Dressed in White, page 9
“Outside, now.” His voice was laced with barely controlled fury.
I moved to follow but he shook his head. He obviously wanted to do this by himself. And, as hard as it was, I had to let him. This was his problem to deal with. I raced into the house, at least I could see what was happening if I wasn’t out with him.
I watched them from the window, standing close together in the front yard. Dillon was angry, his whole body rigid.
Estella looked up at him, a sad expression on her face.
Roxie moved behind me and watched as well. “Sorry you have to deal with this, honey.”
“Me, too.”
As much as I didn’t want to watch, I couldn't tear my eyes away. I wished he would just send her packing and come in, but the conversation went on and on.
Just as he was turning to go, Estella grabbed his face and kissed him. The hand that had been on her back flew to her shoulder and pushed her away.
Dillon shouted something and pointed down the driveway to a car that had just pulled up.
I was sick to my stomach, my hand tightened on the window sill as I watched. She kissed him, in front of my house. She kissed him. Was this what my life would be like, now? Estella showing up all the time, trying to ruin things?
I looked down at the ring on my finger and it no longer gave me the warm fuzzy feelings it had only ten minutes ago.
Dillon was walking back to the house, he found me watching at the window. The look on my face erased the fury in his, and replaced it with fear.
I turned away from the window and slowly walked to the stairs. Roxie started to follow, but I waved her off. “Go back and find Pete. I’m ok.” I smiled weakly.
“Are you sure? You don’t look fine.”
“I am; you go on.”
Suddenly, the gown I was wearing felt suffocating, as though it were squeezing the life from me. As soon as I was in my room, I tore at the laces behind me, frantically trying to find some relief.
“Here, let me.” Dillon’s voice was soft, and unsure.
I felt the laces loosen and the gown dropped to my feet. I walked to the closet and grabbed a robe. This was not a conversation I wanted to have naked.
“Lor...”
“Baby, I love you. This isn’t about that. I love you so damn much.” Tears began to fall; I couldn’t hold them back anymore.
“Please, don’t do this.” He sank to his knees in front of me.
“She’s not giving me much choice. I can’t live like this. She’s never going to stop. You know that as well as I do. Seeing her kiss you, I can’t do that, again.”
“Don’t leave me. It would kill me if you left, again.”
The agony in his voice sliced through my heart like a knife. This was killing me.
“I just need some time to think.” I whispered.
“What does that mean?”
“I need to be alone for a few days.” I went back to the closet and packed a small bag before throwing on some clothes.
“If you leave, she wins. Don’t let her win. Please, Lor.”
I couldn’t look at him. I knew if I did, all my resolve would melt away. I had to sort through this my own way, to decide if I was willing to let her ruin things all the time.
“I’ll be back in a few days and we’ll talk then.” I kissed him gently on the lips and walked out the door.
“LORELEI, OPEN THE door. I know you’re in there, I checked with the front desk.” Kayla’s irritated voice called from the other side of the door.
I knew she wouldn’t give up, so I let her in.
“Geez, you look rough.”
It had been a day since I left, most of which was spent crying.
“Thanks, I’m sure I look exactly how I feel.” I saw the bag in her hand. “Are you staying?”
“Yeah, it’s weird staying with Dillon after everything that happened.”
“He didn’t do anything wrong, this isn’t about him at all. I still love him more than anything.”
“What is this about then, Lor? He’s wrecked, you know. He hasn’t slept at all since you left.”
“It’s complicated, Kayla, not everything was meant to work out. Not everyone gets a happily ever after.”
“Uncomplicate it then.” She put her hand on her hip.
“I can’t live like that anymore. Her always there, showing up. Seeing her kiss him, that broke me.”
Kayla’s eyes widened. “She kissed him?”
“Yeah, he pushed her away; but I still saw her lips on him. I cannot do that again.”
“Hmm. I can see the dilemma.”
We were interrupted by another knock at the door.
“Lor, you in there?” Roxie’s voice called.
“What? Did you both decide that today was cheer up Lorelei day?” I said, opening the door to let Roxie in.
“No, we just are both super smart and thought it was a good idea.” She laughed when she saw Kayla. “How are you holding up?”
I shrugged. “I really don't know. This is awful, seriously the worst. I love him so much. This should be easy, we should just get married and live happy for the rest of our lives.”
“Do that, then; get married and be happy.”
I sighed. It all sounded so simple, but it wasn’t. The thought of not marrying Dillon made me so sad. The thought of him marrying someone else, made me want to throw up. I wanted to trust that everything would work out, but something in me just couldn’t do it.
“Thanks for coming by, but I really want to just be alone. Is that ok?” I asked them, these two women who loved me so much.
“Please, call if you want some company.” Kayla hugged me tight.
“I will, I promise.”
She left, letting me say goodbye to Roxie.
“You too, scoot out of here.”
“I don’t like leaving you here alone.” She touched my cheek, lightly.
“I’ll be ok. I just need to have another good cry and think things through.”
“I don’t like it, but I’ll go.” She pressed a kiss to my forehead and left.
