Hard Ride: Powertools: Hot Rides, Book #3, page 14
“Hey, they covered my ass.” Van shrugged as if he’d long ago gotten over being made fun of for growing up poor.
That made one of them.
“I personally consider that a crime.” Kyra winked at him and slapped Van’s butt when he rose from the chair and bent over to put his marshmallow near the flames.
“I would share a baby picture, but I never thought to put one on my phone. I probably should to preserve them, since I only have a couple.” Kyra studied her own marshmallow, which she skewered with more force than necessary.
“Why’s that?” Van asked, peeking over his shoulder at her before returning his focus to achieving the perfect golden crust.
Kyra sighed then said, “My parents are weird as fuck, you know that.”
“I guess. You don’t talk much about them, and every time I ask, you change the subject.” The fact that Van stared into the fire as he said it made Ollie sure that had stung him.
Kyra offered a shrug that didn’t mask her discomfort. “They’re some kind of new age hippies, I guess, is the best way to describe it. Believe we’re all old spirits living in temporary bodies. So they don’t think kids are anything special or that they need much guidance because they should already know how to survive if they look within themselves. I learned to be self-sufficient. Technology isn’t really their thing, but at least I grew up with lots of music around so that I found drumming…and my way out. The few pictures I have from back then were mostly taken by friends.”
“Well, no worries.” Van took his completed marshmallow back to his seat, ruffling Kyra’s hair as he passed. “That pic I showed you is the only one I’ve got. My mom died shortly after that. She and about a dozen other people were riding in the bed of a pickup on the way home from the farm where she picked onions each year. The driver was drunk. He missed a turn and they tumbled down the embankment. They say she died instantly. I hope they’re right.”
“Lo siento mucho, Van.” Ollie’s heart ached for Van. He knew what it was like to lose the most important person in your universe at such a young age.
“Gracias.” He sighed as he tucked his phone back into his jacket pocket and sat next to Kyra, carefully assembling his dessert so he wouldn’t have to look at them. Kyra’s fingers lingered on Van’s hand as she passed him a square of chocolate.
Kyra glanced up at Ollie. When he didn’t volunteer any information, neither she nor Van pressed him about his own past despite the curiosity he could detect in her stare. Maybe that’s what made him comfortable enough to confess. Or maybe it was because he figured it was better to know now if they would shun him once they knew the truth about what he’d done.
Before he grew any closer and more attached to either of them.
Ollie cleared his throat. “You’re both doing better than me. I don’t have any.”
“Baby pictures or family?” Kyra asked, sliding her other hand over to his from her spot between the two men.
Ollie remembered how he’d promised her he wouldn’t let go until she asked. He was grateful she was willing to do the same for him. He rubbed the pad of his thumb over her soft skin until the inevitable panic and sickness washed over him as he thought about his mother.
When he opened his eyes, he saw Van staring at the place where Kyra and Ollie were joined. Still, he didn’t glare or ask them not to touch for his benefit. If they could go out of their comfort zone for him, he would do the same for them.
“Either.” He figured it was easiest to spit it out. “My father had a heart attack when I was five, and a year later my mami…”
Nope, it still got stuck in his throat. The words nearly impossible to say after all this time.
“It’s okay, Ollie,” Kyra promised. “You don’t have to tell us if it’s too hard.”
He shook his head because…he actually wanted to explain. To remember his mami instead of acting like she’d never existed in order to save himself the pain of her memory. “She died in a fire. That I started.”
He didn’t clarify because it didn’t matter how it had happened. It had been his fault and instead of letting him pay the price for his foolishness, she’d done it instead.
It was fitting punishment that he be left alone when he’d stolen her life. The one person in the world who’d loved him and been there for him.
“Oh shit, Ollie.” Van leaned in, resting his elbows on his knees. “I’m sure it was an accident.”
“It wasn’t.” He didn’t even have that excuse. “I was stupid. Screwing around with candles in a Christmas decoration. One of those mobiles that turn when the heat rises. I was obsessed with the thing and would play with it constantly, even when my mom told me not to. My father had died so young and unexpectedly, he didn’t have life insurance or any savings. So Mami worked as much as she could, cleaning houses, and had to leave me alone for a couple hours here and there. I just, I loved that thing. It was so pretty and mesmerizing to watch the brass angels spin around like magic. And the fire…”
He shuddered again.
Kyra leaned toward him, rubbing his back as he said, “I can’t believe I used to like watching the flicker of the flames. Never again.”
Ollie swallowed compulsively to keep bile from rising up his throat. “I must have fallen asleep watching the mobile and knocked it onto the floor when I slipped out of my chair at the table. It landed too close to the Christmas tree, which my mom had gotten for free from one of her clients because it dried up and died before the holidays. By the time I woke, the whole thing was engulfed and the fire was licking the ceiling.”
“Oh fuck.” Van clutched his gut.
“I kept coughing and couldn’t think straight. I remember scrambling backward until my shoulders hit the wall. I huddled in the corner and if it wasn’t for Mami coming home right then, I would have been the one.” Ollie blinked furiously. “It should have been me. Except she broke through the line of firemen telling her she couldn’t enter the building and dropped me out the window to them right before the roof collapsed. There was nothing they could do. No hope to rescue her like she’d done for me.”
