Fated Memories, page 18
***
Kitty didn’t make it back to the room until after dark and found Maggie up and pacing. Her arms flailed about as she scolded her. “Where have you been? You had me so worried. I had visions of you being held hostage in a linen closet somewhere being gang-raped by twenty men named John. I thought of going to look for you until I realized I don’t even know where the prisoner ward is and I’d only wind up getting lost myself. Don’t do that to me again.”
Kitty understood the memory of the abuse she’d received at Leahy’s hand haunted her. She didn’t mean to trivialize her concern, but the cloud she floated on kept her from mustering a serious apology. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry, I stayed at the hospital talking to one of the patients and time just flew by.” Deciding her uniform was still wearable another day, Kitty hung it in the little closet they shared. “I wish you could meet him Mags, he’s so good-looking and has the most gorgeous blue eyes, and he’s a great conversationalist too.” She filled the wash basin from the pitcher of water and picked up the bar of lavender soap to wash her hands and face. “Oh, and get this, his father is this bigwig with a Southern railroad and, when I mentioned I’d met Jerome Brunswick from the Pennsylvania Railroad Line, he said they’d been family friends for years.” Still miffed, Maggie slapped the clean towel into Kitty’s hand. “Anyway, he’s so smart he kept me on my toes the whole time, challenging everything I said, and when he told me he’d heard me telling myself that he’s probably already married when I thought he’d fallen asleep, I got so nervous I had to stay because if I tried to leave I’d trip over my own feet and then the strangest thing happened…”
“Stop talking for crap’s sake, you’re going so fast I can’t keep up with you. Wait a minute.” Her fingers dug into Kitty’s arm. “Oh my God Kit, are you telling me you’re falling for a Confederate prisoner of war?”
“Ow! Stop. No, I didn’t say that.” Kitty pulled her arm away and sat on the bed to brush out her hair.
Maggie stood over her with her hands on her hips. “No you didn’t use those words, but that flow of oral diarrhea you released said it for you. I know you Kitty Trausch, and you don’t get worked up like this over just anybody. You should see your face! I’ve never seen you so ecstatic.” She sat next to her on the bed, her hand resting on Kitty’s knee. “Honey, sure these things sometimes hit out of the blue, but do you think this is such a good idea?”
Kitty put the brush down and turned to face her. “Mags, I am not in love with this man. It’s just that he put me at ease so fast and had me smiling and laughing and when our hands met, I felt this tiny electric shock, you know, like when you turn a door knob after you’ve been shuffling your feet on a carpet, and when he said he’d felt it too before I’d even said anything, it surprised me because, obviously, I’d touched him before when he was too doped up to realize it and, I don’t know, maybe I focused too much on caring for his wound then, but it seemed important to him to tell me that he isn’t married and… shit. Shit, shit, shit.”
“Uh huh, just as I thought.”
“Trust me Mags, I would never do anything to jeopardize our safety. I don’t know, it might be that he’s playing me thinking he’d get me to help him. But I sure as hell don’t want to be stood in front of a firing squad for being the idiot nurse duped into setting a prisoner of war free.”
“Good, remember that. It’s bad enough I have to worry about Simon getting shot, I don’t want to be worried about losing you, too.”
“You’re right. I’ll try to keep my distance as much as possible before I get in too deep. In any case, it doesn’t matter. The chances of him being around much longer are slim. He’s healing so well now, I’ll bet the doctor will discharge him soon and he’ll be sent off to some POW camp or something and I’ll never see him again.” Although that statement placated Maggie, Kitty’s heart sank with the reality of what she’d said.
***
When Doctor Gallagher sought her out on the ward the next day, Kitty assumed her words had been prophetic.
“Nurse Trausch is it?”
“Yes sir.”
“The captain’s wound has made remarkable progress, but I’m concerned about his pain level and I’m not happy with the way he’s breathing. He may have residual fluid in that lung that I’ll have to reduce. I want you to check his breathing and heart rate at least every two hours and send for me if his condition changes, understand? And I want every one of your findings recorded in this log. You’re lack of documentation is making my job harder and risking the patients’ lives.”
