Roughing, page 12
“You think someone killed her?”
“I’d guess she owed money for drugs and couldn’t pay it. That’s why she was trying to reach me. It’d happened before, and I’d given her the money. This time I was trying for tough love.”
“And you had the biggest game in your hockey career to worry about.”
“I chose hockey over my baby sister. As a result, she’s dead.”
“Briggs, you can’t blame yourself. You didn’t force her to do drugs. You did as best you could, but at some point, you have to remove yourself from the situation for your own mental health. From what you’re saying, you tried, but toxic is toxic.”
“My best wasn’t good enough, and in the end, I didn’t try at all.”
“So you blame yourself, and you’ve been filled with self-loathing ever since?”
Michella hit me between the eyes with the truth. I hadn’t articulated my situation in quite that way.
I nodded.
“Briggs.” She placed her hands on either side of my face. “Listen to me. This isn’t your fault.”
I didn’t necessarily agree with her, but I didn’t argue, either. I’d lived with this guilt for so long I couldn’t easily shed it. Michella had strong convictions, and she’d made up her mind on this subject while my thoughts were in turmoil, a jumble of confusion and guilt.
I stared into those deep-brown eyes. I wanted to lose myself and forget about the horrible memories I’d dredged up. My sister’s last messages played on repeat in my head and wouldn’t shut off.
“Briggs, you’ve punished yourself ever since by being an asshole and driving everyone away. Maybe you don’t think you deserve to be happy, but I’m here to tell you, you do. Your sister wouldn’t want you to shoulder the blame. It’s not your fault.”
I nodded, unable to speak beyond my constricted throat. Hot tears stung my eyes and threatened to overflow down my face. I rubbed them to prevent an embarrassing emotional display, but I wasn’t fooling Michella.
“I’m here, Briggs. I’m here.” She slid her thumbs repeatedly over my cheeks, and I groaned. Her touch ignited my body from the inside out. What did it say about me that one moment I was mourning my sister and the next I wanted to get Michella naked?
Michella brushed her lips across mine, and sparks flew. I squeezed my eyes shut and fought for control. I didn’t need pity sex. Okay, well, I needed it, but I shouldn’t.
“This isn’t a good idea,” I said.
“Probably not,” she agreed.
“We’re on a stakeout. Right?”
“We are.” She sighed with resignation, put her hands in her lap, and shifted her body forward, leaning against the seat back.
I mentally kicked myself for reminding her. This wouldn’t have been the first time we’d done it in my truck. In fact, we’d done it in multiple places.
And this time, I’d been the one to stop her.
Did that make me a fool or a genius?
Chapter Sixteen
Nightcap
~~Michella~~
My dating history with men revolved around creating an image in my mind that didn’t exactly reflect who the particular guy was. I denied their faults and only saw their good qualities until things got to the point where denial was impossible. That point with Gordon had been reached via his fists. Briggs was different. Fresh off the final breakup with Gordon, I’d wanted nothing more than booty calls. I wasn’t giving my heart to any man for a long time.
I’d broken things off after a while because I wanted more than the physical. One by one, my girlfriends were finding “the one,” and I wanted what they had. I’d convinced myself Briggs couldn’t be that guy. Now I wasn’t so sure. He was making an effort and deserved a chance, didn’t he?
Tonight he’d revealed his deepest pain. By the way he struggled, I knew baring his soul didn’t come easily for him. I was developing a soft spot for this strong yet vulnerable man, especially after I’d seen glimpses of the guy underneath the brooding and anger.
His story about his sister was heartbreaking, and the sadness in his eyes had undone me. I’d been willing to forget my promises to myself regarding forging a healthy relationship with someone. He’d never stopped me before, but he had this time. I was surprised and puzzled. Perhaps there was more to him than I gave him credit for.
A few minutes after Briggs shut down my advances, Gordon exited the Irish pub, and we were back in full surveillance mode. We pulled away from the curb and followed him at a distance. Gordon drove straight home, parked in the driveway, and a few minutes later, the lights turned off in his house.
Even though several minutes had passed with no further movement, I was reluctant to end my time with Briggs after he’d opened a slit of the door into his soul.
“We should call it a night.” Briggs spoke, his voice dead of emotion.
“Yeah, I guess he’s in for the night.”
“Okay.” Briggs stared straight ahead. He clenched his jaw and drew his mouth into a hard, uncompromising line. I wasn’t surprised he’d closed down again, but he’d made progress tonight. I was proud of him, and I wasn’t ready to end the night.
Briggs returned to the parking garage and together we crossed the street and entered our building. I paused and grabbed Briggs’s arm, pointing toward the seating area. A little girl wrapped in a blanket was snuggled on one of the couches, holding a ragged teddy bear.
“Who is that?” I hissed, indignant that a child would be alone in the lobby and especially this late at night, even if the building was secure.
Briggs’s gaze followed mine, and the hard lines of his face softened, making him appear much younger and less intimidating. “The security guard’s niece. He watches her sometimes. I guess her mother works odd hours.”
