Was he implying something? No. It was just coincidence, wasn't it? Aria was a nature photographer. She'd heard about this strange animal and had gone to see it. She couldn't be a Controller. Why would a Controller complain about the treatment of animals at Frank's Safari Land?

  <0kay, Ax-man. It'll give us something to do, anyway.>

  I took a last look at my opponent. I said to him.

  We took turns, Ax and I. He used the roofs of the skyscrapers to demorph and remorph. Out of sight of curious eyes.

  All that day a red-tailed hawk and a northern harrier flew around the Hyatt Regency Hotel. When Aria went to lunch down the street, we followed. When she visited an exhibit of black-and-white photographs, I morphed to human and stayed with her.

  We followed her. Hour after hour. Waiting, watching for some contact with a known Controller. Looking for any attempt to visit the Yeerk pool hidden beneath a large part of our town.

  A Yeerk must return to the Yeerk pool every

  three days. We couldn't watch her for three days, but we could watch her for a lot of that time.

  She didn't.

  Instead, after eight hours of watching, we had seen her eat, seen her read the newspaper, seen her walk in the park, seen her return to the hotel several times and go back out again.

  No one had approached her.

  We'd learned nothing. Nothing at all, except that she seemed to enjoy her hotel room. She'd go out for a while, but return every couple of hours. She'd leave the curtains open. We could watch her, except for when she stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.

  Ax asked.

  I said.

  Ax wondered.

 

 

 

  Ax had no idea what I was talking about. But I guess he figured he'd let it go. Besides, having made her pit stop, Aria was on the move again.

  We caught up with her outside. She was walking

  quickly along the sidewalk. It was maybe three in the afternoon now. Time for us to be getting back to hook up with Jake and the others.

  And that's when it happened. A little girl broke away from her mother, turned around, and went running back into the street. A city bus was barreling straight toward her.

  I yelled out of sheer instinct.

  There was a scream from the mother. But she was too far away.

  I saw Aria's head snap around. She saw the accident about to happen. She dropped her camera and made a tackle-the-runner-on-the-two-yard-line lunge.

  She hit the girl in the back, knocked her forward, and rolled with the little girl onto the narrow concrete median strip.

  The mother came running. The little girl bellowed, but seemed okay. Aria got up and brushed herself off.

  I said.

 

  <0h, my God,> I said slowly, amazed.

  Ax agreed.

  Something in Ax's choice of words bothered

  me, but I forgot about it in the rush of emotions that followed.

  I'd been assuming this was all a trap. I'd assumed Aria was a Controller.

  But she wasn't. She was what she said she was. A human woman looking for her long-lost cousin Tobias.

  My last excuse for remaining a hawk, for refusing to become human again, was lost. Now I could have a home. Now I could have a family.

  True. All of it true.

  I could have a home. Like a human being. A home!

  I would not kill my breakfast. I would not eat roadkill. I would sleep in a bed. And Rachel would look at me without having to hide the pity in her eyes.

  I. flew to Rachel's room that night. I couldn't sleep. And I was literally starving. But the last thing I could think about was hunting.

  She'd gone to sleep early but had left the window open. I fluttered in and landed on her desk. When I realized she was asleep, I started to leave.

  "No, wait. Don't go," she said, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and sitting up. She did not turn on a light. I was relieved somehow.

  "You missed the meeting," Rachel said.

 

  Rachel tousled her hair. "Jake came up with the idea that the Yeerks would probably try to use him to trap the other free Hork-Bajir."

  "This facility the Hork-Bajir wouldn't tell you about? The one where they've been raiding to free other Hork-Bajir? Jake figures they'll take Bek there. As bait."

  <0r at least that's what Jake wants to believe^ I said resentfully.

 

  Rachel looked at me like she was going to argue. Then she kind of laughed. "Maybe. Jake has gotten more subtle. It doesn't matter. We don't have another lead. Either Bek is at this site or he's down in the Yeerk pool or he's dead. In any case, we're going in tomorrow in broad daylight. School's out for a teacher conference."

  I cringed.

  "We almost did. It's not your fault the Yeerks got him."

