PLAY, page 17
Erik lifted his eyebrows as he leaned back in his chair. “You are so going to pay for that.”
“I fucking hope so.” Casey grinned back at him and gently changed the subject. The guys started discussing duty rosters and an upcoming soccer game, so I lost interest and fiddled with the food on my plate.
“You’re a million miles away,” Casey said softly as the guys scooted their chairs closer together.
I smiled. “Just wondering how long it’s going to take to get a court date and if Madeline can win so I can have some semblance of a life. Not to mention, access to my money. I hate feeling broke.”
“Did your dad cut you off?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I haven’t tried to use any of my cards since we left Vegas.”
“If you need anything, let me know—it’s just a loan,” she added when I started to protest.
“I feel so needy,” I whispered in frustration. “I don’t have enough clothes or cash or credit cards or anything. It’s ridiculous to be worth what I’m worth and have to borrow money from my boyfriend.”
“It’s temporary,” she soothed. “Don’t think about all that. I know you’re good for it. Spend this time getting closer to Tyler and enjoying Hiskale. There’s a lot to see and do, even as it gets colder. There will be a million events coming up for the holidays, and you two are welcome to stay as long as you like.”
“Tyler has to think about the band back in Vegas, and if I’m going to challenge the conservatorship, I need to get back to L.A. I don’t know how long we’re going to be here.”
“Well, for as long as you’re here, worry less and enjoy more. You want to do a spa day? Erik’s cousin, Elen, and I were talking about going. You want to join us?”
“I’d love to.”
“I’ll book it tomorrow and let you know.”
“Thank you, Casey. Your friendship means so much.”
“To be honest, I don’t have that many friends either, so I’m glad to have you here.”
“You’re really not upset about…what we did in the garden?” I whispered.
“Why would I be upset?” she whispered back. “I wish Erik and I could do stuff like that. We have a lot of leeway, but sex on camera is a little beyond what we can get away with. It’s private, but there’s always a risk with something like that getting out.”
“And that’s why I feel bad, because we’re your guests and should have been more considerate than that.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m worried about everything right now.”
Her eyes met mine. “I know, hon. Just remember you’re not alone, okay?”
“Thanks.” I smiled, but part of me didn’t completely believe it.
27
Tyler
* * *
I’d been surprised when Ariel apologized to Casey and Erik. I’d already spoken to Casey, and she’d said not to worry about it, and I’d told Ariel, so it had caught me off-guard when she’d apologized again. I had a feeling it was more for Marcus’s benefit than Casey’s, and I felt bad about that, but maybe this was the opening I needed to discuss a few things that had been on my mind.
“So what made you apologize to Casey?” I asked her once we were settled in bed.
“I felt like it needed to come from me, not just you. You didn’t do it alone, and I’m enough of an adult to admit it when I do something wrong.”
“I told you she wasn’t upset about it.”
“I know, but that’s not the point.”
“Are you okay?” I asked slowly. “I’ve been a little worried about you.”
“Depends on what you mean by okay,” she said. “I’m a wreck worrying about what’s coming, what my dad is going to do next, what’s going to happen when we go to court. But if you mean in general, I’m fine.”
“Ariel, I…” I bit my lip, trying to find the right words. I’d started this conversation with her a dozen times in my mind, but now that I was trying to verbalize what I was thinking, it was hard.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, lifting her head from where it had been resting on my chest.
“I just want to be there for you if you need me,” I said. “We’ve never talked about the potential for you to have a bipolar episode, and I think we should.”
She froze, frowning slightly. “Is this because of the other day in the garden?”
“Hypersexuality can be a sign of bipolar.” I reached for her, but she’d moved away from me.
“Hyper…” Her voice trailed off, and she sat up, her eyes narrowed.
“It can also happen on its own,” I added quickly, “and we’ve been having a lot of sex, but since we’ve never talked about the things that could potentially happen, I thought it was time.”
“You think because I’m enjoying sex for the first time in my life I’m having some kind of manic episode?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I wouldn’t know what to look for.”
“I’ve only ever had one manic episode,” she said, her jaw tightening. “So I don’t know either.”
“Is that…normal?”
“How would I know?” She threw up her hands. “No one is ever honest with me, and my father controls everything, including my doctors.”
“And you haven’t had sex with anyone since your diagnosis?”
“I already told you that.” She paused. “You don’t believe me?”
“No, I do. I absolutely do.” I reached for her, suddenly feeling like a jerk. We did need to talk about these things, but not in a combative way. I cared about her and needed her to understand all of this was coming from a place of concern. “Things have gotten serious between us, Ariel, and if we’re going to be a couple, I have to be prepared to support you when and if you have an episode.”
She relaxed a little, though there was a wariness in her eyes that made me feel bad. “I’ve never had one since I’ve been medicated. I told you that too. I don’t know what it’s like because my medication seems to keep me on an even keel.”
“So you don’t think what we did the other day was the result of…anything?” Fuck, this was hard. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, but we both seemed to be in the dark about her illness, which made no sense considering how long she’d lived with it.
