Home Ice Advantage, page 20
“Maybe it’s the Russian,” Z whispers, loudly enough that everyone is meant to hear. They all laugh except for Sophie who rolls her eyes and carefully extricates herself from the cuddle pile. She pats her hair and smooths out her shirt, curious as she approaches the door. She cracks it open, because she doesn’t know who is on the other side, and strangers don’t need to know Team Canada snuggles before big games.
As soon as she sees who it is, she allows the door to open all the way. Standing in front of her in designer jeans and an oversized Canada sweatshirt is Genevieve Verreault. She towers over Sophie, even larger than Sophie remembers her four years ago. Then she realizes VV’s jeans are tucked into three-inch boots.
“Um, hi?” Sophie says once she realizes she’s been staring at her former captain. “Would you like to come in?”
She steps aside and VV glides past her into the room. Verreault is a Canadian hockey legend. She captained the team to four Winter Games gold medals, she set records in the NAWHL. The country didn’t know whether to mourn or celebrate when she announced her retirement. She’s headed for the Hall of Fame, no question about it.
“Hey stranger. I thought you were avoiding us.” Stewie pats the open space next to her, where Sophie had been lying before.
VV unzips her boots and sets them aside before she steps carefully through the group to take her place at the center of their pile. “You know I can’t stay away.”
Sophie crawls across both beds to reach the far side of the team. Gabrielle shifts, making space between her and Robbi. “Are you sure?” Sophie asks quietly. “I don’t want to get between a goalie and her d.”
“Nothing gets past me,” Gabrielle says. Her lips quirk up in the barest hint of a smile and Sophie wiggles into the space between them. Gabrielle pulls the blanket back up but scoots backward so she and Sophie aren’t touching. Robbi doesn’t mind being spooned so Sophie drapes an arm over her waist.
“You are playing well,” VV says.
“We have a lot to live up to,” Stewie says.
VV smiles proudly as she brushes Stewie’s hair out of her face. Sophie’s chest aches, wishing her captain was still here. Sophie knows hockey, but VV knows people. She effortlessly led them to their win in Stuttgart. Sophie’s managing but it certainly isn’t without effort. She overthinks everything she does and everything she says. She doesn’t know the women well enough to smoothly slide into a conversation or pull them in for a hug. If she’d known the captaincy would be passed to her rather than Stewie, she would’ve paid more attention last Games.
No, actually, she probably wouldn’t have. She was overwhelmed enough as it was, playing with her heroes and trying not to step on too many toes. The NAHL was still in a lockout, her future was still uncertain. Playing the best hockey she could took up nearly all her attention.
VV praises their play so far before she allows Stewie to coax her into telling stories about past teams. It’s exactly what they need, a reminder this team is so much larger than this Games. Their semifinal game against Finland tomorrow is part of a bigger picture, one game out of dozens which came before it and dozens more which will stretch on afterward.
By the time VV finishes telling them about her first Games, Brades is half asleep, and Rous can’t hide her yawns. VV looks over them fondly. She meets Sophie’s gaze as if to ask should we wrap this up?
Sophie’s expression doesn’t change much but she hopes it conveys I would never tell you what to do.
VV laughs and sits up. It’s a cue they all follow, pulling out of their sprawls. “You have an important game tomorrow. I shouldn’t keep you awake.”
“You heard the woman.” Stewie coaxes their teammates to their feet. Z takes a more direct approach, clasping their hands and hauling them upright. Robbi helps and before Sophie knows it, it’s only her, Gabrielle, and VV left in the room.
“Um.” Sophie glances at Gabrielle. Should she offer to walk her back to her room? Gabrielle solves Sophie’s dilemma by leaving.
“She’s a sharp one,” VV says.
“Important quality for a goalie to have.”
“Walk me out?”
It isn’t actually a question, but Sophie nods and waits for VV to zip up her boots. She holds the door open when VV’s ready to go. Up close, she can see the wrinkles around VV’s eyes and mouth. She walks with a slight limp leftover from the hip surgery she had after her third Games.
