we can’t get distracted now.
There are strange and spine-jangling noises all around us and the only light is coming from a gap in the bushes up ahead. Let’s sneak over and take a peek …
Now, brace yourself, my furless friend. We’re about to peer through the gap in the undergrowth and what you’re going to see will have you pooping your person-pants with shock and surprise if you’re not prepared.
Are you ready?
Okay, cue the big dramatic music. You know, the type with lots of drums … SUPER BOOMY ONES …
DUM-DA-DA-DUM-DUM-DA-DUUUUUMMMMMM!!!!
Here goes …
AAAAGGGGGHHHHH! Have you ever seen anything so MUTT-NIFICENT in your life?! We’ve arrived in the JAW-RASSIC period!
And we’re in luck, my person-pal. If you want to see more, all you have to do is use your imaginary binoculars. Let’s take a closer look at the beasts of our epic expedition. And don’t worry, they don’t call me “GENIUS JUNIOR: THE EXPLORER-DOG EXTRAORDINAIRE” for nothing, you know!
Well … umm … nobody actually calls me that … but I’m an expert on all these weird and wild dino-roars, I swear!
C’mon, I’ll teach you everything I’ve just made up I know …
Behold! The toothsome TERRIER-SAURUS REX. It’s the fiercest predator of chew toys in the valley and is the nastiest nipper too.
Here you can see the long-necked BRONTO-PAW-RUS. Able to snaffle snacks from even the highest shelves in their pet human’s cave-kennels.
Over by that volcano, you can see the TREAT-CERATOPS. The vacuum cleaner of the Jaw-rassic plains! It can sniff out even the tiniest crumbs of ancient Doggo-Drops or Crunchy-Lumps in the long grass, leaving nothing for the other dino-roars to enjoy.
The skies overhead are filled with loop-the-looping TONGUE-Y-DACTYLS, the lickers of the prehistoric world. No cave-human’s face is safe from a ferocious, waggy-winged licking when these overexcited critters swoop down.
Then … over by the Triassic trash cans you can see my favorite of them all. THE RACCOON-O-DON! I tell ya, my person-pal, I could bark my barkiest bark at these sneaky little dino-dumpster-divers until my snout turns blue and my whiskers explode into flames! They’re just so …
HUH?!?! What’s that?
Suddenly, just as we’re enjoying the AMAZING view and thinking about chasing a few raccoon-o-dons, the music gets louder and more drum-tastic and then … DUM-DA-DA-DUMMM … the ground beneath us begins to quake.
Before we know it, the dino-roars scamper in every direction, thundering all around us back to their cave-kennels, as lava explodes from the distant mountains! It’s time to get out of here, my furless friend!
AGH! It looks like I may have got a little overexcited on my DINO-DAYDREAM! We’ll be squished under a dino-paw in seconds if we’re not sizzled into bow-wow buns first!
Quick, Junior! Think us both back to our own time again! Hurry, hurry!
Don’t worry, my person-pal, I can do this. I can fast-forward us to the HILLS VILLAGE of today, filled with tummy-rubs, Triple-Cheesy-Nacho-Nosher burgers, and hugs with my best-best-BESTEST pet human, Ruff!
KA-BOOM! We made it! Run and hide someplace safe … anywhere! In the laundry pile! In the Rainy Poop Room and lock the door! Under the bed where you keep your secret stash of midnight snacks!
Phew! Thrilling as that was, my person-pal, I certainly am glad to be back in the warm confines of my sniff-a-licious home. Safe from snarling teeth and deadly dino-claws …
HA HA! What am I saying? I know we were only playing make-believe, really, but there’s a super IM-PAW-TANT reason I wanted to show you all those magnificent mutt-monsters from yester-yap. I’ll explain it all to you, I promise, but just before I do, I simply have to let out a few BARKY-BARKS. I’ve held it together since you opened this book, but I just can’t resist any longer. It feels so good to know you’re reading it, my furless friend!
As I was saying earlier, when you picked up my FABULOUS mutt-manual, if you’ve read any of my Dog Diaries before you’ll know all about the WONDERFUL human family I live with in our cozy kennel. But, if you haven’t, there’s no time like the present to introduce you to my person-pack.
Here they are!!!
Just look at their happy smiling faces … Well … all except Jawjaw … but she’s not the person I want you to meet the most.
