The coffee is fresh. Want some?” he asked. When Felicity shook her head, he poured himself a cup before taking the seat opposite her.

  On her best mornings, the smell of food early in the morning made her slightly nauseous. The residual alcohol and drugs in her bloodstream didn’t help. Breathing through her mouth, Felicity pushed the plate away.

  “I don’t eat breakfast,” she said.

  “I know.” Royce took a bite of toast.

  Felicity remembered. He liked a big meal first thing and often laughed when she left the room rather than watch him eat.

  How, she wondered, had two people who were such opposites lasted for as long as they had?

  “Did you hope to make me vomit?” Felicity wanted to know. “I didn’t realize you were such a sadist. Guess we both learned something new about each other. Oh, wait. You already knew my shortcomings.”

  “You need something in your stomach,” Royce said, ignoring Felicity’s attempt to rile his temper. “At least drink some orange juice.”

  “You can’t ignore the elephant in the room, Royce.” Felicity sighed. “Be kind. Put the damn animal out of its misery.”

  “My brain is still a little fuzzy this morning.” Royce met her gaze directly for the first time. “What does the elephant represent?”

  “Our relationship,” she told him.

  “Ah.” Royce nodded as he took a sip of coffee. “You want to break up.”

  No! Felicity wanted to grab hold of Royce and never let go. But he had a perfect way out. Now was the time to run before she refused to let him go.

  “Don’t you want to end things?” she asked. “I wouldn’t blame you.”

  “Did you drink last night because you want our relationship to end?”

  The pain in Royce’s voice, the hurt in his eyes, cut Felicity worse than the sharpest knife.

  “I can’t tell you why I picked up a bottle,” she told him. “Work is good. We were doing great. I have no excuse. I never do.”

  “Maybe you were tired of waiting for me to leave and decided to give me a push,” Royce said, the first trace of anger leaking into his voice.

  Good, Felicity thought. Get mad. Yell. Rage. Tell me to go to hell. Then do the best thing for yourself. Never see me again.

  “I never lied about who I am,” she shrugged. “Consider yourself lucky. You had four months of sober Felicity. Must be a record.”

  “You seem almost proud of the alcohol,” Royce said with a frown.

  “Not proud. Resigned. I may not like myself, but I’ve learned to accept who I am.” Felicity lifted her eyes to Royce’s. “I never expected you to do the same.”

  “What about the pills,” he asked.

  “Pill. Just one.” Felicity didn’t know why she felt the distinction was important, but she did. “I never told you about the drugs. Were you surprised?”

  “I knew.”

  Felicity didn’t ask how Royce found out. Her past might not be an open book, but it wasn’t exactly a secret either. She doubted he had to dig far to uncover all kinds of interesting things.

  “Why?” Royce asked.

  Rather than pretend she didn’t know what he meant, Felicity answered truthfully. Royce deserved to know. The fact was, he deserved a whole lot better. But she only had so much to give.

  “I’ve developed a tolerance for alcohol over the years,” Felicity explained with as little emotion as possible. She wasn’t looking for his sympathy. “I still get a nice buzz—if I drink enough. But sometimes I need more. That’s why I keep the pills around. Just in case.”

  “Thank you for telling me,” he nodded.

  “Thank you?” Felicity scoffed. “What the hell, Royce. You act as though finding your girlfriend’s stash of drugs is an everyday occurrence.”

  “I want to understand. If not fully, then better,” Royce explained. “But maybe the only way I can truly get inside your head is to join you.”

  “Join me?” Confused, Felicity frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I kept one.” Royce held up a little white pill. “Should I go down to the corner market and buy a bottle? Chase this baby with a few swigs of bourbon?”

  “Are you mocking me?” Felicity demanded. “Or have you gone out of your mind?”

  “I would never make light of your addiction. Never,” Royce said in earnest. He looked at the pill, rolling it around in his hand, testing its heft. “Such a small object to cause so much chaos.”

