The Forerunner: A GameLit Progression Fantasy, page 27
‘It’s not the same thing, Iris. There is no “winning” and “losing” in relationships. They are not that simple, and they are definitely not zero-sum—where one person has to win and the other has to lose. Quite the opposite, really. I want to be with Laurel, there are just things I’m not willing to do to be with her.’
‘Such as?’
‘Such as not do everything I can to help my family survive.’
‘I suspect that she would say that you won’t be able to help your family survive if you are dead.’
‘True. I’m constantly trying to juggle the risks. I’m open to being convinced that I’m wrong. I’m just not okay with being told that certain things are off the table. For me, almost nothing is off the table.’
**
“Is Laurel available?" Zed asked Wilmore, the NaÏlos’ servant.
“I’ll go check, young master. In the meanwhile, please come in.”
“Thank you." Zed stepped into the foyer and waited.
Although he thought he had pretty much resigned himself to being dumped, Zed found that he was still rather nervous.
‘Hope springs eternal, I guess,' he mused.
“The mistress is in the garden. Would you like me to take you to her?”
“Please.”
When he saw Laurel she was dressed in her adventuring clothes and smelling a flower. Her back was turned to him.
“Hello, Laurel.”
“Hey, Zed. How are you feeling?”
“Much better." He held up his newly regenerated hand and wiggled the fingers. “I’m able to count to 10 again.”
She chuckled for a moment and said, “Walk with me?”
“Sure, but unless the courtyard is a lot bigger than I think it is, it won’t be a very long walk.”
“There is a circular path through the garden portion. I sometimes like to walk while I talk.”
‘Talking without looking directly at each other, and having pleasant surroundings to distract ourselves with. Makes it easier to say uncomfortable things. And she’s dressed in “friend, not lover” mode,' Zed thought. All in all, he felt that his premonition was more-or-less confirmed. He sighed and thought, ‘Well, at least we can both move on.’
“I have done as you suggested and thought about what I could accept in a relationship. I love you, Zed, and feel grateful to you for saving me. Twice, in fact. I will forever be grateful to you. But I can’t marry you. I just don’t think I could handle constantly worrying about your safety, and whether you are even really trying to protect your life. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Like I said last time, I get it. I don’t blame you at all.”
“Thank you. Then we can still be friends and work together?”
“No.”
“Why not?" she asked, somewhat surprised.
“Because I still have feelings for you. I was being serious when I said that I wanted to spend my life with you and have children with you. That doesn’t go away at a moment’s notice. If we were to hang out and work together I would basically be torturing myself by thinking about what I can’t have. I’m sorry, but I’m just not willing to do that. Maybe in a year or two, but not now.”
Laurel looked upset. He was, however, able to distract himself by looking at a bush with beautiful yellow flowers.
‘Maybe the walk was a good idea.’
“So you don’t care for me as a friend? It’s either be married or nothing at all? What kind of love is that?”
Zed stopped and turned to look at her, and Laurel did the same. “I will still care about you, Laurel. If you need help, I will be there. But no, I won’t hang out with you, work with you, or generally spend time with you, because it would be painful for me and be a massive distraction at a time when I really, really, do not need distractions.”
Laurel looked upset and angry. She looked like she might tear up, but held it in. “Fine then. If you’ll excuse me, there is something that I need to take care of. I trust that you can see yourself out." She then turned around and briskly walked away, anger and emotion in every step.
“Goodbye, Laurel,” Zed whispered.
Chapter 35
Over the next week, Zed found Brutus and went hunting with him. Zed was in the mood to kill some things. And he could use more mana, so it was a win-win.
Zed was impressed at Brutus’ size, strength, and speed. His boy had become a real tank. Brutus, on the other hand, stopped and his jaw dropped the first time he saw Zed’s super speed. It wasn’t smart to be so distracted in the middle of a fight, but Zed couldn’t help but laugh uproariously at the dog’s expression.
He didn’t know if the chittering of the giant beetle, their prey at the moment, was complaints about not being taken seriously or not, but he didn’t care. It died just the same.
After the week was over, Zed hugged the dog and set off for home, refreshed in mind and spirit.
When he got back to the house Dan was there and had news for him.
“Danae and I picked a faction to approach about joining us and they have tentatively agreed, but they have an unusual condition.”
“What is it?”
“They insist on meeting you first.”
“Huh. I wonder why?”
“No idea. I tried to tell them that you were a nobody, but they insisted,” Dan joked.
“Well, clearly they understand that I, being the handsome one, must be the charismatic leader of our group.”
“Yeah, according to Annabelle that just isn’t possible.”
“She’s your girlfriend, she has to lie to you. How’s she doing, by the way?”
“Good, we’re good. Things are getting more serious between us.”
“Serious? I thought your middle name was ‘I’m not looking for anything serious’.”
Dan looked a little embarrassed and said, “Yeah, well, a guy can change.”
“So are you engaged then?”
“No, but I’m thinking about popping the question soon.”
“Congrats, Dan! Let me know when you do the deed and we’ll have a party or something.”
