Rock Me Longer (Licks Of Leather Book 1), page 24
It was down to the wire now. After our concerts tonight and tomorrow night I’d likely be giving the last interview of my career. Sadly, I was still straddling the fucking fence…still unsure if I was going to dispel the rumors altogether or announce my exodus. A momentary blast of terror rolled up my spine.
As if sensing my unease, Sofia plopped down beside me on the thick bench seat.
“You okay?”
“Define okay,” I countered with a half-smile.
“I’d be happy to make the decision for you.”
“You would?”
“Uh-huh.”
I slid my arm around her shoulder and drew her in close to my side. “What would you choose?”
“To stay with Licks of Leather, of course.”
“But I want you…want to be with you.”
She lowered her chin and nodded. “I know.”
“Though it’s been hard as hell, I’ve been quite the Boy Scout lately, haven’t I?”
“You? A Boy Scout?” She softly chuckled.
“Yes.” I cupped her chin and strummed my thumb over her plump bottom lip. “I haven’t pressed you to join me in Maui…to feel the sun, wind, and saltwater kiss our skin as we walk hand in hand on the beach. Or share quiet candlelit dinners on the veranda while the waves roll over the sand. I haven’t mentioned shit about you quitting your job to spend your life with me, or any of the salacious, filthy things I want to do to your naked body.”
Sofia sent me a tremulous smile and quickly swiped the tear spilling down her cheek. “Is that what you really want?”
“Sweetheart, I know what I want. What do you want?”
When she stayed silent and wiped away a second tear, a part of me wished I’d never asked the question.
Before I knew if she planned to answer or not, Kenny eased to a stop and pulled the air horn, causing us both to jump.
“Rise and shine, boys. We’re finally in LA,” the driver bellowed.
The guys immediately emerged from their bunks, bringing the conversation with Sofia to a screeching halt. Shoving my frustration down deep, I kissed her forehead and finished my coffee.
After checking into our hotel rooms, we were back on the bus heading to the Staples Center. After our sound check and six more grueling interviews, I was looking forward to spending some time alone with Sofia so we could finish the conversation we’d started on the bus. But a snafu with the security company and a roadie high on meth who’d fucked up rigging the truss holding our moving lights stole every second of Sofia’s time.
As the fog machines belched out their clouds, the curtain went up. The pyrotechnics erupted. The multicolored spot lights above us danced over the crowd—and thankfully not on our heads—sending the excitement pouring off the fans so sizzling it nearly blistered my skin. Their explosive cheers nearly knocked me on my ass and instantly silenced my mountain of angst, worry, and indecision.
Spine tingling and blood pumping, I flashed Ross a grin as he stomped the pedal on his bass and drummed his mid toms with a chest-thumping bang. Darren and Ozzy hit the first notes in perfect tandem—as always—while Syd slid in a half a bar later, laying down the rhythm with his bass guitar.
The crowd instantly recognized the intro, and as they completely lost their shit, goose bumps peppered my arms. Their screams, stomps, and whistles grew to a near deafening crescendo, zapping me with a long-lost bolt of excitement and electricity. The spotlights aimed on me no longer blinded and burned but glimmered and glowed like a sunrise I’d forgotten existed.
I felt as if the relentlessly ambitious, starry-eyed, dream-driven twenty-year-old I’d been thirteen years ago had just crawled from a dark and empty cave. As we fed off of and nourished the excitement of twenty-some-thousand frenzied fans, I felt satisfaction and pride stretch and yawn as they wakened from hibernation.
As I darted glances at the guys with me up on stage—the ones who’d always been by my side, sharing years of accolades and rejections, awards and heartache, I realized the five of us had accomplished some pretty epic shit over the years.
With a grin and a jerk of his chin my way, Darren laid into his solo.
He’d been just a kid, fresh out of high school—though Ross, Syd, and I hadn’t been much older—when we heard Darren playing tits off Hendrix’s “Voodoo Child” at a dive bar in Tulsa. A month later, the four of us discovered Ozzy in much the same way, in a club in Phoenix, mesmerizing the crowd as he tickled the ivories and sang his fucking heart out.
