Return to Sender, page 15
“You want this?” He slipped a finger inside of me as his thumb rubbed my clit and my body crumpled.
“Yes!” I cried out as his finger slid in and out of me. “Ohhhh, yes!”
“Or do you want this?” He slipped his finger out and pushed the tip of his cock next to my clit and rubbed back and forth.
“Wade,” I moaned, shocked that he was hard again already.
“You’re glistening for me,” he moaned. “Lean forward and put your ass higher in the air.”
I shifted my upper body towards the floor and then cried out as he shifted me back towards him. His erection slid between my folds and rubbed against me, and all I wanted was to feel him inside of me.
“Please, Wade.”
“Please what?”
“Please fuck me.”
He growled at my words and I felt his cock slipping inside of me in one excruciatingly slow movement until he was fully inside of me, filling me up completely. And then he slid out.
“I need to get a rubber,” he muttered before sliding back into me, this time faster and with more intent.
“Wade …” I groaned. “Please.”
“Your pussy feels so good on my cock.” He pounded a few strokes into me and then pulled all the way out. “Hold on.” He stood up and walked over to the side of the room. “I would love to fuck you with no protection, but it’s not smart. You need to get on the pill.”
I didn’t answer him. I didn’t need to get on the pill because this was the last time I’d be having sex with him. I heard him rip open a condom wrapper and then he was behind me again. This time, there was no gentleness to his movements. He grabbed my hips and thrust into me hard. He pounded me from behind and my eyes fluttered as his tip hit my g-spot.
This position seemed to allow him to fill me even more than usual and I was completely overwhelmed by the feel of him as he slammed in and out of me. He reached under my abdomen and started to rub me at the same time and in no time, I was screaming out his name as I came harder and with more force than I ever had before. He grunted in satisfaction as he came minutes later, slamming harder than ever before as he exploded once again. He pulled out of me and stood up.
“Get up,” he barked as I lay there, completely exhausted. I pulled my pants back up and stood up. “Go and shower and put on a dress with no underwear and come back. I have a plan for the night.”
“I told Lucy I’d take her to the pub.”
“Tonight?” His expression darkened showing his disapproval.
“Yes, tonight.”
“Fine, I’ll wait up.” His eyes crinkled. “What I have planned can wait.”
“What do you have planned?”
“You’ll see.” He winked. “Go and shower and I’ll see you later.”
“Okay,” I nodded, still dazed from the intensity of my orgasm.
“Come here.” He pulled me towards him and kissed me softly. “I do like you, Savannah. Sometimes I think I might feel more than like, but it’s complicated …” His voice trailed off and he sighed. “Well, that’s enough for now. Go.”
He gave me one last kiss and pushed me away. I didn’t respond to his comments. It was too late. It was over.
I walked towards the door feeling the saddest I’d ever felt in my entire life. Leaving was hard enough, but having to leave without even a goodbye was much harder.
Chapter 22
“Gordon called me!” I hurried to the bedroom to talk to Lucy after my shower. “He wants to meet up with me and chat, right now!”
“Now?” She frowned. “But we’re leaving soon.”
“I have to go. I need some answers.”
“Can’t he talk to you on the phone?”
“No, he said he wants to talk in person. He’s going to pick me up in a few minutes. He wants to take me somewhere.”
Lucy’s eyes filled with apprehension. “Savannah, I don’t like this.”
“It will be okay, Lucy. I promise. It will all be okay.”
“I just want us to leave.” She shivered. “I’m scared. I really get the creeps being here.”
“Have all the bags ready, and we will leave as soon as I get back, okay?”
“I don’t like it, but fine.” She sighed. “I will text you to check in on you, okay?”
“Sure. I won’t be long. I’m going to go to the front and walk to the end of the driveway so that Wade doesn’t see Gordon’s car.”
“Okay.” Lucy nodded. “Good luck.”
“Thanks, girl.” I gave her a quick hug and then hurried out of the room before she could convince me that it wasn’t a good idea.
