Just Wanted You to Know, page 5
“You have a child.” Her tone was one of numb disbelief. He couldn’t blame her. It had been a hell of a shock to him.
“A daughter. Scarlett. She’s the light of my life.”
“You married her mother.” It wasn’t a question.
That Livia instantly knew that, even after all these years, meant something to him. With his background and all the struggle he and his own single teenaged mom had endured before he’d ended up in the foster system, he wasn’t capable of making any other decision when it came to his own child.
“Yeah. We tried to make it work. But, I mean, we were eighteen. It was a major struggle. We’d split for a reason, and the financial burden, when neither of us had more than a high school education, was rough. Bridget was so angry and resentful. She’d had big plans and none of them had included a kid. When Scarlett was born, it just got worse. She was born with profound hearing loss, which presented a whole new boatload of challenges. Ultimately, Bridget bailed on us when Scarlett was three.” And hard as it had been to do things on his own, it was easier than dealing with his ex-wife’s mercurial moods and tantrums.
Livia’s hands tightened on the railing until the knuckles turned white, but her voice was mild. “Some women aren’t meant to be mothers.”
“No,” he agreed. “I thought about you after my divorce, but I figured you’d moved on and wouldn’t want to hear from me, and I was busy trying to keep our heads above water, so I didn’t do anything about it. The fact is, I’ve had so many opportunities over the years when I thought about you and wondered where you were and how you were doing. My sisters stayed friends with Abbey. I could’ve found out. Gotten your number or email address. I always wanted to come clean, but I never knew how.”
She stayed quiet for a full revolution of the Ferris wheel, looking out over the bright lights of rides and the throngs of people far below, but Declan didn’t think she really saw the view. “Why now?”
“Honestly? Other than the fact that I’m still thinking about you, my niece and daughter shanghaied me into it. Given some of what Scarlett said, I suspect there was a family meeting and intervention planned if I hadn’t showed up tonight. But I’d already decided to track you down. Once I found out you’d be here, it was just a matter of working up the nerve.”
He could tell she was still processing everything he’d said as they made another circuit of the wheel. She’d always been a careful thinker. He only wished he had a better read on what those thoughts were.
“Anyway, that’s the story. That’s why I bailed. Why I walked away without a word. And I’m so damned sorry I was a coward. I know hurt you, and that was never my intention. Life just got away from me.”
When she said nothing by the time they reached the bottom again, and the attendant unlocked the safety bar, Declan figured that was it. She was done with him. At least he’d gotten to say his piece.
He slipped out of the gondola and turned back, automatically offering his hand to help her out.
She took it, curling those long, slim fingers around his and stepping out herself. But she didn’t let go immediately, and his heart gave a thump of unwilling hope.
“Where’s your daughter now?”
“Visiting with her maternal grandparents for the week. It’s just me.”
Livia hesitated, gaze searching his face for a long moment. “Do you maybe want to take in the fair together?”
Declan’s smile spread huge and wide because this was a second chance he hadn’t expected.
“I’d love to.”
Of all the reasons Livia had imagined over the years for why Declan had disappeared, his high school girlfriend being pregnant hadn’t been one of them. He’d been so over Bridget that summer. But of course he’d done what he’d perceived as the right thing when she’d turned up pregnant. Livia had no idea how she’d have reacted to the news at eighteen. Would it have broken her heart any less knowing he’d married someone else out of duty? Probably not, but it would’ve been a reason. One that definitely had nothing to do with her. He hadn’t changed his mind about her. About them. Circumstances had changed it for him.
The knowledge of that was worth something. As was the fact that he was here, all these years later, a single dad. One who’d apparently thought of her over the years as much as she’d thought of him.
He wasn’t the same. How could he be after everything he’d been through, all the struggles he’d endured, raising a child on his own? And a special needs child at that. But Livia could still see shades of the boy she’d loved as they strolled through the fair, each of them nibbling on a corn dog. Now that the biggest mystery had been solved, she wanted to know everything. It was as if, once she gave in to curiosity, it was running wild.
“So, what are you doing now? Where do you even live?”
“Well, that’s changing, actually. We’ve been near Nashville for most of the last ten years. But we’re moving back to Eden’s Ridge. I just took a job managing the Eden’s Ridge Artisan Guild and Education Center. It was time to come home. I wanted Scarlett to be around more stable female influences as she gets older, and being close to my sisters accomplishes that.”
He’d been close to his myriad of foster siblings back in the day, and Livia was glad he still had those family connections. Not wanting to leave family was a big part of why she’d never considered moving away from Wishful before. Starting over completely on her own somewhere was overwhelming, to say the least.
Lost in thought, Livia almost plowed into a gaggle of teenage girls gathered around the high striker, but Declan snagged her by the elbow, neatly tugging her out of the way. “What about you?”
The teenage boy with the giant mallet swung, and the puck went rocketing three-quarters of the way up the column, to the cheers of his fan club.
Turning away, Livia continued down the midway, half tempted to clutch at her elbow to hold in the tingle of his touch. “I’m a children’s librarian.”
