P.S. I Hate You, page 13
His fingertip traces my cheek and trails down the shell of my ear. “You’re a really strong person, El. I’ve never met anyone like you.”
His piercing stare and sweet words strip me bare. Jace Wilder is six feet of heartbreak. He’s a wicked smile with a body made for sin and eyes cut like brilliant blue diamonds. He’s a fantasy in dirty denim. A bad boy who’ll make you think he’s a good man. My heart’s already cracked. I don’t want to let him inside. “I’m not that strong,” I say, lowering my gaze.
“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
“I’m a coward. I run from all my problems instead of facing them head-on.”
He sits up, pulling his knees to his chest. “Are you crazy? You buried your own mother, then moved two thousand miles to a new city with a strange family all by yourself. If that’s not strength, I dunno what is.”
“You lost a parent, too.”
He leans back on his elbow. “Yeah, but I still had my mom. I dunno if I coulda done it alone.”
His open honesty breaks me down. “You wanna see something I’ve never shown anyone else?”
A nervous laugh tumbles from my throat when he lifts a suggestive brow.
“Not that.” I push myself up and lean forward. Running my fingertip gently over my eye, I remove the lens hiding my shame. With my heart in my throat, I look up.
The look of shock as he moves in closer makes my chest hurt. “Your eyes are … tie-dye.”
“Waardenburg syndrome. It’s a genetic condition that affects the pigment of the eyes and hair. Some people have two different colors, and others have a split mix like me. Luckily, that’s all I have.”
He lifts his hand to my cheek. “Troy seen this?”
“No one has.”
“Why hide it?”
I blow out a humorless laugh. “Because I look like a freak.”
“I think it’s beautiful.”
“Don’t make fun of me.” I start to turn away, but his hold tightens. I lift my gaze, expecting to see hate brewing, but all I find are bright blue orbs swirling with heat. It cascades over my skin, making my feelings that much harder to deny. I’ve fallen far too fast for the wrong man. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.
“I know I’ve said a lotta spiteful things to you, El. I may have even tricked myself into believin’ ’em, but I’d be lying if I said you weren’t beautiful.”
His hand gets lost in my hair as his lips crash into mine. His hungry mouth coaxes mine open with the urgent slip of his tongue. My body ignites like a forest in a drought. Fervent need licks up my legs, a foreign feeling rumbling in my core.
With little effort, he slides me beneath him. My legs instinctively wrap around his waist. For the second time, I find myself writhing against the rock-hard erection twitching between my thighs as I melt into his mouth and lose all sense of myself.
The jingle of my phone is a bucket of water smothering our burn. We pull apart as fast as we came together, our chests heaving with the secret still fresh on our swollen lips.
Troy. Shit.
The blood drains from Jace’s face, and his expression turns cold. He backs away as if I disgust him, his lips curling over his teeth like he tastes something bitter.
“You don’t have to go.”
He gets up and leaps over the side of the truck. “You can leave all that shit. I’ll take care of it in the mornin’.” He makes it as far as the porch before stalling his flight. “You know, the guy who owns the gas station in town has two different colored eyes, too. It ain’t as weird as you think.”
The incessant ringing matches the cadence of my heart. He’s hot as fire, then cold as ice. It makes my head spin with the sheer speed with which he changes his mode.
I lie back in the truck and swipe my thumb up the screen. “Hey.”
“Hey, baby. What are you doing?”
The way he says baby puts a rotten feeling in my gut. He and I are not on the same page. I should let him down easy and go our separate ways, but without Troy, I’d be utterly alone. Maybe I’m selfish. I don’t want to lead him on, but I don’t want to lose him either.
“Just finished watching a movie.”
“Anything good?”
My gaze lifts to the sheet blowing in the breeze. “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”
He snorts. “You must be bored to death.”
I scowl. Jace knew it was my mother’s favorite movie. Troy would, too, if he ever bothered to ask.
“How was the fight?”
“It was good, but I missed my girl sitting in the first row cheering me on.”