“Ollie…” Kyra made a strangled sound. “She did it because she loved you. I guarantee, if she had to pick between herself or her child, she would have chosen you to survive. And thrive. Even without her.”
“That only makes it worse, doesn’t it?” He’d told himself the same things in the dead of night when he woke from nightmares, sweaty and desperate to go back in time.
“It was a tragedy, Ollie. Same as the one that took my mother.” Van’s calm reassurance penetrated Ollie’s racing thoughts. “I’m not blaming your mami, she did what she had to, but you shouldn’t have been left unsupervised at that age.”
“Agreed. Regardless of what my parents believe, kids aren’t fully developed creatures inside miniature bodies.” Kyra squeezed his hand. “You couldn’t have been accountable for what happened when you weren’t even mature enough to be responsible for yourself.”
Ollie collapsed against the back of his folding chair as if blown over by a gale-force wind.
He’d never thought of it that way before. It didn’t immediately erase his guilty conscience, but it did settle the sickness rising inside him enough that he wasn’t in danger of losing his dinner after dredging up terrible memories. That was a first.
“Can I ask you one other thing?” Kyra said softly, so he knew it was going to be a doozy.
“Of course.” It was too late to hold anything back now.
“That present I found in the drawer, the one that looks like it’s been there for a while…” She knuckled moisture from her eyes. Was it from the cold or the smoke from the fire or was he upsetting her with his story?
“It has. The fire happened two weeks before Christmas. Mami had it wrapped and hidden in the glove compartment of her car. The caseworker went through the vehicle looking for any information on next of kin, though there wasn’t any since my mother had moved here from Mexico with my father. She gave it to me before I went into the system.” He knew what Kyra would ask next, so he gave her the only answer he knew for why he hadn’t opened the damn thing. “I guess it felt like if I kept it, she would always be there in some way. If I unwrapped it, then it would just be me. No more presents from my mami. Ever. Besides, I didn’t deserve a gift considering it’s my fault she never got to celebrate another holiday.”
“It’s not!” Kyra stood then and rushed to Ollie, flinging her arms around him. “Please stop saying that. Your mami wouldn’t want you to take that on yourself.”
Her tears streaked down his neck where she buried her face against his skin.
“Sometimes horrific things happen in life. It doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault.” Van approached too, putting one hand on Kyra’s back and the other on Ollie’s.
“I know that. And what you’ve said helps some. But I still can’t stop wishing it had been me and not her who suffered the consequences when I refused to listen to her warnings.” Ollie clutched Kyra then, afraid that if he let her go he might shatter. He’d never said those words out loud, but they’d been eating away at him for two decades. “She told me what could happen and I didn’t listen. I didn’t really understand until it was too late.”
“I’m so sorry,” Kyra murmured in his ear before kissing his cheeks over and over, rocking him until he could find the air to take a deep breath again.
And when he did, he figured he might as well go all the way and admit some more ways in which he was fucked up. That night had razed him, too.
“Here’s the thing, Kyra…I realize that sometimes you think Van is overprotective and stifling.” Ollie still clutched her, so he felt it when she nodded against him. “But honestly, that makes me feel better. I haven’t been able to let myself feel for someone the way I feel for you. I tried—so damn hard—to keep myself from falling for you, too. Especially since there are times where you’re going to be far away from me, where anything could happen and I won’t be there to stop it. After getting to know Van, and seeing how he takes care of you, it clicked. He does a far better job than I could ever do to protect you. That’s what made me comfortable enough to move forward. That’s why I caved and kissed you after the concert that night. I’m glad you have him looking out for you. One reason I think I’ve never been open to a long-term relationship before was because…”
“You’re afraid of losing someone you love,” Van said simply.
“Yeah.” It was true even if that made him a coward.
“I get that.” Van paced in front of them. “After we buried my mom, I didn’t know what to do. I got schlepped around with all the other kids of the migrant workers until I was fifteen, and I ran away, looking for…I don’t know what. I ended up in New York, walking around the city all night, until the dizzying lights made me realize I was truly on my own. I had no idea what to do with the rest of my life. Some assholes tried to jump me and I fought back. The guy who owned the bar next door saw. Carlos took me in, cleaned me up, and offered me a job as a bouncer. Even then, I was big for my age. He never asked how old I was and I never told him. Besides, it was my job to take people’s keys and call them a cab when they’d had too much to drink, which felt right, considering... Anyway, after a couple of years saving my money, I started taking riskier jobs that paid better until I had my own security service. I don’t know if I was meant to do this, or if it’s some kind of crutch that helps me get by because of what I’ve been through. But I do believe there’s a purpose for all of us, and I’m glad that my twisted need to do this somehow made your fucked up brain rest a little easier.”
Ollie never would have thought it was possible, but in the middle of everything, Van made him laugh.
On that note, they sat in silence for a while, each of them lost in their own thoughts about how they’d gotten there, how they fit so well together, and what they should do about it. Ollie finally allowed his panic to retreat enough to admit to himself that he was already in love with Kyra. And Van…well, the guy was becoming something like a best friend. Except more…
Someone he wouldn’t mind being bound to forever by the woman they both adored.