I was once again alone with my thoughts, and they were screaming at me. What was I going to do? Could I really leave Dillon?
I laid myself down on the bed and dissolved into tears, again. I cried for the life I should be excited to lead, but wasn’t. I cried because I knew this was killing Dillon as much as me. I knew this was ripping him apart. I hated this whole stupid situation, and I hated Estella.
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I was awakened by someone banging on my door.
“Hang on, I’m coming.” My voice was thick with sleep. My hair was a mess and I’m sure my eyes were puffy from crying.
I opened the door to find Dillon standing in front of me. He looked wrecked.
“Hi.” He said softly. “Can I come in?”
I nodded and stood back so he could come in.
“I know you said you needed time, but I couldn’t stay away.”
I was in his arms before I could react; his lips were on mine, hungry and insistent. I wanted this just as much as he did. I craved him, deep in my soul, I craved him.
“Too many clothes,” he murmured into my ear before dragging my tank top over my head.
“God, your skin is so soft.” He pressed kisses on my stomach before he took off his own shirt.
The distance between us had made my heart ache for him. Now, he was here with me, and I could let him love me.
Dillon walked me backwards to the bed; I toppled back onto it when my legs hit. He lay next to me, his fingers touching every inch of my exposed skin.
“I missed you. Even though it’s only been a day, it felt like a year. I didn’t sleep at all. I just couldn’t without you next to me.”
“I know; this has not been fun.” I kissed him, pouring out all of my pent up emotion.
Dillon rolled me on top and wrapped his hands in my hair, never breaking the kiss. His hands grabbed my hips, yanking my panties down.
“Baby, I need you.” His voice was thick with emotion.
He groaned as I sank down on him, the sensation almost overwhelming. It was like Christmas and coming home after a long trip all rolled into one. This is where I belonged, with him. He was mine. Mine.
I leaned down and took his mouth, nipping along his lower lip. Dillon’s hands pressed down from my waist, holding me against him.
“I love you so much, never leave me, again.” He whispered into my ear.
That was it; we were lost in each other, let the world be damned.
I WOKE UP with Dillon’s arm around me and leg over mine. . I tried to wiggle out from under him, but he held me tighter.
“Hey.” I could feel his smile against my neck.
“Hey, yourself.” I languished in his arms, feeling safe and at home.
“So, are we ok, then?”
I sighed. “I want to be, but nothing has changed.”
“We don't have to let her do this to us.” His voice was almost a whisper.
“What are we going to do about it? She seems to pop up and ruin things when we least expect it. What’s next, her objecting at our wedding?”
“We’ll get a restraining order.”
“So you think a piece of paper is going to stop her? And why is she even doing this? It’s not like you even were involved with her, before.”
“We were involved, before.” He said, softly.
“How involved? More than you told me before?”
“Yes.”
I moved out from under him and sat up, pulling the sheet up with me. “How involved, Dillon?”
He refused to look at me. “Very involved. It was after I married her so she could stay. We were living together. She left me for someone back in Spain.”
I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. “How could you not tell me this? So this was not just a green card marriage then? She was more.”
“It doesn’t change anything.”
“How could it not? She obviously feels she has a claim to you. I was the other woman, not her.”
“Lorelei, she lost the right to call herself my wife when she left me.”
“You know what bugs me most about all of this? That it took her coming back for you to tell me any of this. If you expect me to be your wife, you can’t do shit like this, Dillon. Now, I think you should go. I really need to work through this.” I got up and went to get dressed in the bathroom, hoping he would leave while I was in there.
No such luck, he was sitting on the bed, fully dressed, when I came out ten minutes later.
“I don’t want to go.” He looked sad. “I feel like if I leave, I’m saying goodbye to you, forever.”
“Dillon, I...” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want this to be goodbye, forever; but I had to work through this.
“Let me stay.” His eyes were pleading with me.
“Is there anything else?”
He shook his head.
“See, you said that last time, too; so how am I to know if you are really telling the truth?” I hated the bitterness in my voice. “Just go. Please.”
“I can’t.” He held his hands up. “You have my heart, Lorelei, you own me. I can't leave here tonight, with this uncertainty.”
“What do you want me to say, right now? That my heart is breaking? Because it is. How can I trust what you say? You kept so many things from me for so long. Are we broken? I think so, yes. The question is, can we be fixed?” I sat down on the floor with my back against the door.
“I don’t know how to fix this.” He put his head in his hands. “Tell me how to fix this. I can’t lose you.”
“I don’t know, Dillon. I really don’t.” I was so tired. I didn’t know what to tell him. A part of me wanted to make it better for him, but this was his fault.
“Will you come home?”
I shook my head. “I’m not ready for that, today.”
Dillon got up and pulled me to my feet, pressing me to him in a tight hug, his hands on both sides of my head. “Don’t give up on us. Please, just give us a chance to work through this.”
I laid my head against his chest and breathed him in, the smell of him so comforting.
