MATTEO: Wild Fire (Raging Fire Book 2), page 27
She took a deep breath as if praying for patience or divine guidance or something.
“Okay. I wouldn’t have tried to scare you with Backdraft any more than you should have tried that on me with Eight Seconds. We watch movies about our professions because we love what we do.”
“I save lives in my job. Yours is pure entertainment. Any loss of life is completely unnecessary. It’s nothing but a deadly sport!”
“Athletes die playing football too. Do you consider that a deadly sport?”
Was she going to twist everything around? “We aren’t talking about football here.”
“Okay, what was the closest call you’ve had as a firefighter?”
He didn’t have to think about that, because he’d only had one mayday call and it hadn’t even been two years ago. “We were fighting a structure fire, two-story residence, and the roof collapsed on me.”
The look of horror on her face told him to spare her the details about how long he was unconscious, because there had never been any long-term effects from it. Besides, it wasn’t important to what they were arguing about anyway. “The homeowners had made some renovations and weakened the structure.”
“How badly were you hurt?”
He shrugged. “Spent the night in the hospital, but I was back at work on my next shift.”
“I’m glad it wasn’t anything more serious. But you can see that sometimes despite all our training, we can get hurt. It’s a part of life unless we live in a bubble.” She brought herself up to her full height again, the challenge back in her voice. “What I can’t live with is some man hovering over and trying to protect me to the point that I can’t breathe. That’s not living.”
“I don’t want to see you killed, Dakota!”
“Nobody asked you to watch!”
From all she’d said earlier, that couldn’t be closer to the truth. He was losing her, and there wasn’t a damned thing he could do about it. He just hoped she’d survive her reckless decisions.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Dakota turned away and drew in a deep breath, but her lungs felt constricted and her body shook uncontrollably. She needed to dial it back a little.
“Look, Matteo, I’m not hurting anyone doing what I do. If you choose to see it that way and to be unreasonable about it, that’s not on me.”
But she refused to stay with a man who thought he had the right to control her life. “Bottom line is, I’m going to that rodeo, and afterward I’ll be returning to the circuit the first opportunity I have.” Obviously, she couldn’t return here, not if that’s what he thought of her and her career.
Once she thought she could face him again and formulate words without hurting him the way he’d hurt her, she turned around.
Clearly, he had no confidence in her abilities to master bull riding. Be that as it may, she didn’t need his approval or vote of confidence. As long as she felt she could do it, she would.
No man will ever tell me what I can or cannot do. Never again.
“Matteo, the rodeo isn’t frivolous for me any more than what you do is for you. If you can’t accept what I do for a living, that’s your problem, not mine.”
His continued silence started to piss her off too. But not as much as knowing that he saw no value to her wanting to provide entertainment for others, not to mention enjoying the adrenaline rushes she so loved so much. What had happened to him over the years?
“When did you turn against rodeo? You used to perform yourself.”
“Yeah, when I was in high school and college. That was a long time ago. I grew up.”
“So now you’re saying I’m behaving like a child?”
“That’s not what I said.” He raked his fingers through his hair.
“Yes, you did. You also said my livelihood is nothing but some frivolous sport.” She drew in and expelled a breath through her mouth as she tried to keep from losing her shit.
Suddenly, Dakota was unable to stand still. She turned toward the bedroom, but the need to fight his attacks against her very identity won over, and she returned to within a few feet of where he stood, on the fringe of his personal space.
“I don’t answer to you or any man, Matteo Giardano! I am a grown-ass woman and I,” she jabbed her finger at her chest over her breaking heart, “decide what I do and when I do it. You,” she jabbed the same finger into his rock-hard chest for emphasis, “have no say over me or the decisions I make in my life.”
“Let’s sit back down, Dakota, and work this out.”
The desire to give him a chance to dig himself out of the hole he’d dug warred with her desire to leave here for good.
“Believe me,” he continued, “I’m not trying to tell you what to do.”
“Like hell. What else would you call what you just did?”
He ran his fingers through his hair. Good. He was finally as frustrated with this bullshit as she was. Seeing him upset made her feel good in some way.
She took a step back. Silent. Waiting.
“Dakota, I’m just trying to get you to be realistic about the inherent dangers in pursing bull riding as a career path.”
The man couldn’t help himself. What an ass!
“You make it sound like I’m a novice, rather than someone who’s been polishing her rodeo skills since high school. I’m not still some seventeen-year-old with stars in her eyes. I know what I’m doing and what the risks are.” She held up her hand to keep him from interrupting. “Obviously, you don’t respect what I do or what my dreams are. You’re just like him! We are done with this discussion.”
Without another word, she turned around and headed for the bedroom. In a matter of minutes, she’d piled all of her belongings into her duffel bags. There wasn’t much more than when she’d shown up here in December, although she had bought a few new dresses and skirts recently that she’d never had the chance to put on—or take off—for Matteo.
But I’m fine with that.