“Thanks for meeting me.” Gordon’s face looked drawn and tired.
I got into the passenger’s seat of Gordon’s car and shut the door. “I was happy to hear from you. I thought you were ignoring me.”
“I was.” He pressed his foot on the gas and peeled out of the driveway. “But then I heard your message and figured I owed it to you to meet up.”
“I know you’re mad with me, but you can’t just snoop in someone else's house.”
“It should be my house as well!” he shouted, hitting the steering wheel.
Startled, I looked over at him and wondered if he was all right to drive. I’d never seen him like this before. “What do you mean?”
“I was his son too!” Gordon took a corner a little faster than necessary. “I should have been one of the beneficiaries of his will!”
“Joseph Hart?” I said softly. So I’d been right. He was Wade’s half brother.
“Yes, Joseph Hart was my dad as well. Not that he cared. Wade is my brother.” Gordon sounded angry. “My own flesh and blood, and he doesn’t even know or care.”
“But why don’t you just go and talk to him? Why don’t you explain?” I asked.
“I’m waiting for the right opportunity, plus I want to find out the real story behind my father’s death. He wasn’t that old.”
“Oh?” I stared at him. “Do you think someone did something to him?”
“There was talk that he didn’t kill himself, yes.”
“Did you know Mischa, Wade’s assistant, well?”
“No.” He pressed down even harder on the gas. “Why?”
My phone beeped at that moment, and I pulled it out of my handbag. There was a text from Lucy.
Come home!! Gordon is the one!! I was googling Master Chef’s in Herne Hill Village, and the TV show came up. Guess who the host of the show is??
“Gordon Ramsay,” I said under my breath without even having to read the rest of her message. So Gordon was lying. Gordon knew Mischa very well. Was he the one who had made her disappear? My blood went cold.
“I know you’re lying, Gordon,” I said softly. “I know you’re not gay. You’re a good actor, but I know Mischa was your girlfriend.”
“You know?” He looked at me, his eyes dark and crazed. He nodded to himself. “You know. How?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “Where is she, Gordon? What happened to her?”
“What happened to her?” He laughed hysterically. “She left me.”
“What?” Was he telling the truth?
“She thought I was obsessed with finding out what happened with the Harts and my dad. I was the one that gave her the information to write those articles. No one wanted to take it seriously, but I know something shady went down. I just know it.”
“Gordon,” I spoke gently. “This doesn’t sound healthy. You need to let it go.”
“I will never let it go!” The car swerved slightly and I grabbed the side of the door. “Just because you decided to slut it up with Wade, you want to defend him, but he and Henry are scum!”
“How dare you talk to me like that?” I snapped. “You were using me weren’t you? You never really cared about being my friend, did you? You just wanted access to Wade. It was all an act!”
“It wasn’t an act.” Gordon’s voice cracked and he looked at me with sad eyes. “Please believe that, Savannah.” He sighed. “I’m sorry for calling you a slut.”
Gordon blew past a stop sign. He was driving even faster now, and I was getting frightened. “Why are you driving so fast?”
“I’m just trying to get you somewhere. I want to show you something.” He turned a corner and slowed down slightly this time. “I know you might not believe me now, but I care about you, Savannah, you’re my only real friend.”
He was silent for a few seconds and then I heard him sniffling. I tore my gaze away from the road and looked at him. He was crying silent, ugly tears and his body was shaking.
“You don’t know what it’s like,” he sobbed. “My mom had an affair with my dad, and my dad didn’t give two shits about either of us. He never even saw me. I called him every year on his birthday, ever since I was ten. I thought he just didn’t have my number. I thought he didn’t want to see me because he hated my mom, but that wasn’t it. He just didn’t care. He wasn’t interested in meeting me. He didn’t care if I was alive or dead. When I was fifteen, I had heart surgery. I thought he’d come. I nearly died, but he didn’t even call.” The pain in his voice made my heart break. “You forgave Wade for being a jerk to you because he’s hurt that his mom treated his dad badly, but he always knew his dad loved him, and he has his brother. I have no one, Savannah. I have no one. My mom died, my dad died, and I was left with nothing. I wanted to meet my brothers. I wanted to belong. I just wanted someone. And I wanted answers.”