“Stay tonight; I can’t fight anymore, I just need you near me for a while.” I knew this was not fair to him. There was a chance I could decide to walk and then this would have been for nothing. “I know it’s not fair of me to ask you to stay.”
“Screw fair, I want to stay, I need to. I can't be in our bed alone another night with your sister in the other room feeling sorry for me. I need to be here, with you.”
I didn’t say anything else, just let him hug me and reassure me things would be ok. I had to believe it, at least for tonight.
We ordered room service and watched insanely expensive movies for the rest of the day. We cuddled under the covers, sneaking kisses and whispering.
“I wish everyday could be like this.” He murmured as he held me close.
I did too. I wished so badly that I could forget everything that had happened and just be happy in his arms, forever.
he morning came too soon and I was not ready to face the day, yet. Dillon and I lay next to each other, holding hands. Wanting to prolong the closeness we felt during the night.
I needed to decide where I was going when I checked out. Did I want to go back with Dillon? Was I prepared for that?
“Check out is in an hour. I’m going to shower and pack.” I got up and fled to the bathroom, feeling awkward around him. I checked my phone while I was waiting for the water to heat up, there were a zillion messages from Kayla and Roxie.
I texted them both and told them I was fine. I got an immediate response from Kayla.
Kayla: Dillon didn’t come home last night.
Me: I know. He was here with me.
Kayla: So you worked things out then? That’s great :)
Me: Not exactly. Some other stuff came out, and now I don’t know what to do.
Kayla: Do you want me to come get you?
Me: No, I’m ok. I need to finish packing. I’ll call you later, ok?
Kayla: Ok, I love you.
Me: Love you, too.
I put my phone down and got to getting ready to leave.
When I came out of the bathroom after my shower, Dillon was sitting on the bed looking very uneasy.
“Are you coming home?”
“Yes, for now I am.” I made the decision in the shower. I was somewhat relieved, but still really upset.
Dillon let out a breath. “Good, I’m really glad you’re coming home.” He came and hugged me. “You smell so good right now.” He nuzzled into my damp hair.
“Things need to change Dillon. I can’t keep going like this. I need her out of the picture.”
“What would you have me do?” He looked helpless.
“Well, get the restraining order, for starters.”
He nodded, willing to accept any term I gave him.
“Also, only speak with her through your lawyer. If she shows up at your work or anywhere, call the police. I’m done playing nice with her.” My lips were set in a thin line. I was pissed, so angry that I even had to deal with this.
“I’ll go to my lawyer, tomorrow, and get everything taken care of. Now, let’s go home.” He hugged me, tightly.
I nodded and let him lead me out of the hotel room. He followed me home in his truck. The whole drive I felt sick to my stomach. Nothing about this situation was good.
Kayla was getting into Dane’s truck when we pulled up in the driveway.
“Hey.” Kayla looked like she had been caught doing something bad.
I motioned her over. “Does he know about the baby, yet?”
“No. We’re just hanging out. I’ll tell him when I’m ready.”
“Kay, you owe it to him to tell him up-front.”
“Stop lecturing me. Anyway, are you ok? You don’t look ok.” She hugged me.
“No, not really, but I’ll get there.”
“Still going to be a wedding?”
“Not sure at this point. I’m taking it day by day, for now. You guys go have fun.” I hugged her and sent them on their way.
Dillon looked nervous, like any second I would bolt or crumble like glass.
“Look, I’m going to try really hard to go back to normal; it may take me a bit, though. You’re going to have to give me some time to try and trust you, again. I’m here though, if that counts for anything, I’m here and I’m trying.”
He pulled me to him, his lips on mine. “I know, I’ll give you whatever you need, Lor. I’m in this, forever. You own me.”
“I’m going upstairs to unpack.” I grabbed my bag from him and fled into the house. I called Roxie once I was upstairs.
“Hey, are you ok?” She asked.
“Sort of. I'm home, for now. He told me last night that he had been in love with her.”
Roxie was silent for a moment. “Really?”
“Yeah, but she left him. I wonder if they would still be together if she had stayed.”
“Don’t do that. You can’t think that or you’ll drive yourself nuts.”
“I can’t help it. I was the other woman.” I whispered.
“Stop it, Lorelei!” She yelled at me. “You were not the other woman. “Do you want me to come over?”
“No, you go on your weekend away with Pete and enjoy yourself.”
“I don’t like leaving you alone for the weekend.”
“I’m not alone. I have Kayla and, of course, I have Dillon.”
She sighed into the phone “Ok, but you call me if you need me. Promise?”
“I promise.” I knew I had no intention of calling her while she was away; but she needed to hear the words, so I said them.
“Ok, honey, I love you.”
“Love you back. Go have fun. Give Pete a hug for me.”
“I will.”
I hung up and dumped all the clothes from my bag onto the bed. Sorting the laundry out calmed me a bit, it was sort of Zen. I didn’t have to think.
After the room was completely spotless, the closet was organized and the bathroom was clean, I went to find Dillon.
He was in the office on the phone.
“I know it’s the weekend, but I need to get this done as soon as possible.” He saw me standing in the doorway and motioned me in.