He’d shown his true self tonight, trying to control her life. She couldn’t wait to get out of here. A brief flash of worry over the horses came over her. She’d miss them more than Matteo, that’s for sure. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and asked Jason if he’d be able to come and let them out Tuesday and Wednesday while Matteo was at work next week. He quickly responded that he could.
Dakota went into the bathroom and gathered up her toiletries then surveyed both rooms before carrying her bags back toward the living area.
“Where are you going?”
“Grand Junction. I have a rodeo coming up.” She refused to look at him as she headed for the door. “I texted Jason. He’ll take care of the horses while you’re at work.” She hadn’t asked the young man if he’d be available beyond this week’s shift but was certain he would be. He’d missed being out here while he was recuperating.
“Dakota, I don’t want you driving off mad.”
Anger bubbled up inside her again. She spun around. “Well, that’s too damned bad, Matteo, because you can’t stop me.”
He held his hands out to his sides in a helpless gesture. “I’m not going to try, but why don’t you at least wait until morning?”
“Why? So you can continue your campaign to undermine my choices? To get me to concede my power and independence to you? Not happening! Being under the same roof with an overprotective, paternalistic misogynist is more than I can stand right now.”
“What do you mean? I’m only trying to protect you, Dakota. Trying to get you to see reason.”
“Oh, so now I can’t understand the consequences of my decisions or actions? Explain to me how what I’m doing is unreasonable—in your opinion—but that your equally dangerous decisions aren’t.”
“Stop twisting around everything I say.”
“Then stop talking and think about what you’ve been saying to me tonight.” She waved him off. “You can mull it over without me. I’m going to say goodbye to the horses and then hook up my camper and be out of your way.”
She wanted to add for good, even though it sounded a bit childish, but deep down she knew it was over with Matteo. She couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t accept her for who she was or respect her choices.
She hoped she’d be able to set up her camper on the rodeo grounds even though the event was still a week away, but if not, she’d find a nearby campground until she could move.
Walking around the barn, she whistled for the horses. Kahlo came running first and Dakota swallowed against a lump forming in her throat. The horse had become used to Jason and Matteo over the recent weeks. She’d be all right without Dakota.
But will I be all right without her?
She climbed over the fence and greeted the mare with open arms, wrapping them around the horse’s neck. “I’m going to miss you, girl. You be good now, you hear? Nobody here will hurt you.”
Dakota couldn’t say the same about what Matteo’s words had done to her, though. She didn’t know how long it would take to bounce back. She’d thought they shared something special, but apparently that was true only as long as she kowtowed to his expectations.
That’s not who I am and if he doesn’t want me for myself, he doesn’t get me at all.
On the second day of Matt’s next shift, the engineer backed the truck into the bay after the third false alarm at the high school this week. Matt figured some students must be trying to get out of taking a test or something. His lieutenant had met with the principal today to set up a time to talk to the student body assembly about the dangers of and penalties for pulling alarms when there wasn’t a fire or other emergency.
After removing his turnout gear, Matt stored it for the next run. No smoke or soot, so at least they didn’t have to scrub everything down.
Matt walked outside for some fresh air rather than join the guys upstairs right away. The late April weather had started growing warmer, and the sun shone brightly today, even though the chance of snow was strong this weekend. They’d still have significant snowfalls for at least another month, maybe longer.
Would Dakota’s bull-riding plans this weekend be derailed if it snowed?
I hope so.
Nothing he’d said had changed her mind about going, that’s for sure. The woman had a mind of her own, and he might as well accept that she wouldn’t walk to the beat of any man’s drum.
The thought of not seeing her when he came home after his shift and not being able to wake up with her these past three mornings soured his stomach. She’d become such a part of the ranch that he couldn’t remember back to a time when she hadn’t been there.
I miss her.
His phone buzzed and he looked down to see a text had come in from Mama.
MAMA: I’m stopping by tomorrow morning.
As much as he loved his mama, he wasn’t in any mood for a visit. The woman had an uncanny way of sensing when her kids were hurting. Of course, maybe it was blowing off her Sunday dinner the other day. He hadn’t felt up to being around family—and seeing how Mama, Tony, and Angelina all had found the loves of their lives when Matt had just lost his.
And he had no doubt that it was over. Dakota hadn’t left anything behind.
Knowing Dakota, she’d probably miss the horses more than him. He didn’t understand how she could misconstrue everything he’d said to her. He only had her health and safety in mind. He didn’t want to control her life, but he didn’t want to see her killed or maimed, either. But she’d been looking to pick a fight, and Lord knew he gave her all the ammo she’d needed.
Let it go.
Matt had rehashed last Friday night’s fight over these past five days until his brain grew numb. As far as he was concerned, he’d said nothing as awful as she’d made his words out to be.
The following morning, after a fairly quiet night, Matt made his way back to the ranch. Mama’s vehicle was parked next to the house. No doubt she was inside making him breakfast.
He had no appetite, not even for Mama’s cooking.
Might as well face the music. If she probed too much, he could always say he needed to check on the horses, but Jason had already turned them out and probably mucked their stalls before school this morning. Not much he really needed to do.
