fEaR 3, page 5
"We should probably get going." I interrupted the blossoming bromance, hoping like hell we could make up for lost time.
Without a word, Jax broke away from Vinny and made his way to the truck. Vinny followed suit. He tossed a glance my way and offered the slightest nod of victory. He'd earned it, so there was no reason to call him out for misplaced arrogance.
"Thank you."
I'd forgotten about the survivor, who remained standing where he'd only moments ago was jumping a rope of human intestine.
"You have a place to go?" I asked.
“Not really."
"Get in the back of the truck. You're with us now."
The survivor didn't hesitate. As he approached, I stopped him with an outstretched arm. "Show me your teeth."
The man reached up and stretched his lips wide. His teeth were bereft of stain.
"What's your name?"
"Arjun Bhatt."
"I'm Vega. That's Jax and Vinny. I run the Pearly Gates."
"The hospital?"
"You've heard?"
"Who hasn't."
"Flatterer," I teased.
"No, seriously, everyone knows about the place. At first it started out like some sort of urban legend. Over time, the anecdotal evidence piled up until people had no choice but to believe it existed."
"What were you? Before the Hunger?"
"I taught philosophy at the university."
"Always room for thinkers at the hospital. Hop in." I slapped the side of the truck. "Just lay low, so you don't fly over the edge. If we run into any more cannibals, the ride can get a bit choppy."
"Where I'm from, a bumpy ride in the back of a truck is the least of your worries.” Arjun leaped into the bed. I slid into the driver's seat, closed the door, and started the truck.
Jax looked over his shoulder. "New guy?"
"Arjun. Philosopher," I answered.
"That'll come in handy." Sarcasm dripped from each uttered syllable.
I shook my head. "Every skill has its place. Besides, we're not in the business of turning people away."
"Until we are." Vinny's reply had the effect of momentarily silencing me.
"Care to explain?" Jax prodded.
"At some point the population of the hospital will outgrow our resources. Food, water, beds. What happens then? Call Emanuel and have him build a new wing?"
"It's all under control."
It wasn't.
"I know exactly how many survivors the hospital can take on before it hits the law of diminishing returns."
I didn't.
Jax drummed his thighs with a nervous energy. “What's say we get the hell out of this backwoods part of town." Jax pointed toward the heart of the city.
Given the direction the conversation was taking, I was more than happy to comply by nudging the gas. To punctuate Jax's battle against white supremacy, I rolled over the downed cannibals. The crunch and pop of bone had never felt so satisfying.
Jax reached over and gave my shoulder a squeeze. "Thank you for that."
"My pleasure, bud."
We sailed through an intersection and hit open road. It took a couple of miles before we returned to our previously jovial selves.
"For some stupid ass reason," Jax broke the silence, "I am craving barbecue like nobody's business. And don't you tell me we can try dipping PUKs in some Sweet Baby Ray’s."
"Maybe it was the after effects of you dismantling those rednecks back there. I don't suppose you also have a serious jones for PBR and NASCAR?"
Jax gave the question some thought. "I'd rather drink my own piss and drive a Prius off a cliff."
"Hold up." I had a change of heart. "Those two people eaters back there were droppin' rhymes—albeit bad ones—as if they'd spent the better part of their youth dreaming of being superstars. Wouldn't that preclude them from being rednecks?"
Vinny raised his hand. "I hate to be that guy, but isn't all this just another form of racial profiling?"
Bomb. Dropped.
"Guilty as charged,” Jax confessed. "Not for killing that semi-sentient garbage, but for doing to them what they did to me. That's some serious self righteous bullshit I pulled out of my ass. If Ellie were here, she'd set me straight."
"What am I, chopped liver?"
Jax laughed. "Sorry, kid. I really appreciate you. But no one can lay down the law like that woman. She'd take me to church in ways you cannot comprehend."
Vinny raised his hand. "True that."
From the back glass, a knock nearly had me careening off a shoulder barrier. For a moment I'd forgotten Arjun was in the bed of the truck. Jax slid the window to the side and our new BFF popped his head into the cab.
