Scarred Resolve (Jacky Leon Book 10), page 3
“They’re witches like her, and they’ve been alive for so long.” It was pretty obvious.
“And they are her biological children. She says she loves us all equally, and I believe that, but I know there’s something… unique between her and the twins. You can’t say you haven’t seen it.”
“I have, but it never bothered me. I don’t even know if I would classify it as favoritism.”
“I wouldn’t either, but it’s different from us. It doesn’t help that they stayed in Africa, where they were born and raised by her and Hasan, and we all spread out all over the world. They needed magic lessons, and we didn’t. But I think, in terms of their relationship, they might have heard more hints from Subira or could have uncovered it without her needing to tell them if they tried. I’m not going to ask them, and neither are you.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. Considering the sorts of secrets everyone else in this family is keeping, I am scared to know what Subira must be hiding, not just from us but the world.”
“Now you’re getting it,” Niko teased a little, and the mood lightened in a heartbeat.
Until we both jumped high enough to hit our heads as my phone started to ring. I answered without looking at the caller ID, just trying to make the loud noise stop.
“Jacky speaking,” I said quickly.
“I sneezed and wondered what my youngest was up to.”
Based on her own amusement and once again impeccable timing, I laughed, which caused Subira to chuckle as well.
“Niko and I were out to dinner, and you might have come up,” I explained. “How are you?”
“Oh, I’m good. I’m taking a break from trying to convince Jabari what my house does and doesn’t need. Amir is taking a nap, Makalo is off running around with Kushim, and Zuri is plotting with Aisha about how to make sure Jabari doesn’t build some awful mansion in my untouched and pristine territory.”
“He’s not really trying to build a mansion, is he?” I rolled my eyes and saw Niko shaking his head at our eldest brother’s foolishness.
“Oh, he is, but—”
“Mother, I have figured it out!” Zuri’s voice came through as if she had the phone. “We’re going to build down. Up here, the only thing people will see is a small, single-bedroom home for the lonely little woman who lives out here. We’ll build a large living space underground.”
“Like the vampires?” Subira seemed amused by this.
“Yeah, but it’s not a bad idea. We could also build into that cliffside—”
“Not the cliff. If we build underground, make sure there are several ways out as well. Might as well make it as safe as the vampires do. Do it, but still only the necessities.”
“Can do! I’ll tell Jabari.”
“Is she gone?” I asked.
“She is. Now, back to you and Niko.”
“He’s in the car with me still. He’s dropping me off at home, then heading home himself.”
“Oh, wonderful. I really only called to say I love you. I love you both.”
“Love you, too,” Niko said, his voice a bit rough.
“Yeah, love you, too,” I said, smiling at her kindness. She had promised to be more attentive, and it seemed like she was trying to keep it.
“Has there been any word from…” Niko trailed off, and I saw his hands squeeze his steering wheel a bit too hard.
“No, Niko, I’m sorry. He hasn’t sent me word.”
“When is he moving to your territory?” I asked, moving quickly off the topic of how Hasan wasn’t sending any word to us, not privately or through Subira. What I was willing to talk about was how Hasan was in timeout on his island when he was supposed to be living with Subira now. Like all things, though, change takes time, and everything was easier said than done.
“Once we have a Tribunal space for him. No longer than a few more weeks. We’ve already decided that no matter what is built, his and my spaces must be first and finished before anything else so we can move in properly.”
“That’s good. Good plan.”
“What were you and Niko talking about? I know I came up,” she said.
“Uh…” I glanced at Niko. We had just talked about how we weren’t going to mention it to her, ever.
“How did you know?” Niko asked, and it was probably the best thing he could have done. Question for a question.
“Magic, of course.”
I wasn’t sure if she was teasing with the truth or just plain messing with us.
“Fair. Jacky was asking about how you keep busy in your territory. I was telling her how we just trust you’re doing what you need to be doing and don’t pry.”
There was a long pause, and the energy in the car changed.
“Want to know a secret?” Subira asked softly, a teasing note in her voice.
Suddenly, everything was electric.
“Yes,” I answered before Niko could say anything.
“I already knew what you were talking about,” she said. She sounded like the entire thing made for a great joke. “Love you both. Have a nice evening.” Then she hung up before I had a second to process anything she had said.
I put my phone away and looked at Niko. He was just as stunned as I was.
“Well, that…” Niko didn’t finish his statement.
I didn’t ask him to elaborate.
4
CHAPTER FOUR
Ilet Niko go home once he dropped me off, still a bit stunned and certainly shaken by Subira’s phone call. I didn’t think she was threatening us, but I knew a warning when I heard one.
“Wow. Okay. What now?” I didn’t want Heath to find me sitting on the couch or in my office alone. I knew Carey was doing her own thing and didn’t want to be bothered. For her, the pack meetings were now a chance for her to be alone, and I wasn’t going to take that away from her. It wasn’t her responsibility to make sure I wasn’t lonely or bored.
