Uncrossed (Harem Station Book 7), page 9
One thing is for sure though—I am not having sex with any incarnation of Corla. Ever again.
Ever.
I almost laugh.
“What’s funny?”
“Nothing,” I say. Then I turn to look at her, because she’s probably the most normal woman I’ve been in bed with in a very long time. “It’s just absurd, that’s all. A bad dream. What am I? A child?”
“Hmm.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Just… you know.”
“No. I don’t. Tell me.”
“Christopher. Your childhood was a long string of fucked-up shit, ya know?”
“Was it?”
She almost sits up to look at me. “What do you mean, was it?” She scoffs. “Do not tell me you’re going to try to normalize your freak-show of a father’s behavior. He was insane. Talking all that shit about the end of the world. Scaring you out of your mind with threats of demonic princesses and vengeful gods.”
“Huh.” It’s not very far off the mark, but I don’t say that. Just sigh. “If he were here, I would talk to him about it though.”
She huffs. “Good thing he’s dead then.” Then she does sit up. Points her finger at me. “It’s too soon, OK? Too. Fucking. Soon.”
I put up my hands in surrender. “OK.” I don’t know what that means, or what specific event she’s referring to, but whatever. I give up.
She flops back into her pillow. “I mean, I get it. Forgiveness is what heals people. But that father of yours doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Al Core is the definition of evil.”
“What did you just say?”
“You heard me. And I’m not taking it back. He was crazy.”
Like… am I hearing things? Or did she just say ALCOR?
“I can practically read your mind, Christopher Core. I will never, ever forgive you if you forgive him. He didn’t earn it.”
Ah. I get it. First name Al. Second name Core. Then I sigh.
“Do you hear me?”
“I hear you. He’s definitely not forgiven.” It’s not even a lie, either. ALCOR can go fuck himself. He is so on my shit list for leaving us to figure this crap out on our own. And besides, we have the Baby, who seems altogether much better than he was before that whole time freeze thing happened.
“Good. And I really hope you’re right and these nightmares don’t have anything to do with all that stuff that happened when you were younger, but…” She hesitates. “But you’re probably wrong. And that means something about what’s happening now is related to what happened back then.”
Back then. Yeah. She’s not wrong about that. Lots of shit happened back then that affects me today.
It’s all about the past, isn’t it?
“I don’t think I can go back to sleep now. I’m so upset.”
I turn to her. She’s on her back, but her body is most definitely turned away from me. Clear body language for ‘I’m mad’.
I slip my arm underneath her and pull her towards me. “Come here. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
It’s the truth too. It’s not her fault I’m in her husband’s body fucking up her sleep.
She resists for a moment. But it’s a small resistance. And she turns into me and snuggles her face up to my chest, sighing with relief.
I absently stroke her hair as I think things through.
Maybe being Christopher isn’t so bad. His version of Corla at least seems sane.
I can’t say that much for the Corla I knew back in my real life. Not that I really know her, or anything. But even when she was sixteen, she was crazy. She started all this. She flew into my life like the solar wind and spun me around so hard, I lost all my senses.
What if she was lying? I mean I get it. Like she told me back in that garden that day we escaped, there was an actual breeding ceremony. I saw it with my own eyes. I participated in it, for sun’s sake.
But isn’t there a chance that she was wrong? That it was maybe just my weird father’s version of a… I dunno. A marriage pact?
I mean, I never asked him about any of it. As soon as Corla convinced me to help her escape I took her into the walls of the station. Secret passageways that Jimmy and I used to travel inside when we were smaller. It wasn’t easy to get to Jimmy’s quarters. It had been years since he and I played in the walls like that. And I barely fit at sixteen.
But Corla and I made it. And then Corla and Jimmy and I made it to Luck and Valor and then again to Tray. And Tray was the one who got us the rest of the way. He hacked into shit and did… well, whatever the fuck he did.
But the whole thing felt too easy. And I remember thinking, Did someone put her up to this? Is this part of my father’s plan?
I was so paranoid. I kept expecting to get caught. I never thought we’d make it to the spin node launch tube, let alone back down to the docking level. And when Tray actually stole the ship and opened the docking locks… I was sorta stunned that we got that far.
Then the next thing I knew we were approaching the ALCOR gate.
And that was it. I thought we were dead for sure.
But no. That fucking AI let us through. Invited us to stay.
I get that we had a dude called Luck on board, but that’s a little bit too much luck even for him.
Then I remember what I was doing the last time I was here. Looking for Jimmy. Jimmy Yates. That has to be his name. There was no Jimmy, but there was a Jim and Heather. Maybe that’s him? Maybe Heather is his soulmate in this version of reality?
Hmmm. That makes me think. Maybe Heather is his real soulmate? Because Delphi is not his soulmate. We all know that for sure.
And this place has to be Earth. It sure the fuck isn’t Cygnia. Not that I know what that place looks like—because whatever that was when I thought I was there, it wasn’t real. So maybe Cygnia does look like that—but I doubt it. That craggy old Corla can’t come from a place so beautiful. Carla here isn’t some glowing princess. She comes across very… I don’t know. Normal.
