Strictly Love, page 25
Nothing to worry about. How he wished that were true.
Emily was out with Ffion. She'd had two invitations that day, and had blown Ffion out to begin with, but Charlie's party had been so boring, even Katie had suggested she'd better leave. So, finding herself at a loose end, she had decided to drive up to town and go to the club where Ffion was strutting her funky stuff. Emily didn't feel like going, particularly, but it beat sitting at home on her own on a Saturday night, staring at four walls.
It was ages since she'd been out in town, and normally when she came to these things she'd had a fair amount to drink. Ffion was clearly well on her way when Emily arrived.
‘Hey, Ems,’ said Ffion, giving Emily a huge hug. ‘Come and join the party.’
The party included several people that Ffion worked with, and, Emily noticed with a sickening shock, Callum. He affected not to notice her at first, but eventually he looked up and said, ‘Hey babe,’ before pulling Ffion onto his lap and proceeding to snog her face off.
That was one way of being put in her place, she thought, and she perched reluctantly at the end of the table. Thankfully, just seeing Callum again was enough to make her realise she wasn't missing anything. Ffion was welcome to him.
The talk quickly turned to Jasmine Symonds, who was doing a stonking impression of someone who had managed to pull a rabbit out of a bag. Her guest spot on Love Shack was turning out to be inspired, as people were apparently tuning in night after night to hear her talk about the ‘trauma’ of being abused by her dentist – she had actually used the word ‘abused’. Emily couldn't believe it.
‘He only took her tooth out,’ said Emily. ‘And it was rotten.’
‘Whose side are you on?’ asked Ffion. ‘That dentist sounds a right shifty sod. He had it coming, I reckon.’
The consensus round the table was fairly united. Between them, they appeared to have read and believed unquestioningly every piece of tittle-tattle about Mark. It made Emily feel inordinately depressed. Maybe a lonely night in on her own would have been a better option.
‘What are you doing here?’ Rob felt he was being rude, but he was shocked to say the least. Katie was the last person he'd expected to see.
‘Can I come in?’ She looked dishevelled and slightly wild. There was something in her eyes that made him shiver. And not in a good way.
‘Yes, of course,’ said Rob. ‘Are you all right? Only you look a bit upset.’
‘Upset? Upset? Ha. Yes, you could say that.’ Katie's voice didn't sound right either, there was a note of rising hysteria in it that Rob recognised from his years of dealing with the various strops of teenage girls.
‘What happened?’ he asked gently as he sat her down on the sofa. Clearly something was badly wrong.
Katie sat very still for a moment, and then she burst out laughing. But it wasn't a normal laugh, it was a horrible parody of a laugh. A laugh that sounded hollow, without mirth. A laugh that smacked of desperate sadness.
‘Katie!’ Rob was shocked, wondering whether she needed a slap on the cheek to bring her out of it, then he suddenly realised the laughter had given way to tears, and then she was sobbing in his arms.
‘Is it the kids?’ he conjectured, wondering what on earth could have provoked this response. ‘Or Charlie?’
‘The kids are fine,’ hiccoughed Katie, ‘it's Charlie. He's – oh god, I don't know how to say it – if it wasn't so awful it would be funny.’ She took a deep breath before continuing. ‘I thought he was having an affair, you see. And he is, I think. Well, I don't know. Maybe he isn't.’
‘Katie, you're not making a whole lot of sense,’ said Rob, stroking her hair gently.
‘I know,’ said Katie, ‘that's because this doesn't make sense to me. At all.’
‘What doesn't?’
‘Charlie's gay,’ said Katie.
‘Expect the unexpected,’ said Rob, and whistled slowly. He sat in silence for a few moments, before saying, ‘Bloody hell. You're not joking, are you?’
‘I wish I was,’ said Katie. ‘I feel like I'm stuck in a very bad dream. I mean, how could I not have known? It's not as though we‘ve never had sex. We‘ve got three kids, for fuck's sake. How can he possibly be gay?’
‘Were there no signs at all?’ Rob chose his words carefully. This was the sort of thing you read about in the papers. You didn't expect it to happen to people you actually knew.