“It’s two thirty a.m. That little girl should be in bed.”
Briggs shrugged and jerked his head toward the security station where Hal sat. The older man raised a hand to welcome us.
We stepped into the elevator. Briggs stared at his feet. He blew out a long breath as if he’d been holding it for too long. His shoulders slumped, and he seemed utterly deflated.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded, but his eyes told a different story.
“Are you regretting telling me about Alice?”
“A little.”
I appreciated his honesty. “I won’t use that information to hurt you, Briggs, only to understand you better.”
“It’s not that. Talking about her dredges up memories, good and bad, along with a shit ton of guilt.” His gaze was haunted. I took his hand and held it. The gesture was inadequate, but I didn’t know what else to do.
I couldn’t leave Briggs like this. I should, but I couldn’t. When the elevator swooshed open on his floor, I stepped out with him. He cast a puzzled glance my way.
“How about a nightcap?” I heard myself suggest.
“A nightcap?”
“Yes, why not? But it has to be in your apartment. Heidi’s in mine, and I don’t have any booze.”
“Okay.” Briggs hedged, but I knew what I was doing. I decided at that moment to finish what I’d started in the car. Suddenly, keeping my distance had lost its importance. Briggs needed me, and in a way, I needed him. This time would be different. Our relationship had grown, even if only at a turtle’s pace. This wasn’t one of our typical hookups. This was something more.
“Are you sure? I mean, neither of us will end this night with just a drink.”
“I’m fully aware of that, but I think you could use a distraction.”
His smile was slow and dangerous. Why I was attracted to men with a dark side, I’d never know, but I’d always been this way. Only Briggs wasn’t as dark as I’d initially thought. He’d been through some dark times, and he was finding his way back. I had faith in him.
Briggs swiped his key card and pushed open the door and pulled me inside. He had me against the wall as soon as he kicked his door shut.
He’d always been voracious in his enthusiasm, and I welcomed him letting go emotionally. Sex seemed to be the only time he was able to do that.
His mouth was all over mine, and his hands roamed freely over my upper body. I kissed him back with all the fervor I could muster. Writhing against him, I reveled in the hard length of him, torturing the man as much as he was torturing me.
We panted and groaned like two feral animals driven by lust and need and unmindful of anything else. This was always the way it was with us. We had this insatiable craving for each other based completely on sex, or it had been. Something else had started to develop, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
“Why don’t you step into something more comfortable?” Briggs growled and nipped at my earlobe.
“Like you?” I quipped. My heavy breathing would’ve rivaled any obscene caller. This guy got me so fucking hot.
“Yeah.” Briggs’s adventurous mouth journeyed from my earlobes to my neck and downward to where the collar of my shirt prevented him from further exploration. His mouth crushed mine, and I didn’t back off. When it came to rough, we were equally matched and majorly turned on. I grabbed handfuls of his ass and ground into him, frustrated by the fabric between us but too fired up to take the time to do anything about it.
Briggs reluctantly tore his mouth from mine and backed up a few steps. I locked my knees to keep them from buckling and leaned against the wall. We eyed each other like two animals, ready to mate, which is exactly what we were.
“Strip,” he ordered. The blue flame in his eyes singed the corners of my heart and left me whimpering for more.
He grabbed my hand and led me to the living room area. Plopping down on the couch, he waited expectantly. I took my time because I was evil like that.
“Strip,” he said again with a wolfish grin.
Normally I’d have resisted such high-handedness, but when it came to fucking, his take-charge alpha male attitude laid waste to any such equality issues.
I stood a few feet from him and asked Alexa to play “Simply the Best.” I’d watched one scene on a sitcom where this song was used for a sexy dance, and I decided to duplicate it.
I began to dance, swiveling my hips, dipping low, undulating forward and back in time to the music. I lifted my blouse over my head and tossed it toward Briggs, scoring a bull’s-eye when it landed on his head, obscuring his eyes. He batted it away and refocused the full power of his gaze on me.
Briggs’s crooked smile and dilated eyes told me he liked my style.
His gaze slid down my body and rested on my breasts, covered by a lacy black bra. After kicking off my shoes, I shimmied out of my jeans and tossed them toward Briggs. He was ready this time, snagging them out of midair and throwing them aside as if he didn’t want to miss one second of my show.
Now came the real stuff. I teased that man unmercifully with my body. His breath hitched, and he looked almost ready to pass out from holding himself back.
His hand slid down to his fly, and he unzipped his jeans. Never taking his eyes off my body, he freed his cock and began to stroke it in time to the music.
My gaze took in his glorious erection. Briggs could always be counted on to be ready for action in a split second, faster than any guy I’d known previously. One crook of my finger, and he was hard. I loved having such power over him.
But when it came to the two of us, there was a give-and-take as to who was in charge, which I found hot as hell, especially when he gave up his macho-man ways to allow me to take over on occasion.