And this place is not an Akeelian city either. We have hundreds, maybe even thousands, of stations. But only one planet. It’s not a very nice one, either. Akeelian City doesn’t look anything like this place.
It has to be Earth.
That’s what the spin node was for, right?
But wait. Last time I was here, she heard me telling Tycho—Toby—whoever—about my brothers. And she was mad. People were at the door.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hmm?” she asks sleepily.
“Did… did anyone come to the door the other night?”
“What?”
Surely, if people were coming to… I don’t know, take us to prison, or kill us because I was talking about things I shouldn’t be, she would not have to think twice about that.
“Who came to the door?” she asks.
“No one. Nothing. Just part of my dream, I think.”
“I really think you need to talk to someone, Christopher. Let me call up Heather.”
“Heather?”
“Heather Yates? You remember her, right? Her husband, Jim, put on that fundraiser for your reelection campaign last time?”
“Jim.”
“She finished her masters about two years ago. She’s got her own counseling office now. Mostly, she deals with couples, but…” I feel Carla shrug. “I’m sure she’d talk to you about the dreams. And she won’t let it leak out that you’re having… issues.”
Can it be this simple? Can my wife be setting up the meeting with Jimmy I need?
“What do you say?” Her voice is very sleepy now. Like she’s just about to drift off.
“Yeah,” I tell her. “Yeah, set that up. I’d love to talk to… Jim again.”
I lie there waiting for Carla to fall into a deep sleep. I want to get up and go back down to Christopher’s office so I can do some more searching for Jimmy Yates.
But it’s been a long spin—day. Whatever. I’m not sure how to count the time I’ve been inside the spin node. And before I know it my eyes are heavy and my body is relaxed.
And then…
I wake up to the familiar sound of traffic outside and hazy light filtering in through the sheer curtains. Then the sound of cupboards banging down in the kitchen.
Carla sighs. Turns over.
I think the most surprising thing about waking up in her bed is that I’m still here. Why am I still here? Falling asleep and waking up seems like the perfect opportunity for whoever or whatever is controlling my trips through the node to put me somewhere else.
But I’m not going to complain. I’m about done with this shit. I want to go back to Harem. My Harem. My life, my time, my world.
But then I remember Carla’s offer last night. Jimmy.
What if I get stuck here? What if I have to be this Christopher version of me? I have to stay and talk to Jimmy, at least. What if he’s my Jimmy? And he’s stuck here too?
Maybe we can make a plan together?
“Oh, my God,” Carla mutters. “She’s up again. I can hear her down there. Can you hear her? Why? Why does this child insist on waking up at the butt crack of dawn?”
I huff out a laugh. Butt crack of dawn. I can honestly say I’ve never heard that one before.
“It’s not funny, Christopher. You’re not here with her all day. She’s a handful. Always.”
“I’ll take care of it.” I throw the covers off and swing my legs out of the bed, taking a moment to lean over, head in hands, and rub my face.
She reaches for me, scooting over towards me so she can wrap her arms around my middle. And there’s a moment of panic when I assume she’ll reach for my cock and want a morning fuck.
I’m not touching Corla—any version of her—until I get back to my own time and place. Not after that shit show nightmare. Except I know better. It wasn’t a nightmare. I don’t know what it was, exactly. But I don’t care. None of these lives I’m being shown are mine.
Corla doesn’t reach for my cock. She presses her cheek against the small of my back and murmurs, “I love you.”
I stop rubbing my face and go still, thinking about her declaration for a moment. Three words I’ve dreamed about hearing for twenty-one years. It’s her voice, it’s her, for all intents and purposes—but it’s the wrong her.
“I love you too.” I say it back because that’s what you do. Even I know that. Then I untangle her arms from me and stand up, turning to face her, and cover her back up.
“Thank you,” she says again. This time her words are barely audible as she immediately drifts back to sleep.
She’s a nice version of Corla though. I will say that. The Corla I knew as a teenager was bossy and authoritative. Very, very sure of her place in the world even when all the people around her had other plans. This one is… calm. Almost lazy. In a good way, though.
I sigh and walk over to the door, snagging a t-shirt on my way past a chair. I tug it over my head and close the door behind me.
The sounds coming from the kitchen become louder as I make my way down the long, curved staircase in bare feet. I glance at Christopher’s closed office doors, wanting to get back in there and see if there’s anything else I can learn about where I am and who he is, but then something crashes in the kitchen and I decide it has to wait until I check on the sun-fucked kids.
But even that has an allure I can’t deny.
Sun-fucked or not, they are my kids. And this is the only chance I’ve had to see them when they were small. To get some idea of what it’s like to be a father.
I missed it.
I missed all of it.
And even though I didn’t really feel regret about that back on Harem, that had to be because I never understood how small and helpless they could be. How they could clutch you so tight when you hold them. Like you are their whole universe. How they could look at you with such complete trust.
I only got a small taste of it the last time I was here, but it was enough to crave more.