Nausea rises up my throat. My fingers subconsciously touch my tender lips as he goes on about his opponent’s weak spots and toying with him for three rounds. Who even am I? I’m dating one man while lusting after another. This isn’t me. I’m not the girl with restless hormones who rolls around with guys in the bed of a truck. I’m composed and controlled. But Jace takes me out of my own head and makes me feel like someone else.
“I know you’re nearing the end of your quarantine, but Facebook tells me it’s your birthday? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Troy’s question pulls me from my reverie. Why didn’t I tell him? “Oh. I didn’t think it was a big deal. We can’t see each other anyway.”
“I’m pulling onto your street now. Come out front.”
My gaze shifts to the light in the garage, Jace’s shadow moving inside. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“I’m not scared of germs. I just want to see you.”
I slide to the back of the bed and hop down. Gravel crunches under my feet. I cross my arms over my chest, holding myself together as headlights come into view. I waggle my fingers in a curt wave, and he smiles. “Come sit,” he says, gesturing to the passenger side.
A deep breath hits my lungs. I let it trickle out slowly as I walk to the car and get in. Troy looks as put together as he always is. Not a scratch or a bruise on his handsome face. It brings back Jace’s accusation about Troy’s father fixing the matches. I didn’t want to believe that. I like to think that Troy fights fair, but something doesn’t sit right inside. Nothing about Troy sits right inside anymore.
He flicks the fringe on my cutoffs. “You look like a local.”
“I’m not going to get dressed up to stay at home.”
He shrugs. “You’re still pretty.”
The compliment sends a shock wave up my spine. The lens. It’s sitting on the ledge of Jace’s truck and not in my eye where it belongs. I avert my gaze, hoping Troy doesn’t notice, but he’s not looking at my face. He’s staring at my legs.
“C’mere,” he says, sliding his arm across my shoulders to pull me closer. Warning bells blast in my brain. Is this really my life? Kissing two different guys on the same day?
It is.
Troy’s dry lips land on mine, chaste at first. A series of small pecks before moving in deeper. Strange how two kisses can be so different from one another. One brings fire and lust; the other, sweet serenity bathed in a river of guilt.
I tip my head, and he follows, leaning over the console to get closer. His fingertips dance at the hem of my shirt before sliding beneath. I press my palm against the back of his hand, a silent stop, but he doesn’t get the hint. He cups my breast, his tongue practically in my throat. Sliding my arms between our bodies, I attempt to push him back and fail miserably.
He moves my hand to the bulge in his jeans. “C’mon. Just a little while. If you don’t like it, we’ll stop,” he warbles between kisses.
Another memory pops into my head. “Tracy Givens,” I blurt.
He pulls back. “What did you say?”
I swallow hard, staving off the sick feeling brewing in my stomach. “Tracy Givens, Pam Mackey, and Rhonda … something. Do you know them?”
His kind gaze falls to an evil glare. “Let me guess. Jace told you those names.”
“What happened with them?”
“They’re liars.”
My brows lift. “All three of them?”
“Yes.” He bares his teeth like a dog about to strike. “All trying to squeeze whatever money they can get out of me.”
“That true?”
“You’re gonna believe that criminal over me?”
I narrow my gaze. “Don’t call him that.”
“Oh cute. Defending your boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend, but he is a person who deserves the same respect as anyone else.”
He sits back in his seat. The cold air emanating from the dash is nothing compared to the frosty chill coming from his side of the car. “I’ve been back and forth around here, you know. I see what’s going on.”
My stomach drops. “You’ve been spying on me?”
“Keeping an eye to make sure you’re alright. You two are lookin’ pretty chummy out on the porch together.”
Anger rattles my bones, but I’m not sure which I’m mad at more: Troy’s accusation or the fact that his blind distrust is right on target. Maybe I’m the real asshole here, but he isn’t far off. “We’re just talking, Troy. Last I checked, it wasn’t a crime, but stalking is.”
He shakes his head with a humorless laugh. “That fucking word again. It’s not stalking if you’re doing it out of concern.”
Again?
The single word hovers in the cab strangling me with its hidden meaning. How many women has he done this to? My insides quiver, but this time it’s from fear. “I’m going in the house.”
