The Cowboy's Heart, page 16
“It’s because you’ve been working too hard. You need a vacation. You need some work-life balance.”
He snorted. “Yeah, that’s what I need all right.” Nate gave a humorless laugh. “I got Doc Pete in the secret Santa.”
Janice blinked at the sudden change in conversation. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“What do you think I should get the good doctor? What do you give the man who has everything?”
Janice floundered for a bit. How they got here, she hadn’t a clue. She wanted to talk about how Nate had been burning the candle at both ends for too long. She wanted Nate to change his mind about the cattle drive. “I don’t know. Get him a buck knife. Or a watch. He’s constantly breaking his.”
Nate snorted. “Maybe the man who has everything needs a woman who has everything.”
“Oh no, you don’t. I see what you’re doing here. And I’ll tell you what I told my father. I am not marrying Pete. I am not a prize to be won. I’m not a gift to be given. I like Pete, but I’m not going to marry him for his money. What type of friend does that?” She took in a deep, hurtful breath. “What kind of a lover gives up his mate so easily?”
“Easy?” He rubbed his forehead as if it was giving him great pain. “This isn’t easy.”
“Don’t you dare walk away from me,” Janice said, as he turned away.
Nate continued to walk back toward his cottage.
“Again.”
Chapter Eighteen
Nate should have known that Janice wouldn’t go out without a fight. She had the boohoo club up and ready to go at four thirty a.m. every morning for the rest of the week. They followed the team out and worked as if they were a part of the group. Kelly and Emily joined in on Wednesday and Donovan joined them today. Nate was beginning to feel outnumbered.
And if looks could kill, he’d have been eviscerated by the glare those ladies gave him. They worked hard on the fences and hauling hay and feed. He couldn’t, in good conscience, say that any one of them didn’t pull their own weight.
He felt like an asshole too, but that wasn’t anything new. He couldn’t possibly feel any worse about himself than he did at this moment. He was going to lose his job once Emily decided to turn the ranch into a dairy farm. Or he was going to lose Janice—if his attitude hadn’t already pushed her away—if she decided that Pete was a better choice, money or not. The only bright spots were Daisy and Jonas. Daisy had made a complete recovery and was back to hogging most of the bed. And while Jonas wasn’t quite ready for work yet, he was going to be fine, too.
Nate supposed those were the only Christmas miracles he could hope for.
Worrying was keeping him from sleeping at night, but he drifted off on his horse and in the truck at lunchtime. He was more of a danger working cattle than the retreat was. At least when he was on Jonas, the horse knew what to do if Nate wasn’t giving him commands. The new horse was still trying to figure out how much he could get away with.
Skipping dinner that night, Nate decided to drink himself to sleep. With the cattle drive being the next morning, it probably wasn’t the brightest of ideas, but he needed to get some rest. Short of knocking himself out, he wasn’t sure what else to do.
The booze must have worked because Nate was dreaming Donovan had finally lost his cool and took a machine gun to the feral hogs. Only, machine guns also didn’t yell, “Open the damned door, Nate.”
Squinting at the clock, he saw it was three a.m. He recognized the machine gun’s voice. Who else could it be?
“Hold on to your ass,” he growled and wobbled to a sitting position. Damn, his head was a throbbing mess and his mouth felt full of cotton. Maybe Janice had brought doughnuts or something. His stomach protested, but Nate ignored it and staggered to his feet. “Will you stop with the noise? I’m coming already.” Damn.
He opened the door, and Janice pushed inside giving him a shoulder block that would make any hockey player proud. She was buzzing with purpose. If he believed in such nonsense, he would have been convinced she was some kind of vampire, sucking the energy from him and adding it to her own endless supply.
“I had a good half hour more,” he complained.
“We’re coming out with you today.” Janice whirled on him. Now that he looked closer, she looked tired as well. This last week had been rough on her. Donovan had said that Frank was still trying to get her to reconsider the retreats altogether. Apparently, a dressage school was better than an ex-con retreat, which was saying something, considering how her father hated all that “fancy horse stuff.”
