The Hitwoman’s Egg Hunt: A Comical Crime Caper, page 12
“The medical examiner?” he asked incredulously. “She works with dead people. Do you want to end up on her slab?”
“She went to medical school,” I told him. “And I’ve seen her provide medical care to the living.”
Not taking his eyes off the road, Nat shook his head. “I don’t like it.”
“I don’t care. Take me home.”
Nat made a snarling noise, signaling his opposition to my plan.
“Protect,” DeeDee growled, backing me up.
Shaking his head, my driver asked, “Where do you want me to drop you off?”
We didn’t speak again for the entire ride. Even when he stopped at the top of the driveway, as I’d requested, he remained silent.
“Thanks,” I murmured.
He pulled away without a word.
I told the dog she could run ahead and tell everyone we were back. She galloped off.
“I think you insulted Hunting,” God said, scrambling up my bra strap.
“That’s the least of my problems, at the moment.”
“Greetings, Maggie Lee!” Alejandro called, coming toward me. “Is today a walking day?”
“Nat dropped me at the top of the driveway,” I explained.
“I ask because the Nonnie woman is walking, too,” the llama said.
That stopped me in my tracks. “Walking where?”
“Poking the ground with a stick behind the barn,” he confided. “But she’s not alone.”
“No?”
“The raccoon and crow follow her.”
“Excellent,” God approved.
“The pig wanted to join them, but she lacks stealth,” Alejandro added.
The lizard made a disparaging noise that sounded a lot like “bacon grease”.
“Hush,” I warned him.
“I will continue my patrol,” the llama announced with a small bow.
“Thanks for the report,” I called as he trotted away.
“What do you think Nonnie is doing?” God asked.
“Maybe she’s searching for her ring?” I suggested, even though I didn’t believe it. “Hopefully, Mike and Rowdy will know.”
I continued toward the house.
“You handled Imelda Wolfe well earlier,” God said.
“I have a lot of experience dealing with hysterical women.”
“Get out!” Aunt Susan raged from the barn. “Out! Out! Out!”
“Speaking of hysterical women,” the lizard muttered.
I hurried forward, prepared to defend whoever my aunt was chasing away. I stopped abruptly when I saw that Nonnie was her target.
“Calm down, Susan,” Herschel said, stepping between the two women, hands raised like he was a referee keeping two boxers in their separate corners.
“I will not,” Susan said, her voice rising. “I will not have this troublemaker, this instigator, here.”
“What’s going on?” I called, hoping to de-escalate the situation.
“She accused her of being a grubby-fingered thief,” Susan shouted.
“I asked her if she’d taken my ring,” Nonnie countered.
I sighed. “Asked who, this time?”
“Alicia!” Susan yelled.
Hot rage twisted inside me the second I heard my niece’s name. I glared at Nonnie, no longer remotely interested in keeping the peace. “You what?”
“Easy,” God warned. “Don’t lose your temper.”
“She made Alicia cry,” Susan accused.
“She scared her,” Irma brayed from inside the barn.
“Nonnie didn’t mean—” Herschel began.
Even though I was boiling at the idea of Nonnie interrogating my sweet niece, I forced myself to take a breath and respond with reason. “Why don’t we take a break and talk about this over dinner?”
“She’s not invited to our family dinner,” Susan squawked with outrage. “Absolutely not.”
“If I want to invite my girlfriend to dinner, I will,” Herschel declared.
Susan went still, a look of frozen horror etched on her face. “Girlfriend?” she whispered in shock.
“Girlfriend,” Nonnie declared, grabbing Herschel’s hand and flashing a triumphant smile at Susan.
“Take cover!” God warned, diving into my bra.
I held my breath, waiting for my aunt’s explosion, but it didn’t come. Instead, she turned stiffly and walked toward the house. Her silence was deafening.
Nonnie tugged Herschel back toward the barn, whispering in his ear.
I stood there in shock that Susan had been bested.
“Sugar?” Piss meowed softly.
I looked down and found the cat standing beside me.
“Twitch and I tried, but we can’t get her to stop crying.”
I nodded my understanding. “Where is she?”
She led me to the steps off the kitchen door. Alicia, with the bunny hopping back and forth nervously in front of her, sat crying.
“Hey, kiddo,” I called softly.
She looked up, her face awash with tears. “I didn’t take it.”
“I know.” I picked her up and cradled her against me. It hurt my heart to see her suffering.
“She’s going to tell Mommy I’m a bad little girl,” she wailed into my shoulder.
“Shhh,” I soothed. “Your mom knows how good you are. I know it. Everyone knows it.”
“N-n-not Nonnie,” she sobbed.
“Nonnie’s an idiot,” I told her fiercely. “A big idiot.”
She gasped. “You’re not supposed to call people names like that.”
I sighed. “I know.”
“You could get in trouble. Name calling is not a way to solve a problem,” she recited.
I wondered who’d drilled that lesson into her so effectively.
“Are you going to tell on me?” I teased, relieved she was no longer crying.
She shook her head. “It can be our secret. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
I kissed her cheek. “Thank you, sweetie.”
“Pizza!” Katie shouted, bursting out of the kitchen door, startling us both.
