NEON Calico, page 16
“Are you okay, Meili?” [[…]] asks, moving over to me and putting his hands on my shoulders as though to support me should I suddenly fall. “You look a bit shaky.”
Panic rushes through me. No, more than that. Terror. What do I do? “No, I’m fine,” I assure him, perhaps a bit too quickly. “Hey, would you mind waiting for me downstairs? I’ll be just a few minutes. Just need to figure out what the heck to wear.”
“Downstairs?” he grumbles coyly, his eyes running along the curve of my body beneath the bath-towel. I am equal parts turned on and uncomfortable by his longing gaze.
“Please?” I beg him.
He’s disappointed, but doesn’t seem upset with me. I’m glad. He leans in to kiss me on the forehead before whispering to me that he loves me and exits my room, heading down the hall towards the elevator. I listen to his footsteps as he goes, waiting for him to be out of earshot before I have whatever little freak-out this is.
What the hell is happening?
Chang’e meows understandingly, her bright metallic, neon purple eyes staring at me coldly.
- - -
“Meili, you look as beautiful as ever, sweetheart.”
My father spots me as soon as [[…]] and I enter the restaurant and he immediately rises from his seat to greet us. I’m so happy to see him! It’s been... a long time. Can’t remember exactly how long. Feels like years. I rush into his arms - etiquette be damned, this is my daddy - and squeeze him so hard he gives an audible “oof.” I’ve missed him. God, I’ve missed him. He can be a hard-ass sometimes, no, almost all time, but... there it is again! I cringed. Why did I cringe right as he starts hugging me back? I suddenly want to bolt, to get the hell out of here and get as far away from him as I can. Dammit!
“Are you alright?” he asks me, speaking in his native Cantonese. He never speaks anything else, despite being nearly as good with additional languages and dialects as I am. “You’re shaking.”
“Yeah, I’m fine, Daddy,” I tell him, also in Cantonese out of respect. “Just really, really happy to see you.”
He smiles down at me. I nearly start crying. I’ve seen him smile before, of course, but for some reason this feels like the very first time I’ve ever seen it with my own eyes. “And I’m happy to see you too, darling. Now come, have a seat. I’m afraid I cannot stay for long. I have a meeting with the other members of the board later this afternoon.”
“Of course,” I say as [[…]] pulls out a chair for me, like the true gentleman he is. Something is still way off, though. Daddy is one of the Big Ten of Dynast. It’s rare to see him out in public like this. Rare, no, that’s not the right word. “Rare” would imply that it actually happens on occasion. We wouldn’t meet him in a restaurant like this. Not without a full security detail at the very least. We’d meet somewhere more private. His estate, more likely, in the dining room. Which is where we are, of course. What the hell was I thinking? Whoa, I suddenly feel really dizzy. Sudden sense of vertigo out of no-where.
“Meili?”
“I’m okay,” I assure him. “Just jet-lag is all. Still adjusting.” I feel like I’m going crazy or something. I rub my temples with my
fingers and as I look up, I catch the concerned glance Daddy and [[…]] share between each other. They’re worried. Of course they’re worried. It’s fine, though. I’m sure it’s fine. “So where is Ai?” I ask, hoping to change the subject, and the mood, as quickly as possible.
Speak the devil’s name and he shall appear, or so they say. Apparently the same is true of half-brothers. The doors behind me fly open and in he comes. “Sorry I’m late,” he says with the same smug, self-assured attitude he always has. “A meeting ran late. I came as quickly as I could.” He gives a bow to father, a bow followed by a friendly handshake to [[…]] who gets up to greet him, and then he looks to me. “And if it isn’t my favorite, and only, little sister back from gallivanting all over America. Hello, Meili. It’s good to see you again.”
“Half-sister,” I remind him before I’m able to stop my own tongue. Why did I say that? Oh my God, that was so rude. No one seemed to notice, though. Good. “It’s good to see you too, Ai. You’re looking well.” Strange. It feels like I’ve seen him much more recently, and for some reason my skin is crawling at the very sight of him. I can feel my heart-rate skyrocketing. I feel angry, but I don’t know why. I also can’t shake this odd desire to punch him. Did he do something to me in the dream, maybe? Pushing that to the back of my mind, swearing – again – that this is nothing to worry about and that I’ll figure it out later, I give him a hug. Bad idea. I nearly scream and push myself away from him. “Sorry,” I say.