Declan grinned. “I always knew you’d do something with books. Still living in Wishful?”
“Yes. Though I’m starting to wonder if that’s where I need to be.” She hadn’t meant to say it, but the words just slipped out. Probably because the whole thing had been on her mind since she’d arrived in Tennessee.
“Why’s that?”
She’d opened this can of worms, and maybe it would be good to discuss it with someone who wasn’t family. “Everything’s changing. Or it is for everyone else. Seems like everybody I know is moving on with the next phase of their life. My baby brother got married. My parents have turned over the running of the farm to us and are seeing the country by RV in their retirement. But Jace has a degree in forestry, so he doesn’t really need me. My boss at the library is a heinous hell beast. I’ve just been… not exactly unhappy, but not content either. I’m restless, and I don’t quite know what to do about it.”
“What would you rather do instead?”
“I don’t know. I love being a librarian. I’ve never thought of being anything else. You know how much I love books. I love being involved in the community, and I love kids. I totally expected to have some by now.” Embarrassed by the admission, she bit into her corn dog to keep herself from talking more.
“So, there’s nobody special for you back home?” His gaze dropped to her left hand where it gripped the corn dog stick, and she felt the weight of it.
“No one who’s mattered.” She couldn’t stop herself from looking up at him. Because he had mattered. More than she’d let herself believe.
Needing to shake off the seriousness of the conversation, she shrugged. “I really don’t know what I want to do. I’ve only recently begun to legitimately consider doing something else or going somewhere else. And of course, that’s going to depend on being able to find gainful employment. Because being able to pay one’s bills is a thing.”
“True story.”
They finished their corn dogs and disposed of the sticks and napkins in a nearby trash can.
“Step right up, folks! Try your skill at busting balloons!”
Livia glanced over at the stall where an array of colorful balloons were tacked to a plywood backing. A veritable ocean of stuffed animal prizes hung around it, including a massive elephant in eye-popping pink. It reminded her of another prize from another fair from years ago. She still had that thing tucked in the back of her closet, one of the best memories of that summer.
The carny manning the game noticed her attention. “A pretty prize for a pretty lady. Sir, how’s your dart game?”
Declan stepped up to the counter and began fishing tickets out of his pocket.
“Oh, that’s really not necessary,” Livia began.
With mock severity, he glared at her. “I am duty bound to win you a stuffed animal. It’s part of guy code.”
That implied that this chance encounter was a date. More excited by the prospect of that than she cared to admit, Livia stepped up beside him. “Fair enough. Let’s see how you do.”
Declan accepted the three darts, testing the weight of them in his hand. He eyed the board at the back, clearly trying to gauge the distance. Rolling on the balls of his feet, he tossed the first dart. It took a nosedive and thunked off the bottom third of the board without sticking.
“Two to go!”
“That was a practice shot,” Declan announced.
Eyes narrowed, he threw the second dart. This one hit higher and actually stuck in the target, but it didn’t hit any of the balloons.
He glared down at the last dart in his hand. “Are these defective?”
Livia pressed her lips together to keep from laughing.
Declan tossed the final dart, which glanced off one of the balloons, but didn’t break it. He set his hands on his hips. “I was better at this twelve years ago.”
So he remembered.
“Tough luck, son. Would you like to try again?”
“Actually, I’d like to try.” Livia dug out some of her own tickets and handed them over to the attendant.
“Sure thing, little lady.” The guy handed her three darts.
She rolled them between her fingers, testing the points. They were a little dull, but not terrible. Taking position, she fixed her gaze on an orange balloon in the top left quadrant and let the dart fly.
Pop!
A little cheer went up around her from other waiting patrons, but she ignored everyone, taking aim at a blue balloon in the top right quarter. Toss. Pop!
She didn’t stop to look at anyone before lining up her final shot with a red balloon in the dead center. On an exhale she released, watching as the dart flew through the air to bury itself in the board, popping her third balloon.
The carny looked equal parts impressed and annoyed. “Nice job. Your choice of prizes.”
“The elephant.”
He used a hook and retrieved the stuffed animal from where it hung and handed it over. Only then did she turn toward Declan.
His smile was rueful. “I feel like my masculinity is being impugned.”
Livia smiled sweetly. “Did I mention my brother and I have been playing darts for the last twenty years to decide who gets what chores around the farm?”
“You did not.” He raised his hands in a slow clap. “I know when I’m bested. Bravo.”
She handed the elephant over with a grin. “Why don’t you take it home to Scarlett? Unless you’d like to keep her yourself to remember tonight by?”
Declan hooked an arm around the elephant and took Livia’s free hand, tugging her a step closer. “I’m not going to need anything to remember every moment of tonight.”
Her pulse leapt, and she curled her fingers around his. “Neither will I.”
Chapter 6
The crowds had thinned considerably. All around them, food vendors were shutting down for the night. Many of the artisans had likewise shuttered their booths. The whole place would close soon. Declan wasn’t ready for the night to end.