I push open the door, but he grabs my arm. “You’re leaving just like that?”
“Let go, Troy.”
“No one walks away from me.”
A smoldering cigarette butt lands near my foot, the cherry glowing bright. “She said let go,” Jace’s voice growls from the shadows. He steps into the light, his large frame silhouetted by darkness.
Troy opens his fist. I step from the car and stand in the safety of Jace’s presence as Troy drives away. “You never listen, do you?” Jace barks as soon as the Porsche is out of sight. I open my mouth to argue, but in true Jace fashion, he storms away without waiting for my response.
Tingles sweep up the back of my neck and across my face. Emotions rotate one after the other: anger, embarrassment, lust … they swirl together in a Molotov cocktail that detonates with the sound of the slamming door. I follow him inside and go straight to his bedroom. “I never asked you to save me, Jace. I never asked for any of this.”
His razor-sharp glare slices a wound in my chest. “Then what do you want?”
My shoulders slump. “I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. Say it.”
Sweat breaks on my forehead. He steps into my personal space, his muscles tightening as he comes closer. I swallow the saliva building on my tongue. “Say what?”
“Money,” he booms in my face. “You’re willing to whore yourself out for the money.”
My jaw drops. The veins pulse in my neck as he hovers above me. “How dare you?”
“How dare I?” The manic look in his eyes triggers my fight-or-flight response, but I have nowhere to go. He has me up against the ropes, my chest tight against his. “I was right about you all along, wasn’t I?”
“Well, I was wrong about you,” I grit, trembling from deep within my soul. “I thought there was a decent guy buried beneath all that hostility, but you’re really just the bully I thought you were.”
“Oh yeah?” Heat drives off him like a furnace. A slow ache begins to build. It swirls in my tailbone and ricochets through my gut and up my spine. I want to tear him apart limb from limb. I want to dig my fingernails in his skin and draw blood. I want to make him burn the way I burn, then laugh as he smolders to ash at my feet. I want to make him hurt.
“Yeah.”
Violent breaths compete with my own seconds before his lips crash onto mine. His assault on my mouth is nothing like before. It’s carnal, hungry. A kiss imbued with anger, dipped in lust. Day-old stubble scrapes my face as he licks across the seam, forcing entry. Slippery and slick, hot and wet, his wicked tongue tangles with mine. He devours me. Weeks of pent-up hostility pour from his lips, filling me until I’m boiling over with need.
“Fuck, Ellie,” he snarls. “I told myself I wasn’t gonna do this, but I can’t stand not having you.”
The husky way he says my name sends a shiver down my spine. That slow Southern drawl is enough to weaken my resolve. “Then take me.” I fumble to find the hem of his shirt. We break apart for as long as it takes to pull it over his head, then snap back like two magnets unable to be separated. Strong arms slide under my ass. He hoists me in the air, my legs twisting at the ankles as he spins me around. We fall on his bed in a tangled heap.
Jace and I go at each other like we’re going to war. He yanks on my hair, exposing my throat. A whimper floats between my lips, but he’s already moved on, scraping his teeth against my skin in a biting kiss that makes me wet with desire.
The bed dips as Jace holds himself above me. ”Tell me to stop, and I will.”
“I can’t.”
“You sure about that?”
Reaching up, I push the dark tangle of raven hair off his forehead and bring him down to me again. This time, he feathers his lips against mine, soft and sweet, a secret pact, a whispered promise between us. “Do you need me to be gentle? I can be gentle for you.”
He pushes to his knees and stares down from above. In the dim light, his crystal-blue eyes shine like sapphire stones. When he grazes my stomach, it ripples under his tender touch. He unbuttons my shorts and slides them down slowly.
His fiery gaze locked on mine, he crawls back to the foot of the bed. Grabbing my ankle, he drags me down. A nervous giggle bubbles from my chest as he kisses a slow trail from hip bone to hip bone. I feel his smile turn. He takes his time, savoring me like a dainty dessert, nipping at my thighs before flattening his tongue against the cotton panel of my underwear.