“I kind of figured,” he said. He should apologize. But then she might forgive him. And if she forgave him, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from dragging her back to bed. Of course, she’d probably tell him to go to hell, and he’d deserve it. But he really was sorry. He wasn’t thinking straight lately. The headaches were getting worse and it made him snarly and snappish.
“If you have a problem with it, get it out now.” Janice squared her shoulders and glared at him defiantly.
“Peace,” he said, holding up a hand. “I need a bucket of coffee and some aspirin.” More like a bucket of aspirin.
She wrinkled her nose. “What’s wrong with you?”
“The list is long,” he said and fumbled into the kitchen.
“Are you drunk?”
“No.” Not anymore.
She moved as if to put a hand on his arm, but then stopped herself. That near broke his heart, but it was no more than he deserved. He’d tell her that the retreat did her proud. But not right now. Right now, it would be all he could do to get through this day.
“Pete’s joining us today.”
Nate had his back to her and closed his eyes. Of course he was. Why not? No doubt he’d be riding next to Janice and they’d be smiling and chatting.
“He’s excited about the secret Santa tonight. I think he got Rita. What did you wind up getting him?”
Normally, he’d tease her and tell her she’d have to wait, but there didn’t seem to be a point anymore. “I went with the buck knife.”
“I got Gayle,” she said. “I went with a gift certificate to Bella’s Beauty Salon.”
He wondered if the coffee really was taking an eternity or if it was just him. Nate wished he had the words to make everything seem less awkward, but he was using all his energy just to stand up. Maybe he should take a few days off. It they hadn’t had so much damned work to do, he’d consider it. Last time he tried to take a few hours off, he decided to go hunting with Donovan and wound up falling asleep in the tree stand.
“My group has earned their place on the cattle drive. Do you promise you’re not going to spoil this for them?”
“Yeah,” he said. Finally, the coffee was brewing. He took a deep breath of the scent and then swapped out the pot for a cup and poured himself some, replacing the carafe when the cup was full. He blew on it and took a sip. It cut through some of the cobwebs. It was time to cowboy up and let her know how he felt.
“Janice, I’m sorry. You were right. I was afraid for you and for what that asshole Ernie was going to do. Highwater called me and Donovan into his office and gave us hell, but that was the end of it. He personally drove Ernie out to the town limits and told him in no uncertain terms to fuck off. I was wrong to take it out on your retreat. They did a good job this week. You should be proud of them.”
He waited, but she didn’t say anything. Okay, he was still in the doghouse. “I’m not in a good place right now,” he said. “My headaches are getting worse. I can hardly string two words together, and the ranch being on the brink of foreclosure is eating at me. Pete’s a good man who would do right by you and your family. You may not love him now, but I don’t think it’s out of the question that you could love someone like him. I can’t say I’d be happy about the match, though.” He took a deep, shuddering breath and forced himself to say the next part, even though there were migraine flashers throbbing over his eyesight. “I figured, though, if you don’t mind the hard work to keep this ranch afloat, and haven’t come to your senses yet and realized that he’s a much better man than I am, I’d like for you and I to make a go of this. I love you, Janice. I always have, and I’ve been an idiot.”
He took a gulp of coffee, but as the silence grew, he began to sweat. His headache was almost unbearable. It was just a damned hangover, but it felt like someone was squeezing his head with a vise while jabbing an ice pick into his skull.
“Well, say something damn it.” Nate whirled around.
But she wasn’t there. She had walked away from him for a change. And he had no idea when, or if she had even heard what he said.
“Son of a bitch.”
*
Janice was hoping to hide the fact that she was on Synergy from Nate as long as she could. She didn’t need to hear him bitch about what a prima donna her racehorse was. She’d run out of there as soon as he agreed the retreat could come with them this morning. She hadn’t wanted to push her luck and risk him changing his mind.