  Felicity's stomach clenched as panic and dread washed over her. For the first time in her life, she understood how those who cared about her must have felt when she defied their pleas to stay away from alcohol and drugs.

  If Royce was determined to swallow the pill in his hand no amount of pleading or threats would help. Reason flew out the window when addiction had a vice grip on a person’s soul.

  “I often wish someone had stopped me from taking my first drink,” Felicity said, her mouth so dry she was amazed the words could work their way past her lips. “If I had a glimpse of my life fifteen years later, I might never have started down the path I chose.”

  “Maybe.” Royce shrugged. “But you can’t go back, only forward. I plan to be with you, Felicity. No matter what. The question I have for you is simple. Should we walk side by side with drugs and alcohol? Or without?”

  Royce was crazy. Rather than be smart and turn away, he was determined to hold on through thick and thin. Lord, she was tempted. But he only had one taste of her addiction. She knew how wearing it could be to watch her fall, again and again.

  “Simple isn’t a part of my vocabulary,” Felicity explained. “I can swear on a stack of bibles ten stories high that I will never take another drink. That pills are part of my past, not my future. What I deal with every day isn’t black and white, Royce. There are no guarantees.”

  Nodding, Royce tossed the pill down the sink. Felicity took a shuddering breath of relief.

  “I don’t want to be your savior, Felicity.” He knelt in front of her. Taking her hand, he looked deep into her eyes. “Let me help in any way I can. My shoulders can take the weight. Lean on me until you can stand on your own.”

  “What if that day never comes?” she asked.

  “The only promise I can make is that I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Why?” Felicity couldn’t wrap her head around what Royce said. “Why are you still here when you can do so much better than me?”

  “I love you.”

  “You fool,” Felicity said. Despite herself, she smiled. “You just gave me your heart. How are you going to get rid of me now?”

  “Ask me again in sixty years or so. I might have an answer.” Royce kissed her forehead. “But I doubt it. I’m a one-woman man. Face facts. You’re just as stuck with me as I am with you.”

  Love was supposed to be selfless. Not in Felicity’s case. Giving into her feelings for Royce would be the most selfish act she’d ever committed. And yet, she couldn’t stop herself. For a woman who already lived her life outside the lines, the temptation was too great.

  “I love you,” Felicity said.

  Joy flared in the depths of Royce’s blue eyes. Smiling, he lifted Felicity into his arms. Finding the sofa, he sat, keeping her firmly in his lap. He cupped her face with his hands and touched his lips to hers.

  Felicity sank into the kiss as she opened her heart for the first time to a man much better than she deserved.

  Royce loved her, which was a miracle she never saw coming. The fact that he accepted her weaknesses hadn’t sunk in. Felicity still had her doubts. But she wanted to believe. For now, that was enough.

  “You’ll marry me,” Royce said between kisses.

  “Will I?” Felicity laughed. “I never saw myself as anyone’s wife.”

  “Can you picture me as your husband?” he asked.

  Much to her surprise, the image popped into Felicity’s mind with little effort. He seemed determined to tie her down. And she didn’t hate the idea nearly as much as she thought she would.

  “I don’t want an engagement ring,” she told him.

  As good as a yes, the words came from Felicity’s mouth, and she couldn’t call them back. She wasn’t sure she wanted to.

  “I already bought the ring,” Royce informed her. He hadn’t stopped grinning. “If the style doesn’t suit you, we’ll find something you like better.”

  “Should I expect to do exactly the opposite of everything I say from now on?” Felicity didn’t like the idea. Not one bit. “I won’t give in just because you say so.”

  “Good,” Royce said. “Life will be boring if all you say is yes. Except in the bedroom.”

  “Even in the bedroom I’ll draw a line or two,” she warned. “I’ve never been a pushover and I don’t intend to start now.”

  “Duly noted,” Royce nodded.

  Their brief idyl was interrupted by a fist pounding on the front door.

  “Felicity? Open up!”

  Royce looked at Felicity, surprise written across his face.

  “Mac is here?” he asked.

  “I forgot,” Felicity groaned. “After you called me last night, I called my brother.”