“Why didn’t you try and meet Wade?” I rubbed my arms to stop my body from shaking. “Why didn’t you go to his house and tell him you were his brother?”
“Because I didn’t want him to think that I was there for money. I never wanted money. I just wanted a family. I just wanted to belong. My whole life …” He stopped then and slammed his fists against the wheel. “You don’t understand, I’ve just never been enough.”
“You’ve been enough to me, Gordon. You’ve always been enough. You’ve been a good friend to me. You’re friendly, you’re talented, so talented.” I was starting to cry as well. “You could be a huge star. You’re one of the best actors I’ve ever seen. I told you that when we first met.”
“It’s not enough, don’t you get it? I’m not good looking enough, not rich enough, not personable enough. I’m just never enough!” he shouted. “I went to Los Angeles, you know. I don’t like to tell people, but I went to the City of Angels. It was full of evil bastards who just wanted to steal your dreams. I never got one callback.”
He sounded so sad that I just wanted to pull him into my arms. “I’m sorry, Gordon.” His intentions in the beginning may not have been the purest, he hadn’t been lying about our friendship; he was just a broken soul. A heartbroken, lost soul. “I believe in you, you know. Don’t give up.”
“Do you forgive me?” He looked to the side, a look of hope on his face. “Are we still friends?”
“Always! You’ll never get rid of me.” I smiled and the expression on his face changed into one of absolute happiness. “We’re family now, Gordon. Some families we’re born into and others we make.”
“I love you, Savannah Carter. You’re amazing.”
He turned to look at me, a smile crossing his tear-stained face, but his eyes were off the road a split second too long. A bright flash of white light poured through the window. A horn blared and something smashed into us.
The car was spun and spun and spun. As we careened towards a group of trees, I pictured my mom and dad playing with me as a child. I’d never doubted their love for me. Then I pictured Lucy, dancing around our living room, singing a Whitney Houston song to me while Jolene stared up at her with wide eyes from her spot under the table. And then I pictured Wade. Tall, masculine Wade with his enigmatic smile and beguiling green eyes, staring into my eyes, kissing my cheek, playing with my hair.
And I knew as I’d known from the very beginning that I loved him. I loved him, and I hoped that he knew just how very much I adored him. For all his flaws, there was nothing I would change about him. Not even his secrets. I didn’t want to leave him and I knew that I could forgive him anything. If only I’d have a chance to tell him that. If only I could tell him that he could tell me anything. I’d never judge him. Never.
I heard a scream—I think it was me—then the car slammed into the trees and everything went black. All my worries, questions and concerns were finally gone.
And I was at peace.
Chapter 23
Life is made up of moments, and each moment defines who we are. Often, we’re distracted, or hurried, or annoyed. Often, we don’t realize that one insignificant moment has shaped something momentous. Don’t let this moment pass you. Don’t let this be just another moment. Love your friends. Love your family. Forgive. Make Peace. Protect your heart and your soul. It all ends too quickly. Far, far too quickly, and then it’s too late. Then you’re returned to your maker and all you can do is look back.
And when you look back, you want to be able to say, I lived my life. I loved my life. I cried and I laughed. I had heartache and heartbreak. I had true friends and a true love. And I cared about the humanity of others. For what can be better than that?
Chapter 24
“She’s gone.”
She’s gone? I felt like I was floating, looking down. I could see the hospital room. Was I dead, then? Was that it for me? I lived a good life. A short life, but a good life. I’d known love. Oh, I’d never know love could feel like that.
“She’s gone to get some coffee, but she’ll be back.” The voice was husky. “You should get some sleep, Wade. They say she could still be asleep for a while. She has a severe concussion.”
