Medea: Priestess, Princess, Witch, page 29
Tears fell down Jason’s cheeks, and goddess help me, I think I hated him in that moment. I hated his cowardice, his unwillingness to do what had to be done. I hated his deep feelings, his openness, his lies to save his pride. I felt the knife cutting through my brother’s throat, and the vehemence I felt towards Jason in that moment was much the same.
I stood. “Thank you for giving us safe harbour. I would like to sleep, if I may.”
Creon stood and motioned to a servant. “Take the princess to her chamber.”
I followed the servant without a backwards glance. If I looked at Jason again, I might scream curses at him, and I would not debase myself that way in what might be our new home.
We entered my room to find a bath had already been drawn, and I gratefully shed my clothes and sank beneath the hot water, letting it sluice off the salt and disappointment. Once I was in bed with Kip sleeping soundly beside me, I began to wonder what was next. I was married to Jason, yes. But what did that mean? It had happened in a moment of necessity, and I was more than a wife. I couldn’t go back to Egrisi, at least not yet. In my soul, I knew the time would come when I would return. But it was far off. We didn’t have to stay here, though. We could get back in the Argo and sail on, to places yet unseen. We could pray for guidance and continue to explore the unknown together. And if he didn’t wish to leave? Could I go without him? A woman travelling on her own was unheard of, but a priestess had more freedom. If I were to travel from temple to temple to learn the ways of the gods, would that work?
The more I considered it, the more excited I became. I had done my duty by the gods. Pelias, who had transgressed against the gods by defaming their temple, was dead. Surely I was of no use to them now, and freedom would be mine. In the morning, I would go to the temple and pray for release. Satisfied, I slept.
I slept late, and when I woke, Kip was gone. I lay thinking, and then opened the door and asked the servant outside my door to find Kip. I dressed slowly in my priestess robes, donning the gifts given me by the gods. Kip came in with two other servants bearing food and wine. She dismissed them and pushed me into a seat to eat.
“Anything overheard?” I asked.
“There are doubts about your story, and there’s a feeling that you took the knife to Pelias yourself, as you did your brother.” She spread honey on warm bread and chewed thoughtfully. “That makes them fear you, and the princess has already gone to the temple to pray that your evil eye does not fall on this palace.”
Fear could bring power, but it could also bring ruin. “And Creon?”
“Glad to have Jason back. He’s worried that you’re out of control but sees your usefulness.” She pushed a piece of bread at me.
I ate without tasting anything and looked at her. “Alkippe, I need you to answer me truly when I ask you something.”
She set her bread down and frowned. “Always.”
“If I left here, if I ran and never stopped, would you come with me? Or would you stay here with Neleus and live a happy life?” It was an unfair question, but I needed to know if I would be alone.
She picked at the bread, rolling pieces between her fingers before she dropped them to the plate. “I’ve thought of that several times.”
“And have you come to an answer?” My heart pounded in my chest. I hadn’t known how desperately I wanted her at my side, how much I didn’t want to leave by myself.
Tears welled in her eyes, and she brushed them away. “I would always choose you, Medea. We’ve been with each other since we were children, and I wouldn’t let you go into the world alone.”
“But you’d miss him. It would break a part of you.” It was true, but I needed to say it out loud to believe it fully.
She nodded. “Yes.”
I stood and pulled on a cloak. “I’m going to the temple to pray for guidance.” I caressed her cheek and wiped away her tears with my thumb. “If it came to that, maybe he would go with us.”
She shook her head, smiling sadly. “As I feel about you, he feels about Jason.”
I left, making my way to the temple. There was no need for placating words between us, and as much as I wanted freedom, I didn’t want to hurt my dearest and only friend either.
Once I was at the temple, I noticed how several of the priestesses pressed themselves to the wall as I passed, how they didn’t make eye contact. Only Phryne gave me the kiss of greeting and took my arm as we made our way towards the private sanctuary at the back.
“It is too cold for Apollo’s grove, but if you need to go there instead, we can get you a thick cloak. If the goddesses don’t speak to you here, that is.”
As always she spoke kindly, and she couldn’t have known how much I needed her kindness that day. “Thank you. I believe they will hear me.”
She lit the incense and glanced at me. “May I stay?”
I was reminded of priestesses in other temples who wished they were spoken to the way I was, and I nodded. To serve blindly all your life is hard for some. I knelt on the stone floor and breathed deeply, clearing my mind. I called to the goddesses I served, to Hecate and Hera, to old goddesses and to any who would answer.
We are here, daughter.
A chill wind blew through the room, making me shiver. I have done as you asked, divine ones. The man who wronged your temple is dead, and you are avenged.
You did well, child. You are the greatest mortal priestess of your time and will be treated with the respect due to kings.
Am I free? Can I leave here and see the world?
Laughter, cruel and emotionless, echoed off the walls. You are devoted to the gods, and we still have need of you. When you are no longer needed, you will know.
It was foolish, but I couldn’t help myself. You said I would have freedom and power if only I did as you said.
The floor shook, and I barely kept my balance. Fear rattled through me, shaking me like dead leaves in a winter wind.