With nearly everyone in creation on this cattle drive, it looked more like spring roundup than just driving the cows from one field to another. They were short on horses. As it was, Pete was on Black Dahlia, who was looking to show off. It was a good thing Pete was an accomplished rider and could keep her focused.
Synergy wanted to run and beat the cattle to the pasture. Janice was the only one experienced enough to settle him into acting like a normal horse. She kept him wide and alongside the herd. That way, if he did act out, he was nowhere near the center of the pack. Luckily, he got his chance to chase a calf who decided to run the other way. Synergy was no barrel racer, but he got her there. And after three or four tries that she hoped her sisters and Nate didn’t see, she managed to rope the runaway and guide him back to the meandering longhorns and Anguses. However, as they got close, Synergy got a little squirrelly. Luckily, Gayle was paying attention and she rode out to take the rope from her.
“Thanks,” Janice said, trying to soothe Synergy. “I don’t know what his problem is.”
“There’s something in the air,” Gayle said.
Janice squinted up into the sky. She hoped not. The forecast said no rain, but the sky was darkening ominously. A little rain wouldn’t kill them, but it wouldn’t make for a pleasant day in the saddle. She had made sure the retreat had rain ponchos and bandannas. They’d make it through.
She hung back to see how Tracie and Regina were doing in the back. They looked sore and miserable, but still somehow determined to see this through.
“You did it,” she said. “You won over Nate. You improved your riding skills and you’re here.”
Tracie gave her a thumbs-up, but Regina just held on to the reins.
“I can’t wait for tonight,” Regina said. “There’s a peppermint schnapps with my name on it.”
A spiked hot cocoa sounded good about now. Janice clamped a hand on her hat to keep it from sailing off as a gust of the wind that had just picked up blew through them.
Just then, an enraged squeal cut through the air. Janice looked up to see a mother sow pawing at the ground up ahead. The piglets started piping up as the boar crashed through the underbrush and rushed at the cattle.
“Oh no,” Janice said.
Donovan rode hard, circling back behind the herd. It looked like he was trying to get a clear shot that wouldn’t endanger the riders or the cows. Riding straight at the hogs, Donovan took aim and shot the boar. Ratcheting the lever on his rifle, he veered to take on the sow.
Synergy went wild, squealing almost as loud as the pig. The cows panicked and as Donovan’s next shot took out the sow, everything happened at once. Synergy reared up, and if Janice hadn’t been holding on tight with her thighs and on the reins, she would have tumbled off. When Synergy hit the ground, he tore off as if the gates had opened at Churchill Downs. She was powerless to do the one thing you should never do on a cattle drive. Ride through the center of the cows.
“Stampede!” Esteban called as Synergy bolted through them.
The panicked cows followed.
Janice could only hope everyone remembered what to do. And then thunder boomed to add to the cacophony of noise, and the rain came in a torrential downpour. She was terrified. Not just because Synergy was beyond reason. He’d only stop if he hit a rut and broke his leg or when he tired out. There was no catching him as he plowed ahead of the herd as if his life depended on it.
Hunched low over his neck and hanging on for dear life, she talked soothingly to him but it wasn’t working. He remembered his dressage training and leapt over a fallen log instead of going around. Janice, however, wasn’t used to doing that jump at such a high speed and she almost lost her seat. At this pace, it would feel like being ejected out of a crashed car if he threw her. She wanted to lead him toward the road the chuck wagon traveled, but with the rain and the wind and the mud—the mud was everywhere, in her nose, her mouth and eyes—she wasn’t even sure where she was.
In the distance, she heard more gunshots or, with her luck, it could have been lightning strikes, as Synergy continued to wildly gallop away. Her hands were white-knuckled and Synergy was straining from running full out for this long. Janice was afraid he was going to collapse.
The rain was coming down in sheets and the damn fool horse finally slowed down to a canter and was frolicking in it.
“Come on, idiot,” she said, trying to assert some control. But she was shaking too hard to make her authority stick. Pushing her wet hair off her face—she had lost her hat a ways back—Janice managed to circle Synergy back in the right direction at a fast canter. Her glasses were soaked and rain spotted, but at least she hadn’t lost them. Synergy was winded, but not through panicking yet. Hopefully when they got back to the herd—what was left of it—they’d both be back under control.