My back bows. I fist the comforter on either side as he thumbs under the band on my hips and tears them away. “You don’t have to …” I whimper.
Hot breath beats against my burning flesh. He raises his gaze to meet mine, his molten stare holding me hostage. “Believe me, I do.”
The second his tongue flicks against my entrance, he growls. It rumbles inside me, the sensation making me scoot back with a gasp. He grasps my hips and drags me back down, shucking my legs over his shoulders. Heat ripples against my thigh as he goes in a second time. Tufts of raven hair fill each palm. I yank him closer, grinding against his face, a jumbled mix of whimpers and curses tumbling to the sky.
When his finger prods my entrance, I clamp down on my lip. The beautiful pressure pushes a moan from my chest. He adds a second digit, a bite of pain swirling with deadly decadence. He scissors them, stretching me wide as my fingernails pinch into his skull.
My descent into madness is slow. I dig my heels into his back, chasing the rapture tickling my tailbone. He circles my clit, and my head falls back. I’m walking a tightrope; one tiny push can send me spiraling.
And then he gives it to me.
Falling through the darkness, I’m met with a series of explosions detonating within when I reach the bottom. Like firecrackers, he lit the fuse and watched them pop. Flashes burst behind my closed lids, pleasure rupturing the seam that holds me together.
When the mattress dips around me again, I’m still dizzy from the aftershocks. The tangy taste of my own sweetness clings to his lips as they fuse with mine again. I barely register the rustle of clothing or the telltale tear of the foil wrapper before he lowers himself on top of me.
He stalls, dropping his forehead to mine. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”
His admission holds a meaning deeper than face value. Jace has hurt me more times than I can count. He kicked me when I was down, but he also protected me, kept me safe from harm, and believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Under the layers of forced arrogance and swagger is a flawed human being, just like the rest of us. A human being deserving of love and forgiveness.
“So don’t,” I whisper, looking up into the face of the man breaking before me.
“I don’t know how not to.”
“I know.”
He nudges my opening, but my tightness deflects his attempted entry. He lets out an irritated curse, his teeth taking my earlobe as he tries again. A sharp breath hits my lungs. I squeeze my lids as he slowly fits inside me.
“Breathe,” he instructs, and I do. “Good girl. Now, look at me.”
We lock eyes as his hips begin to move at a steady pace. His brow set in grim determination, he’s holding back. I can tell by the set of his jaw and the hairpin line of his lips. His pace unhurried, he slides in and out until my whimpers of pain become moans of pleasure. My lashes flutter, but I hold his stare the way he told me to.
Forcing my breath out in shallow pants, he pumps harder. I tighten in response, and he eases back. “Goddamn,” he slurs. “I somehow knew this pussy was gonna be the death o’ me.”
He sits up on his haunches. His hands skim under my shirt, and I shift to help him get it off. It falls to the side, forgotten as he palms my breast. The next thing I know, his arm sweeps under my back and pulls me off the bed. He dips his head, lapping at my nipple until it forms a stiff peak on his tongue, then he attacks the other. The insurmountable ache I feel inside threatens to tear me in two. I’m a rag doll in his arms. A plaything going limp as he drives into me again and again. Powerless. Helpless. Just the way he likes me.
Falling back on my hands, I cross my ankles at the small of his back. He holds my hips and feeds himself into me until I’m completely full. From this position, every thrust sends a miniature shock wave rippling up my spine. I feel him deep, his balls slapping my ass as he tips his head back in carnal ecstasy.
He sweeps his fingertips over my lips. “Suck.” I pull them into my mouth, my cheeks going hollow as he slides them back out. “Next time, that’ll be my dick.” With sodden fingers, he rubs my clit until I’m nothing but a wasted pile of sobs.
A mighty roar echoes through the space as he comes alongside me. He rests his full weight on my chest, his garbled pants beating against my ear. When it’s over, he rolls to the side, taking his heat with him. I lie on my back as he kicks his leg over the edge of the bed. Muscles pull taut under his skin. He leans on his elbows, his head in his hands.