“Jet-lag,” [[…]] tells him.
“Of course,” he says, taking a seat opposite me. “Well, let’s eat, shall we?”
Wow, when did the food arrive? The cooks must have brought it out while I was greeting Ai, though I never heard them come in. Ninja cooks! It’s almost like the food just appeared in front of us.
Lunch is mostly a quiet affair. We don’t talk while we eat. It’s a time to simply replenish one’s body and enjoy the company of those we’ve chosen to share our meals with. It’s not a tradition of ours that I am particularly fond of; the quiet just makes me feel jittery and anxious, two things I really don’t need right now, but I don’t dare disturb it. Daddy wouldn’t like that.
So what?
So... wow, where are all these thoughts coming from. It’s like there’s... like there’s another person trapped inside my head, another me, thinking all these horrible thoughts and hating everything that is good in my life. After I spent so many years in therapy after mom died, I thought I was over the survivor’s guilt and the outbursts. Maybe not, but what could have triggered them? The flight? Coming back to Hong Kong? I should schedule a therapist appointment when I get back to Chicago; I’ll see if they can work me in for a session or two. I won’t tell Dad or Ai about it, not just yet, though I should probably tell [[…]]. He knows me better than I know myself most of the time and has surely realized that there is something up with me today besides just jet-lag. I don’t want to worry him. Our wedding day is less than a year away now. It would be better that he knows and hears it from me. I’ll tell him later, once we’re alone.
“So how are things in the so-called ‘windy city,’ Meili?” Ai asks after we’ve all finished our lunch and have settled in with some nice hot tea sweetened with real honey and lemon. None of that cheap, synthetic food found here. Real deal only. God, I’ve missed that.
“Things are good,” I tell him. “I was recently admitted into the Chicago Symphony Orchestra and got to play Beethoven’s seventh during the grand opening of the new Symphony Center in the upper plate.”
“She was absolutely amazing,” [[…]] interjects. “She stole the show. Even I’ve never heard her play the violin like that.
I can’t help but blush. “Stop it,” I tell him, giving him a swat.
“It’s not like I’m the only violinist in the orchestra.” Wait, how could he know? This is the first time he and I have been together in months and the concert was just a few weeks ago, wasn’t it? Was he there? I think... yes! That’s right, he came to see me. He even brought me a bouquet of roses like you see in those old pre-trid films. That was so sweet of him.
“Don’t be modest, sis,” Ai says, leaning in and putting a hand on my left shoulder. “You’re an incredible musician, and I can say that even as someone who doesn’t really go in for the classical stuff.”
Oh God, his touch! It sends waves of ice-cold fire all throughout my arm. The pain hits me hard, amassing most intently right at the shoulder. It’s like my arm is trying to tear itself off, pulling at the skin and tearing the muscles with inhuman force. I scream and nearly fall out of my chair. Dad is on his feet in and instant and both [[…]] and Ai are at my side before I collapse, easing me down to the floor so I don’t fall.
“What’s wrong?” I hear Daddy shout out. “Someone, call for a doctor!”
“What did I do? Meili, hang in there!” Ai tells me, afraid to touch me again.
[[…]] knows what’s going on, though. He’s seen me through worse than this and holds me close to him. “It’s alright,” he tells them both, trying to calm them as he gently caresses my chest and shoulder with the tips of his fingers. “Her arm has been causing her problems since the accident a year ago. Her nerves misfire like this from time to time, but it will pass. She’s strong.” Yeah, the accident. My arm’s never been the same since then. That’s when I... when I... I can’t remember.