I can’t wait to introduce my very own pet human! My bedtime buddy! My scratchy, tummy-tickling, cuddle companion. The BEST KID in the whole of Hills Village … no, the WORLD … no, THE UNIVERSE!
RUFF!
Even the sound of his name makes my tail go crazy! I mean it, my furless friend! At 4 p.m. when Ruff gets home from school every day, I can’t help planting a zillion licks on his FANTASTIC face (Ha ha! Maybe one of my far-off ancestors was a tongue-y-dactyl?) and performing the Happy Dance!
Okay, Junior, calm down! Breathe in … breathe out … breathe in … breathe out.
So, there we have it, my furless friend. Now you’ve met Ruff and the Catch-A-Doggy-Bone pack, none of us are strangers and I think you’re ready for me to explain just why I took you on an imaginary journey back to the Jaw-rassic period to investigate the dino-roars of old …
You see … well … umm … I saw one!
Just a few days ago, right here in Hills Village!
Now, wait a second. I know what you’re thinking. You’re getting ready to throw this book out the window, screaming …
And you’d probably be right if it weren’t for one thing … I
I bet you’re at least a little intrigued now, aren’t you?
I KNEW YOU WOULD BE!
Would you like me to tell you what happened? Ha ha! What a stupid question … Of course you would!
Well, it all started last Sunday …
10:51 a.m.
Sigh. It was a good day, my person-pal. It’s the middle of summer and Ruff is home from school all the time! Can you imagine how WONDERFUL that is?
I’d already had a yum-a-lumptious breakfast of my favorite dog food, Meaty-Giblet-Jumble-Chum, while Ruff, Mom-Lady and Jawjaw had their wifflies with moo-poo syrup. Ha! Human food is so weird!
Anyway, we’d enjoyed a deliciously lazy morning. I had already snuffled around the backyard and had my usual poop and pee. I’d done some very important barking at joggers out on the front sidewalk, and then I walked Ruff to the Dandy-Dog store to pick up some extra weekend treats and a new chew toy (I had been a particularly GOOD BOY that week. Agh! I love those two words!). Now we were in the dog park along with my best pooch-pals on the planet.
I tell ya, my furless friend … I love that pack of mangy mutts from the tip of my snout to the end of my twitchy tail. Each and every one of ’em!
We’ve been through a WHOLE LOT OF CRAZY CHAOS together since we all escaped from pooch prison at HILLS VILLAGE DOG SHELTER and found happy human families to live with … We’ve dealt with CANINE CRIMINALS, dastardly DOG SHOWS, stolen TREASURED TOYS, the HOWLY WIENER, a man named SAINT LICK who visits your kennel during a human holiday called CRISP-MOUTH, speeding hot tubs hurtling downhill, VEGETARIAN vacations, MONSTERS terrier-izing the neighborhood … and that’s only a fraction of the weird stuff that’s happened to us lately!
So, you can imagine we were pretty certain there were no more surprises coming our way. How could anything beat the weirdness we’d already seen?
That morning, as Ruff was chatting to the other pet humans and we were sunning ourselves snoozily near the jungle gym, we felt sure that absolutely nothing bonkers was coming our way. Lola’s birthday was coming up on Thursday and we were happily making plans for the big day …
I was so excited, my person-pal. I’d been secretly planning WAY in advance and had already found Lola the most AMAZING birthday gift EVER!
I mean it! This one was a real winner. Even better than the muddy stick I found for her last year, and that’s saying something!
You see, occasionally … DON’T TELL MOM-LADY … I sneak out through the loose board in the backyard fence and have a little snoop around town all by myself.
What?! Even the goodest of the GOOD BOYS has to have some time to himself every now and again. Feel the wind beneath his paws and … umm … is that what you furless folk say? You know what I mean … Anyway, on my last solo expedition around Hills Village, I was minding my own business and decided to go for a snuffle through the junk yard.
It’s a favorite spot of mine. Somewhere I can unwind and explore a few new smells, or maybe chew on the arms of an abandoned comfy squishy thing … whatever takes my fancy.
So, I had just turned the corner by the mountain of rusty tin cans, when I spotted it!
The best-BEST-BESTEST birthday present for Lola!