"I don't suppose you would have any water? I honestly cannot remember the last time I've had any, and I believe I'm starting to feel the symptoms of serious dehydration."
Vinny pulled a pack from between his feet, unzipped it, and extracted a bottle. "Here ya go. Drink all you need, I have more."
Arjun uncapped the bottle, tilted it up, and gulped down mouthfuls of liquid. Even from inside the cab we could hear him swallowing.
"Damn," Jax exclaimed, "dude was thirsty."
Once again, Arjun peeked through the window. "You wouldn't also happen—"
Vinny pulled a PUK from the pack and handed it off. "You get used to them."
"Are you kidding? I'd eat my shoe if I didn't need it to protect my feet." Arjun bit down, the sound of crunching had us in the cab sharing smirks and laughs.
"Jesus." I glanced back at our new passenger, via the rearview mirror. "I had no idea those things could be so loud."
It was Jax's turn to laugh. "Who are you kidding? You've heard every last one of us devouring those mini cinder blocks."
"But not with such gusto. That man redefines hunger."
Vinny reached into his bag, extracted a second PUK and handed it through the window.
"Thank you so much," Arjun's voice was filled with an earnest joy.
I confess. It felt good to have someone nearby to remind us all of the simple pleasures being alive could afford. It sounded ridiculous, taking that very thing for granted—especially a surgeon—but existence in an apocalypse had a tendency to focus one's attention on the act of survival, not the pleasure of life. I think, therefore I am, became I fight, therefore I live.
A conversation to be had with our newfound philosopher friend.
"There it is!" Vinny's shout shocked me from my internal monologue, which had the effect of me nearly sending the truck slamming into the corner of a building.
"Inside voices, please,” I scolded the intern.
"Should we go the parking garage route?"
I gave Jax's suggestion a moment of thought, but was reminded of the last time we made our ingress via such a structure. That event orphaned a child and I wasn't about to tempt fate a second time.
"No. We're going through the front door. At least that way we have multiple routes of escape."
"And that's why they pay you—"
"I don't get paid, Jax."
"Come on now," Jax chided, "we pay you in love."
I pulled the truck up to the entrance such that it faced away from the building. On the off-chance we had to jet away from the building in a hurry, I didn't want to have to do so in reverse.
Arjun hopped out of the back of the truck with remarkable agility. I opened the door and he gave me a knowing nod. "You must play chess."
I stepped out of the truck. "I do. How did you—"
"The way you parked the truck. Always thinking a few steps ahead. It's the mark of someone who understands the game."
"I have a board back at the hospital. We'll play."
Arjun smiled. "It would be my honor."
We gathered at the rear of the truck.
"I shouldn't have to say this, but since there's a newbie in our rank, I feel it's necessary. We have no idea what will greet us inside that building. There could be nothing, or there could be a hannibal of cannibals."
Arjun raised his hand. "Excuse me? A hannibal of cannibals?"
"A herd, you know? A flock. A school, a…”
“Interesting," Arjun laughed. "Oh, I see. As in the book."
"The movie," Jax responded.
"The series," Vinny added.
"The building," I gestured toward the hospital.
Silence.
I continued. "As much as I'd like to ransack this place and take as much as we can, there's only one goal—whatever is necessary to treat Winnie. Vinny will guide us to the cancer ward and hopefully we'll find everything we need there. I don't want anyone taking side quests or trying to be a hero—unless it's to protect us. Understood?"
Nods all around.
"Outstanding. Everyone grab a weapon and let's head in."
Arjun glanced around like a lost child. "I don't—"
I reached into the bed of the truck and under the rail to extract my weapon of choice. I offered the crowbar to Arjun. "You do now."
Arjun accepted the bar and placed his hand over his heart. "You are most kind."
"I am most interested in all of us staying alive,” I responded.
"Either way, thank you."
"Let's rock—" I started.
"And let's roll—" Jax finished.
We approached the door as though we owned the place. We were in a gangster film and were coming to rough up some punks who'd been caught sleeping with the boss's husband. Somewhere, in the distance, a lone trumpet played a haunting melody that promised something wicked cool was about to go down.
