The Agreement, page 1
THE AGREEMENT
JACQUELINE WARD
Copyright © 2023 Jacqueline Ward
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The right of Jacqueline Ward to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
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First published in 2023 by Bloodhound Books.
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Apart from any use permitted under UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, with prior permission in writing of the publisher or, in the case of reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.
All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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www.bloodhoundbooks.com
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Print ISBN: 978-1-5040-8759-9
CONTENTS
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Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Acknowledgements
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For Sarah Cassidy
CHAPTER ONE
The door clicks shut behind me as I leave the office for the evening, and I smile. I peer into the shopping bags I am clutching. I couldn’t decide which dress looked best, so I bought them both. They were expensive, but it’s not every day you get to go to a posh party.
Everyone will be there. All the juniors and each department have been invited. Even the directors are going. On the downside, my boss will be there, alone. It’s a plus-one occasion – that was clear on the invite – but he never brings anyone. On Fridays at the pub after work he attaches himself to whoever’s husband hasn’t turned up. But it’s fine. Because Jake is coming with me.
I feel a shiver of excitement. He even bought a new shirt. Going out isn’t really his thing, but I told him how much this means. He’d laughed.
‘It’s taken over though, hasn’t it? You’re not usually a dress, shoes and matching bag person.’
He’s right. I’m not. I’m usually practical and reliable. Black jeans, white T-shirt. Little black dress at a push when the occasion calls for it. But as I sit in my car in the multi-storey and peep into the bag, I see a riot of black and orange. Gold edging and a lace underskirt. And the little bag I bought, encrusted with crystals. A designer brand. I feel a prick of anxiety when I think about the cost and my credit card, but it will be worth it.
I turn the radio on and shoulder dance to a Katy Perry song. I know there will be dancing tonight, and I’m undecided between very high heels or something a bit more comfortable. Both match the bag and I decide to have a full try-on when I get home.
I am at the last set of traffic lights before the turn-off to our estate when the message comes through. I glance at my phone as it pings, and I already know. But I read it anyway.
Babe. I’m so sorry. I’m going to be late. This project – well, you know, don’t you? But I will be there. You go and I’ll join you later. I love you. xxx
The lights turn to green, but I don’t move for a long time. A surge of upset rises, but I push it down. No pressure. No possessiveness. Goodness knows we’d both had enough of that in the past. This is what we agreed. That we’d give each other space.
The driver behind me sounds his horn, and I put my foot down. I speed up the road and screech around the corner onto the estate. Avenues of well-appointed town houses turning to semi-detached. Then at our end of the cherry-tree-lined lane, detached properties. Not huge. Just right. For us.
The day we moved in three years ago, I thought it was perfect. It was what I had dreamed about. Three bedrooms and a loft. Patio doors and a conservatory. Jake and I had been married six months by then, but while we’d viewed dozens of houses, we couldn’t find one that we agreed was perfect for us. But this house on Lynton Grove was just the right distance from our offices and, at the same time, secluded enough for us to have our privacy.
I pull up into the double driveway. The shopping has lost its shine a little now Jake won’t be there to help me choose which dress I should wear. I carry it in anyway. I unlock the door and glance at the wall. There hangs the agreement. Our agreement.
We’d had it framed. Both of us had just come out of difficult marriages and neither of us were looking for anyone else when we met while out with friends at places that we rarely went. We hit it off straight away, me entranced by his green eyes and beautiful skin. The curl of his hair.
We went on a couple of dates, and we had so much in common it was scary. We were the same age. Our past romantic entanglements hadn’t ended well, both of us leaving. He’d shook his head when I’d asked why.
‘She held on too tight. There was no space to breathe. She got pregnant and, don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter, but I wasn’t ready. I want a life.’
I’d gone away that night and wondered if it was possible. Could you be in a relationship and give each other space? My past certainly did not confirm this arrangement. Ian had been jealous and possessive. He’d adopted the ‘family is everything’ line to keep me with his sisters and his mother, who are all lovely, but I wanted a job and I wanted to go out with my own friends.
When I did, he followed me, and we would argue. In the end, it got too much. I found out he’d been tracking my phone and monitoring my calls, and I left. He didn’t contest the divorce and I haven’t seen him since. We sold the house, and I put my equity into mine and Jake’s love fund.