It was Henry talking. Who had gone?
“I’m not leaving until she’s up.” I recognized Wade’s deep voice. My Wade. He was here. He was here. I wanted to look at him, but I couldn’t see.
“Shall I text Lucy and tell her to get you some coffee as well?”
“How do you have Lucy’s phone number?” Wade sounded suspicious.
“Does that matter right now?”
“No.” Wade sighed. “I just need her to wake up. I need to tell her how I feel.”
“She’s going to be okay, Wade. They said that.”
“Then why hasn’t she woken up? It’s been a week now.” He sounded like he wanted to cry. “She has to wake up already.”
“She will.” Henry shifted to the door. “I’m going to go and help Lucy. I’ll be back.”
“Okay.” Wade didn’t look at his brother. He was sitting at the side of a bed where a pale figure lay, hooked up to machines. Wait, was that me? “Savannah Carter, I need you to wake up please. I have some things to tell you.” His voice cracked and he started crying. “Please, Savannah.”
He was talking to me. I was still floating. Why was I still floating?
“Why did you go with Gordon? Why didn’t you tell me? He was my brother. I didn’t even know. I knew there was a possibility I had other siblings out there, but I didn’t do anything about it. I don’t know why. I wish I had looked for him. Welcomed him.”
But you can do that now, I wanted to tell him, but my mouth wouldn’t open. You can be a family now.
“There’s nothing like death for you to realize how much you’ve done wrong in your life,” He continued. “I try to be a good man, but I’m selfish. I’m so very selfish.”
No. I wanted to hold him to me, but I couldn’t make myself reach out to him.
“And now he’s gone.” Wade’s voice cracked again. “He had a stack of letters in his car. Letters to me and Henry, letters to my dad.” He took a deep, ragged breath. “He just wanted to be a part of our lives. He was lonely, and I want to hate him for what he did to you, but I can’t. I hate myself. This is my fault. This is all my fault. There are too many secrets. Far too many secrets. And I’ve kept them all.”
A white light burned my eyes at his words. Gordon was gone? Gordon was gone! He was dead. Gordon was dead. We’d crashed. He’d been driving so fast. I remembered now. The fear. The feeling of being hit. Turning and turning and then blackness.
And after the blackness came the light.
“Savannah, I need you to know that I love you. I might even have fallen in love with you before we even met. When you sent me the photo of your dog instead of yourself.” He chuckled though his tears. “I knew you were going to be someone special and you were. You are. I love you, Savannah. I know you heard me that night on the phone. I know you heard me talking to Henry telling him you could ruin everything. But it wasn’t you that could ruin it. It was me. And I already did.” He was sobbing as he spoke. “You didn’t deserve to end up with someone like me, a selfish son of a bitch. Oh, Savannah!”
The white was fading now, and my head was throbbing. I wasn’t feeling so peaceful any more. I hurt. I hurt all over. My body was aching. I was dead. I was dying. I was going. I was being returned back to where I had come. And all I wanted was to tell Wade I loved him before that happened. To tell him it was okay. That I loved him.
I was crying now, deep inside myself. Crying for me. Crying for Gordon. Crying for Wade. The light was now gone. And now I was back in darkness. Loud beeps screaming in my ear, screaming, screaming.
“Savannah, I love you more than life itself. Come to me, Savannah, come to me.” Wade’s voice was soothing, talking away the pain and chaos. I was floating back to earth. Floating, floating. “Savannah, don’t leave me.”
“I won’t.” My eyes suddenly opened and I stared into his bloodshot eyes. I gave him a weak smile and whispered the words I needed him to hear. “I love you too, Wade, with all my heart.
“I’m not sure that you’re ready to come home yet.” Wade frowned as he drove me back to his house. “But I want to take care of you.”
“The doctor said it was fine.” I yawned, relaxing back into the leather seat. “I was in the hospital for three weeks. I just want to be back home with you.”