Or just wicked.
Either way, I was prepared.
Fingers crossed that bit of fiction would remain as such. I'd much rather the four of us make it back to the Pearly Gates whole. This was a rather special mission. Failing this would not only disappoint Janet, it would lead to the death of a patient.
"Not on my watch," I mumbled.
"Say what?" Jax asked.
"Just thinking out loud, my friend."
We reached the door.
"Who's on first?" Jax asked.
"Yes," I responded and pulled the door open.
Stale air wafted over us. No longer did the building carry the smell of hospital. Gone was the disinfectant and ozone; in its place was dust, death, and despair. After so many years of life within such hallowed halls, the aroma of healing had become a comfort to me. I'd go so far as to say the filtered and anesthetic air of a hospital was my spirit animal, my woobie.
But this? This was uncertainty, fear, and the boogeyman.
"This way," Vinny pointed and took off without warning.
We followed in silence. After a moment, our strides fell in sync so it was even a challenge to hear us coming. We'd finally become the ninja.
My chest swelled with a brief pride.
Unfortunately, said pride was cut prematurely short when we came across…
"O.M. God,” the cannibal laughed. "You thought I was going to say 'G' didn't you? But nooooo. You see, I believe in a God named O.M. What does it stand for? I have no fucking idea. Ya know, I've always wondered how God wound up in the single name club. I mean, really, is he on the level of Cher, Bono, Sting, or Björk? I don't think so. You might say he was the original mononymous person. The original MP. OMP. Holy shit, I just discovered God's rap name. OMP." The cannibal grabbed a severed arm from the nurses’ station, bit off a hunk of flesh, and spit it out. "Jesus Cannibal Christ. Cold white human tastes like entitlement." The man took two menacing steps toward us. "You, on the other hand…"
Before the cannibal could take his third step, Arjun flung his crowbar like an axe. The pointy end of the weapon impaled the man's chest, dropping him to the floor.
"Oh, snap!" Jax clapped. "Philosopher 1, cannibal 0."
Vinny gave Arjun a pat on the back. "That was badass."
Arjun approached the cannibal, laid his full weight on the crowbar to send it deep into the thorax of the beast, and then extracted it with an effortless jerk. He wiped the bar clean on the cannibal's shirt and turned to face me.
"I'd say that's checkmate."
Arjun grinned and stepped back into the group. "Shall we?"
"Hell yeah we shall," Jax responded with pride.
"Veni, vidi, vici,” I added.
Arjun raised his crowbar. "Hannibal ad portus."
Jax cocked his head like a confused pup. "Say huh?"
"Hannibal is at the gates," Arjun answered. "I thought it fitting, albeit hopefully untrue."
On we marched, deeper into the folds of the hospital. As we left the exterior halls behind, we found ourselves in darker territory. There was no natural or artificial light making its way into the depths.
I pulled out my flashlight, gave the crank a few turns, and unleashed its comforting blue beam into the hall.
"We need to get helmets with lights on them, like the ones miners used to wear."
"Shhh," I silenced Jax. Thankfully he understood my command and raised his hand in acknowledgement.
Vinny picked up on my concern as well. Instead of voicing directions to the cancer wing, he pointed us onward. We took a left, then a right, and walked through a hall that had to be the heart of the OB wing. Long glass windows were on either side, beyond which newborn babies would normally be on display for all to see. We were about to exit the hallway, when a muncher slammed against the very last window to our right. We all leaped to the other side of the hall, away from danger. Then, of course, we realized there was a pane of glass between us.
Unfortunately, when cannibals are desperate enough for a meal, they'll do just about anything for a good nosh.
The eater was naked and clearly ravished with hunger. The man's ribs looked like a xylophone and his sternum nearly sliced through the paper-thin flesh stretched tight over his chest. He pointed directly at me and then at his belly.
"Is that thing saying what I think it's saying?" Vinny asked.
"I think he wants Vega to jump in his belly," Jax answered. "You up for it?"