When I walk into the kitchen little Delphi is sitting on the countertop with her feet in the sink, holding a box of food. Her whole arm is inside the box when I pause to watch her. And then she withdraws it and shoves little yellow nugget things into her mouth. She munches eagerly, and then sees me and stops, smiling with stuffed cheeks. “I was hungry,” she says, half-chewed food shooting out with her words.
“I guess,” I say, walking over to her. I take the box and set it aside, then pick her up. She immediately wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my middle, holding on to me like she’ll never let go.
I hug her for a moment, wanting to apologize for missing this in my real life. It could’ve been nice, I think. To be a father to a small child. It’s not the same with a full-grown adult. I don’t feel like Delphi’s father, but Dellie… that urge to hold her and protect her is strong.
I look around for my other twin. But he’s not here. “Where’s Tycho?”
“Who?”
“Oh… um.” Fuck. What was that kid’s name? It was something weird. “T-toby. Where’s Toby?”
“Who’s Toby?”
“Hmm? Your brother, Del… Dellie. Your twin.”
“You’re funny, Daddy. I don’t have a brother.”
“What?” I look around, trying to find evidence of him. “Yeah. Twins. That’s how it always happens. Everyone has a twin.”
“That would be fun. Can I get one? Where do you buy them, Daddy? I want a twin. Can I get a girl twin? I don’t want a brother. Lyssa has a brother and he’s mean. But Chassey has a sister and they play dolls together. Can I get one today?”
Fuck. Why did I assume I came back to the same place?
I mean, that’s just not how my life goes, right? If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my thirty-seven years of life it’s that the universe gives no fucks about my happiness. I have some kind of job to do. I am nothing more than a little worker bot. A servo to the gods. The meaning of life runs on a need-to-know basis, and in the words of ALCOR, I don’t need to know.
“Never mind,” I say. “Daddy’s tired. I think I was still dreaming.”
Dellie frowns, studies me for a moment. In real life—my real life—her eyes are pink. Well, when she’s not glowing her eyes are kinda light brown. But you can see the little pink flecks that will light up with emotion swirling in her irises.
But this little girl has deep blue eyes. She pats my face with both hands, giggling softly. “You know what I dreamed about?”
“What?” I ask. She’s slipping down my body a little, so I hike her up so her face is even with mine.
“You. And your space station.”
“What?”
“I think that’s what you called it. What’s a space station, Daddy?”
I blink at her for a moment. Now what the fuck? What does this mean?
“Do you know?”
“What?”
“What is a space station?”
I take a deep breath and carry her over to the adjoining room where there’s a couch. I sit down, because I need a minute. I need to figure this out. Why am I here? Is this just some random spin of the wheel? You walk in a spin node and it shoots you out into… what? Another timeline? Another universe?
“Is it like a train station?”
I look at Delphi and frown. She’s not my kid. She’s Christopher’s kid. “No.” I don’t know what a train station is, exactly. But I’m pretty sure it looks nothing like a space station. “It’s a big… spinning… top. Kind of. Out in space. People live inside it.”
She thinks about this, her mouth a serious, straight line. “Hmm.” Then she drags a hand across her nose. “I think I was there too.”
“Where?”
“Your station. But I was big.” She smiles. “Very big.”
“You think you were there, huh?”
She nods. “And you were there too. But you weren’t old.” She frowns. “If I’m big then you have to be old.”
“Yeah. That’s usually how it works.”
“Are we gonna go there? Because the people told me that I’m not supposed to be here and neither are you.”
“Who told you?”
“The people.”
“What people, Dellie?”
“The bright ones.”
“What?” I just stare at her.
“The bright ones. They light up. Like the sun.” She points to the window where a little bit of sunshine is just starting to appear through the trees. “I think we’re supposed to go back to your station. Is that where you live, Daddy?”
I nod yes without thinking. Just staring out the window at the sun. The bright ones. The Cygnians?
Dellie places a hand on my cheek and I turn towards her. “They told me you’re not from here.”
“What? When?”
“Just now. I can hear them in my head.”
“Fuck!”
She giggles. “Mommy hates that word.”
“Does she?” I laugh.
“She hates when you say it.” She pauses. “Is that where my twin lives?” Then her mouth makes a big O shape. Like she just figured something out. “That is where he lives. Are you gonna take me with you?”
This answer would’ve been a resounding no at almost any other moment in time. And it’s still a no now. She is not my Delphi. But there’s a part of me that wants to take her with me. And Carla too. We’re missing Tycho, but maybe he’s out there somewhere, waiting for me to find him? Maybe I could—
A whooshing noise fills my ears and that now familiar feeling of being sucked away vibrates through my body.
“No. No, not yet! I just got here—”
Dellie is holding on to me, her face filled with fear. “Don’t go, Daddy! Don’t leave me here!”
I hold her tighter, but even as I do so, her body dissipates into nothingness in my arms.
CHAPTER EIGHT - CRUX
“Dude,” Jimmy says. “I would so fuck her. I would fuck her sweet silver ass into next spin. I’m talking a full-on marathon of fucking, ya know what I mean?”
“Please,” I say, taking a sip of my whiskey. “She’s got more guards than my father. You don’t have a chance in hell.”