“Yes sir.” His words were crystal clear. They meant she couldn’t avoid being near him and that her efforts to save his life may have been for nothing. And that she was a terrible secretary.
After retrieving the wooden tube with the flared bottom that passed for a stethoscope, Kitty headed for Sam’s room asking Foster to go to the medicine room and bring her the morphine. If she had to be close to him, she’d at least have someone else in the room to help keep it on a professional level. She would not let him get under her skin and trick her into doing something stupid.
“Good morning Sam, Doctor Gallagher tells me you’re worse today. I’m going to listen to your heart and breathing and give you a dose of morphine if you’re still in pain, okay?”
“Yes, thank you, Catherine.”
His voice sounded very raspy and his breathing more labored than it had been last evening. The sudden overnight change surprised her. Kitty hoped their little laugh fest hadn’t caused this. Just baring his chest to use the stethoscope sent butterflies to her stomach, and she had to concentrate to keep her facial expression from giving that away. His heartbeat sounded strong and even a little fast. Or was that hers? And though she couldn’t hear any rattling in his lungs, it might have been her lack of experience or training, or maybe his lungs actually were clear.
Kitty sat back in the chair with the stethoscope on her lap, confused. “I don’t hear any unusual sounds in your chest Sam, how do you feel? Are you in more pain today?”
Sam signaled Foster to come closer. “Sir, do you mind leaving the room for a moment? I have something of a personal nature to discuss with my nurse.”
Embarrassed, Foster looked to her for approval, then made a hasty exit.
After Foster left, Sam reached for Kitty’s hand, smiled with a devilish sparkle in his eyes, and spoke in a soft normal tone. “I learned this morning I’m to be paroled, sent home. It’d only take a few days for the paperwork to be processed so, during that time, I’d be confined to quarters. But, if I still needed medical care, I’d stay here in the hospital until the doctor released me.” He met Kitty’s eyes with a sheepish look as he turned her hand over in his. “I made myself sound sicker than I am so the doctor would keep me here longer and I could still be near you.” Seeing the surprise in her eyes, he talked faster. “Catherine, I realize we’ve only just met and the circumstances are not the least bit ideal, but I really enjoy your company and I want to continue spending time with you. That is, if it’s okay with you.”
“Well, that’s a relief. For a moment I thought I was losing you. I mean, that you were getting sick again.” Be careful, Trausch. “What you said is sweet, but I’m not sure how wise it is. Just now the doctor told me he might have to open you up to relieve the fluid pressure in your lung if your breathing doesn’t improve and, trust me, you don’t want him poking around in there if it isn’t necessary.”
“You could tell him my recovery has slowed. It might give us time to become better acquainted. Look, I understand I can’t prolong it forever, but I hoped we’d have even a little more time together.” He reached up and caressed her cheek with his thumb. “Catherine, last night I thought I felt something starting between us. Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you want me to leave and I’ll go.”
She didn’t want to, but she needed to tell him to go. He was a Confederate prisoner of war for Christ’s sake. No way could she get into a relationship with him. At least being paroled was a good thing, he didn’t need her to help him escape, but how could they be together? Staying here wasn’t an option, and no way was she leaving Maggie. Especially with her being pregnant and alone. Why does everything have to be so damn difficult? Kitty pressed his hand closer on her cheek. “My heart wants you to stay Sam, but my brain says to let you go. Our lives are going in different directions. Yours is taking you home.” Home, her voice caught on that word. “And I need to stay here. Maggie and Simon are my family now and I can’t leave them. I’m afraid there’s no hope for a future for us. And I need that hope, Sam.”
“Perhaps if we give it a chance, we may decide to go home together to the same place, whether it be yours or mine, it doesn’t matter. Or we can choose a different place altogether where we can start a new home. Regardless, it’s too soon for either of us to make any promises, but there’s always hope for a future, Catherine.”