Katie sighed. ‘I don't know,’ she said. ‘Though, to be honest, we never had the greatest of sex lives. Sorry. Too much information. I thought it didn't matter, as we were happy in the beginning. Or, at least, I was …’
Her voice trailed off.
‘I've been kidding myself that everything was okay. I was so determined that my marriage was going to be perfect in a way my parents' wasn't, and now look at me.’
‘It's not your fault,’ said Rob. He hugged her tightly.
‘Isn't it?’ Katie asked. ‘I think I got so caught up in trying to create the perfect life that I forgot to live a normal one. Any sensible person would have faced up to the truth eons ago.’
‘But they wouldn't be you, though, would they?’ said Rob. ‘What I love about you is your integrity and strength of purpose. You gave it your best shot; it's not your fault you failed.’
Katie looked at Rob wonderingly, as if seeing him for the first time.
‘You're right,’ she said. ‘It's not. And now we can stop pretending, can't we? There's nothing to hold us back.’
She lunged towards him, taking him unawares.
‘Woah, Katie,’ he said, dodging her kiss. ‘This isn't the time or the place.’
‘Of course it is,’ said Katie. ‘I was being loyal to Charlie before. I don't have to be any more.’
Rob couldn't believe it. If anyone had told him he'd turn down the woman he loved, he wouldn't have thought it possible. But he was going to. He had to.
‘Katie,’ Rob said, ‘I have feelings for you. I won't pretend I don't. But you're in shock. And you have a lot of stuff to sort out. I can't believe I'm saying this, but now is not the right time for a quick fling with me.’
‘But –’ Katie looked so shattered he felt utterly lousy, but her vulnerability made him sure that he was right.
‘But nothing,’ he said. He brushed his lips across the top of her head. ‘Right now, I think you need to get home and sort yourself out. I'll be here if you need me. And I'll do my very best to be a good friend to you. But that's all I can be for now. When the time is right, well, then we'll know.’
‘Oh Rob,’ said Katie, bursting into tears again, ‘why does life have to be so complicated?’
He held her close against him, loving the feel of her in his arms, but knowing she couldn't stay there.
‘I wish I knew,’ he said sadly. ‘I only wish I knew.’
Chapter Twenty-nine
Emily sat at her desk staring at Mark's file. The case wouldn't make it to court till after Christmas, but she'd been charged with the task of following up witness statements. The general consensus in the office was that Mark was guilty as hell. Despite being lawyers, who you might have thought would have looked at the thing with more scrutiny, Mark's appearance in the Sun had been enough to convince them, too, that he had broken Jasmine's trust. The trouble with this job, Emily reflected, was that everyone you met was on the make, trying to get something for nothing. It made you cynical, so that when you did meet someone like Mark, who really was straight as a die, you tended to distrust them and not believe they were genuine.
Emily was scouring through the papers to try to find something, anything, which would work in Mark's favour. Maybe if she could find something to make the case collapse she could extricate herself from the mess she had found herself in, not lose her job, and regain Mark to boot. The only thing was, she would have to be incredibly subtle and make it look as though she wasn't sabotaging the case deliberately, otherwise Mel might just get rid of her anyway. Jasmine's star was firmly in the ascendant at the moment – if they won her case then others might beat a path to their door. If they lost it could only harm the company
– unless they lost in such a way that Emily could make it look as if they were acting with integrity.
Something was nagging at the back of her mind. Something Ffion had muttered on Saturday about it not really mattering anyway if Mark was guilty, because someone at his surgery was.
Why should it not matter? Maybe Mark was right and he had been set up. Emily decided it might be time she rekindled her friendship with Ffion. Perhaps there were things Ffion knew that the PR company weren't too keen to pass on to their lawyers. Emily knew Ffion of old. She could be incredibly indiscreet. Shove a few vodkas down her neck and it might not be too hard to get her to come up with some hard facts. At least, Emily thought, then she'd feel she was doing something for Mark.
‘Katie, you cannot go on like this.’ Katie's mum had called round for the third day running to find Katie sitting in turmoil, with beds unmade, floors unswept, and Molly crawling happily through the chaos.