As memories of those early days swarmed my brain, a little voice inside shouted, You’re out of your goddamn mind if you think you can walk away from them or the magic you five are destined to make…together.
Choking down the emotion lodged in my throat, I wrapped my fist around my microphone and let the joy and contentment of my newfound purpose saturate the lyrics and take me away.
In the blink of an eye, the show was over and we were rushing off stage. Even after our third encore, the crowd was still on their feet, cheering and pounding their seats, demanding another.
“If we don’t leave now, we might never get out of here,” Syd yelled above the thundering din.
“No doubt. But it’s time to go. Always leave ’em wanting more,” Ross bellowed.
When we left the arena and returned to our hotel, the other guys congregated in Ozzy’s room to wind down while I bribed Sofia with kisses and ushered her back to my suite.
We shared a long, luxurious, and lewd shower, then continued our sexcapades in the big king-sized bed until we both passed out from sweet, sweaty exhaustion.
It was nearly noon when we woke and devoured each other again. With the heady musk of our lovemaking still clinging in the air, I dialed up room service and ordered us breakfast.
“Do you know yet what you’ll say at the interview tomorrow?” Sofia asked softly as she slung her leg over mine and pressed her warm, naked body against mine.
I cupped her glowing cheeks and etched the sated smile curled on her lips, the delicate contours of her face, and the sublime intimacy of this single moment to memory.
“Not yet.”
She nodded sadly. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to press you.”
“You’re not and you’ve got nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart.”
“Of course I do. I’m a part of your decision. I feel guilty.”
“You are, but there’s other pieces involved as well. I don’t want you feeling guilty because I love you, Sofia.” A ghost of a smile tugged her lips as a tiny tremor quaked her body. Dipping my head, I kissed the corners of her mouth. “Love you with my heart and soul. I know I can’t make you love me back or force you to want to spend your life with me. Those are decisions only you can make.”
“Burk,” she whispered sadly.
“Shhh. It’s all right, baby. I’m doing my best to prepare myself for whatever my future holds.”
“I know it isn’t any consolation, but I’m falling heavier in like with you every day.”
I chuckled softly. I knew she hadn’t intended it as a backhanded compliment, but it stung all the same. “I’m glad. I just wish I’d been able to convince you to trust me…trust the attraction between us.”
She lifted her chin, eyes riddled in grief. “It’s not a matter of trust, Burk. I trust you…trust you with my life.” When I shook my head, mutely negating her claim, Sofia bristled. “Don’t shake your head at me. You don’t know my heart.”
“No, I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?”
Sofia lowered her lashes, but not before I spied the flicker of love glowing bright and beautiful in her gray eyes. Maybe I had convinced her. Then she pinched her lips together and ripped my hope away. Still, I wasn’t going to allow her to shut down and hide her feelings. Especially when indecision was still spinning through my system.
Clasping her chin, I tilted her head back and forced her stare. That stunning flame of love was gone, replaced with a shimmer of uncertainty.
Welcome to my world, sweetheart.
“I tried the love thing, Burk. It didn’t work out well.”
“You mean with Gordon?” She nodded. I bit back a scoff. “Gordon was the wrong man for you, Sofia. I’m not.”
“Maybe not, but how long before some sexy, eager groupie catches your eye?”
Ahhh, so she was still fixating on her jealousies and insecurities. Dammit!
“I can promise no other woman out there is going to catch my eye, Sofia. Is that what’s holding you back?”
She tried to pull away, but I held her tighter, preventing her from running and hiding.
“Partially,” she confessed sadly. “It doesn’t matter how much I care for you—”
“The hell it doesn’t.”
“No, I mean, I can’t gamble my future or lose my identity to you or anyone else. The risk is too high.”
“Because of Gordon.”
“Yes, I nearly made a fatal mistake, but it taught me a valuable lesson. I have to stay true to myself, no matter what.”