“Wow, I can see I’ll have to step up my game if I’m going to argue with you. Listen, there’s too much I can’t tell you right now and I have to go see to the other patients. I’ll be back later though and we can talk more, okay?”
“I’ll look forward to it.” He kissed her hand as he let her go, making the butterflies in her stomach behave like Chinese acrobats.
Kitty spent the rest of the morning doing her usual medication and wound care rounds. The patient with the shoulder amputation required an extensive dressing change that took a lot of time. She only popped her head in to Sam now and then to make sure everything was status quo there and to fudge a few lines in the log for Doctor Gallagher to see.
The whole time she worked Kitty mulled over what Sam had said. Lost in this Land of Oz, Maggie and Simon were her only family. They were the only remnants of the life that this anomaly stole from her. She could never leave them. But Sam did say he’d go wherever she wanted. He could come with them to Harrisburg. With Simon? Simon’s been fighting the Confederates, what would he do if she brought one home? And what if he and Maggie figured out a way to go back to our time? What would she do with Sam?
***
Kitty waited on pins and needles for their after dinner break so she could get advice from Maggie on how to handle her dilemma.
As soon as they sat on the bench, a flurry of sea birds gathered around them waiting for their hard tack crumbs. At least the cement-like crackers were good for something. “Are you serious? You want to tell him where we’re from?” Maggie’s eyes flew open in shock when Kitty broached the subject.
“I don’t know, Mags, that’s what I wanted to discuss with you. Right now there’s an infatuation between us, that’s all I’ll say. But I’m sure he’d see right through it if I lied and said I wasn’t attracted to him. I mean, my God, just being around him takes my breath away. So I feel this obligation to be honest with him, now, before things go any further, and when he decides that I’m out of mind and it scares him away, I won’t have wasted our time. I’m just afraid that if I don’t do or say something, I may get in too deep and then, when he learns the truth, I’ll be left with a broken heart.”
Maggie dumped a large handful of crumbs on the ground to keep the birds busy for a few minutes. Worried, she turned and made Kitty look her in the eye. “Are you serious? Kitty, you hardly know this man. Is it worth exposing yourself to him? I mean, what if he tells somebody and they lock you up in a loony bin somewhere? Or worse yet, what if he decides he doesn’t care how crazy you are and he still wants you or even that he believes you? What will you do? Will you leave with him?”
“No! You and Simon are the only family I have left; I can’t leave you. If any more family dwindles away, whatever shred of sanity I have left will disappear as well. No, you guys are stuck with me, whether you like it or not.” Kitty leaned forward with her elbows on her knees gazing at the ground. “You’re right as always. I should let him go. But I don’t want to Mags.”
Maggie paused for a moment caressing Kitty’s back. “Because you’re in love with him, honey, aren’t you?”
She nodded her head, sighing. “Remember what you said about Simon? How you knew right away in your heart that he was the right one for you? Even when you weren’t sure he felt the same way? Couldn’t it be possible that Sam’s the right one for me? With all the insane things that have happened to us over the last year, couldn’t this just be one more? What if coming here in the first place was our fate all along and I was supposed to meet him? Simon had a dream about being rescued from a flood and it happened to him here, maybe this is one more thing that’s supposed to happen.”
Maggie’s arm drew her closer, and she kissed the side of her head. “Maybe, honey, but that’s a lot of what if’s. My mom used to tell me when I was a kid that if something’s supposed to happen, it will. Don’t worry, I’ll support whatever decision you make.”
They sat that way for a long time, Maggie’s arm around Kitty, her head on Kitty’s shoulder, watching the afternoon light dancing on the waves in the bay. As usual Maggie had it right without even having to say it. Kitty’s heart just didn’t want to accept the truth of it.
***
Kitty pretended to listen to the men’s stories of home, going over in her mind what to say later to Sam and tried to anticipate his reaction and questions. She ached to tell him her life story, who she really was, about her parents, her friends. If any shred of hope existed that they could be together, it had to be with complete honesty. This wasn’t something you spring on a person ten years down the road, ‘Oh, by the way, honey, the reason I already know so much about what’s going to happen in the future, is because I read it in the history books.’