No, no I remember. I remember fire. I remember alarms sounding all around me. I remember running and shouting and praying we would all make it out alive. I wasn’t alone. There were other people with me; a tall girl with short, brown hair, a broad shouldered man with an eye-patch, full beard, and a face that looked like it got planted into the plas-crete a few too many times, and another guy. I remember he had black hair, long on one side and short on the other. Lots of tattoos and piercings too. I remember running beside him, holding his hand. There was a gun clutched in my other. We were trying to get out. Trying to escape. Together.
More shouting. I remember seeing a man in a suit of riot-gear. He’s leveling a gun at the man next to me. My heart stops. No! I can’t let it end here. Not like this. The gunman won’t shoot me. I know this somehow. I’ll protect the man next to me. He came for me, came to save me, but now I can save him. I throw myself in the way. Too late. I don’t hear the shot. I feel it, though. Feels just like how it felt when Ai touched my shoulder a few moments ago. It feels like both tearing and searing all at once. It hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt before. My legs go limp. All of my strength is suddenly gone. I’m falling. More shouting, this time from the girl and the bearded man with the eye-patch. More shooting too. I can smell the gunpowder even through all the smoke.
I’m still holding onto the man’s hand, clutching it as tight as I can, but his grip is growing weaker. I can feel him slipping away from me. There is a tension in his hand, a sudden spasm of motion as he desperately clutches to me with what little strength he has left. Then nothing.
A new pain grips me as the grip goes lax. This time it’s all in my chest. It feels like someone just reached inside of me and crushed my heart in their hand. Someone... and all I can see are Daddy’s and Ai’s faces.
“Do I need to call an ambulance?” my father... Daddy asks, standing over me, my brother at his side, as my fiance’ cradles me in his arms. I look up at the three of them and see them all in a way I do not know if I’ve ever seen before. Daddy is so imposing, a towering figure that almost seems to block all the light in the room same way that the moon blocks out the light of the sun during an eclipse. He’s almost scary, in a way, and the hold he has on all aspects of my life suddenly feels very suffocating.
Ai... I cannot explain it, but he scares me. I see him looking down at me with the same eyes a man-eating tiger might look at me with as it stalked me through the forest. There is a feral side to him, a savagery, a willingness to do anything to get his way. Anything. Even hurt me.
Finally, there is my fiance’, the man I love. In him, all I see is all that I’ve ever wanted. He is the one thing in my life, the one person, who I know that I can trust completely. He’s the one who knows me, the real me, probably better than I’ll ever know myself. He is able to anticipate my needs and respond to them before I can even bring myself to put them into words. I feel so safe in his arms and in my heart I want him, all of him, more than I’ve ever wanted anything else in all my life. Looking up at him, I smile.
He smiles back down at me, his hand softly brushing those few annoying strands of hair out of my face. “I think she’ll be alright,” he tells my father and Ai. “I think the pain is subsiding now. Do you think you can stand up, Babe?”
Babe... it sounds different when he says it, but also very familiar.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I tell him, and also assure Daddy and Ai as my fiance’ helps me back to my feet. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”
Daddy nods, relieved. “I am just happy that you are alright, sweetheart.”
“Me as well,” Ai agrees. “I’m sorry. I guess I forgot about your bad nerves.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him, really just wanting to end this conversation so I can get the hell out of here. I need time to process this, what I see now in Daddy and in Ai. There’s no way I can just shake that off. Even now, I can’t stop feeling as though they are somehow threatening. I want to tell myself that I know neither of them would ever do anything to hurt me but in all honesty I can’t. If either of them ever found a need, they would. A part of me feels like they already have. No, that’s wrong, though. Is it? Can’t think clearly. I need to go.
“Maybe it would be best if I took her back to her hotel,” [[…]] says. Oh, I love you! Yes! “She’s still tired from the trip and this whole thing was probably just too much for her right now.”
“Yeah,” I agree, in English for some reason, though I immediately shake that and start speaking in Cantonese again. “Yes. I’m sorry, but I think I could use a bit more rest.” You gave me an out, you beautiful, sexy man-beast. God, I love you!
Daddy agrees. Ai says nothing. “Very well. Go, get some rest, Meili. We’ll see you again soon, alright?” My father steps in to give me a hug and, for some reason, despite all the worry and fear pouring through me, I accept it. There is a part of me that longs for this, for his love. It’s the same sort of longing you feel for something you want but know that you’ll never be able to have.