“I don’t know.” She met my gaze, and for the first time in weeks, the ice princess was back. She’d schooled her features to reflect nothingness, which hurt me more than it should have.
We should have been at a place by now where we could talk about these things, but it was awkward, and she was obviously upset.
“I was thinking we should find a psychiatrist—one that you choose—and let him or her evaluate you from scratch. That way, you can ask all the questions you have, and we have a better idea what we’re dealing with.”
Her rigid posture relaxed a little, and she nodded. “Yes, that’s the plan, but with me here in Limaj, it’s been hard to do that kind of thing.”
“Do you want to go home?” I asked carefully.
“No, but I’m probably going to have to.”
“Babe, please don’t be mad.” I reached for her, gently but firmly tugging her against me until she was curled against me and had rested her head on my chest again. “I want to be prepared for anything that might come up so I can help you. That’s all.”
“I’m not mad.” She sighed against me. “Just a little disappointed that me exploring the incredible sex life we have makes you think I’m manic or something.”
“Would you rather I didn’t care enough to notice?”
She paused, slowly lifting her head so she could look into my eyes. “Do you think I’m somehow different? Do you think the passion between us is nothing more than a side effect of my mental illness?”
“Not entirely, but it could be part of it.”
“So you’ve never had sex outdoors in public?”
I hesitated. “I have.”
“You’ve never had sex three or four times a day with someone you were attracted to?”
I swallowed. “Yeah. I have.”
“So why is it different with me?”
“I don’t know that it is, but isn’t it better for us to know rather than to wait until something bad happens?”
“In almost eight years, nothing bad has happened, but now that we’re together, you’re assuming it will?” She sat up again and this time got out of bed.
Shit.
This wasn’t going well.
“Honey, wait.” I got up and followed her over to the window where she was staring out at nothing. “Hey.” I slid my arms around her from behind. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want to be sure you’re okay. And I definitely don’t want to enable you to spiral.”
“If you don’t trust me to know myself—” she began.
“I trust you, but you’ve said yourself, you don’t know what mania is like because you don’t think you’ve experienced it since that night when you were arrested. But what if you have and your father just kept such tight control over you it was hard to tell?”
“I’d think I could tell. When I drove my friend’s car into the pool, I was drunk and high, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I just didn’t care. I was running on adrenaline and drugs and whatever else was happening, and while I couldn’t seem to stop myself, I was aware that I was out of control. That’s not what I feel now. And it kind of hurts that you don’t trust me to know myself.”
“I do trust you.” I sighed and rested my chin on her shoulder. “I brought you here with me, didn’t I? Do you think I’d have brought you to the palace if I didn’t trust you?”
She didn’t respond but sagged against me, continuing to stare straight ahead.
“I really didn’t mean for this to upset you. I want us to be able to talk about these things.”
“It’s okay. I might be a little sensitive after so many years of my dad making me feel bad about myself.”
“I never want you to feel bad about yourself. I want us to be able to talk, even when it’s uncomfortable.”
“Let’s just go back to bed.” She slid her hand into mine, and we padded back to bed without another word. Either everything was okay, or I was in big trouble.
* * *
The next couple of days were quiet. Ariel was much more subdued than usual, and I felt like an ass. She had a lot on her mind and while I understood why, it felt like she’d pulled away a little, as if she didn’t trust me anymore. I wanted to talk to her about it, but the last time I’d tried it hadn’t gone well, so I was hoping to show her everything was okay with us, instead of saying the words. I wanted to take her out for a romantic date, wine and dine her, maybe buy her flowers again, but she’d been noncommittal when I’d mentioned going out.
She was off with Casey and Elen today. They’d gone to a spa for the day, so I was on my own for the first time in weeks, and it was kind of odd. I’d gotten so used to having her around, the silence was strange. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Marcus was working, Casey was obviously busy, and though I hadn’t picked up my bass since we’d played on Friday night, I didn’t feel like playing.
I was about to go to the gym when my phone rang, and Bash’s name flashed on the screen.
“Hey, man.” I was happy to hear his voice since we hadn’t talked much lately.
“Hey.”
Uh oh. He sounded a little too subdued for my liking.
“What’s going on?”
“I heard from Darren Randall today.”
My heart sank. This couldn’t be good.
“What did he say?”
“They’re going to pass on the album. They want something more marketable. Metal doesn’t sell.”
“That’s bullshit!” I exploded.
“I know.”
“How did the others take it?” I asked.
He sighed. “Stu and Ford were understandably upset. Lexi was pissed but not necessarily about the album, just the situation in general.”
“This is my fault,” I said, sinking onto the bed.
“Technically, I’d say this is Ariel’s fault.”
“Did Darren say anything specifically about me or her?”
“Kind of. He told me to tell you to tell Ariel that she can’t hide forever.”
“Sonofabitch.”
“This isn’t good, Ty.”
“I know.”
“This deal was important to us and now we have to start shopping for a new one.”