She couldn’t sugarcoat it to make her story more believable. How long did it take her or any of them to believe that they had, in fact, travelled back in time? Without any way to prove it… prove it… wait, she did have a couple of remnants of her life hidden away that might do the trick. Kitty excused herself from the ward, leaving the attendants in charge and hightailed it to her quarters.
***
By the time Kitty made it to Sam’s room, her head was ready to explode. Even so, she was determined to make a stand right then and dive in with both feet, regardless of the consequences. The smile on his face as she entered the room warmed her, and she almost changed her mind. She didn’t want to scare him away. She wanted to keep this moment, right then when he still thought of her as a sane and desirable woman, forever locked in time.
Kitty sat in the chair next to his bed, using the stethoscope to listen to his heart as a distraction. “How are you this afternoon?”
“Better now that you’re here. I began to wonder if I’d scared you away with the things I said this morning. Have you given it any more consideration? I’ve been hoping that your heart won the argument with your brain and you’re here to tell me you want me to stay.” The hope she saw in his face gave her the courage to continue. She couldn’t lie to him.
This time she took his hand, so rough and calloused from years of hard work. Kitty took the little container of lotion she kept in her apron pocket to keep her own hands from drying out, and massaged the softening liquid into his, giving her time to think how to respond.
“Remember when I said there were a lot of things I needed to tell you?”
His face fell by a mile and he withdrew his hand from hers. “You’re the one who’s married aren’t you?”
“No, no I’m not married. I never have been. Remember, I told you, it’s my, um, brother who’s off fighting? I’m waiting here with Maggie, his wife.” In her nervousness she’d fallen back on the familiar half-truth.
“Oh, I see.” His expression didn’t change. He sat staring at the wall waiting for her to continue and drop the other shoe.
Still edgy, she peeked outside the door to be sure they couldn’t be overheard. When she returned this time, she sat on the bed to be closer to him. Continuing in a low voice, Kitty felt the blood rush to her face as she poured out her heart.
After several false starts and rambling explanations, and several sniffling nose blows, the whole story of how the three of them had come to be in this place, at this time, unfolded. As she purged her conscience of the lies and half-truths, regardless of whether he believed her or not, it took a weight off her shoulders that she didn’t even realize she’d been carrying.
Though Sam’s passive face never changed, he broke the silence after a long awkward moment. “That’s a lot to take in. Is any of what you said even possible?”
Kitty pulled the first of her treasured items out of her pocket and put it into his hand. The battery in the cell phone had died long ago from Kitty’s tearful agonizing over the photos of her parents and friends. But no one in the nineteenth century had ever touched plastic. As Sam moved his fingers over the strange object, Kitty explained the communication device and how people used it. When he looked up at her, his narrowed eyes showed what? Fear? Disbelief? She couldn’t tell.
The key fob from her mom’s BMW was her last piece of evidence. She pointed out the little engraving of the car with the trunk open and attempted to explain the most common mode of transportation from her former life. In doing so, she realized how little she knew about cars.
“You control the speed with your feet and steer with your hands.” That summed it up.
Sam’s gaze remained on the strange artifacts in his hand. “If you came here by accident, as you said, how will you get back?”
Kitty’s strangled sobs threatened to break loose at this question. “I don’t know, Sam, but if we do find a way, we’re going. This isn’t our time and we can’t stay here.”
“So, being from a future time, you’ve already seen the outcome of this war?”
“Yes. There are many bloody battles yet to come and many people on both sides will die. It’s good that they granted you parole Sam, please don’t fight anymore, the cost is way too high.”
Sam took a deep breath, started to speak then paused, passing the phone and key back to Kitty. “Catherine, I think if you truly wanted me to leave, you could say so without tears and without making up such a crazy story. Though, I have to admit, you do make it sound very convincing. So rather than appeal to your logic, I’ll appeal to your heart. I’m not sure how long they’ll let me stay, but I can tell you I will treasure every moment you spend with me for all my days.”
