Rogue Most Wanted, page 29
“I’m sorry, but after last night…” She swallowed. “After we … hmm…”
“Made love?” He rested his elbows on his knees, leaning close to her. “That’s what it’s called. That’s what we did.” He grinned. “You seduced me, remember?”
“Yes. Well, after that…” She twisted her fingers together as if struggling to find the right words. “I found I needed to sort some things out for myself.”
“Did I hurt you last night?” God, he should have stayed home today and made certain she was fine. He’d much rather have held her in his arms than talk finances with his brother and sister-in-law. After today, he vowed to change his priorities. He valued his work, but Thea was priceless.
“Do you mean physically?”
He took one of her hands and squeezed. “Tell me the truth, Thea. I would never purposely hurt you, but if I did…”
She shook her head.
“Then what is it?”
“Ferr-Colby stopped by Langham Hall today.” Hesitantly, she shifted her gaze to his.
His ire rose, ready for a fight. If that reprobate had upset her again, he’d personally call the man out and beat him to a pulp. Everything within him snapped to attention. He shifted closer, ready to protect her like a wolf who would do anything to protect his mate. Ferr-Colby would never cause her anguish or pain again if he had anything to do with it.
Before he could ask Thea what the duke wanted, her next words drove a wedge straight through his heart.
“He asked me to marry him, and I agreed.”
* * *
The speed with which Will leaned away resembled a man who’d just been shot at close range.
“Pardon?” he asked incredulously.
“He told me he’d throw my tenants off Ladykyrk if I didn’t marry him.” The words were swirling in her mind, and she knew if she didn’t get them out quickly, she’d lose her nerve.
“I’m at a loss here.” He ran his fingers through his meticulously combed hair. “Help me understand. After what we shared last night, today you told Ferr-Colby that you’d marry him?”
“Yes. I should have said something earlier.…” She ceased talking once she saw the dumbfounded look on his face.
He suddenly seemed to recover his senses as he scooted forward with his knees framing hers. He took both of her hands in his, and the empathy in his eyes didn’t hide his underlying shock. She felt ashamed at her own cowardice and wanted nothing more than to hide in the farthest corner of the carriage.
Such a shame they’d taken one of the smaller ones from the Cavensham stables. You couldn’t hide a flea in here, much less a grown woman.
She chided herself for such thinking. This was the man she loved with all her heart, and she was setting him free. “But you should know … I love you,” she said softly. “I always will.”
“Oh my God, Thea.” The creases around his eyes marked his pain, and he tilted his face to the roof of the carriage. “Do you want him?” he asked, his voice suddenly wooden.
“No. But I have no choice.”
“We can find another way. You don’t have to marry Ferr-Colby.” His gaze held hers. “You don’t even know if you’ve lost the title. There’s been no decision on Eanruig. You can’t marry him.”
“He told me that his servants searched Ladykyrk and never recovered the charter. It’s not there.” A single tear escaped, and he gently wiped it with his thumb. “For all I know, my grandfather could have thrown it in the fire.”
“Or Ferr-Colby’s men could have done that.” He continued to caress her cheek with his thumb, ensuring that any other tears that fell would be swept away. If only he could do the same with her heartache.
“You could still marry me, and we’ll live with Aunt Stella until we find out for certain what happens to the earldom. Your tenants could come live there too. We’ll buy more land and build homes for them. I have money.”
“Will—” Her voice cracked betraying her pain. “They all just renewed their leases with me. They’ve committed to Ladykyrk for five more years. Ferr-Colby would seek damages against them.” She wanted to scream to the heavens at the insufferable circumstances before all of them. “He told me if I didn’t marry him, he’ll ruin them.”
“He’ll ruin you.”
The agony in his voice cut her to the quick.
He spoke the truth. She’d be nothing but chattel as Ferr-Colby’s duchess. Her gaze dropped to her hands where she could see the whites of her knuckles. She was clenching Will’s hands so hard, she had to be hurting him.