Katie tried to rouse herself out of her stupor. She couldn't even manage to drum up any irritation at her mother for being so absolutely appallingly right. Ever since she'd got back from Rob's on Saturday – he had insisted on driving her home in her car and making sure she sat down and told her mother everything that had happened – she had been in the same stunned state. Charlie had been home once, briefly, to pick up some things, but she hadn't seen him since. For all she knew he'd gone back to Amsterdam. The kids were so used to his absences that thankfully they hadn't picked up yet that their dad had gone. How the bloody hell was she going to explain it to them? How could George, in particular, cope with having a dad who was gay? Kids could be so cruel to each other. She could imagine Mandy Allwick's son having a field day when he found out.
‘Sorry,’ she said to her mum with a wan smile. ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’
‘I'll make it,’ said her mother firmly. ‘And then we're going to tackle this mess. You'll feel better when you're not living in squalor.’
‘Says the woman who never ever cleans,’ protested Katie. She almost smiled for a moment, before the dull toxic ache that had been residing in her stomach for the past few days returned. What was she going to do?
‘Now,’ said her mother, returning with the tea. ‘You need to start thinking about your position. I could put you in touch with the lawyers who dealt with your dad's and my divorce if you like. They were very good.’
‘Yes, weren't they?’ The bitterness of Katie's response was a shock to her. It was a new feeling to actually say what she was thinking.
‘That's better.’ Her mother's placidity was infuriating. ‘I thought you must still be pretty angry with me. You shouldn't bottle your feelings up, you know.’
‘I'll bottle my feelings up if I want to,’ said Katie.
‘Yes, and look where it's got you,’ her mum replied.
‘That's unfair,’ said Katie. ‘I had no idea that Charlie was gay. Up until recently we‘ve never had any problems.’
‘Oh, Katie, is that really true?’ Her mum looked at her with great sadness.
Katie was shocked.
‘How did you know?’ she whispered.
‘I'm your mum,’ was the answer. ‘I've always known. You were such a solemn little child, so brave. Always. You never cried about anything. But it didn't stop me from seeing when you were hurting. I'm sure it's the same for you with the boys.’
It was true. Katie did know when they were upset and not telling her things. It had just never occurred to her that her own mother, who had always seemed so distant, felt the same way about her.
‘I knew Charlie was wrong for you from the start,’ said her mum, ‘but you wouldn't be told.’
It was true, Katie's mum had said the first time she'd met Charlie that she didn't think he was right for Katie. But Katie had still been grieving about her dad, and angry with her mum, and hadn't listened.
‘I think,’ said Katie slowly, ‘that I may have fallen for Charlie on the rebound. I was so devastated by losing Dad, and he was so kind and thoughtful. I muddled up love with something else. Then, as time went on, the children came along, and, well, by then it was too late. I couldn't get out of it. I knew it was wrong, but I kept kidding myself I could put it right.’
‘I know,’ said her mum. ‘And I do understand. I was the same with your father.’
‘What?’ asked Katie. ‘But you were the one who pushed for a divorce.’
‘I did in the end,’ said her mum. ‘But only because he'd pushed me too far. I did what you did. I threw myself into work and pretended it was all fine. But it wasn't. I loved him dearly, you know, but it wasn't in his nature to be faithful.’
Katie sputtered into her tea.
‘Dad was unfaithful – how – why? How come I didn't know?’
‘Yes, constantly,’ said her mum. ‘And you didn't know because I didn't want you to know. You adored your dad and it would have broken your heart. I would have probably told you eventually, but then he died and …’ Her voice tailed off. ‘I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said all that, not with what you've just been through.’
Katie's head was whirling. First Charlie. Now her dad. Had nothing in her whole life been real?
‘No, Mum,’ said Katie, ‘I'm the one who should be sorry. I've been condemning you for all these years, when I had no right to.’
‘If I'd told you the truth you wouldn't have had to,’ her mum said. ‘It's just once a lie is in place it's incredibly hard to unpick it.’
‘Maybe that's how Charlie's feeling,’ said Katie. ‘Perhaps I should give him a chance to explain himself.’