Kitty didn’t make it back to the room until after dark and found Maggie up and pacing. Her arms flailed about as she scolded her. “Where have you been? You had me so worried. I had visions of you being held hostage in a linen closet somewhere being gang-raped by twenty men named John. I thought of going to look for you until I realized I don’t even know where the prisoner ward is and I’d only wind up getting lost myself. Don’t do that to me again.”
Kitty understood the memory of the abuse she’d received at Leahy’s hand haunted her. She didn’t mean to trivialize her concern, but the cloud she floated on kept her from mustering a serious apology. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry, I stayed at the hospital talking to one of the patients and time just flew by.” Deciding her uniform was still wearable another day, Kitty hung it in the little closet they shared. “I wish you could meet him Mags, he’s so good-looking and has the most gorgeous blue eyes, and he’s a great conversationalist too.” She filled the wash basin from the pitcher of water and picked up the bar of lavender soap to wash her hands and face. “Oh, and get this, his father is this bigwig with a Southern railroad and, when I mentioned I’d met Jerome Brunswick from the Pennsylvania Railroad Line, he said they’d been family friends for years.” Still miffed, Maggie slapped the clean towel into Kitty’s hand. “Anyway, he’s so smart he kept me on my toes the whole time, challenging everything I said, and when he told me he’d heard me telling myself that he’s probably already married when I thought he’d fallen asleep, I got so nervous I had to stay because if I tried to leave I’d trip over my own feet and then the strangest thing happened…”
“Stop talking for crap’s sake, you’re going so fast I can’t keep up with you. Wait a minute.” Her fingers dug into Kitty’s arm. “Oh my God Kit, are you telling me you’re falling for a Confederate prisoner of war?”
“Ow! Stop. No, I didn’t say that.” Kitty pulled her arm away and sat on the bed to brush out her hair.
Maggie stood over her with her hands on her hips. “No you didn’t use those words, but that flow of oral diarrhea you released said it for you. I know you Kitty Trausch, and you don’t get worked up like this over just anybody. You should see your face! I’ve never seen you so ecstatic.” She sat next to her on the bed, her hand resting on Kitty’s knee. “Honey, sure these things sometimes hit out of the blue, but do you think this is such a good idea?”
Kitty put the brush down and turned to face her. “Mags, I am not in love with this man. It’s just that he put me at ease so fast and had me smiling and laughing and when our hands met, I felt this tiny electric shock, you know, like when you turn a door knob after you’ve been shuffling your feet on a carpet, and when he said he’d felt it too before I’d even said anything, it surprised me because, obviously, I’d touched him before when he was too doped up to realize it and, I don’t know, maybe I focused too much on caring for his wound then, but it seemed important to him to tell me that he isn’t married and… shit. Shit, shit, shit.”
“Uh huh, just as I thought.”
“Trust me Mags, I would never do anything to jeopardize our safety. I don’t know, it might be that he’s playing me thinking he’d get me to help him. But I sure as hell don’t want to be stood in front of a firing squad for being the idiot nurse duped into setting a prisoner of war free.”
“Good, remember that. It’s bad enough I have to worry about Simon getting shot, I don’t want to be worried about losing you, too.”
“You’re right. I’ll try to keep my distance as much as possible before I get in too deep. In any case, it doesn’t matter. The chances of him being around much longer are slim. He’s healing so well now, I’ll bet the doctor will discharge him soon and he’ll be sent off to some POW camp or something and I’ll never see him again.” Although that statement placated Maggie, Kitty’s heart sank with the reality of what she’d said.
***
When Doctor Gallagher sought her out on the ward the next day, Kitty assumed her words had been prophetic.
“Nurse Trausch is it?”
“Yes sir.”
“The captain’s wound has made remarkable progress, but I’m concerned about his pain level and I’m not happy with the way he’s breathing. He may have residual fluid in that lung that I’ll have to reduce. I want you to check his breathing and heart rate at least every two hours and send for me if his condition changes, understand? And I want every one of your findings recorded in this log. You’re lack of documentation is making my job harder and risking the patients’ lives.”