There was no use holding on to him. Everything inside of her stilled, then slowly cracked into a million pieces and fell into nothing. For a moment, she wished she could recall every word from this evening. She closed her eyes, desperate to find some type of equilibrium.
Gradually, she let go of his hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t have any idea I was holding on so tightly.”
“Thea,” he whispered as he cupped her cheek. “Marry me, and we’ll build a wonderful life together.”
She leaned away from him purposely and summoned every ounce of courage she possessed and prayed it would be enough to do the right thing. “I can’t let those people suffer.”
His eyes widened, then he shook his head as if disbelieving what she was saying.
“I made a promise, Will. I couldn’t live with myself if I cause my people harm. We’d both suffer, and I love you too much to put you or me through that.” She fought to maintain control over her grief while wretchedness crept in like a thief stealing all her previous happiness. “I’m sorry.”
The simple words were inadequate for the pain she had created for both of them.
He shook his head vehemently. “What about last night?”
“No harm came from last night. We were two people who shared something profoundly special.” This time, she bent forward and cupped his cheek. He leaned into her touch. “I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m grateful that my first time was with you.”
“Thea.” He placed his hand over hers, holding it to his cheek. “I’ll not let you go.”
“My sweet darling.” Never before had she used such a tender endearment. She swallowed, in hopes it would give her strength. “Remember when I said I didn’t think I deserved love? I was right.”
“No. I beg to differ.” He leaned forward and swept his lips against hers.
His gentle touch was a bittersweet reminder of all they’d shared over their short time together. Memories she’d keep for the rest of her life. Another rebellious tear fell.
Gently, he wiped it away with his thumb. “Don’t cry. Every tear stabs me.”
“It stabs me too.” Determined to maintain restraint, she closed her eyes. Every touch of his became another haunting memory. “For seven years, I took care of my grandfather, Ladykyrk, and the ducal estate. I was so lonely through that time, then I met your wonderful family. Thank you for sharing them with me. It was a dream of mine to have a family like yours welcome me, accept me, and make me feel as if I was one of their own. All because I met you.…” She shuddered inwardly as the pain lashed through her, but she forced herself to continue. “You gave me everything. You’re everything in this world I want, but I can’t have.” Though the pain ripped her heart into shreds, she forced herself to smile. “It’s the right thing for me to do. I have to do this. It’s who I am.”
There. She’d said it.
However much it hurt, she had to let him go. The insufferable pain made her want to double over and cry like a baby. Never had she felt as if her insides were being ripped out of her.
The carriage had come to a slow stop outside the Prydwells’ stately home. The entire building was alight in merry lights and the soft sounds of music and conversation filled the air. Such gaiety appeared almost garish when compared to the sorrow inside their small corner of the world.
By now, he’d pulled away from her. Though the distance was a mere foot, it felt as if miles were between them. He rested his elbows on his legs, legs that she’d caressed last night. He held his head between his hands. Those same hands had worshipped her body hours ago. Oh God, she had to stop torturing herself with such thoughts. There was already enough pain inside the carriage from both of them.
He wiped one hand across his face, but it did little to hide the hurt and agony there. “Thea, give me a chance.”
“Will, I can’t.” She swallowed, desperate to find the courage to finish this between them. “But one more thing. I’ll make certain Stella understands why I can’t marry you. I’ll ask her not to disinherit you.” She said it as gently as possible, but his nostrils flared as he clenched his jaws tightly.
“She never would have. It was an argument in her arsenal to bring us together. She didn’t think I had it in me to fall for you.” The edge in his voice made her lean back. “She was wrong. I fell off the cliff for you.”
He leapt from the carriage and held out his hand for her to take. “If you truly love me, give me a chance.”
LATE EDITION
The House of Langham escapes from the Man-Eater’s clutches.
Of course, did anyone really think she’d marry the Damp Squib?