Apparently Livia wasn’t either. Fingers still tangled with his, she turned toward him. “One last ride on the Ferris wheel before we call it a night?”
“Absolutely.”
They stowed the elephant with the attendant and settled into their gondola. This time, he put his arm around her. She snuggled in, a sign of ease and trust he wasn’t sure he deserved but wasn’t about to waste. It felt too good to hold her, to look up into the cloudless sky and marvel at the ocean of stars that blanketed the little town that was the only place that had ever been home.
Could it be home for Livia? What were the chances that they’d both be looking for a change at the same time? She’d seemed almost embarrassed by not having her life entirely figured out. He had plenty of practice with that state of affairs. If he’d known what the hell he was doing for more than five minutes at a time at any point in the last twelve years, he’d called it good. Tonight was no exception. The past hours with her had been a gift that left him greedy for more. More conversation. More touches. More long looks. Simply more of her. He’d always wanted more of her.
As they stopped at the very top for passengers below to disembark, Declan shifted a little to face her. Livia lifted her head, meeting his gaze. He couldn’t stop himself from stroking his fingers across her cheek to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger.
“Tonight’s been awesome. Getting to reconnect and clear the air.”
The corners of her mouth tipped up into the faintest of smiles. “Yeah.”
Once, he’d have simply leaned in to taste that smile. But he was a lot more cautious than he was at eighteen, and he didn’t want to risk screwing this up again. “I’d really like to kiss you.”
Those lips bowed further, her eyes going dark. “I really wish you would.”
There is a God.
She met him halfway, tipping her face up to his. They both sighed at the contact, melting into each other. And oh God, it was better than he remembered. Her kiss was at once familiar and foreign, marrying the boy he’d been with the man he was. His blood popped and fizzed like champagne, the taste of her leaving him dizzy and struggling not to dive too deep, too fast. With every second that rolled by, it seemed the stress and strain of years fell away, until the only thing remaining was her.
A throat cleared from somewhere close by.
Declan broke the kiss, realizing they were back at the bottom and the attendant was waiting for them to get off the ride. He tightened his arm around Livia as he pressed his brow to hers for just a few more seconds, wishing they had more time.
“Sorry, man, we’re shutting down for the night.”
He untangled himself and flashed an apologetic smile at the guy. “Sorry.”
They waited until the lap bar was unlocked, and Declan scrambled out, reaching back to help Livia onto the platform. She scooped up the elephant and thanked the attendant. In the time it had taken them to finish their ride, it seemed most of the rest of the fair had packed up.
“Looks like we’re more or less closing the place down.”
She glanced around as if noticing for the first time that most of the crowd had disappeared. “I’m guessing Abbey and Kyle headed home a while ago.”
Declan sent up a quick prayer of thanks. He’d get a little longer with her, after all. “I’ll drive you back.”
Hand in hand, they made their way down the quiet streets to where he’d parked his car. Neither of them spoke much, and he appreciated the fact that being silent with her was just as easy as talking. Everything with Livia had always been easy and comfortable. He’d taken it for granted at eighteen. He didn’t want to do that again.
“How much longer are you here?”
“Two weeks. I cashed in a huge chunk of vacation days. After that, I’ve gotta get back to work. And our busy season is about to start at the farm. We’ve got a lot of prep to do before Thanksgiving. Jace has most of it under control, but it’s all hands on deck for the holidays.”
She’d always taken family obligations seriously. It was one of the things he liked about her. He felt exactly the same about his extended foster family, so he understood that considering a life somewhere other than Wishful was a huge deal for her. But he couldn’t stop thinking about how, if he could convince her to move to Eden’s Ridge, they could have the second chance they never really got all those years ago. He wanted that almost more than his next breath. But he recognized that now wasn’t the time for a blatant, full-court press, so he’d have to settle for whatever additional time he could get with her. And he intended to wrangle as much of the next two weeks as possible.
The sensible sedan was a far cry from the ancient pickup Declan had driven back in the day, but he still held Livia’s hand across the center console on the drive back to the orchard. The hum of awareness shivered around them, as if they stood on a precipice. Livia had a general sense of the fragility of whatever lay between them just now. They were both more cautious, so very aware of how life could intervene at any moment. This wasn’t an uncomplicated summer, where possibilities spun out in an endless array of wonder. They both had responsibilities. Lives that didn’t mesh.
And still, the curve of his fingers around hers gave birth to an irrational, impossible hope. The what if? she hadn’t allowed herself to consider before. It was a dangerous and potentially painful question, and a part of Livia wanted to be a reckless optimist. To believe that he was the answer to the wish she’d made back home. But she wasn’t the starry-eyed teen she’d been. And he had more than himself to consider.
Declan pulled up to the house and shut off the car. Kyle and Abbey had left the porch light on for her. They both slid out and made their way up the couple of steps to the front door.
“Do you suppose Abbey’s on the other side waiting to blink the porch light if we take too long, the way your Aunt Faye used to do?”
“If her claims about me being her favorite cousin are true, then no.”
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