I put Alicia down and wiped away her tears with my sleeve. “What about pizza?” I asked her cousin.
“Aunt Leslie says we’re going out for dinner. For pizza!” Katie spun in a joyful circle.
“Susan canceled dinner,” I guessed aloud.
“Aunt Leslie and Ms. Lassalan are taking me and Alicia. Aunt Loretta and Armani are meeting us there,” Katie continued. “Do you want to come, too, Aunt Maggie?”
Part of me desperately wanted to, but I knew I had more pressing matters to attend to. “I can’t tonight, sweetie.”
“But you’re taking us to the library egg hunt tomorrow, right?”
“You bet. We’re going to have a great time,” I told her with a smile.
Grabbing Alicia’s hand, Katie led her into the house.
I took a second to gather myself. “It is time I dealt with Nonnie.”
“You’re going to need a plan,” God pointed out.
He was right. But I didn’t have one. Yet.
25
Even though there was no family dinner, DeeDee didn’t hesitate to let me know she was hungry.
God reminded me that I should eat something, too.
I trudged into the kitchen in search of food and found Templeton peering into the fridge.
He glanced over at me with surprise when I entered. “You didn’t go for pizza?”
I shook my head. “Why didn’t you go?”
He shrugged. “I thought there might be less drama and gossip if I stayed here.”
“Good call,” God said from my bra.
I pulled the dog’s food out of the cupboard and poured her a generous portion.
She gobbled it up like she hadn’t eaten in weeks.
“I was going to make a sandwich,” Templeton said. “Want one?”
“Please.”
While he took ingredients out, he revealed, “Susan took the leftover spaghetti and meatballs up to Griswald. She insisted he had to have dinner in bed.”
“Was that before or after she canceled dinner?”
“After.” He shook his head. “She blew in here ranting about how ‘that woman’ would never eat at her family’s table.” He quickly assembled sandwiches as he spoke. “She muttered about her father’s terrible taste in women and poured the roux I was making into the trash.”
I winced. “I’m sorry she did that.”
“Loretta has her issues, and Leslie is, well, Leslie, but Susan…” He let out a frustrated huff. “That woman is just insufferable, at times.”
I understood why he felt that way, but I also knew why she’d reacted in such a manner. “She had a good reason to be upset,” I began.
“Her father has a right to have a girlfriend,” he argued.
“He does,” I agreed quickly. “But his girlfriend doesn’t have the right to accuse Alicia of stealing.”
He’d been a bundle of frenetic sandwich-making energy, but he went stock-still.
“She made Alicia cry. That’s what set Susan off,” I said softly, trying to keep my own anger out of my voice.
Templeton began to slowly finish making the sandwiches.
“And then, Herschel insisted on bringing Nonnie to dinner. Susan’s reaction may have been dramatic, but I can’t fault her for wanting to protect Alicia.”
He nodded, distractedly tossing a piece of lettuce in DeeDee’s direction. She happily slurped it up.
We didn’t speak as he cut the sandwiches and carried them over to the table. He placed one in front of me and slid into an empty chair.
He stared down at his sandwich for a long moment. “There’s something that’s been bothering me.”
“What’s that?”
“Why would someone wear valuable jewelry for barn work?”
I shrugged. “Why do people do half the things they do?”
He raised his gaze to meet mine. “You’re not understanding me.”
I stared at him.
“He doesn’t believe she wore it into the barn,” God said excitedly, scrambling up to my shoulder.
Templeton watched the lizard’s progress with amusement.
“You don’t think the ring was lost or stolen,” I said slowly.
He shrugged, winked, and bit into his sandwich.
I sat back in my chair, processing the possibility.
“I can’t be the first person to suggest that,” he murmured.
“You are the first person,” I admitted carefully, though he hadn’t been the first I’d talked to about it.
“Not exactly,” God said from my shoulder. “Zippy said it wasn’t missing.”
He had said that, but I thought he’d meant it was stolen. But I couldn’t say that to God just then. Ignoring the squeaking lizard, I focused on Templeton. “But why?”
“First, she got sympathy, then, she got your grandfather to offer to buy her a new ring, and now, she’s driven a wedge between him and the rest of his family. Every step of the way, she’s getting something she seems to want.”
I frowned, knowing his assessment was accurate.
“You should eat,” Templeton said, nudging my plate closer to me. “You can’t fix anything without your strength.”
“You think I can fix this?” I picked up my sandwich and took a bite.
“I think you can pretty much do anything you put your mind to, Maggie,” Templeton said warmly.
“This is delicious.” I talked while my mouth was full. “Is that pesto?”
He nodded. “I’ve been trying to make a pesto and cream cheese spread. I’m glad you like it.”
“Don’t let my father taste it,” I warned. “He might steal it to elevate his sandwich-making career.”
We were both laughing at my joke when Aunt Susan burst in. She scowled disapprovingly at our frivolity. “Lawrence is insisting on seeing you.”
“Okay. I’ll be up as soon as I finish eating.”
She nodded. Then, she looked to Templeton. “I shouldn’t have thrown out your roux. I’m sorry.”
He stared at her, in shock that she apologized.