“I’ll see you again soon, Daddy,” I promise him, the words feeling like lies as they pass from my lips.
- - -
There is just something about my fiance`’s presence that calms me. In the short time between leaving my father’s estate and returning to the hotel, I’m feeling like my old self again. Originally, when we first managed to get out of there, I felt as though I just wanted to get back to my room, collapse on my bed, and maybe cuddle with Chang’e. Now, having felt [[…]]’s arm slide around my waist and draw me in close to him, as I bask in the warmth of his body heat, there is something else I want even more: him. All of him.
My desire for him is almost primal. It’s an angry wanting that is clawing at the surface of my thoughts and begging for release. I want him. I want him all over me. I want him in me. I’m squirming in the seat next to him, trying to nuzzle in even closer to him, pressing myself against him. At first, I think he isn’t quite sure what it is I want. A quick cupping of his crotch, feeling him swell up at my touch, is all I need do to clarify my desires and assure myself that he wants the same.
We make out with each other all the way up the elevator. Were it a private lift, I would have him start tearing my clothes off there, but we somehow manage that small bit of restraint all the way up to my suite. By the time we get to the room I am so ready for him that I can barely fit the damn key card in the reader. We’re in! He closes and locks the door behind us, momentarily separating himself from me. I kick off my shoes and start unfastening my belt, but his hands find their way back to my body before I can get it off. Even through shirt and bra, the feel of his hands on my breasts only further excites me and I urge him to get all of these horrible, obstructing clothes off me as fast as possible. He obliges me gladly, pulling my shirt off me and sliding my pants down from my hips.
I unfasten my bra as he gingerly pulls off my panties. Now fully undressed, I present myself before his eyes in all my nakedness. For a brief moment, he steps back to take me in, gazing at me as one would look at a piece of fine art, appreciation and desire both etched in his gorgeous face. I give him a spin, allowing him to take in every inch of me, showing off all that I am offering him. He surges forward as I do, taking me in his arms from behind, one hand firmly grabbing hold of one of my tits and the other hand sliding down between my legs so that his fingers give me a brief taste of all the ecstasy that is to come, causing the faintest moan of pleasure to escape from my lips. I feel his lips on my neck and his still covered cock pressing into my spine.
I love the foreplay. It’s often just as good as the sex itself. Speaking of, I’m ready for that to start happening, so I turn back to him and start furiously tearing his clothes off until at last the two of us are standing together, naked in the dark, with our lips pressed together in one final, passionate kiss before we get down to the good stuff. Wait, wasn’t it just afternoon? Didn’t we just have lunch with Daddy and Ai? When did it become evening? Where did the day go? It doesn’t matter, though. The only thing that matters to me is the feel of his naked body pressed up against mine.
Cupping his hands on my ass, he lifts me from my feet mid-kiss and carries me into the bedroom where he playfully half-tosses me onto the bed, nearly on top of my cat. Chang’e darts away as not to get crushed by our wildness. [[…]] climbs atop me and pushes my legs apart with his body. Just a few moments more until... there, he is inside me! Oh God, that feeling! I’ve missed this, missed him, so much. He starts off slowly, gently, building up as each thrust grows more and more intense. I lay back and let him have me, alternating between wrapping myself around him and writhing in pleasure on the silk sheets. His tongue finds my erect nipples and he nibbles on them gently, sending little shocks of delight through me with each soft bite. I let out a gasp of delight and that only further invigorates him until the two of us are completely lost in our sex.
We haven’t had each other like this in so long. I cry out, “Oh God, I’ve missed you, Zak!”
And suddenly I’m aware of just how wrong everything is. I look down at my partner and realize that I don’t know him. Who the hell is this? Drek, his name! What is his name? I know it, don’t I? I’ve said it, though it, so many times... I can’t remember! I push him away, forcing him to pull himself out of me. He’s confused, but doesn’t refuse me. He doesn’t seem to recognize that I’ve snapped out of whatever illusion I’ve been locked in.