  I let that go. It was my fault, but there was no point in the two of us going "yes it was, no it wasn't" all night.

  I said.

  "Yeah. Ax mentioned that."

 

  Rachel climbed out of bed and came over to sit at the desk close to me. "Of course it matters, Tobias. She's family. And she wants to take care of you."

  I forced a laugh.

  "You don't have to be."

  I pretended not to know what she was talking about.

  "Tobias, you have the power to become human again. Fully human."

 

  "You can go to this woman as a human. You can be Tobias again. You can have a family. Someone around to take care of you."

  I bristled.

  Rachel jumped up suddenly. "Tobias, don't play dumb! You know what I mean. You think I don't know that you're going hungry? I can look at you and see it. Something is wrong lately. I mean, I saw you - never mind."

  My heart was in my throat. I almost screamed.
  Eat that. . . that roadkill? How is that any different than what you do?

  Or any human? You go to the supermarket

  and buy beef or pork or chicken that's been dead for weeks!>

  "I don't care that you ate roadkill. Stop being an idiot! I care about you. And when I see you doing that, I know things are going wrong for you. But you're off in your own little hawk world and no one is allowed to help you. You'd rather starve than ask for help. You can't ever admit that your life may suck because then you'll feel weak."

  I snapped.

  "You're a hawk?" Rachel sneered. "You talk, Tobias. You read. You have emotions. Those are human things, not hawk things."

 

  "That's just stupid," Rachel said angrily. "It doesn't even make sense. You know what? You have to make a choice, Tobias. You can be a hawk. But

  you will never, ever, not in a million years, be a pure, true hawk. If you want to stay a hawk you'll be like you are now: confused, conflicted,

  torn up inside, never knowing what you really are. Or... or you can be human again. All human. You can live with the Aria woman and eat at the table and sleep in a bed."

  I said.

  "You wouldn't lose me," Rachel said.

  For a long while neither of us spoke. Then Rachel, in a whisper, said,

  "What am I supposed to do, Tobias? I'm a girl. You're a bird. This is way past Romeo and Juliet, Montagues and Capulets. This isn't Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio coming from different social groups or whatever. It's not like you're black and I'm white like Cassie and Jake. No one but a moron cares about that. We are ... we can't hold hands, Tobias. We can't dance. We can't go to a movie together."

 

  "One more change, Tobias. Back to human. You'd be free of this stupid war and free of all the danger of living as a hawk. I wouldn't have to worry about you anymore."

  I couldn't take anymore. I just couldn't. It was too much. I felt like I'd explode if I didn't get

  away from her. I couldn't be that near to her... couldn't.

  I turned and prepared to fly.

  "Tobias. It's tomorrow, by the way. Your birthday. I had Marco hack into the school records. It's tomorrow you have to see the lawyer and Aria. Whatever happens there - whatever you decide - come see me afterward, okay? Maybe we can have a cake with a candle."

  I spread my wings and flew away.

  I. didn't sleep a lot that night. Talking to Rachel had not exactly made me feel peaceful.

  In the morning, in a couple of hours, we would all go to the Hork-Bajir. I would ask them where the secret Yeerk facility was. We would tell them that's where the Yeerks had Bek. Maybe that would even be the truth.

  There would be a battle. Maybe we'd survive and maybe not.

  And then I would have a different battle to fight. One with myself.

  Human or hawk? What was I?

  I sat in my tree and clutched my perch and stared out across the meadow. The hunger was terrible now. Terrible enough to leave me weak. If

  I didn't eat I would not have the strength to fly to the Hork-Bajir. I would not make it to the battle.

  Was that so important? Hadn't I done enough? Hadn't I paid a high enough price?

  I could morph to human. Stay human. Eat as a human. No fighting over territory, no fighting Yeerks.

  And I would still have Rachel.

  Such a simple decision. So easy. Any fool knew the answer. Be human! Be human!

  I spotted the slight movement of grass in the dim predawn light. The rabbit coming out to feed. So cautious now. She'd lost one baby.

  Then I saw the other hawk. He was waiting, he was watching me. And I knew right then today was the day. He could see my weakness. He knew he could take me.