“Thanks, Zed. So, getting back to the original topic of the Aristides wanting to meet you even though you’re the ugly one. Do you want me to set something up?”
“Sure. Who are they?”
“They have a lot of lands and their primary source of income is farming. They also have a reasonably good relationship with the Naïlos. We mostly want them on our side to help us implement the new farming techniques in a big way, and to help us get land for the human settlement.”
“Makes sense. What’s your take on them? You don’t think that this is a setup or something, do you?”
“I don’t think so? They seem like pretty straightforward folks. The only reason I hesitate is because it’s a strange request.”
“Let’s do this. Set up the meeting, but let’s ask to do it in a neutral location, or at our’s or the Naïlos’ house.”
“Makes sense. I’ll do that.”
“Thanks. Just let me know when we have a date and place.”
“Will do.”
**
Over the next couple of days Zed talked with Iris about possible ways to use the gas laws to come up with new mana abilities. They didn’t come up with much until it occurred to Zed that he was really under-utilizing his inventory in combat.
Many of their ideas to use the gas laws required having a container of some sort and so they talked about how to create one on the spot. Eventually Zed realized that was stupid. He could create one beforehand—or even have a blacksmith do it—and then store it in his inventory, ready to be used at a moment’s notice.
That opened up a whole new line of thought for how to use his abilities. For example, they thought about making a flamethrower. That would basically be a container with petroleum and a hose, and Zed would use his abilities to push the petroleum out and light it on fire. It was an open question whether that would have any advantages over fireballs or not, so it would require some experimentation.
After a few days, Dan reminded Zed about his appointment with the Aristides. Zed took a much needed bath, dressed up in some of the nicer pieces of his new, upgraded wardrobe, and left to meet them.
**
When the maitre d’ took Zed to the table there was a distinguished looking male álfar waiting for him. He was old enough to have gray at his temples and a few wrinkles in his face. He had a solid bearing, and his clothes made it clear that he had money. It was their quality and cut that impressed though, not gaudiness.
In that regard he was much like the restaurant itself—tasteful, quietly lavish, and understated. That seemed to sum up álfar high society.
“Lord Aristides? It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“The pleasure is mine, Zed, and please call me Dolan. Sit, sit. I hope you don’t mind, but I went ahead and ordered us some appetizers.”
“Sounds good, Dolan. What are we having?”
“Small filets from an alligator on toasted bread. The meat is delicious and quite rich in energy.”
“Sounds expensive.”
“It is, but I realize that my request was both unusual and an imposition on someone as busy as yourself, so I wanted to do what I could to compensate you for your time. We can order dinner and dessert later.”
“Your joining us would be more than enough compensation, Dolan.”
Dolan chuckled, “Which begs the question, what if I don’t join? Then I would be in your debt, and I hate to be in anyone’s debt.”
“I see. Well, you obviously wanted to talk with me about something. What would you like to discuss?" Zed asked before biting into the alligator and toast appetizer.
“Two reasons—one of which is personal.”
“Personal? You’re nice looking and all, Dolan, but I’m only interested in women.”
Dolan was surprised at first, but once he got past it he had a good laugh. “I guess I asked for that one. No, I meant something a little different. I hope you won’t think I’m vulgar when I tell you that I attended your second gauntlet run the other day.”
“Why would I think you were vulgar? The spectator is hardly as vulgar as the gladiators in the pit.”
“Hmm, I’m not sure I agree, but we can leave that discussion for another day. Suffice to say when I heard about your challenge, and that it was your idea no less, I was intrigued enough to come watch. And goddess! What a display it was! The whole thing was remarkable, but the final fight… that was something special.
“I thought to myself, ‘What kind of a man would do such a thing?' Me, if I had seen the agar—that’s the name of the species of gelatinous creatures, in case you weren’t aware—I would have either broken the rules and flamed it before it could touch me, or I would have surrendered. It would never occur to me to do what you did, much less actually do it!
“So I have to know—what was going through your mind in that last fight?”
Dolan paused, apparently expecting an answer. Zed thought about not answering, but for the sake of their alliance he decided to humor the álfar.
“I’m afraid that my answer will probably disappoint you, Dolan. I was tired, of course. Exhausted really. But when I saw the agar I was angry, because it was obvious I was set up. The next time I see Augustin I will probably have words with him.
“Anyways, I did consider surrendering. How could I not? I saw no way to defeat it. But I’ve never been one to give up easily, so I wasn’t going to go out without at least trying. I punched it and, to my surprise, it wouldn’t let go. The thing was going to eat me, and in a moment I wouldn’t be able to surrender, even if I wanted to.
“In that moment I felt pure rage. I knew that I was going to beat not just the agar, but every other piece of crap that got in my way. And in that moment, the idea was born. I knew I needed a fireball, but I couldn’t do external magic—not and win, anyway, and I refused to lose to the people who set me up. It seems like an unsolvable problem until you take away all of your limits, and then it is almost obvious. You create the fireball inside of you.
“So that’s what I did.”