“I’m not asking you to change who you are. When I suggested you quit working, it was so we could travel and see the world before we settled down and started having kids. It wasn’t an either-or proposition. If you want to keep working for Quinn? Fine. I’ll buy a house in Chicago. We’ll take a few vacations during the year and I’ll be a stay-at-home dad raising our kids. As far as losing your identity, that’s the last thing I’d ever want you to do. I love you exactly the way you are.” I scrubbed a hand through my hair. “I’ll do whatever it takes, sweetheart. Just name it.”
“What happens six months from now, when we’ve moved in together and you realize you leaving Licks of Leather was the biggest mistake of your life? Are you just going to pack your bags, kiss me goodbye, and climb back on the tour bus? Or are you going to ask me to quit my job and join you again?”
“I don’t know…I’m still trying to make the right fucking decision here.”
“Stay with the band, Burk. Keep following your dreams and I’ll keep following mine,” she pleaded as tears filled her eyes.
Heart shattering, I blinked back my own and clutched her to my chest. The notion of saying goodbye to her tomorrow, to watching her board a flight to Chicago and walk out of my life forever eviscerated me on a level I never knew was possible.
No. I couldn’t let her go…couldn’t survive without her in my life.
“Christ, Sofia,” I choked out. “Meet me halfway, sweetheart. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and a giant leap for love. I’ll catch you, sweetheart. I swear to god, I’ll catch you. The only way I want you to fall is head over heels in love with me.”
A disconcerting mixture of pain, longing, and sadness crawled across her face. And then, like always, the alarm on her phone began blaring, and Sofia tensed before peeling out of my arms and silencing the interruption.
Irritation and frustration spiked as I watched her don her competent road manager mask once more.
“We have an hour to pack and get on the bus. One more show after tonight.” She paused and sent me an apologetic grimace. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…”
“I know. Go get ready, sweetheart. I’ll meet you in the lobby.”
She lifted to her toes and kissed me, softly, poignantly. I clutched her body, fisted her hair, and deepened the kiss with a raw ferocity meant to imprint me on her soul…and bitterly wondered if this was the last kiss we’d ever share.
Anxiety simmered as the curtain came up. But as the air exploded with the same electricity as the previous night, I welcomed the passion to share my music with the world to fill my veins again.
As always, my family, no, my brothers were right there beside me.
Remorse pierced deep for all the pain and uncertainty I’d put them through. I was supposed to be their lead man…the one to guide our eclectic group of gifted musicians on to bigger and better things, not toss them to the curb like hamburger wrappers and walk away.
Christ, not only had I been the biggest selfish prick on the planet but a righteous bastard to let them all down like this.
As if sensing my self-loathing, Ross jerked his chin and narrowed his eyes, silently encouraging me to buck the fuck up. Ozzy, too, sent me an expression of solidarity, mimicking the drummer. While Syd—that crazy motherfucker—simply flashed me a lopsided grin, then blew me a kiss. Darren threw back his head and laughed, but the roar of the riotous crowd drowned out the sound.
As the spotlight lit up my body, the dark, bleak thunderclouds I’d stupidly hung over my head for so long parted, chasing away the doubts that had obscured my sight. I knew with startling clarity exactly where I belonged.
And it sure as fuck wasn’t fading into obscurity.
Yes, I wanted more from my life. But this, my band of brothers, my microphone, the hysterical fans, and the celebrated music we created, was my life force.
The blood in my veins.
The air in my lungs.
The sustenance that nourished my soul.
I loved Sofia with every fiber in my being. She fed me in ways music couldn’t touch. The amazing woman was my anchor, my strength, my whole fucking world…
Sofia was home.
I finally knew what I had to do.
♫
Sofia
Standing in the wings, I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face as I watched the guys playing and singing their hearts out and riling up the fans with their crazy antics. Suddenly, my ass began to vibrate. With a jolt, I plucked my cell phone from my pocket and checked the caller ID before pressing the device to my ear.