  I began to shake. To tremble. Some combination of hunger and fear and emotions too numerous to list.

  I saw the rabbits clearly. They were mine for the taking. But I knew the terrible vision that awaited me. I knew that as I descended on my prey I would become that prey.

  It was the human in me. I had to fight it! If I wanted to be a hawk, I had to destroy the part of me that felt, the part of me that cried for the creatures I killed. No predator could feel for his

  prey. I could not allow myself to feel the terror I inflicted, feel the pain I caused.

  I told the other hawk.

  I fluttered to the ground. And I began to morph.

  Morph to human!

  No. Not yet, I told myself. The others are counting on me still. The Hork-Bajir are counting on me. Later. After the battle. Then I can morph to human and go to Aria.

  I flapped my wings and rose into the air. I needed food and I had seen a cat killed by a passing car. Just this one last time. Then I would put it all behind me.

  One last time, picking the dead animal flesh from the pavement. One last humiliation, one last battle, and I would be done forever.

  It was my birthday, after all. A good day to be reborn.

  I found the cat. I ate as much of it as I could hold.

  We, the Animorphs, stood before the free Hork-Bajir. I rested on a low branch and did the talking. I told them about our failed rescue attempt. I explained our guess that Bek was at whatever facility the Hork-Bajir had been raiding. "A trap," Toby said.

 

  "And you want to step into that trap, anyway?"

 

  Toby considered this for a moment. Even now it was weird talking to a Hork-Bajir who could

  think and speak on my level. And maybe a little over my level at times.

  "We will go with you," Toby said.

  "No, no," Jake said. "We work alone. Besides, we're just going to grab one little Hork-Bajir. We don't need a whole army."

  Toby said, "This is a trap. But it is a trap because the Yeerks expect us to come after Bek. We must do the unexpected. We must surprise them even as we step into their trap."

  I looked at Jake. Jake raised an eyebrow at me in surprise.

  I said to Jake in private thought-speak.

  "The Yeerks expect a rescue mission. Or at worst, a raid like the ones we have carried out: stealthy, in and out, quickly disappearing into the forest," Toby explained.

  "What do you want instead?" Jake asked her.

  Toby got a hard look in her eyes. "Attack! Destroy the entire facility. Even if it means destroying other Hork-Bajir. Even if it means losing Bek."

  Even I was shocked.

  She smiled grimly. "The Yeerks must not be allowed to think that they can use hostages against us."

  "Aren't you kind of missing the point?" Cassie said quietly. "I thought the point was to save Bek."

  "No," Toby said. "The point is to defeat the Yeerks. We must be strong. Once we free a Hork-Bajir, he must never be taken again."

  "Do you think the Yeerks will respect you? They won't. They'll come after you harder," Cassie pointed out.

  Toby nodded. "That is true. But the Hork-Bajir will respect themselves. A fool is strong so that others will see. A wise person is strong for himself. The Hork-Bajir will be strong for the Hork-Bajir. That way, when the Yeerks are all gone, we will still be strong."

  "Fair enough," Jake said.

  Marco stepped forward and jerked his thumb at Rachel. "Toby, meet Rachel. You two can visit the psychiatrist together."

  "She's right," Rachel said. "Someone pushes you, you push back. Doesn't matter who it is. You have to make the other guy pay a price."

  Cassie rolled her eyes. "That's like a perfect rationalization for gang warfare."

  "World War Two," Rachel shot back. "The Nazis push, you push back. If you don't, they kill you anyway."

  "Northern Ireland? The Middle East?" Cassie said.

  Marco said, "They shend one of yoursh to the hoshpital, you shend one of theirsh to the morgue. That's the Chicago way."

  Cassie and Rachel both just stared at him.

  "Sean Connery in The Untouchables," he said, disbelieving. "C'mon, don't you people have cable?"

  "Ah, Sean Connery. I thought you were doing Urkel," Cassie teased.

  "Marco is Urkel," Rachel said.

  It took Toby just minutes to assemble the Hork-Bajir. Ten of them ended up coming with us. More would have come but we insisted some be left behind. Just in case.

 

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