“Yes sir.” His words were crystal clear. They meant she couldn’t avoid being near him and that her efforts to save his life may have been for nothing. And that she was a terrible secretary.
After retrieving the wooden tube with the flared bottom that passed for a stethoscope, Kitty headed for Sam’s room asking Foster to go to the medicine room and bring her the morphine. If she had to be close to him, she’d at least have someone else in the room to help keep it on a professional level. She would not let him get under her skin and trick her into doing something stupid.
“Good morning Sam, Doctor Gallagher tells me you’re worse today. I’m going to listen to your heart and breathing and give you a dose of morphine if you’re still in pain, okay?”
“Yes, thank you, Catherine.”
His voice sounded very raspy and his breathing more labored than it had been last evening. The sudden overnight change surprised her. Kitty hoped their little laugh fest hadn’t caused this. Just baring his chest to use the stethoscope sent butterflies to her stomach, and she had to concentrate to keep her facial expression from giving that away. His heartbeat sounded strong and even a little fast. Or was that hers? And though she couldn’t hear any rattling in his lungs, it might have been her lack of experience or training, or maybe his lungs actually were clear.
Kitty sat back in the chair with the stethoscope on her lap, confused. “I don’t hear any unusual sounds in your chest Sam, how do you feel? Are you in more pain today?”
Sam signaled Foster to come closer. “Sir, do you mind leaving the room for a moment? I have something of a personal nature to discuss with my nurse.”
Embarrassed, Foster looked to her for approval, then made a hasty exit.
After Foster left, Sam reached for Kitty’s hand, smiled with a devilish sparkle in his eyes, and spoke in a soft normal tone. “I learned this morning I’m to be paroled, sent home. It’d only take a few days for the paperwork to be processed so, during that time, I’d be confined to quarters. But, if I still needed medical care, I’d stay here in the hospital until the doctor released me.” He met Kitty’s eyes with a sheepish look as he turned her hand over in his. “I made myself sound sicker than I am so the doctor would keep me here longer and I could still be near you.” Seeing the surprise in her eyes, he talked faster. “Catherine, I realize we’ve only just met and the circumstances are not the least bit ideal, but I really enjoy your company and I want to continue spending time with you. That is, if it’s okay with you.”
“Well, that’s a relief. For a moment I thought I was losing you. I mean, that you were getting sick again.” Be careful, Trausch. “What you said is sweet, but I’m not sure how wise it is. Just now the doctor told me he might have to open you up to relieve the fluid pressure in your lung if your breathing doesn’t improve and, trust me, you don’t want him poking around in there if it isn’t necessary.”
“You could tell him my recovery has slowed. It might give us time to become better acquainted. Look, I understand I can’t prolong it forever, but I hoped we’d have even a little more time together.” He reached up and caressed her cheek with his thumb. “Catherine, last night I thought I felt something starting between us. Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you want me to leave and I’ll go.”
She didn’t want to, but she needed to tell him to go. He was a Confederate prisoner of war for Christ’s sake. No way could she get into a relationship with him. At least being paroled was a good thing, he didn’t need her to help him escape, but how could they be together? Staying here wasn’t an option, and no way was she leaving Maggie. Especially with her being pregnant and alone. Why does everything have to be so damn difficult? Kitty pressed his hand closer on her cheek. “My heart wants you to stay Sam, but my brain says to let you go. Our lives are going in different directions. Yours is taking you home.” Home, her voice caught on that word. “And I need to stay here. Maggie and Simon are my family now and I can’t leave them. I’m afraid there’s no hope for a future for us. And I need that hope, Sam.”
“Perhaps if we give it a chance, we may decide to go home together to the same place, whether it be yours or mine, it doesn’t matter. Or we can choose a different place altogether where we can start a new home. Regardless, it’s too soon for either of us to make any promises, but there’s always hope for a future, Catherine.”