“Or we produce ourselves,” I said, deflecting.
But he wasn’t letting me off the hook. “Is she worth it, Ty? Do you love her?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. I was crazy about her, but I’d barely known her a month. I’d known something like this could happen, but I hadn’t expected it to. I’d truly thought my reputation and star power were enough to carry this project, but this wasn’t good at all.
“Ty?”
“Yeah. I’m here.”
“Look, I know Ariel has it rough, but now she’s dragged us into it, and I don’t know what we’re supposed to do about it.”
“This wasn’t her,” I said after a minute. “I was the one who asked her to run away with me. She warned me what might happen and I said I could handle it. I probably shouldn’t have spoken for all of you, but at this point, I don’t know what to do. I care about her. She’s important to me.”
“Important enough to sacrifice the rest of us?”
“That’s not fair,” I protested. “Ariel has no one but me, and I can’t just abandon her now that things have gotten rough.”
“But like you said, no one asked us,” Bash said quietly. “Look, I don’t blame either of you for what happened. Darren was looking for any excuse to dump us once he realized we weren’t going to change our sound, but I’m worried about how far both Darren’s reach is within the biz to get what he wants. What if someone else is interested and Darren puts a bug in their ear? It’s all a good ole boys’ club in this business, and we both know it.”
“I need to think about this,” I said finally. “Give me a few days, okay? Tell everyone I’m sorry and I’ll be in touch.”
“Okay.” Bash sounded conflicted, but I couldn’t help that.
“Later.” I disconnected and stared down at my phone.
What the fuck was I supposed to do now?
28
Ariel
* * *
I’d just had the best massage of my life and was sitting in a chair getting a pedicure when I heard my phone buzzing. I lifted it out of my robe curiously, since only a handful of people knew the number, and saw that Lexi had texted me multiple times. I quickly opened the program, and my heart dropped.
LEXI: Did you hear the news?
LEXI: Are you there?
LEXI: Are you okay?
I quickly texted her back.
ARIEL: I’m at a spa with Casey. What’s going on? Isn’t it the middle of the night there?
LEXI: Almost one in the morning, but anyway, Whiplash passed on the deal.
ARIEL: Dammit. I’m sorry. This is because of me, right?
LEXI: Who knows? Maybe you were part of it, but at the end of the day they wanted us to change our style and we weren’t willing to.
ARIEL: I’m so sorry.
LEXI: Maybe it’s all for the best, you know? The guys are kind of bummed but I think we can produce an album ourselves. With no one telling us what type of music to play.
ARIEL: I know, but you guys needed that advance.
LEXI: I feel bad for Stu and Ford, but we’re going to figure this out.
ARIEL: I still feel terrible. This is my fault and we all know it.
LEXI: Again, maybe a blessing in disguise. I’m not too stressed about it but we need to have a band meeting. We might set up a video chat with Tyler.
ARIEL: That’s a good idea.
LEXI: Get back to your spa day. I’ll text you when I get up—I’m going to bed.
ARIEL: Sweet dreams.
I put the phone down and sighed.
“What’s wrong?” Casey asked.
I told her and Elen what had happened.
“That sounds unfair,” Elen said, frowning. “The band can’t fight it?”
“The record label has final say on whether or not they want to sign a band,” Casey said quietly. “And they put a lot of money on the table. If Nobody’s Fool wasn’t willing to play ball with what the label wanted, they had every right to say no.”
“You don’t think this is because of me?” I whispered, chewing the inside of my cheek.
“Maybe to a degree?” Casey met my gaze directly. “But not entirely. Darren’s had a thing for you for a long time. I think he’s pissed he didn’t get his way, both with you and with the band’s music, so since he can’t take it out on you, he’s taking it out on them.”
“That’s still my fault.”
“You can’t control what other people do,” Casey said gently. “You can only control you.”
“I know. That doesn’t make me feel better, though. They’re my friends.”
“Tyler and Bash have a lot more power than they think, but they’re a little spoiled.” She smiled. “They didn’t have to do anything with Pretty Harts. Show up, write music, and play. Period. I already had the deal, and Whiplash gave me the power to choose my band, so Jayson, Bash, and Tyler didn’t have to live through the pain of shopping for a deal, playing the club circuit, shit like that. Now they want it to be that easy again, and that’s not usually how it works. I’ll chat with them and talk them off the ledge. Don’t worry so much.”
“Thank you,” I said softly.
“You’re welcome. By the way, your meds were delivered yesterday. Did you get them?”
“Yes. Thank you. They’re still in a bag on the desk, but I’ll put everything away tonight. It’s a relief, having that taken care of.”
“Will you be staying in Limaj long?” Elen asked.
“I don’t think so,” I admitted. “My attorney wants me back in L.A. as soon as possible, but it’s been so peaceful here, I’ve been putting it off.” We’d talked about the conservatorship situation earlier, so she knew what I meant. “And I think Tyler needs to be back with the band. We have to talk about what’s next because I’m sure this thing with Whiplash upset him.”