The fire had died down to embers by the time Ollie realized Kyra was hugging herself to stay warm. Neither she nor Van had stacked more wood on the blaze after his disclosure, and soon it would put itself out. The moon and stars were barely enough to see by and, in the distance, coyotes howled.
“We should probably go in,” Van said.
As much as some part of Ollie urged him to take refuge in his home and pretend they’d never had this conversation, he couldn’t. Not yet. “Go ahead. I’ll be inside in a few minutes. As soon as I make sure this fire is really out.”
He stood and took the hose he’d laid out before lighting the bonfire, preparing to douse everything inside the circle of stones and what lay a few feet beyond it for good measure. He’d never risk Kyra’s or Van’s or Mr. Prickles’ or anyone else’s safety. Not even his own. Never again.
“I can do that for you,” Van offered.
“Nah. No offense, but I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t see it for myself.” Ollie wondered if anyone had ever noticed he was always the one to put out the fires they sat around at Hot Rides. Those summer evenings had been some of his best nights, and also a vivid reminder of why he didn’t deserve to be as happy as the rest of them.
“Okay. I get that.” Van put his hand on Ollie’s shoulder and squeezed. “I would do the same if I was you. I’ll hang out until you’re comfortable, give it a double check if you’d like.”
“Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.” Out of the corner of his eye, Ollie spied Kyra watching them.
She smiled, blew them a kiss, then headed inside saying, “I’ll feed Mr. Prickles and start some hot chocolate.”
“I can think of better ways to stay warm tonight.” Van bumped his shoulder into Ollie, knocking him slightly off balance. His hand reached out and steadied Ollie. If it lingered a little longer than necessary in the middle of his back, neither of them mentioned it.
Ollie murmured, “Sounds good to me.”
17
“Kason didn’t say why he needed you back right away?” Ollie asked for what had to be the tenth time since they’d gotten the call and turned around.
“No, but let’s be honest.” Van rubbed his hand over his short-cropped hair. “I didn’t like being out there, so alone and exposed, after what happened yesterday anyway. We came on this trip to escape attention but it seems like maybe it was too late for that.”
Kyra squirmed in her seat. Was she uncomfortable given how well they’d used her the day before and again that morning before hitting the road? Or…maybe she’d had too much coffee.
“Do you need me to pull over at a rest area?” he checked with her. “Or if you’re brave you can use my bathroom while I’m driving.”
“I am an expert at taking care of business while underway,” she shook her head. “It’s not that. I, uh, have to tell you guys about—”
Whatever she’d been about to say got drowned out by Van’s phone ringing. He muttered in Spanish low enough that Ollie didn’t quite catch what he said other than a distinct curse. Then he connected the call and put whoever it was on speakerphone. “Is there something you’re not telling us, Kason? What’s the big fucking hurry?”
“Calm down, big guy.” Kason laughed. “Nothing’s wrong, I swear. We’re just…excited for you to get here, that’s all. Maybe I miss you.”
“Yeah, right,” Van grunted. “I’ve only been gone for a fucking day and a half, which you probably spent in bed with your girlfriend and boyfriend.”
“Actually, nope. We were busy.” Kason sounded smug.
“Doing what?” Van wondered.
“You’ll see. How far out are you now?” Kason wondered.
Ollie checked the GPS, then said, “Less than an hour.”
“Great! See you guys then.” Kason chirped. Before they could pry any additional information out of him, he hung up. Van glared at the disconnected phone in his hand.
“Well, it definitely didn’t sound like he’s having a crisis.” Kyra shrugged. They would know since Van and Kyra had been instrumental in pulling Kason out of a spiral of depression and addiction a few years earlier.
They spent the next forty minutes debating what they would find when they rolled up the long, winding driveway to Kason’s luxurious mountain retreat near Middletown, home of the Hot Rods and Hot Rides sister-shops.
Ollie certainly hadn’t expected the expansive stone parking area to be full. Classic cars, beautifully restored, took up most of the space and a line of equally sexy motorcycles occupied the other side. He parked his campervan directly in the middle, wondering if he was in for another lecture about how their friends could spruce up his home inside and out.
Mustang Sally had been begging him to let her design a custom paint job for months. Maybe he should cave and let her do her thing. He just hadn’t decided exactly what he would like other than the boring factory silver with his company’s name in stick-on red vinyl letters, which rounded out the campervan’s current exterior finishing.
“Looks like they started the party without us,” Kyra said as she unbuckled and slid out of the van.
Although Ollie expected Kason to greet Van and Kyra, who were his best friends, the man was nowhere in sight. He noticed the stare the two exchanged. Though they weren’t the jealous sort, it probably took some getting used to now that Wren and Jordan were Kason’s priorities.
Ollie figured he’d do his best to fill that void.
He knitted Kyra’s fingers in his and put his hand on Van’s shoulder, pushing them up the grand stairs to the wood and glass mansion, perched on top of a mountain, overlooking picturesque Lake Logan.