I didn’t head inside. With all the werewolves at the weekly pack meeting, I decided to walk the trails around my house instead, opting to spend some time alone with my thoughts. Once I entered the trees, my mood shifted quickly. Something about being out with my trees in my little piece of forest made me comfortable.
“It’s only Monday,” I said to myself, running my hand over bushes and branches as I walked. “Can’t believe Niko kept where he was living a secret for long and hasn’t been looking for a territory… He won’t be able to stay secret forever. If he wants to be in Dirk’s life, I’ll need to talk to him about the BSA. They’re going to figure out he’s not human, and it would be better if he spoke to them before they go to him. I should have brought that up today, but I’ll invite him for a proper meeting about the official stuff tomorrow.”
There was so much I had neglected over the last month and a half, which was frustrating, considering I had also been pretty busy over the last few weeks.
“Tomorrow. I’m going to enjoy this walk right now and think about everything else tomorrow,” I decided.
I tried to quiet every intrusive thought as I trudged through the forest in tennis shoes, jeans, and a t-shirt. The only thing that protected my arms from getting whipped by the vegetation was my jacket, but it was hot to wear in June. It wasn’t appropriate nature walk clothing, but it didn’t slow me down. I walked until I reached a stream, then found a rock to sit on. Enjoying the quiet, I reached into the inner pocket and pulled out Fenris’s letter, rereading it a couple of times.
I must have lost track of time as my eyes adjusted, and the sun started to fall. I didn’t move, though. I felt all the werewolves leave their meeting and only paid a tiny portion of my attention to what they were doing. Heath went back to our home. Dirk and Landon went with him, but Landon broke off. The others went home, to work, or to hang out with friends. A couple went to an open bar in town.
It was Landon who kept me somewhat mindful because he entered the woods as well. I tucked the letter away as I felt him getting close.
“Hey, Landon,” I called out, knowing he was only twenty feet behind me without having to turn around.
“Hey, Jacky. I caught your scent and told Pa I would come out to check on you. You know, your favorite person to hike around the forest with and all that.”
With a snort, I looked over my shoulder. He was closer, and I hadn’t heard his footsteps. I didn’t need to hear him, thanks to my territorial magic, but it was interesting to notice this evening.
“How are you?” I asked him before scooting over to offer him a spot on my rock. He didn’t say anything as he hopped up and took a seat next to me, the golden sky peeking through the trees over us.
“Good,” he finally answered, stretching out his legs and leaning back on his hands. “You?”
“Better,” I said, hoping it was an honest answer. “How was the meeting?” I didn’t want to be the topic of conversation.
He was quiet for longer than I expected. It was a long enough silence that I bumped him with my elbow because I knew he’d heard me.
“They’re leaning on me,” he finally said softly, his expression becoming unreadable. His scent told me too little, or maybe it was too much. There was a tangle of different emotions that I recognized but didn’t understand in the context. I wasn’t sure why he was confused, for example. He was uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure if it was from my question or the situation he was talking about.
“Um… you’re the second in the pack. Of course they do,” I said, frowning as I kept trying to put together the puzzle pieces he was providing me.
“I mean physically. They’re leaning on me physically.” He rubbed his head, almost as if he was frustrated, but I was still lost.
“You’re going to have to explain, Landon. I’ve been around werewolves a lot, but clearly, I’m still missing something here.” I was trying to sound kind, but I really needed to have more context.
“You wouldn’t notice it, huh?” He gave me an off smile. “The lower-ranking werewolves are physically leaning on me. I guess it’s not very obvious. They’ll hover near strong werewolves they trust. Their bodies will tilt toward them, almost like…” He trailed off, looking around, then pointed at a small green sprout. “Like a small plant toward the light,” he finished.
“No, I never noticed that, actually.” If I had, I certainly wouldn’t have noticed the importance.
“It’s really subtle. Most werewolves don’t notice it, either. I don’t even think Pa notices it when they do it to him. Normally, people see strong werewolves or in situations where we’re trying to suppress instincts to behave in front of everyone. When we’re all really mindful of how we look, like work or school. But in relaxed environments, the weaker and younger werewolves will do it. It happens more often and more noticeably when things happen, like a… a death.”
“And you’ve noticed them doing it to you because you notice everything. Is that a… bad thing?” One thing I realized was that this was probably a conversation he should have been having with Heath, but I wasn’t going to send him away. I just needed him to lead me to the actual problem. Or not-problem.
“It’s a new thing,” he whispered, and that’s when it clicked into place for me.
He’s never had them lean to him before because of what he is…
“Oh. Landon, they trust you to protect them. That’s… I know you’re not good with the pack structure like other werewolves, and if it makes you uncomfortable, just tell them. I’m certain they’re all mature people and will understand.”
“They’re leaning on me because of you,” he said, not looking at me anymore, as though he couldn’t bring himself to.
Oh.
“Since we told them about Fenris, one or two of them have hovered a little closer at every meeting. Today, I caught one of them leaning on me and stepped away. An hour later, another was doing it, and I couldn’t move because we were talking to Pa about this pack house idea.”