  “Why?” Royce demanded, raising his voice over the insistent pounding.

  “Good question,” she sighed. “I don’t always make the smartest decisions when alcohol is involved. That’s why I only overindulge at home. Save a lot of trouble in the long run.”

  “Is that why he’s here?” Royce asked. “Because he could tell you were drinking?”

  “Yes.” Felicity rubbed her tired eyes. “I may have also mentioned you. And our relationship.”

  “Well, shit,” Royce muttered. “That can’t be good.”

  “One more thing,” Felicity said, her gaze moving to the front door as the pounding stopped. “Mac has a key.”

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  ROYCE DIDN’T HAVE time to react. Though what he could have said and done at that point, Felicity didn’t know.

  Mac stormed into the apartment looking more like a linebacker tracking down his foe than the lithe, elusive running back of his playing days. Dressed in jeans and a black leather jacket, the expression on his handsome face said he wasn’t in the mood to play nice.

  Felicity had seen her brother angry before. This was another level. One look at him and an avenging angel who was backed by the power of the almighty would have thought twice before taking him on.

  Finding Felicity on Royce’s lap did nothing to curb her brother’s rage.

  “Move,” Mac told her without taking his eyes from his best friend.

  “No.” Felicity wrapped her arms around Royce’s neck and held on for dear life. “If you want to hit the man I love, you’ll need to find a way through me first.”

  “Do you plan to hide behind a woman?” Mac asked Royce with a sneer curling his lips.

  “Yes,” Felicity said.

  “No.” Royce set Felicity on the sofa. Gently, he peeled away her arms and smiled. “Don’t worry. Mac won’t kill me.”

  “Don’t be so sure,” Mac sniped. “I’ve endured nineteen hundred miles and three airports to get here. And don’t even get me started on the screaming kid and lousy coffee. I’m ready to rip this pretty boy a new one for messing with my sister. If he bleeds a slow and painful death, all the better.”

  “Pretty boy? Me?” Royce scoffed. “Have you looked in the mirror lately, asshole?”

  Felicity’s mouth fell open. Mac was happy to watch him die yet Royce wanted to quibble about who had the prettier face?

  “I don’t think now’s the time,” Felicity said. “You’re both extremely attractive men.”

  “If not now, then when?” Royce demanded. He rounded on Mac. “I’ve put up with almost twenty-years of snide remarks about my girly face. If I’m going to die, I plan to air all my grievances first.”

  Mac’s answer was to throw a neat, compact, powerful punch. He connected firmly with Royce’s jaw.

  Felicity had seen men crumple like a house of cards when faced with her brother’s fists. Some fell before he hit them, curled into a ball, and whimpered. Royce fell back a step, but he didn’t make a sound. Nor did he back down. Instead, he punched back.

  As he wiped at a trickle of blood with the back of his hand the sneer on Mac’s mouth didn’t waver.

  “You’ve improved.”

  “Figured with a best friend like you, I better learn to defend myself,” Royce said.

  “Better make that ex-best friend.” A flash of regret flickered through Mac’s eyes. The moment of sentimentality didn’t last long. “Are you the reason Felicity was drunk when she called me?”

  “No!” Felicity pushed herself between the two men. “And I wasn’t drunk. I had a drink, yes. But only one.”

  “Jesus.” Mac’s head fell into his hands. “You’re an alcoholic. One drink? The whole fucking bottle. What’s the difference?”

  “Watch your language,” Royce warned, forgetting that he used a few colorful words himself since Mac’s arrival. “I didn’t force myself on an unwilling woman. Felicity is an adult. Start treating her like one.”

  “You’re going to tell me how to handle my sister?” Mac shouted. “Since when are you the expert?”

  Royce placed Felicity behind him. The move elicited a new wave of rage from her brother.