We made our agreement. That we would never hold each other so tightly that we had no freedom. That there were no rules except fidelity. That we would honour each other’s lives and support each other.
Jake had it printed out and hung it in a black-edged frame on the wall so we would see it as soon as we entered the house. It seemed so right, and I was convinced it would make us stronger. I was sure I could honour our agreement. It was what I wanted. I would rather have been alone than be with someone like Ian. But Jake was different.
Once in the house, I go through my usual routine. I pick up the mail and open it. In some random hangover from my past, I open the bills first, expecting red letters. My heart momentarily skips a beat but there is nothing to worry about these days. I go to the kitchen and feel the kettle. Still warm. He’s been here. His cup is on the coffee table in the lounge.
I take my shopping upstairs and hang the dresses on the front of the wardrobe. I know that there are two dresses in there I have never worn. I never took them back because I don’t like a fuss. I don’t like confrontation. I pull out shoe boxes and locate the objects of my desire. But I’ve made a decision. I’m wearing the fuck-me heels. I laugh to myself. Not like me to be so reckless. A tiny voice in my head whispers, and that’s why he can do this to you.
I bat it away. Do what? Work late? Admittedly, he had been working late a lot in the past few months. I’d started to see a pattern to it. Three weekdays a week. He’d mentioned that someone had left, and he was covering that job. I’d initially felt sorry for him and would leave him little messages and a sandwich for when he came in later. But little concerns had started to bite at me. I’d eaten dinner alone three nights out of seven. I’d even started to plan meals for one, as he refused to let me cook for him if he was going to be late.
‘Oh God, no, don’t go to any trouble. I’ll get a sandwich or something. Some of the guys order in. Honestly, Kate, it’s fine.’
He’d touched my face. He always did that. I feel a surge of love for him and a stab of annoyance at myself. I flick on the TV in the bedroom and try on the dresses with different bras. Bare legs or tights? Hair up or down? Jake always chooses down. He told me he likes women with long hair, so I let mine grow, just having the ends trimmed. I’d forgotten the thrill of getting ready to go out and I feel the butterflies in my stomach. I take photographs in the full-length mirror and message them to Jake.
Which one?
He replies almost immediately.
The gold one, definitely. Hot. See you later x
We have an en suite. The day we came to see this house, the estate agent made a big deal of it.
‘There’s an en suite just off the master bedroom.’ He was conspiratorial. ‘With a shower.’
I’d pretended I was unimpressed, but this was just another piece in the jigsaw puzzle of my perfect life. After the shock of my childhood, I take nothing for granted. But I am getting to where I want to be, and this is not the right time to rock the boat. I’d grown up with my three brothers in a tiny high rise in Manchester. Mum and Dad had moved from place to place with ever-mounting rent arrears, and it was the only place available. They were both heavy drinkers and, in many ways, a lesson in how not to be. No, I would not be irresponsible.
When I left home, I moved to the other side of the city. I could only afford a place five miles out of town and would commute in every day to my accounts job. I was never absent. I knew, even then, that to rise up from where I came from took commitment and persistence. I saved and saved and eventually had a deposit for a small house. Then I met Ian.
Later, I moved into advertising. Just a small agency, but I fell in love with it. I write the copy. I come up with ideas. I manage a small department and I hope that one day, maybe soon, I will be promoted. I guess you could say I am creative, but Ian didn’t see it that way. He sneered at my new job, telling me I couldn’t succeed and asking when was I going to have a baby like Denise and Carol?
It never happened. I never got pregnant. Not because I tried to stop it. It was just another confirmation that Ian was not the right person for me. When I met Jake and he told me he had a daughter called Polly, I almost collapsed with relief. I didn’t want children immediately. I needed everything to be perfect before I could bring a child into this world. I would not repeat my parents’ mistakes.
I take a shower. Once the room steams up, I see the usual message Jake has left on the mirror.
Wish I could see you now… mmm… x
Looking down at my nakedness, I laugh. I apply some moisturiser and towel-dry my hair. I consider myself in the mirror. Not bad for thirty-four. My hand runs over my tummy, and I stick it out and turn sideways. Still time for a baby.
The steam clears and I am about to get dressed when I see the sink has tiny hairs in it and a tide mark of shaving foam. The anger rises again. That glint of a flame that I know only too well could burn out of control if I let it. He’s been home, had a shave and had time for a coffee. If he’s so busy, what is he doing here in the middle of the day?