A rider was coming toward them fast and Synergy danced sideways a bit when she tried to keep him on track. Through the wind and the rain, she recognized Nate. He was all right. Pissed, by the look of it, but all right.
“Sit up,” he barked, and her spine straightened at his tone. She hadn’t realized she had been slumped in exhaustion.
Twirling his rope, he came in close and looped it around Synergy’s neck. Synergy fought him a bit, but Nate gave him plenty of slack.
“Don’t give me any shit,” he growled coming around them.
She ducked and helped push the rope up and over her body so Nate was in control of the lead. “Are you talking to me or the horse?” she asked, ridiculously grateful to see him.
He muttered something under his breath that she was glad she couldn’t hear.
Chapter Nineteen
“Well, that was a clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks,” Frank said, fists clenched and red-faced with anger.
Nate couldn’t argue, but it could have been worse. No one was hurt. The cows were gathered up as soon as the rain stopped. It had made for a long day—a really long day. But they finished the roundup just after dark and after a lot of long, hot showers, still managed to have a secret-Santa party…with fresh grilled pork for dinner. It had been festive and in spite of himself, Nate had a pretty good time. It had been hard to watch Pete sticking so close to Janice, but she hadn’t made an effort to seek Nate out alone so maybe she had come to her senses after all.
He hadn’t expected to be so gutted about it.
The sisters made a pact not to tell their father about the stampede until after the party. And now it was time to face the music. Kelly and Trent had made themselves scarce with Alissa, because Alissa didn’t like to hear PawPaw yell. Nate wished he was five years old again and could use that excuse.
Actually, that wasn’t completely true. He wished he was five years old with parents like Trent and Kelly.
Nate slumped on the couch and hid a yawn. Even with Frank’s temper and the finely tuned tension, Nate’s eyes were closing and his head nodded a few times during the diatribe. Who would have thought that all he needed was Frank having a fit to send him off to dreamland? He would have pissed the old boy off a long time ago.
Frank caught him stifling a second yawn and it diverted his wrath from Janice to him. “I blame you. You told me that you had this under control.”
“I’m good, but last time I checked, I don’t control the weather or the migratory pattern of the feral hogs.”
“That’s another thing.” Frank whirled on Donovan, catching him shoveling in a forkful of migas. “Why the hell are there so many feral pigs on my land?” Before Donovan could chew and swallow, Frank answered his own question. “It’s because you run safaris so people can take pictures of them instead of shooting them.” He yelled the last few words.
“Dad,” Emily said, trying to soothe his temper. “Everything is fine.”
“Everything is not fine. Everything is changing.”
And that was the problem right there, Nate thought. Frank hated change, even if it was for the better.
“We’re not any closer to being debt-free.”
“That’s not fair,” Emily said. “We’ve paid off several outstanding bills.”
“The wolves are still at our door,” Frank said, flinging his hand. “Or hogs, in our case.”
“Dad,” Janice said, placing a hand on his arm. “I see that you’re upset. But like we told you, we’re handling this.”
“You’re handling this by opening us up to an insurance nightmare. Any one of those women could have been trampled by a panicking steer.”
“Fine. We won’t do the cattle drive anymore. It wasn’t the big dream come true that they all thought it would be, after all.” Janice’s attempt at humor fell flat.
“You’re done with retreats. Tell your headshrinker friend and the ex-con that they’re out. You can open up a dressage school, but I’m done with this touchy-feely crap.”
Janice set her jaw. “No.”
“Girl, you better not defy me on this.”
They stood toe to toe, almost nose to nose, almost mirror images of each other. Nate looked at Sarah and she caught his eye. Tears shimmered in her eyes and Nate knew they weren’t angry tears. Sarah hated conflict, so why she married Frank was beyond him. Nate knew from experience that she would wait out the battle and then pick up the pieces.