  “You think that you need to protect Felicity? From me?” Mac threw his arms in the air. “Are you out of your mind? I’ve always tried to do what’s best for her. Too often I fail, but—”

  Felicity couldn’t stand to hear the anguish in Mac’s voice. She rushed to him. Throwing arms around his waist, she did everything in her power to fight back the tears.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. Her voice barely rose above a whisper. “I’m the problem. I’m a bad person. You’ve always been there. You protected me. Cared for me. No matter what, I can always count on you.”

  “What are you doing, Felicity?” Royce asked. “Mac is the wrong one. He barged into your home. Uninvited. Don’t let him off the hook so easily.”

  “You should go.” Felicity pleaded with her eyes. She didn’t expect Royce to understand. “I’ll call you later.”

  “No, you won’t.” Mac patted Felicity on the back, glaring at Royce over her head. “Consider your relationship over.”

  “Whether I stay or go from Felicity’s life isn’t up to you,” Royce told her brother.

  “Royce…” Felicity shook her head. “Not now. Please.”

  “One last thing.” Royce looked Mac in the eye. “Felicity started drinking long before I came back into her life. But you were here—the entire time. Makes you wonder which of us is the problem.”

  Mac’s entire body stiffened. Felicity feared he was as close to true murder as he’d ever come. Holding tight to her brother, she didn’t breathe again until Royce left the apartment.

  “Royce Patterson is full of shit,” Mac said as Felicity poured him a cup of coffee. He sighed, smiling over the brim of the cup. “When did you learn to do anything more than boil water.”

  “I didn’t,” she said as she cleared the table. “Royce made it.”

  Felicity could almost see the debate going on in her brother’s head. Should he throw the coffee out on sheer principle?

  “No reason to blame a good dose of caffeine just because an asshole did the brewing.”

  Hiding her smile, Felicity filled the dishwasher while Mac decided what he wanted to say. She knew how her brother operated. He would have spent the entire trip to Seattle stewing. After his temper cooled was when he finally formulated a plan.

  Mac had a larger-than-life personality. Felicity understood why Royce might blame her brother for how she turned out. She knew better. He tried his best, sometimes overcoming herculean odds, to make certain she had the best life he could provide.

  Felicity was the one who charted the course of her life. Yes, Mac was a big influence. But only for good, never bad.

  For them to grow past their roles as little sister and protector, Felicity needed to change the way she dealt with Mac. As Royce said, she was a grown woman. But when she and her brother were alone, she couldn’t find the words.

  Afraid that whatever she said would sound like a criticism, Felicity rarely spoke except to answer a direct question. To spare the feelings of the person she’d loved the longest, she kept everything that needed saying under tight lock and key.

  Staying silent did neither herself nor Mac a favor. But as always, she couldn’t make herself speak with complete honesty.

  Funny, Felicity mused. She didn’t have the same problem with Royce. A long history with someone didn’t always mean that person knew you best.

  “I’m sorry,” Felicity said, falling back on the one truth she could always share with her brother. “I know how busy you are. You didn’t have to drop everything and rush up here.”

  “Work will never be as important as you.” Mac sighed. “I miss Seattle. If things work out, I might get to come home.”

  “Really?” Felicity asked. “How? When?”

  “Rumor has it that the head coach position with the Knights will be available at the end of the season. Harry Coleman is set to retire.”

  Felicity had no idea who Harry Coleman was. Nor did she care. But Mac seemed excited. She smiled.

  “Do you think you have a shot at becoming Seattle’s new head coach?”

  “Depends on what direction management wants to go.” Mac shrugged. “Would be nice to have your brother around more often. Don’t you think?”

  Felicity felt a rush of guilt when she realized she wasn’t as happy at the prospect as her brother. She loved him—wholeheartedly. But from a distance worked better for her. The thought of Mac trying to micromanage her life sent a chill down her spine.

  “About Royce,” Mac began. “I know he’s charming—he’s told me so often enough. But he isn’t right for you.”

  Who is? Felicity wondered if she asked if Mac would have an answer. No matter how many times she reminded him that she was a woman in her thirties, he couldn’t seem to move past the picture in his head of a painfully shy little girl who needed him to do everything.

 

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