“Hang on a minute, Quinn,” I yelled. “I need to get someplace where I can hear you. Don’t hang up.”
Turning, I darted behind the back curtain and raced to the green room, shutting the soundproof door behind me.
“Okay,” I said breathlessly. “I can hear you now. What’s up?”
“I was hoping to catch you before the concert started, but I got delayed talking to Reed.”
“And?”
“He’s almost ready to serve Dan with the papers. Hopefully next week.”
“Good. I just want to find out what really motivated him to do this to Burk.”
“Look in the mirror,” Quinn quipped. “Speaking of Burk, how’s he doing? Has he given any indication which direction he’s leaning?”
“No, but I’ve encouraged him to stay with the band.”
“Interesting,” Quinn mumbled under his breath. “I can’t begrudge him for wanting a life, but I think he’s making a big mistake.”
“I do, too.”
“You do, huh? Well, if he does announce his retirement, we’ll need to pick up the pieces quickly. It’s going to be almost impossible to replace Burk, but we’ll figure it out. The other guys are counting on us.”
My heart ached for the guys and Burk. I couldn’t envision what Licks of Leather would look like without their original front man.
“You can count on me. I’ll do everything I can to help.”
“I know. That’s why I’m calling to ask if you’ll accept.”
“Accept what?”
“My offer to become partner in Fusion Productions.”
Suddenly, time, the air in my lungs, and my heart froze.
A million wasps took flight and started buzzing in my ears while a blanket of black dots blurred my vision.
Oh god. I’m going to pass out!
I dragged a couple of ragged breath into my lungs, then gulped in two more as I plopped down on the long leather couch beside me.
“Sofia? Are you still there?”
“Yes,” I gasped. “D-did you say partner?”
Quinn laughed. “I did. Come on, Sofia. Surely this isn’t a shock.” Want a bet? “You’re a godsend to me and Ava…our right hands. You handle every task we toss your way with poise and determination. With the addition of your intuitive nature, Fusion Productions is going to become an even bigger force to reckon with in this industry. I would be honored to have you join on as partner.”
Closing my eyes, I rode the earthquake of shock jarring the ground out from beneath my feet. I gripped the edge of the couch, my mind spinning like a centrifuge.
Partner! Partner! Oh, my god! This was my ultimate dream come true…what I’d worked so tirelessly to achieve. I wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t sleeping.
“I-I…” Stammering like a moron, I briefly squeezed my eyes shut and tried to gather my thoughts. But they were still swirling like a cyclone. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say yes.” He laughed. “After the concert, grab your suitcase and take a cab to LAX. I’ll have a first-class ticket to Chicago waiting for you.”
No. No. Not yet. I need more time. I’m not ready to say goodbye to Burk!
“B-but…Burk’s interview and the band’s final concert are tomorrow. The tour isn’t over yet.”
“You’ve done your job, Sofia. In fact, I’ve already direct-deposited that little incentive I offered into your checking account this morning. You kept kept the animals in line and quashed the tabloids’ stupid stories. It’s time for you to come home.”
No. Burk needed me at that interview. I needed to be there in case they tried to crucify him.
“Regardless of what Burk decides,” Quinn continued, “the guys will be joining him in Maui in a couple of days. He’s a big boy. He’ll be fine.”
But I’m supposed to go with them, too. Burk loves me. He wants me…forever.
My gut turned to liquid.
Regret and sorrow squeezed my heart. The wail of anguish I’d locked in my throat burned like acid. My time with Burk was only meant to be temporary. I’d had weeks to prepare myself to say goodbye. But now that the time was here, I didn’t know if I had the strength to actually do it because…
Oh, god…I’m in love with him.
No. No.
I wasn’t supposed fall in love with Burk.
But I had and now my soul was bleeding out.
How was I supposed to choose between love and my career? It wasn’t possible. I couldn’t give up my job, my livelihood, or risk my future on the off chance that mega rock idol Burk Jennings really would love me…forever.