Honesty in reporting is our creed,
The Midnight Cryer
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Good lord”—Devan examined Will from head to foot—“you look as if you just lost your best hunter.”
If he wasn’t in shock, Will would have snorted. He felt as if his best hunter had just kicked him in the teeth, then to add insult to injury, kicked him in the bollocks for good measure.
She’d jilted him.
He was still reeling like a top, desperate to land someplace. He hadn’t even seen it coming. He clenched his fists by his sides. He should have never left her side today. He should have made love to her again and again. That would have kept Ferr-Colby from forcing her into marriage.
“I’ve a lot on my mind,” he answered. Anger welled inside him faster than water collecting in the hull of a sinking ship. What was the use of hiding anything from Devan? He was a vicar, and if anyone needed consoling at this particular moment, it was Will. “Thea told me on the way over that she didn’t want to marry me. She’s marrying Ferr-Colby to secure her rights to Ladykyrk.”
Devan’s mouth gaped open. “When did you actually ask her to marry you?”
Will stared at his friend. That damnable horse kicked him again. “Last night.”
“I’m sorry, Will.” Devan shook his head. “Even I, who have never courted a woman or even sniffed at marriage outside of performing the services, know this must be tearing you up inside.”
Gutting him was a more appropriate description. Devan had no idea the devastation that had ripped through him. Everything had been perfect thirty minutes ago, and now his whole world had been torn apart.
“Don’t say you’re sorry.” If anyone should say they were sorry, it was heaven above. How could fate and God combined be so cruel to allow him to fall in love with her then snatch his happiness away? Having his heart ripped from his chest would hurt less than this.
His gaze constantly tracked her movements. Currently, Thea was talking with Lord and Lady Prydwell. Her mellifluous voice cut through the din of the other conversations and flew straight through him, piercing his slim thread of sanity. He still couldn’t quite understand exactly what had happened. How had something so clear and perfect last night turn into a nightmare?
His chest tightened in revolt. Grayson had arrived and stood by Thea’s side. Will took a deep breath to ensure that he wouldn’t march across the ballroom and plant a facer on one of his best friends.
“What will fix the problem?” Devan asked.
“Hmm,” Will absently replied.
Devan snapped his fingers in front of Will’s face. “Hello, I’m over here.”
Will pivoted on one foot and turned slightly so he could look at Devan, but out of his peripheral vision still see Grayson and Thea.
Devan genuinely smiled. “What will fix your problem with Lady Eanruig?”
“Only finding the second charter will convince her to marry me,” Will snapped. None of this was Devan’s fault, but at the moment, he didn’t give a damn whether he was civil.
Devan’s eyes grew wide. “Oh God, William. You’ve got to find it.”
He shook his head slightly. “I think it’s never going to be found. Apparently, the entire estate has been searched without any luck. Devan, I want her to have everything she wants in life. Ironically, I thought she wanted me, but she wants Ladykyrk more.” He looked his friend in the eye. “Is it wrong of me to say that this whole situation reminds me of Avalon?”
“It’s not the same.” Devan shook his head. “Thea wants you but can’t shirk her commitment to her estate. You understand that,” he said gently. “You’ve done the same thing with your family’s estates your entire life.” He clasped his hands behind his back and rocked onto his heels, a sure sign a lecture was about to ensue. “Do not compare Thea with Avalon.” His eyes grew wide. “Speak of the devil.”
Will turned, fully expecting to see Thea. Instead, it was a nightmare from his past.
The Marchioness of Warwyk, the former Avalon Cavensham, the woman who had laid him to waste all those years ago, stood directly in front of him. He hadn’t seen her since that fateful day ten years ago. Time had been somewhat kind to her. She was still fetching, but there was a coldness about her that diminished her beauty.
“Lady Warlock. Of all the nights for her to make an appearance, she chooses tonight,” Devan mumbled.