“Wow, I can see I’ll have to step up my game if I’m going to argue with you. Listen, there’s too much I can’t tell you right now and I have to go see to the other patients. I’ll be back later though and we can talk more, okay?”
“I’ll look forward to it.” He kissed her hand as he let her go, making the butterflies in her stomach behave like Chinese acrobats.
Kitty spent the rest of the morning doing her usual medication and wound care rounds. The patient with the shoulder amputation required an extensive dressing change that took a lot of time. She only popped her head in to Sam now and then to make sure everything was status quo there and to fudge a few lines in the log for Doctor Gallagher to see.
The whole time she worked Kitty mulled over what Sam had said. Lost in this Land of Oz, Maggie and Simon were her only family. They were the only remnants of the life that this anomaly stole from her. She could never leave them. But Sam did say he’d go wherever she wanted. He could come with them to Harrisburg. With Simon? Simon’s been fighting the Confederates, what would he do if she brought one home? And what if he and Maggie figured out a way to go back to our time? What would she do with Sam?
***
Kitty waited on pins and needles for their after dinner break so she could get advice from Maggie on how to handle her dilemma.
As soon as they sat on the bench, a flurry of sea birds gathered around them waiting for their hard tack crumbs. At least the cement-like crackers were good for something. “Are you serious? You want to tell him where we’re from?” Maggie’s eyes flew open in shock when Kitty broached the subject.
“I don’t know, Mags, that’s what I wanted to discuss with you. Right now there’s an infatuation between us, that’s all I’ll say. But I’m sure he’d see right through it if I lied and said I wasn’t attracted to him. I mean, my God, just being around him takes my breath away. So I feel this obligation to be honest with him, now, before things go any further, and when he decides that I’m out of mind and it scares him away, I won’t have wasted our time. I’m just afraid that if I don’t do or say something, I may get in too deep and then, when he learns the truth, I’ll be left with a broken heart.”
Maggie dumped a large handful of crumbs on the ground to keep the birds busy for a few minutes. Worried, she turned and made Kitty look her in the eye. “Are you serious? Kitty, you hardly know this man. Is it worth exposing yourself to him? I mean, what if he tells somebody and they lock you up in a loony bin somewhere? Or worse yet, what if he decides he doesn’t care how crazy you are and he still wants you or even that he believes you? What will you do? Will you leave with him?”
“No! You and Simon are the only family I have left; I can’t leave you. If any more family dwindles away, whatever shred of sanity I have left will disappear as well. No, you guys are stuck with me, whether you like it or not.” Kitty leaned forward with her elbows on her knees gazing at the ground. “You’re right as always. I should let him go. But I don’t want to Mags.”
Maggie paused for a moment caressing Kitty’s back. “Because you’re in love with him, honey, aren’t you?”
She nodded her head, sighing. “Remember what you said about Simon? How you knew right away in your heart that he was the right one for you? Even when you weren’t sure he felt the same way? Couldn’t it be possible that Sam’s the right one for me? With all the insane things that have happened to us over the last year, couldn’t this just be one more? What if coming here in the first place was our fate all along and I was supposed to meet him? Simon had a dream about being rescued from a flood and it happened to him here, maybe this is one more thing that’s supposed to happen.”
Maggie’s arm drew her closer, and she kissed the side of her head. “Maybe, honey, but that’s a lot of what if’s. My mom used to tell me when I was a kid that if something’s supposed to happen, it will. Don’t worry, I’ll support whatever decision you make.”
They sat that way for a long time, Maggie’s arm around Kitty, her head on Kitty’s shoulder, watching the afternoon light dancing on the waves in the bay. As usual Maggie had it right without even having to say it. Kitty’s heart just didn’t want to accept the truth of it.
***
Kitty pretended to listen to the men’s stories of home, going over in her mind what to say later to Sam and tried to anticipate his reaction and questions. She ached to tell him her life story, who she really was, about her parents, her friends. If any shred of hope existed that they could be together, it had to be with complete honesty. This wasn’t something you spring on a person ten years down the road, ‘Oh, by the way, honey, the reason I already know so much about what’s going to happen in the future, is because I read it in the history books.’