“You’re doing well with them,” VV says as Sophie locks the door behind her. She takes an extra moment to school her face into a blank mask. She must not succeed, because VV’s lips curl up into a smile. “You are.”
Sophie’s already been caught. She could say thank you and ask VV about her family or…she can share her worries. VV was there for Sophie’s first Games. There’s no hope of impressing her. That ship has long since sailed. Sophie’s pride is standing between her and important advice. “It doesn’t feel that way.”
“Of course, it doesn’t. We hold ourselves to a high standard. Our country sets it even higher. They always want more.” Sophie nods and trails after VV as she leads them down the hall. “You can always give more. It doesn’t mean what you’re giving isn’t enough. Take it from me, every time you defy expectations, they set the bar higher. That isn’t failure. It’s faith.”
Sophie takes some time to digest that. It’s nothing new to her. Hockey has always been about reaching one milestone and looking toward the next. Settling leads to complacency, her dad tells her. And complacency leads to stagnation. He was always there to push her if she grew too comfortable resting on her accomplishments.
They make it outside and Sophie flips her hood up against the chill. “Will the captaincy ever feel right?”
“It didn’t for me. The first time I wore it, I was afraid I was too young. Why should these women listen to me? It was the first Games after the brutal loss to the States. And I was the solution? It was hard but we won. Then, four year later, they gave me the C again and I still had doubts.”
She goes to the sidewalk and throws an arm out for a cab. “That’s the secret, Sophie, we’re all afraid. Gabriel’s in his room right now wondering if the loss against the US will be his legacy. I was afraid I’d managed a fluke win and wouldn’t be able to do it again. You have your own fears. They didn’t pick you because you didn’t have them. They picked you because you know how to play through them.”
Oh. A cab pulls up alongside them. “So, I don’t have to be perfect.”
“None of us are, kid. But together, we can get close.” She presses a kiss to Sophie’s forehead and climbs into the cab. Sophie stands on the sidewalk until she’s out of sight.
Chapter Fifteen
They beat Finland 1-0 off a power play goal from Stewie and steady goaltending from Gabrielle. Later that day, the USA beats Sweden. Sophie allows herself a moment to be grateful she won’t have to play against Elsa for gold and then she directs her focus forward.
One more game and the Helsinki Winter Games are over for her. No matter what, she’s bringing home a medal. She doesn’t even pretend she’d be happy with silver. She came here to win gold.
The day after they beat Finland, she meets up with her family after practice. Colby’s the first to spot her. He bounds over and wraps his arms around her in a tight hug. When he pulls back, he punches her shoulder. “Did you have to get the C? Do you know how fucking expensive jerseys are?”
“Language,” their mother says mildly.
Sophie hugs her mom and grins at her brother. “I don’t know. They give me everything for free.” She dodges another swing and tugs her toque off. She pulls it onto his head. “There.”
For her mémé she produces a Team Canada Ducasse jersey, signed by the man himself. She hands it over and elbows Colby when he complains. “I gave you the clothes off my own back. You should be grateful.”
“More like off your own head.”
She elbows him again as he laughs at his own joke. She hugs her mémé and can’t help but tease a little. “You know, I’m Captain Canada now too. And my team didn’t lose in group play.”
“The quarterfinals are in two days. There’s still time for our boys to redeem themselves.”
Sophie shakes her head, but she’s grinning as she glances at her dad. Are they supposed to hug? He tucks his hands into his pockets, answering her question. “You’ll need to play better than you did against Finland if you want to beat Team USA.”
“Pierre,” her mom sighs.
Sophie’s been coached by her dad too long for him to get her down. “Coach Champoux told us the same thing. We reviewed tape, we had a tune-up, and we’re ready.”
“Engelking is having a strong Games.”
“It won’t be enough.” Sophie hoped to wait a bit to pull out the big guns, but she digs through her bag until she produces another Team Canada jersey. She hands it to her brother. “Rules are you can’t wear it to the gold medal game.”