“It was unforgivable,” she concluded.
“It’s already forgiven,” he told her easily. “We all do things in the heat of the moment.”
She blinked, surprised. “Thank you.” She hurried back out of the room.
Templeton and I ate in companionable silence.
Finally, I asked, “Have you told anyone else that you don’t believe Nonnie’s story about the ring?”
He shook his head.
“Good. I’ll handle it.”
He smiled. “I know you will.”
When I was done eating, I went to see Griswald. I hesitated before knocking on the door. I hadn’t been in the living quarters of my aunt and her husband before, and it felt awkward.
“Just knock already,” God groused, diving into my bra.
Aunt Susan opened the door before my knuckles made contact with it. “Come in. Come in.”
She ushered me inside a small sitting room. Griswald, head still bandaged, sat on the loveseat.
“Tell her,” Susan said, firmly closing the door behind me.
“I finally got the results on Nonnie’s background check back,” he said, avoiding my eyes, since we both knew he’d delayed ordering the report.
Susan sat beside him, pointing for me to sit in the only other seat in the room, a straight-backed wooden chair. “She doesn’t exist.”
“There’re no records for anyone with that name,” Griswald corrected.
“So Nonnie is short for something,” I said.
“We thought of that,” Susan said.
Griswald slid a sideways glance at his wife, clearly irked that she’d taken charge of this briefing.
“Armani got ahold of Nonnie’s driver’s license,” Susan continued.
“How did she do that?” I asked with alarm.
“She told her she needed it for some paperwork for their stupid animal rescue charity.”
“It’s not stupid,” I said quickly.
Susan waved my protestation away. “But she doesn’t exist with her ‘real’ name, either.” She emphasized this with exaggerated air quotes.
“She’s some sort of con artist?” I guessed.
“It looks that way,” Griswald confirmed.
“Now, we just have to prove it to Daddy,” Susan said excitedly.
I nodded slowly.
“Dear,” Griswald said. “My throat is sore. Would you mind making me a tea with honey?”
“Of course not!” She pecked his cheek, hopped out of her seat, and practically floated out of the room.
Griswald considered me thoughtfully. “You don’t seem surprised by the revelations about Nonnie.”
I shrugged. “I told you I didn’t like her.”
He nodded. “I talked to Hunting. The potential move provides us with a motive for Wolfe.”
“Or for any of the staff who are afraid of being left behind,” I suggested.
A slight smile played at Griswald’s lips. “Indeed.” Then, he frowned. “Are you absolutely certain you don’t need medical attention? A head injury isn’t anything to play around with.”
I stiffened, caught off-guard that Nat had told him about the assault. “I’m fine.”
“You need to be careful.”
“I’m well aware. Did Hunting tell you that the driver and personal trainer seem to have some kind of plan they’ve been working for a year?”
Griswald nodded. “I’m looking into it.” He steepled his fingers under his chin. “This business with your grandfather isn’t just a case, it’s personal. I can do my part with the law, but somebody else is going to have to deal with the family fallout.”
I sighed heavily, knowing he meant that would be me.
“I’ll handle it,” I told him. Even though I wasn’t sure that I could.
26
“Busy?”
The one-word text from Gino felt like a lifeline as I left Griswald. I quickly texted back that I was not.
“Come over?” was Gino’s response.
I gathered up Piss and DeeDee, piled us all into my car, and headed toward Gino’s place.
While I drove, God filled in the cat and dog about the latest Nonnie developments.
Piss was outraged, flexing her claws and hissing unintelligibly. DeeDee seemed a bit confused by it all.
Gino was waiting in the driveway when I pulled up to his house. I barely threw the car into park before leaping out and throwing myself into his arms. It felt good to be with someone who didn’t need anything from me, and I soaked up his strength.
“Hey,” he gasped, surprised. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”
I spilled the entire story about Nonnie out before we even walked in the front door.
“Hmmm,” he murmured. “That might explain why the boss claimed she was flirting with him. If she’s working an angle…”
“She’s definitely working an angle,” I huffed, trying not to imagine my grandfather’s accusation-happy girlfriend flirting with the mob boss.
Leading me to the couch, he pulled me down to sit on his lap. He gently pushed my head forward. “Let me take a look at you.”
I twisted in my seat, so I could see him. “What are you doing?”
“Is there a bump?” he asked, reaching for the back of my neck.
“Happened what?” DeeDee panted anxiously from beside me.
“She was knocked unconscious,” God told her, climbing out of my bra and jumping onto the back of the sofa. “At the Wolfe house.”
I swatted Gino’s hand away. “Hunting told you, too?”
“He was worried about you,” Gino said. “Now, let me see.”
“No.”
He rolled his eyes. “How old are you? Stop throwing a temper tantrum and let me check you out.”
I shook my head.
His gaze grew hard. “Otherwise, I’m going to say you’re reacting erratically and drag your stubborn butt into the E.R. so they can assure me that you’re okay.”
I wanted to call his bluff, but I wasn’t sure that he was putting on an act. “Fine,” I sighed. I turned and dipped my chin into my chest.
He pushed my hair aside, his fingers lightly grazing the still tender spot where my assailant’s blow had landed.