"Only if I can then explode out of his chest like a stripper from a birthday cake."
Jax slapped my shoulder with the back of his hand. "I'd pay to see that."
"Gentlemen," Arjun brought us back to reality. "We should either flee this hallway or take that cannibal down before he draws unwanted attention to us."
"All cannibals must die."
"Isn't that a Romero film?" Vinny asked.
"Corman," Arjun replied.
"Wood," Jax insisted.
"Enough." I pointed my crowbar at the cannibal.
"I don't know that director," Vinny teased.
We exited the hall and wound our way through a pair of double doors. After a couple of right turns, we found the entrance to the viewing theater. Inside, the emaciated cannibal awaited.
"Oh, you are certainly a sight for sore eyes. Or would that be eye sores? I have them both. I can barely see these days. Fortunately the ol’ sniffer still works like a champ. Good thing I didn't give into coke like everyone else did in the eighties, otherwise I wouldn't have smelled the delicate tang of your sweaty flesh." He took a great sniff of the air. "I haven't caught the scent of anything so sweet in months. The last morsel of food I had was…" The cannibal pointed to one of the bassinets.
My stomach dropped.
"You gotta die now." Jax raised his crowbar over his head and gave it a toss. The metal weapon missed the cannibal by a couple of feet and clanged to the tile floor. "Well shit." Jax turned to Arjun. "You wanna show me how you do that?"
Before Arjun could send his deadly crowbar into the heart of the beast, Vinny bull rushed the baby eater, slamming into him hard enough to send them both crashing into the nearest wall. The cannibal flailed his arms and clacked his teeth wildly.
"What the hell are you doing, Vinny?" I shouted over the din.
The muncher rolled over, pinning Vinny to the ground. As the bastard lowered its head toward the intern's neck, Jax reached out, grabbed a handful of mangy hair, and yanked back hard enough that an audible snap was heard.
Every non-cannibal in the room winced.
The rail-thin man stood, his head permanently tilted to one side. There was something profoundly wrong with the situation. Jax had to have wrecked the cannibal's C-spine; how he was able to retain control over his limbs and motor function was beyond me—especially given the dangerous lean of his neck.
"Great. Now I can't hold my head up straight." The cannibal clacked his teeth repeatedly. "How am I supposed to eat like this? Everything'll taste wrong. You don't mess with a cannibal's palette. Next thing you know, men will taste like women, vegans like carnivores...I never understood the whole vegan thing. You're eating a burger shaped burger, that's not a burger. Why call it a burger? Okay, I'll give you that it's burger adjacent, but just call it a damned sandwich. Anyway...where was I? Oh yeah. Who did this to me?" The man stepped toward us. "Answer the goddamned question or I swear to you I'll do my impersonation of Celine Dion covering Nickelback tunes."
Jax tossed a glance toward me. "I have to admit I'm kinda curious."
"I'm embarrassed to confess it, but me too."
"I warned you." The cannibal hummed a quick introduction and then broke into the strangest version of “Something In Your Mouth” I'd ever heard.
"Impressive." Jax moved in closer to the cannibal. "If I close my eyes I'd swear Celine was right in front of me. Unfortunately, I can only take Nickelback for so long." He snatched up his crowbar and, with an upward swing, sent the straight end into the eater's stomach and out his twisted back.
The cannibal looked down at the protruding iron bar. "Rude."
Jaws chattered like violent popcorn as the beast bent awkwardly at the waist, hoping to get a taste of Jax. That was when my cohort in crime put on display a masterclass in brute force. Jax stood, lifting the cannibal with him. He stumbled straight for the wall, jamming the exposed end of the crowbar through the drywall until it hit something with a bit more substance. When he released the crowbar, it stuck, pinning the cannibal in place.
The people eater's hands slapped at the metal bar and kicked at the wall...to no avail. He snapped his jaws again.
"You might have won the battle, but you'll never win the war. We are everywhere and your kind doesn't stand a chance at surviving a never-ending onslaught. In time—a construct that is very much on our side—we will—" The cannibal winced and clacked. "We will end you."