You dare question the gods? We will take it all away. All your power, your ability to see, your understanding of the water and men’s minds. You will be left here to rot, a woman with no standing and nothing to offer.
Bile rose in my throat and tears burned my eyes. No! Please. I meant no disrespect. I couldn’t say more without lying outright. But their threat was enough to keep me from saying more. Warmth slid up my hands, and I opened my eyes. Hecate, her wise, dark eyes looking into mine, held my hands in hers.
You are darkness, Medea. Seek balance, always. We are beside you, in you, with you. Have no doubts and use what we have given you.
In her eyes, I saw myself. Not a woman to be set aside. Not one to bare my breasts and bow to every man who walked past. No, I was far, far more than the world knew to understand, and in that, I was a goddess of darkness, like the one I served. Mysterious and misunderstood, I would stand tall no matter where I was. I cried and bowed my head and felt her hand caress my hair.
And then they were gone, their absence sucking the air from the room. I heard a whoosh of air behind me and looked back to see Phryne sitting against the wall.
“For the first time in my life, I’m glad the gods have ignored me.” She stood, using the wall to support her. “Wine?”
I shivered and pulled the cloak around me. “Please.”
Together we made our way to the dining area, and novice priestesses quickly brought wine and bread.
Her hands shaking, Phryne poured for us both. “Did you get the answers you sought?”
I considered the question. “I’m not sure. I have to think on it.”
She nodded and sipped her wine, her eyes closed. “I saw her. At the end, the goddess.” Her eyes opened, and they were full of tears. “She was so beautiful, so…so…” She shook her head. “I don’t have the words.”
I could think of several, but I kept them to myself. We sat in silence for some time, me pondering what the goddesses had said, Phryne staring into the fire, lost in her own thoughts. She startled me when she turned to me.
“You could be high priestess here.”
I frowned, not understanding. “You are the high priestess.”
“But the gods don’t speak through me. They speak through you. And when people come to pray, you could give them real answers, give them something that matters.”
I shook my head, exhausted. “I don’t want to be high priestess. I want to be…” Free. “I don’t know. But it isn’t that.” There was no mistaking the relief in her eyes, though she tried to hide it. She’d been worried about losing her position, and in that moment, I’d made a loyal friend without intending to do so.
“I am at your disposal. Whatever you need, come to me and I will help.”
I smiled at the genuine offer. If she understood what I was, what I could do, she wouldn’t be so quick to say so. “Thank you. There may come a day when I need your help. For now, I’d like to go to sleep.”
She had a novice escort me back to my room, which was good because I was stumbling, I was so exhausted. Talking to gods saps one’s strength more than fighting in a war, I’m sure.
After sleeping for several hours, I asked that my meal be brought to my room. I had no desire to face Creon, nor his daughter, or anyone else looking for answers. I was nearly done eating when Jason knocked and entered. He looked tired but not as downtrodden as he’d been the day before.
I motioned to the table. “They eat well here. Help yourself.”
He thanked me and sat down, picking up an apple. “Thank you.”
I tilted my head. “For?”
“For killing Pelias. For not unmanning me before the crew, though you had every right, and any other warrior would have called me coward without a thought.” He set the apple on the table and rolled it absently under his hand. “I don’t have my kingdom, and that is my fault and mine alone. But as always, you said you would do something, and you did it.” He finally looked at me, and his eyes were full of tears. “The gods only know why I couldn’t find it in me to do what I needed to when the moment came. Why would they allow me to falter?”
He was pleading, his hands upturned, truly wanting an answer. None came to me from a divine place, but I answered anyway. “They wanted Pelias dead. Once that happened, they turned away. The gods are only interested in what serves them.” He’d called me a warrior, in his own way, and I liked the way that felt. I was certainly more suited to it than he.
He held his head in his hands and wept. “Then any courage I had was false, given only by them in the first place. I had no right to rule if I couldn’t be strong enough to take what was mine without the gods’ intervention.”
A different sort of wife would have consoled him. She would have fed him pretty falsehoods about the fates and destiny, and she would have held him to her breast.
I was not that sort of wife. I drank my wine in silence, letting that speak for me. There was truth to his words, and I would not make them false by denying them. “And now?” I finally asked. “Will we stay here? Or will we sail on?”
He seemed surprised. “Sail on? To where?”
So it hadn’t even occurred to him. Granted, he hadn’t had much time to think about it. “Anywhere we wish. We could board the Argo and set sail to distant lands. We could go in search of treasure and kingdoms we’ve yet to see.”
“You would do that? Go without a home, without lands of your own? No family?”
I studied him, my hopes slowly falling to ash. “I had no home or lands of my own, nor family, the moment I left Egrisi for you. Sailing on the Argo would not change that.”
He blanched and sat silently, thinking. Eventually, he shook his head. “I can’t ask my men to go back to sea without any end in sight. They’ve already been away from their families for too long. The earth shakes, the crops burn, illness spreads. And…” He hesitated. “I am not a sailor, Medea. You’ve seen it. I enjoyed it, yes, but my heart is here on land, among the trees and animals, with people who care about me.” He reached out and took my hand in his. “Will you give it a chance? See if you can be happy here with me? There are many places to explore, and I will show you them all.”