“Take it all off.” He stared pointedly at my bra. I held the front clasp in my fingers and slowly unhooked it. I pushed the bra straps off my shoulders and let it fall to the floor.
Briggs’s harsh intake of air was followed by him stroking his dick even harder.
Next came my panties. Soon my clothes littered the floor. Naked, I continued my stripper show, dancing close to him and moving out of range when he reached for me.
“You’re fucking with me.”
“Not yet, but I will be,” I promised and leaned down with a taunting shake of my breasts in his face. His free hand snagged out, and he caught me around the waist, pulling me down to straddle his lap.
We’d already established during previous liaisons that I was on birth control and there was no need for a condom. I tugged on his T-shirt, and he leaned forward so I could pull it over his head.
“That’s better.” I licked my lips as I drank my fill of his magnificent chest, all hard lines and taut muscles with that mat of dark hair ending in a line to his dick.
I sucked one of his nipples into my mouth. From the tortured sounds he made, I’d have thought he was dying. While he might feel as if he’d died and gone to heaven, I wasn’t done with him yet.
He put his arms around my waist and lifted me, holding his cock in one hand, and maneuvered my body until I was positioned just right before lowering myself onto his dick. Inch by glorious inch, he filled me. I closed my eyes and drowned in the sensation of his hardness sliding inside my soft, pliant body. He was big enough he filled every bit of me, and I drove downward to take the final few inches inside me.
Briggs grunted and buried his head in my hair. I angled my hips to take him deeper, letting him touch parts of me only he’d ever touched.
“Fuck, you feel like an angel wrapped up in a mortal’s body.”
“I’m no angel,” I promised. “Would an angel do this?” I lifted my hips until the tip of his cock tickled my entrance before slamming down hard again. He uttered something between an animalistic cry and a deep growl. The feral sound of his arousal reverberated throughout my body.
“And would an angel do this?” I leaned forward and sucked his nipple into my mouth, roughly teasing and nipping at the sensitive nub.
He tossed his head back and forth against the couch. “You’re killing me.”
I wasn’t done yet with him. “Or how about this?”
Anchoring my hands on his shoulders, I lifted up once again and thrust downward. Only this time, I didn’t stop there. I slammed into him again and again, pistoning my hips up and down, unmindful of the sweat pouring off both of us and our ragged breathing.
Briggs’s lips sought mine, and our mouths mated, duplicating the efforts of our bodies.
Briggs bit his lower lip. His fingers dug into my ass. His dick twitched inside me while his face contorted from the effort of holding back. He was ready to come, and so was I. Pushing past that point of no return wouldn’t take much for either of us.
Warm waves crested closer and closer to shore until they rushed over my body, sending it into spasms of erotic delight. Briggs’s cock jerked as he came inside me.
I pressed my face against his shoulder and cried his name as my body and soul melded with his. For a few profound moments, we were one and the same. One mind, one body, one essence.
I’d have stayed there forever, but gravity pulled me back to earth. We didn’t speak for an eternity because words weren’t needed, and they’d break the spell.
Finally Briggs raised his head. His slightly unfocused eyes met mine. “You’re wrong. You’re my angel—my fallen angel.”
“No one I’d rather fall with than you.” Under other circumstances, I’d have regretted those words, but I was on such a natural high I embraced them.
I’d had orgasms before, of course, and with Briggs, but something was different about this time. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was as if we’d crossed some invisible barrier into new territory, and I couldn’t begin to guess what surprises this foreign land might have in store for us.
* * *
I woke in the middle of the night. My body was intertwined with Briggs’s. I lay still for several minutes and listened to his steady breathing. His chest rose up and down under my cheek. He looked peaceful and relaxed.
We’d crossed a threshold tonight, and we both knew it. I couldn’t articulate what had changed, but I felt it.
I wished I could stay in bed with him for several more hours, but I had a job to do.
Extracting myself carefully from his hold, I grabbed my clothes and stepped into the bathroom.
A few minutes later, I emerged. I bent down and kissed Briggs’s cheek lightly before heading for the door. One look back answered the question that’d been rolling around in my head all night.
I wanted to be with Briggs. Good or bad decision, at least I’d made one. I wasn’t going anywhere. As tempting as it was to protect my heart, I couldn’t, not at the expense of what we might be together.
Last night had been more than epic. Briggs had been a different kind of lover, as if we’d progressed to another level. He’d always been passionate, but this time he was gentle, almost reverent, showing me once again that he had many layers.
I wanted to explore those layers, and I vowed I would do just that.
Chapter Seventeen
Competition
~~Briggs~~
I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the sun streaming through my window. Between the rays of sunshine and the warmth of the bed, contentment washed over me. I rolled onto my back, luxuriating in that cozy space between asleep and awake. All was right with my world, and I didn’t want to break the spell. I hadn’t slept this well in months.
I took a few moments to get my bearings and recall why unfettered joy had wrapped me in her arms. Last night with Michella flooded back, and I smiled.