“Landon…”
Anger and frustration flooded over his other emotions.
“I have no problem with the contact. Well, I do, but I can get over that. They need it, and I can offer it. It doesn’t hurt me. It pisses me off that they think I’m going to protect them from you,” he said, growling softly as he slammed a hand down on the rock. “But I don’t want to scare them with how mad that idea makes me, so I’ve been avoiding even thinking about it.”
“I wouldn’t hurt them,” I said softly, sinking a little at the very thought. “I would never—”
“I know that,” he snarled at me. “That’s why it pisses me off. They don’t trust you? Are they serious? All because you did what had to be done…” He shook his hand, the movement full of venting anger.
“Have you talked to Heath about this?” I asked in a small voice.
“I’m going to, but I don’t know the solution to this. I don’t think he knows a rational way to fix this, either.”
“Yeah…” I sighed, pulling my knees up to my chin. Landon was still stretched out, and now I was curled into a ball. “I’ll work something out.”
“No, no, you won’t. This isn’t your problem to fix, Jacky.” Landon waved a finger at me, a mimic of what Carey had started recently. “It’s my problem. It’s my problem for not being a strong enough werewolf to kill him myself, which is my duty to the pack.”
“How do you know it’s even about me?” I asked finally, trying to step back and look at the situation differently. I didn’t want to think that they were scared of me, and my killing Fenris wasn’t the only thing that happened recently. “Maybe they’re just finally getting to know you, a newly mated male who’s doting and loving with his mate. They might respect that and see that level of trust between you and Dirk, therefore find you more… approachable to find that sort of comfort and security.”
“Sometimes, you pull stuff out of your ass with such ease, I’m stunned by your talent for it,” he said, snorting as I had earlier. “There’s a joke in there somewhere about how you should have been born a—”
“Don’t finish that,” I ordered quickly, knowing where he was going with it. “And you know, it’s gotten me out of a lot of problems.”
“It helps that half the time, you’re right. Or close enough to it. Even if you were always wrong, though, being able to think fast is an essential life skill in our world.”
“Exactly. So, maybe it’s seeing you and Dirk. Maybe it’s not me.”
“That… could be it,” he conceded. “I’ll give them the benefit of your doubt.”
“Thank you. Oh, and you said you could get over how you don’t like being leaned on like that… You don’t have to get over it, Landon. You can establish that boundary. There are plenty of strong werewolves in the pack they can lean on. It doesn’t have to be you.”
“Only a werecat would say that to a werewolf,” he said, chuckling. “It’s one thing for the weaker wolves not to want to lean on me, but now that they’ve started to hover a lot…”
“You feel like you have to let them, even if it makes you uncomfortable,” I finished for him, seeing how he trailed off.
“Pretty much.”
I didn’t need a strong nose to figure out he was dealing with some complicated feelings about the situation.
“I don’t think I’m the one who can help you with this, Landon,” I said, feeling bad that I had to be honest about that. “Talk to Heath. He’ll at least relate more than I can.”
“That’s why I’m telling you. It’s not the right word for it, but you’re an outsider in the sense of a werewolf pack. You have a different perspective. That’s not a bad thing.” Landon finally sat up, and I let go of my legs, stretching them out beside his. “Can I ask you about something else?”
“Uh, sure?”
“It’s been on my mind for a while, and we haven’t really had a moment alone in weeks, at least not one where I felt safe asking about it… I’ve been thinking about what you did while we were fighting with Fenris. Rainer, actually.” He gave me an odd look.
“I think we should head back,” I said quickly, beginning to move. I had to go. I had been avoiding this conversation. While we were still in Germany, it hadn’t crossed my mind that he had seen me do that. We had been focused on survival. It was only days later that Landon mentioned something that made me remember what he would have seen in the Black Forest.
He grabbed my arm and kept me there, unable to get off the rock. His eyes locked with mine.
“It wasn’t the first time, was it?” he asked as I was frozen in place by the strength of his grip and the intensity of his stare.
“No, it wasn’t,” I confirmed softly, relaxing, making it clear I wouldn’t run. He let me go and sighed.
“Do you know how dangerous it is? How impossible most moon cursed find doing that?”
“Yes.” I knew he would want more than simple answers, but they were all I could summon.
“How? Why?”
“Fenris could do it,” I said lamely, knowing it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. His soft growl only reinforced that.
“He was mad,” he finally hissed at me. “Insane. You know that. He was a split fucking personality, a false identity for a hiding werewolf who held a grudge that nearly killed us.”
“I was… I was desperate. It just happened. I was in control, and I needed the strength. I needed the claws.”
“You are playing with fire,” he growled. “You will get burned.”
“You haven’t told anyone, have you?” If he did, there were going to be a lot of questions from a lot of people. Heath would be in a terrible position as well, engaged to a werecat who was flirting with losing herself to the curse entirely.
“No!” Landon said quickly, grabbing both my shoulders. “Of course not! Are you insane? I’m not going to be the person who unleashes the information that makes my father consider putting a silver bullet between the eyes of the woman he’s in love with!”