I stood, pulling my hand away. “We are married in the eyes of the gods. If you stay, then so must I.”
His expression fell, and he nodded. “If you are truly unhappy in the years to come, we will seek another home, I promise. But I believe we could be happy here, and in Creon’s palace, we will be safe.”
I stared at him, nearly uncomprehending. “And you will not try to take your kingdom back from Acastus? You will simply give up?”
He shrugged. “I have no army. No money. We will be living here by the king’s grace. What would you have me do?”
I shook my head. “It’s not for me to say, and I won’t say anything further if you have made up your mind. As you said, if you aren’t willing to fight for it, then you don’t deserve it.” I turned away and went to the window, dismissing him.
The chair scraped back. “Creon would like to speak with us, if you have a moment.” His tone was distant and flat.
For a moment, I missed the easy feeling between us that had built on the ship, the sense that it was okay I’d given up everything and everyone for him. But it was only for a moment as I looked out at the crowded city spread below. “If the king wishes to speak with us, then we should go.” Had I been queen, I could have told the king to go sing in Hades.
I walked beside Jason to the common room, where Creon and Glauke were sitting at a table. They rose when we entered, and Glauke embraced me.
“We will be sisters now,” she said and kissed my cheek.
I smiled and nodded. “Thank you.”
Creon motioned to the table, and we sat with them. “Medea, I understand you went to the temple today?” At my nod, he continued. “They say the building shuddered and a cold wind blew through the halls, and there was no question that the gods were visiting.”
I nodded again, unsure where he was going with his questions.
“Then the gods themselves will agree with my decision to offer you hospitality, and to turn you away would be an afront to them.” He smiled and clapped Jason on the back.
I understood, then, though I don’t believe Jason did. He was building himself a cushion. If anyone demanded retribution for Pelias’s death, Creon could distance himself by saying he was respecting the gods. It gave our place in his kingdom validity, and no one would gainsay it. He was shrewd, and I wondered if I would ever grow to like him.
“There is a beautiful villa behind the palace, at the back of the gardens.” Glauke leaned forwards, her pretty light hair falling over her shoulders. “It has been empty for a long time, but we think it would be perfect for you.”
Jason smiled at her. “That is very generous, princess, but surely living here at the palace is too great a gift for people with nothing to offer. Had I not given the fleece to Pelias, I would gladly have given you that and more.”
“Nonsense!” Creon slapped the table. “You’re a fine warrior who completed a grand quest. Your name will be remembered by men for generations. Taught by Chiron himself, you will be my right hand, helping me fend off the grasping Mycenaeans.” He tilted his head at me. “And you bring with you a wife of power, one who speaks with the gods, a woman of strength and beauty and unusual standing. She brings to us the god’s blessings. You both have much to offer.”
They were words of flattery, though there was a semblance of truth in them, and I liked that he had acknowledged that I wasn’t like other women, even if he didn’t mean it as a good thing. “Then we would be happy to accept your kind offer,” I said.
“You and I can see about getting the villa fit to live in tomorrow morning, if you’d accept my service,” Glauke said.
“I would appreciate that very much, thank you.” In truth, I wanted little to do with her. There was a shadow attached to her, a feeling that made me want to put whole mountains between us. The connection between us felt twisted and dark, though I could see she didn’t feel it at all. I shivered. She will.
CHAPTER 38
AN IMPASSE
Together, Glauke and I walked quickly across the garden, past a beautiful stone fountain to a large villa in the trees. It was slightly overgrown, but I could see the beauty in the murals hidden by the vines, in the red pillars and thick stone steps. Inside it was dusty and dark, but after we opened the windows and let the sunshine in, the walls brightened. It was nicer than many of the houses we’d had on the palace grounds in Egrisi, and my frustration at being stuck in the city began to fade.
The group of servants who had come with us began to clean, and we directed them throughout.
Glauke linked her arm through mine. “Will you be happy here, Medea? It must be so different from where you’re from.”
“It is, and it isn’t. We wouldn’t allow sexual servants in the temple, but our palace is much like yours, except it’s surrounded by trees so large you can barely see the sky in the middle of summer.” The words brought a strange longing to see my home, and I pushed it away.
Glauke frowned. “I can’t imagine not being able to see the sky, or to be so hidden from the view of the gods.”
I laughed. “Do you think trees stop them from seeing you? I assure you, they can see you always, wherever you may be. I’ve spoken to them in caves, on the water, and in the forests. They are truly everywhere.”
“Then,” she said, “perhaps they are in the temple with the sexual servants.”
Surprised at her wit, I laughed, and she laughed with me. The shadow that stretched between us remained, but until I understood it, I had no choice but to ignore it. That or risk offending her by avoiding her presence. “Yes, mayhap that is the case.” We left the villa to the servants and made our way through the cold rain back to the palace, where we warmed ourselves by the fire with bread and wine. “Tell me more about your city.”