But Will heard every word. Indeed, why on all nights would she make an appearance like a witch swooping into the room on her broom to torment him after he’d lost Thea? Fate could only be described as cruel with an evil sense of humor. But he’d show fate and Avalon who could be even more heartless.
Devan bowed. “Lady Warwyk.”
“Mr. Farris,” she acknowledged without a smile.
“Lord William.” Her strong clear voice did little to mask the dread in her eyes.
That she would show such weakness in front of him didn’t faze him in the least. Every hair on his arms stood at attention. What little was left of his civilized mind told him to take heed. It wouldn’t serve either of their interests if he caused a scandal now.
Even if she deserved it.
He took a deep breath. It was such a childish reaction, one he desperately tried to tame. He took another breath, but the beast inside him thrashed and twisted, anxious to lash out at her. Refusing to calm, it demanded retribution. All the agony of his humiliation from years ago came back to haunt him, while reminding him of the pain of losing Thea.
He narrowed his eyes and examined her more carefully. There was a brittleness about her; he could see it in the lines around her eyes. A sharp wind through the ballroom would likely break her in two pieces.
Really, how appropriate that she chose tonight to taunt him? He’d doubted he had the capacity to bear any more pain—not after Thea cut all ties to him.
But he was wrong.
* * *
Will didn’t hide the fact that he watched Thea’s every move. Even when she had her back turned to him, she could feel his stare as if he’d actually touched her. Suddenly, it stopped, and for the life of her, she missed it. Discreetly, she turned from Lord Grayson and stole a peek Will’s way.
The most beautiful woman Thea had ever seen stood before Will. She was dressed in a satin lilac gown with Belgian lace as an overlay. Tall and thin with hair as dark as the night, she stood perfectly still, not batting an eye, like an automaton. The sight reminded Thea of a rare lavender rose she once saw at her grandfather’s conservatory.
Lord Grayson immediately stiffened beside Thea when he saw the woman with Will. “Oh God, it’s Lady Warlock.”
“Who?” Thea asked.
He shook his head quickly. “Forgive my crass comment. That is Lady Warwyk.”
“The woman who broke Will’s—”
“Heart,” he growled. “Yes. The one and only, Avalon, the Marchioness of Warwyk.”
Thea looked at Will’s back. The stiffness in his posture and his clenched fists meant one thing. He was livid and most probably hurting. She’d seen in his eyes the wounds he suffered when he’d shared how the woman had jilted him.
And she’d just done the same to him. All her earlier suffering and shame flooded her once again with numbing pain. With every ounce of strength she possessed, she forced herself to go to him. Without taking her leave of Lord Grayson, Thea went to stand by his side. She had to save him before he lost himself in anger.
She’d not allow the man she loved to be decimated in front of her.
* * *
“Lord William, would you introduce me to the Marchioness of Warwyk?” Thea’s honeyed voice instantly soothed the beast inside him. Reluctantly, the lashing monster retreated into its chains but still continued to rattle them in warning.
Before he could bite out the word no, Grayson did the honors for him.
“Lady Eanruig, it would not be appropriate under these circumstances,” Grayson announced in a steel, cold voice designed to cut Avalon in two with a single swipe.
This whole evening had turned into a bloody mockery. The two women whom he’d wanted to marry stood before him, and neither of them wanted him—then or now. While he didn’t want anything to do with Avalon, he wanted Thea desperately. With his calm reserve in shambles, he wanted to sweep her up in his arms and take her to the carriage. He’d kiss her, then make love to her. Afterward, they would go home, and he’d take her to his bed and make love to her again and again until she realized that she belonged to him and he belonged to her—even if it took a week, a month, a year, or a decade.
As Thea was wont to do, she did as she pleased. She ignored Devan, Grayson, and himself to do her own bidding. While still holding on his arm with her left hand, she extended her right. “How lovely to meet you, Lady Warwyk. I’m Lady Eanruig.”