Colby’s eyebrows climb as he turns the jersey over. Gagnon is stamped across the back in white block letters. Looped over the shoulder is her signature. “She’s something else, eh?”
“She’s the best,” Sophie says proudly.
“She’s a Bobcat.” Their mémé spits on the ground.
“Right now, she’s Canadian.” Sophie links her arm with her grandmother’s. “She’ll backstop us to a win against the Americans.”
“I suppose I can cheer for her for one game.”
“That’s the spirit.” Sophie reaches out and reels her mom in. “Where are we going for lunch? We haven’t made it out of the cafeteria yet, so you probably know better restaurants than I do.”
“It’s a beautiful city,” her mom says. “If you have time before you fly back there are some places you should see.”
“Tell me about them.”
*
She grows antsy as the gold medal game approaches, each hour whittling away at her hard-won calm. Three days between the semis and the finals is too much time and not nearly enough. With her family speaking to her now, her dad tries to lecture her on how to play, bombarding her with texts and voice mails when she says she doesn’t have the time to visit with them again.
It isn’t even a lie. She practices with her team, eats with her team, and watches tape with her team. They don’t even take in the other events, too focused on what they’re here to do.
And now, on the night before the big game, Sophie stares up at the ceiling. Their room is dark but if she squints, she can make out the ceiling. She should close her eyes. She needs to sleep if she wants to beat Lexie tomorrow. She turns to her left side and then flips to her right. She wishes Elsa was here, her hand sure and steady on Sophie’s hip.
She turns again to look at the clock. Five minutes have passed since the last time she checked. Those are five minutes of sleep I won’t have.
“Fucking hell,” Stewie says, her voice sharp in the quiet of the room. “What is wrong with you?”
“Sorry.”
“You’ve been like this the past two nights.”
Sophie winces. She hoped Stewie had missed her sleeping struggles. “Sorry.”
“Stop fucking apologizing and tell me how to fix it. Is it the game? We’re ready for tomorrow.”
“I know.” They’re as prepared as they can be. All that’s left now is to hit the ice and play.
“We don’t have the time for Twenty Questions.”
Sophie takes a deep breath and then another. “The bed’s too big,” she admits, whispering, but her voice is still too loud.
“Are you serious?” Stewie demands. Sophie flinches and pulls her covers over her head even though Stewie can’t see her. “I’m not judging you but—we could’ve fixed this days ago. Get your ass over here.”
“I—”
“Now.”
Sophie abandons her bed for Stewie’s. As soon as Sophie’s in reach, Stewie hauls her back against her chest, her arm tight around Sophie’s waist. It’s almost as good as being in bed with Elsa, and it’s familiar enough that Sophie finally settles. Her eyes slip closed. “Thank you,” she murmurs.
“Sleep,” Stewie orders.
Sophie sleeps.
*
Sophie wakes up to a hand uncomfortably high on her thigh.
“What happened to your dick?” Stewie shrieks.
Sophie jerks away from the touch and falls out of bed. She lands on her ass and rolls, popping to her feet. Her heart pounds in her chest and adrenaline rushes through her limbs. She stares at Stewie. Stewie stares back.
“Uh.” Stewie ducks her head, sheepish.
“I’m not napping with you this afternoon,” Sophie snaps.
“Hey, at least I didn’t try to kiss you good morning.”
Sophie flips her off.
*
She eats breakfast with Gabrielle and Brades, because Brades isn’t a morning person, and Gabrielle’s never talkative. It’s a quiet breakfast, exactly what she needs after her abrupt wake-up.
After breakfast and a light video session, they have an even lighter skate. Once it’s over, Coach Champoux shepherds them to the rec room. Sophie stretches out across one of the couches as Caro and Brades sit near her and paint their nails. They did it before the first game. Since they won, they have to do it before every game now.
Sophie doesn’t believe in game-day superstitions. She has teammates who have to eat a certain food before games or wear the same socks until they dissolve or paint their nails in a particular way. She learned early on she can’t rely on luck to win games.