My rational mind tells me he has come home before his meeting to get changed for the party tonight. But I’m less rational these days. More than once I’ve sat in my car, white knuckles on the steering wheel, after one of the sorry, babes, I’m going to be late messages that always arrive just after I leave work but before I arrive home. Each time I have an ever-increasing feeling that I will do something rash. That I won’t be able to do what I agreed. That one day I’ll wake up and no longer be calm, cool Kate, and more someone I have avoided for the longest time.
I look in the washer. His blue shirt with the bluebird cuffs is in there. I sniff it.
What the hell am I doing? I have no reason not to trust him. I snort to myself. I’ve been watching too many soap operas. Too many mini-series. He’s just working late. I lean on the pristine white worktop and remember how I felt when Ian snooped on me. When he brought things up that confirmed what I’d suspected – he was monitoring me. And now I’m monitoring Jake.
CHAPTER TWO
Once I have zipped up the gold dress and put on my shoes, I stand back and appraise myself. The little hook at the back is hard to reach, and it pinches at me that Jake is not here to help. But I love the dress and I love the look. I take another picture of myself and send it to Paula. I’ve known Paula for years. We’ve worked at the same places; we’d hurriedly send job vacancies to each other so we could work and lunch together.
We could not be more different. She comes from old money; generations of family business in Cheshire. I don’t. But we love the same things and laugh until we cry. Over the years, as we have dated and married, we have gone through long periods of not seeing each other, but as soon as we do, it’s exactly the same as it always was.
And she is always there for me at the end of the phone. As I am for her. Synchronised complaining, then roaring with laughter. Instead of replying to the message, she rings me. I smile as I answer. She jumps straight in.
‘Wow, you look amazing!’
She is outside. I can hear traffic and voices. On her way to the party, I expect. She works in a different building than me, but everyone was invited.
‘Thanks, mate. I wasn’t sure, so I bought two dresses.’
She laughs. ‘Bought two of them, did you?’ There’s a pause and I hear the chink of glasses in the background. ‘Listen, I’m not coming tonight. John’s asked me to meet up to talk about things.’
I sigh. John. Her long-time ex. John likes to meet up and talk, lure her into bed, then change his mind or find some problem with why they can’t get back together immediately.
‘Bloody hell. I’ll be there on my own. Katy-no-mates. Jake’s working late.’ She tuts. She’s heard a lot of ‘working late’ complaints lately, but that doesn’t stop me from spilling. ‘Honestly, he’s always doing it. I’m starting to wonder what he’s up to.’
I surprise myself. I’m not the kind of person who easily shares my feelings. It comes with being independent; I don’t want to bother anyone with my wonderings about my relationship. But she is right on it.
‘Jake? Don’t you trust him?’
She sounds surprised. And I know why. He comes across as Mr Dependable. When we are out, he is attentive and funny. I’ve seen her side eye him, studying him as he looks at me and fetches me a drink. I blink into the full-length mirror. Do I? Do I trust him? I have no reason not to believe what he says. I could drive over to his office anytime and see if he is there when he says he is.
But I don’t want to. I want to stay true to what we promised each other. I’d have to snoop around, because he’d know immediately that I was checking up on him. There would be no suitable excuses or mistakes. He would know I was monitoring him. When I don’t answer straight away, she carries on.
‘Because there’s no love without trust, is there? And love’s not hearts and flowers, is it? It’s how you gel. What you agree. It’s commitment.’
I feel my stomach sink. ‘I am committed but… I don’t know if he is. He keeps…’
She sighs. Well, like we’ve said before, if it isn’t right, it’s wrong. Don’t waste your time on–’
I interrupt. ‘Hang on a minute. I wasn’t saying I was going to leave or anything. I just want to know what’s going on. Let’s not alert the divorce court just yet.’
She pauses. In my mind’s eye, I can see her pondering what I said. Playing devil’s advocate. Her dark hair flicked over her shoulders.
‘But if you don’t know what’s going on, you have to ask yourself why.’ Her voice has dropped to a whisper.
Laughing, I ask, ‘Where are you? Why are you so quiet?’
‘I’m in a bar. Waiting for someone.’
‘Someone being John?’
She giggles. ‘Got to go. Have a great time. And watch out for Clint’s hands.’ She ends the call.