‘Perhaps you should,’ her mum agreed. ‘He is the father of your children, and whatever's between you shouldn't affect them.’
‘I suppose not,’ said Katie. ‘But it's not going to be easy.’
‘No, it's not, but things will get better, you'll see,’ her mum assured her. ‘Come on, let's get cracking on the pigsty.’
Rob was attending another meeting for the team-building course. Mr Muscles had got up and done another run-through about basic health and safety. Compared to the lack of care taken when Rob had gone to Wales it sounded like the chance of something going wrong was about one in a million. While Rob was clear that what had happened in Wales had been a result of incompetence and too little attention to health and safety, he couldn't help feeling that things had swung too far the other way. Today's children seemed to be wrapped up in cotton wool.
In fact, it was, he felt, rather ironic, that while the pupils he taught, and no doubt the ones at Gemma's school too, were ridiculously mollycoddled, and health and safety was constantly being used as an excuse for cancelling sporting events, when they did have a chance to go away with the school, it was highly likely they'd do an activity that was absurdly dangerous, like potholing. Fortunately there was no potholing to be done around here. Rob hated confined spaces, and didn't think he'd be all that good at scrambling into caves anyway. He had been to the local gym and reacquainted himself with the climbing wall, though. It hadn't felt too hard, and if Mr Muscles was right, the children were going to have so much safety equipment on that no one was likely to be in any danger.
He tuned out Mr Muscles’ monotone and started thinking about Katie. She had preoccupied his thoughts constantly since Saturday. Not wanting to crowd her, or to give her the wrong idea, he'd rung just once to see how she was. It was all he could do not to ring her every day, and it had taken all his self-control not to respond to her fumbled kiss. But he had seen the shock in her eyes. She was in no fit state to enter a new relationship, whatever she said, not while the fallout from her current relationship was still rocking her.
Charlie was gay. Well, that was one he hadn't seen coming. He'd thought, on that brief occasion when they'd met, that Charlie had seemed uninterested in Katie, but Rob had put it down to usual married blues. What with Mark's private life being splashed over the papers, Rob was beginning to feel he'd entered a weird parallel universe inhabited by characters whose rightful pride of place should be the Jeremy Kyle Show.
‘Well, that just about wraps it up for the evening.’ Mr Muscles was finishing his talk. Rob had taken scarcely any notes, he'd better crib the rest off Jen, he supposed. ‘Any questions?’
Apart from a very earnest English teacher who seemed to be rather terrified about the prospect of kayaking and so wanted to know more about all the issues Mr Muscles had covered, no one had much to say. So it was with relief that Rob sloped off for a quick pint in the Hookers. On his way, he'd ring Katie to see how she was. Two phone calls in a week. That wasn't overdoing it.
‘This is a good spot,’ said Mark as he started unloading the car. The campsite he'd found was on top of a hill overlooking Poole harbour. The views were pretty stunning, and they'd arrived early enough to get a good pitch. Gemma had bitched all the way about wanting to go to Majorca, like they'd done a couple of years previously, until Mark had bitten her head off and said, ‘That was then, this is now.’ Gemma had then promptly retreated into a sulky silence and spent the entire journey sending text messages to her friends, no doubt along the lines of what a sad loser of a dad she had. Beth, meanwhile, had asked if they were nearly there yet about half an hour after leaving the house, and continued to ask at half-hourly intervals. It was enough to try the patient of a saint.
But at least they were here. Mark loved the outdoor life and was looking forward to a week's camping. Sam hadn't been keen on it at all, and one of the benefits of the split had been taking the girls away at regular intervals. Normally they enjoyed it, but Gemma was determined to spoil today. She moaned about putting the tent up, that her air-bed was too lumpy, and that she hated being outdoors, till in the end Mark lost patience and shouted at her. Beth promptly burst into tears, and so guilt drove Mark to promise McDonald's. They were probably hungry. He'd forgotten to feed them en route, something he was always getting in a tangle with. He'd forget about food, their blood sugar would drop and then tempers would end up flaring. His mother (who generally was noncommittal about advice) was constantly telling him that he should remember they needed feeding at regular intervals.