It was sitting there on an old truck tire, going crusty in the sunshine, and I knew she’d LOVE it! It was a dog’s dream!
There isn’t a mutt in the whole world who doesn’t love the exotic aroma of a lost sock. It tastes and smells of all the delicious places it has been and is just as fascinating to us as a good book is to you human-types.
SHHHHHH! Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve had it stashed under Ruff’s bed ever since I found it. I can’t wait to give it to my stinky little friend on her special day!
But … I know what you’ll be thinking now, my furless friend. You’re still wondering about that dino-roar I mentioned, aren’t you? You’re scratching your human-head trying to figure out why I’m talking about making plans for Lola’s party when I’ve teased you with the arrival of a prehistoric pooch-a-saurus in Hills Village.
Well, hold on to your haunches, because this is the point where our peaceful day suddenly gets very exciting …
10:58 a.m.
We were still all yapping and yowling over what would be the best way to celebrate our friend’s special day when the little birthday-pooch sat up from her snoozing and grunted.
She turned to us looking more snout-sniffingly serious than I’d ever seen Lola look before.
Each of us stuck our noses in the air and sniffed the breeze curiously.
At first I only caught the whiff of the snack cart selling human food and the tingly scent of a kid eating potato chips on a bench, but then … once my dog senses had sifted through all the sniff-a-licious nearby smells … oh MY!
I swear to you, my person-pal, it was like nothing I’d ever smelled in my entire life … and I’ve sniffed and snuffled A LOT of interesting and scrum-a-lumptious things in the past.
Our pet humans didn’t notice, of course, but in a few moments, every dog from the jungle gym to the duck pond had their snouts in the air and were savoring the unfamiliar aroma drifting our way.
IT WAS INCREDIBLE!
I’m amazed we didn’t wash ourselves clean out of the park with all the drooling going on. The smell was completely WONDERFUL and it was getting stronger!
Whatever was giving off this INCREDIBLE perfume was getting closer and, as it did, my nose was picking up more and more pungent little pongs. There was smoke, and salt, and cut grass, and poop, and dry leaves, aaaaaannnndddd ….
Lola yelped so loudly I thought her little round head was about to rocket off her shoulders!
Before anyone had time to growl or bark a warning, an ENORMOUS creature raced into view from behind the trees at the edge of the park.
Its LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG neck arched high into the air and at the end of it, a bulbous skull glowered scarily.
While the rest of my pooch-pals frantically scampered to the safety of the trash cans, I was rooted to the spot in fear and awe. I recognized the beast the second I saw it.
Don’t forget I know ALL about this stuff, my person-pal. I’ve spent hours and hours on the comfy squishy thing with Ruff watching moving pictures, and there was no mistaking it …
This monster looming into view was a dino-roar! A BRONTO-PAW-RUS, if I’ve got my dino-roars right. But it was … well … it was … a lot skinnier than I imagined it would be. Maybe it was sick? Or hungry? Or both?
Huh … The bronto-paw-ruses in the moving pictures looked a lot more scaly and gray-greenish. This one seemed way more gristly and bony … and flat.
FLAT!!!
That’s when I realized it wasn’t something to be scared of, my furless friend. How could I have been so stupid? The BRONTO-PAW-RUS racing around the edge of the dog park was painted on the side of a GIANT moving people-box … What’s the Peoplish word for it? Oh yeah … A TRUCK! It wasn’t a real dino-roar, but the delicious smell coming from it certainly was real.
My paws sprang into action and, before I even knew what I was doing, I was sprinting toward the truck as it continued on its journey along the edge of the bushes.
I reached the gates at the entrance of the park, stumbled out onto the sidewalk and …
I knew it … I just knew I recognized that smell. It wasn’t the scent of BRONTO-PAW-RUS. It wasn’t a living, breathing creature … It was a great big pile of delicious, crunchy, chew-a-riffic, mouth-watering, belly-bungling BONES!!!
My houndy-head was suddenly swirling with a squillion questions, my furless friend, and I simply had to find out more about this strange feast inside the truck. Why was it here? Where was it going? WHAT DOES IT TASTE LIKE?!
I could hear Ruff yelling and shouting as he ran to catch up with me. Any minute now he’d come dashing through the park gates and clip the leash to my collar, and that would be the end of it. My adventure would be over before it started!