She couldn’t sugarcoat it to make her story more believable. How long did it take her or any of them to believe that they had, in fact, travelled back in time? Without any way to prove it… prove it… wait, she did have a couple of remnants of her life hidden away that might do the trick. Kitty excused herself from the ward, leaving the attendants in charge and hightailed it to her quarters.
***
By the time Kitty made it to Sam’s room, her head was ready to explode. Even so, she was determined to make a stand right then and dive in with both feet, regardless of the consequences. The smile on his face as she entered the room warmed her, and she almost changed her mind. She didn’t want to scare him away. She wanted to keep this moment, right then when he still thought of her as a sane and desirable woman, forever locked in time.
Kitty sat in the chair next to his bed, using the stethoscope to listen to his heart as a distraction. “How are you this afternoon?”
“Better now that you’re here. I began to wonder if I’d scared you away with the things I said this morning. Have you given it any more consideration? I’ve been hoping that your heart won the argument with your brain and you’re here to tell me you want me to stay.” The hope she saw in his face gave her the courage to continue. She couldn’t lie to him.
This time she took his hand, so rough and calloused from years of hard work. Kitty took the little container of lotion she kept in her apron pocket to keep her own hands from drying out, and massaged the softening liquid into his, giving her time to think how to respond.
“Remember when I said there were a lot of things I needed to tell you?”
His face fell by a mile and he withdrew his hand from hers. “You’re the one who’s married aren’t you?”
“No, no I’m not married. I never have been. Remember, I told you, it’s my, um, brother who’s off fighting? I’m waiting here with Maggie, his wife.” In her nervousness she’d fallen back on the familiar half-truth.
“Oh, I see.” His expression didn’t change. He sat staring at the wall waiting for her to continue and drop the other shoe.
Still edgy, she peeked outside the door to be sure they couldn’t be overheard. When she returned this time, she sat on the bed to be closer to him. Continuing in a low voice, Kitty felt the blood rush to her face as she poured out her heart.
After several false starts and rambling explanations, and several sniffling nose blows, the whole story of how the three of them had come to be in this place, at this time, unfolded. As she purged her conscience of the lies and half-truths, regardless of whether he believed her or not, it took a weight off her shoulders that she didn’t even realize she’d been carrying.
Though Sam’s passive face never changed, he broke the silence after a long awkward moment. “That’s a lot to take in. Is any of what you said even possible?”
Kitty pulled the first of her treasured items out of her pocket and put it into his hand. The battery in the cell phone had died long ago from Kitty’s tearful agonizing over the photos of her parents and friends. But no one in the nineteenth century had ever touched plastic. As Sam moved his fingers over the strange object, Kitty explained the communication device and how people used it. When he looked up at her, his narrowed eyes showed what? Fear? Disbelief? She couldn’t tell.
The key fob from her mom’s BMW was her last piece of evidence. She pointed out the little engraving of the car with the trunk open and attempted to explain the most common mode of transportation from her former life. In doing so, she realized how little she knew about cars.
“You control the speed with your feet and steer with your hands.” That summed it up.
Sam’s gaze remained on the strange artifacts in his hand. “If you came here by accident, as you said, how will you get back?”
Kitty’s strangled sobs threatened to break loose at this question. “I don’t know, Sam, but if we do find a way, we’re going. This isn’t our time and we can’t stay here.”
“So, being from a future time, you’ve already seen the outcome of this war?”
“Yes. There are many bloody battles yet to come and many people on both sides will die. It’s good that they granted you parole Sam, please don’t fight anymore, the cost is way too high.”
Sam took a deep breath, started to speak then paused, passing the phone and key back to Kitty. “Catherine, I think if you truly wanted me to leave, you could say so without tears and without making up such a crazy story. Though, I have to admit, you do make it sound very convincing. So rather than appeal to your logic, I’ll appeal to your heart. I’m not sure how long they’ll let me stay, but I can tell you I will treasure every moment you spend with me for all my days.”