Matt opened the door to the smell of bacon. Damn. Maybe he could eat after all. It would be the first time in days.
“Bambino! You’re just in time!” Mama turned the griddle on and met him near the door where he’d just removed his shoes. She wrapped her arms around him.
Her not mentioning Dakota made him wonder if somehow Mama had heard that she was gone, even though Matt hadn’t told anyone in the family or at the station yet. He kept hoping she’d come to her senses and return.
“Get cleaned up. I’m making pancakes. Then we can talk.”
Matt immediately knew she was aware that something was up.
“Sounds good.” Well, the pancakes part did. “I’ll be right back.” In the bedroom, he stripped out of his clothes and jumped into the shower even though he’d taken one at the station after his shift. Anything to postpone the expected confrontation with Mama. Matt had no doubt Mama would have words with him if she heard he’d run Dakota off.
And no doubt that’s how Mama would see it. She thought the world of Dakota and worried about her as much as Matt did.
When he returned to the kitchen, she pulled a cookie sheet out of the oven with three stacks of pancakes on it. She’d already poured him a mug of coffee, and the maple syrup and butter sat beside his plate. She let him get through his first stack while she ate half of hers before she brought up Dakota.
“Have you heard from her?”
Matt slowed his chewing to buy himself more time before answering, then swallowed.
“It’s over, Mama. She’s gone.” He forced the words out of his constricted throat.
“Nothing is final until we die.”
Poor choice of words. Dakota might very well die this weekend, if not on Silverback then on some other damned bull.
“Why don’t you tell me what happened?”
He recounted the fight, leaving nothing out. No point sugarcoating it. Mama would see through any half-truths or lies.
“I can see how she might be upset.”
What about him? Didn’t he have a right to be upset too? Whose side was she on?
“I couldn’t just sit by while she went off to get herself killed.”
“And what are you doing now?”
He realized that’s exactly what the result had been. She was gone and he was sitting by waiting to hear that she was dead or severely injured—not that he would have been notified one way or another. He’d planned to look on the Facebook page of this rodeo outfit for the news.
“Bambino, the hardest thing I ever did was let your papa go and do all the dangerous things he felt driven to do.”
“That was different. Papa was saving lives. She’s just riding bulls for the sport of it.”
Mama smiled wistfully. “Before you kids came along, Papa did ice climbing, hiked fourteeners in the middle of winter, and one year even bungee jumped from a hot-air balloon.”
What the…? Why had he never heard about this? “Papa was a thrill-seeker?”
“Of the worst kind.” She shook her head but smiled anyway.
He’d never seen that side of Papa. The man had put family and the people of Aspen Corners ahead of any wild, selfish pursuits.
“What changed or got him to settle down?”
“I got pregnant with Rafe and told Papa I didn’t intend to go through life as a widowed single mother, so he needed to settle down and behave responsibly so that his children would have him around for decades.” Mama shook her head. “Of course, then he replaced his wild adventures with the adrenaline rush of being a part of search and rescue.” She shook her head. “He knew I couldn’t very well deny him doing something to give back to the community in such a meaningful way.”
“But that’s not what Dakota’s doing. She’s doing it just for the sport and challenge of it.”
“She’s young.”
“She’s thirty-two. In rodeo years, that’s ancient.”
Mama smiled. “Don’t tell me that that’s old.” Then she grew serious again. “Matteo, Dakota has never known what it’s like to be part of a family or community. Rodeo is her family. She goes around the circuit with a lot of the same people. They know her. It’s probably the first bond she’s ever known. They accepted her and gave her what was missing in her life.”
Mama’s words hit him like a ton of bricks. Why hadn’t he been able to look at the rodeo like that before this?
But he’d treated her like family too. “I accepted her—not just over the past few months, but back in high school too.”
She nodded. “But she didn’t choose to run to you or our family back in Aspen Corners. I don’t know what she was running from. I sense that she wanted her independence from everyone back then. Perhaps she was trying to find herself.”
Matt didn’t want to reveal things Dakota had shared in confidence about her past and the lack of an identity but everything started making more sense. “She left for good reasons, even if she didn’t choose the safest way to get away.”
Mama patted his hand with a smile. “Always so protective. You and your brothers are just like your papa. But remember that she did choose to come to you last December when she was hurting and needed help. I think you planted a seed all those years ago that came to fruition.”
He grinned. “I think I planted an acorn, rather than a willow tree.” His smile faded. “And now I’ve run her off, just like he did.” Perhaps even for the same reasons—trying to exert control over her life.
Mama cocked her head, but Matt had probably said more than he should have already. When he didn’t respond to her curiosity, she continued. “Bottom line, Matteo, is that you can’t tell Dakota to give up the only family and community she’s ever known until she finds something to replace it with.”
“Do you think she’ll ever be open to considering me family?”
“It’s entirely possible that one day she’ll choose to settle down with someone. I would love for that to be you, but I don’t think she’s ready for any strong ties yet. She needs to see how important a stable, solid family and community can be before she gives up the only one she now knows.”