Zed then took another bite of alligator and toast. ‘That really is good,' he thought.
Dolan looked at him, astonished. “How marvelous. You thought that you would disappoint me? To the contrary, you are everything I hoped for and more. I was a little afraid that you were a lunatic, to be honest, so most of the reason for this meeting was to see if you were crazy or a genius.”
“I hear the line between the two can be pretty thin sometimes," Zed said.
Dolan laughed. “Indeed. Are you familiar with the principles of fate, Zed?”
“No, I’m not." He thought back to that dim connection between him and Victoria when he almost died, and the things she said before she sent him back. “It has to do with connections between people, right?”
“Yes. Fate is the physical manifestation of connections between people, or, to be more specific, sentient beings.”
This was the first time anyone had really talked to him about fate, and Zed soaked it up. He felt like he was getting a glimpse into the mysteries of the universe.
Dolan continued, “Can you guess what affects fate?”
Zed thought about it. ‘The key is sentient beings. What are sentient beings? They have thought, consciousness, self-awareness. They act with purpose. They want.’ And then it hit him—what Victoria taught him about controlling mana, that it was all about imagination and will.
“It’s our will, isn’t it?”
“Yes! To be fair, like most discussions of universal principles we’re dealing in a lot of oversimplifications. One could make a strong case for our choices and actions, but I’m sure you see that there is a great deal of overlap between those three concepts. So yes, it boils down to our will. And you, my friend, have a will like I’ve never seen before. That’s what I saw in the fight. You come from a world that doesn’t have stellar energy, correct?”
“That’s right.”
“How long have you been using energy?”
“A little over half a year.”
“Amazing…," Dolan whispered. “You are a fate prodigy. As you may have figured out by now, stellar energy operates on the principles of fate. It appears to respond better to you and your will than anyone I’ve seen before.”
While it felt nice to be praised, it also felt a little weird. Zed decided to get things back on track.
“Now that we answered the genius/lunatic thing, are you ready to join us?”
Dolan leaned back, looked at him and said, “Yes, I am.”
Chapter 36
After the Aristides joined the alliance the farming efforts went into overdrive, as well as talks about where to have the human settlement. For the most part Zed ignored this activity because he trusted Dan to handle it, and he knew it wasn’t his forte. He knew, or at least thought he knew, what his role was: the enforcer. He knew there were people out there that could snuff him like a candle. It had been luck, a lot of hard work, and risk taking that had kept him ahead of his enemies. But there were no guarantees that would continue. He needed to get stronger, and do it fast.
At the same time he felt the onset of burnout. He had been working like a maniac for over half a year, and had repeatedly risked his life to get stronger. The stress of it all was getting to him. Breaking up with Laurel didn’t help either.
He was forcing himself to keep moving forward, but it only became more difficult with time. He needed to find a solution. Preferably one that didn’t involve taking months off.
‘Do you want to talk about it, Zed?’
‘Talk about what, Iris?’
‘Your depression. Your constant tiredness.’
‘I’m not depressed!’
‘Zed, in the last half year you have: 1) been almost constantly in fear of losing your life, 2) killed people for the first time, 3) killed a few zoos worth of creatures, 4) experienced psychological trauma caused by self-torture, 5) almost died, 6) experienced culture shock and homesickness, and 7) had your heart broken, all while carrying the burdens of the world on your shoulders. That is what kept you going, the knowledge that if you didn’t keep going, thousands more would die.
‘I didn’t say anything because it wouldn’t have done any good, but part of my function is to monitor your well-being. Your brain has been marinating in cortisol, the primary stress hormone, basically non-stop the entire time.
‘Now that burden is starting to ease up a bit because you feel like Dan can take the reins. You still have all that stress and trauma without the driving need to keep going. The natural result is depression.’
‘Yeah, well, maybe you have a point,’ Zed thought. ‘So what do you suggest?’
Iris sighed. ‘If it was anyone else I would say, “Take a vacation and get laid. Preferably multiple times." Given your mores about sex, though, I guess the vacation will have to do.’
‘C’mon, Iris, you’re the only girl I need,' Zed thought jokingly.
‘While a woman of flesh and blood would be preferable, I could do my best to help you out there, Zed.' A beautiful brunette human woman with sky blue eyes and a shy expression appeared in front of his vision. He could almost reach out and touch her. She was wearing a light yellow sundress with the sun behind her, causing the long skirt to show the outline of her shapely legs. The bust gave a tantalizing hint of what lay underneath. She looked at him with her soft blue eyes, and then turned, as if embarrassed and not able to hold his gaze. “And this way you wouldn’t be having sex before marriage…” she said. A faint blush colored her cheeks. She continued to turn, as if she had said too much, giving him a good view of her long, chestnut brown hair and her legs.
“Oh, man…" He could feel his body reacting to her. With some difficulty he collected himself and said, “Iris, I appreciate you trying to help me, but please don’t ever do that again.”
“Okay," she said with a look that Zed would have sworn was legitimate embarrassment, not the play-acting she had been doing before. She had figured out that he liked shy, sexy women.