Every point to her name is one she’s earned. Every game she’s won, those are earned too. It isn’t a lucky sports bra or the color stick tape she uses. If she wanted to succeed, she had to put in the hard work before the game and commit herself during the game itself.
She closes her eyes and replays the video they watched on Buchanan, Team USA’s goalie. She’s quick going post to post, but when she pushes right to left, her glove hand flails. It means Sophie needs to fake left and then shoot high right.
She drifts off imagining all the goals she’ll score. When she wakes up, the room has changed. There are no more nail painting parties or quiet conversations. Everyone is curled up on couches or the mattresses dragged down here. She’s careful not to jostle Rous as she untangles their legs and slides off the couch.
Robbi’s sleeping on the floor next to them, her mouth wide open. Z and Stewie are sprawled together. Gabrielle is on the far couch, her arm tucked under her head like some kind of Disney princess. Brades is sitting on one of the mattresses. Her eyes are open but unfocused. Her chest rises and falls too fast to be good.
Sophie carefully makes her way over to her. She crouches down, taking up Brades’s line of vision until Brades realizes she isn’t alone. The rookie flushes and looks around, but there’s no one to rescue her.
“Have you slept?” Sophie asks.
She shakes her head.
Sophie lies down and pulls Brades down with her until they’re on their sides facing each other. “Close your eyes. Even if you don’t sleep, your body needs to be quiet.”
“How?” Brades’s voice breaks on the single syllable.
Sophie shifts closer until she can tuck Brades’s head against her chest. “Close your eyes. Listen to my heart. Do you hear how calm I am?”
Brades nods.
“It’s time to sleep. When you wake up, we’re going to play hockey. It’s something you’ve done hundreds of times before. It’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“The stage is a little bigger.”
“So are the players.” Sophie cards her hand through Brades’s hair. “A lot of us have been here before. Coach has played in and coached at the Games before. Do you think we’d let you go in unprepared?”
“No.”
“We’re with you the whole way,” Sophie promises. “All of us. VV in the stands, Coach behind the bench, Stewie on the ice with you.”
“You too.”
“Me too.”
“You’re better than Alexis Engelking,” Brades murmurs.
It’s the last thing she says before she falls asleep.
The next time Sophie wakes up, it’s because Coach Champoux claps her hands together. “Time to get up, ladies. We have hockey to play.”
Brades bolts up and Sophie grins. She understands that kind of enthusiasm. She ruffles their rookie’s hair. “Let’s go kick some American ass.”
Brades darts a glance at her and, only for Sophie to hear, says, “I’ll make you proud.”
Sophie draws her in and brushes a kiss over her forehead. “I know you will.”
*
Sophie’s nerves flare up as they take the ice for warm-ups. Somewhere in the stands, her family is watching. Does her mémé see the C on her jersey and feel the same pride she does when she sees Ducasse? Is her mom waving as many miniature flags as she can fit in her hands? Is her dad leaning forward, watching her as if he can predict the kind of game she’ll have?
When the anthems play, Sophie closes her eyes and allows the words to sink into her skin. Canada seems so far from Finland, but she has a giant maple leaf on her chest, and the stands are packed with fans who made the flight, and maybe it isn’t so far away after all.
She takes the first faceoff of the game and, unsurprisingly, she finds herself across the dot from Lexie.
“I’m going to knock the smile right off your face,” Lexie promises.
Sophie’s lips curl up in a smile. Game on.
She wins the faceoff and both teams spring into action. She battles with Lexie as she skates into the zone, jostling for position, and throwing a few discreet elbows. Rizzo tries to intercept Caro’s pass to Sophie, but Sophie catches it on her stick and uses her body to shield the puck from the Americans.
She skates around the back of Buchanan’s net with her blood singing. This is hockey at its highest level. Every stride, every play, every shift is a fight. She wants goals and assists; she wants to throw a few hits. She wants everything.
