P.S. You Would Be So Lucky, page 14
"Oh, Brad, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to carry that guilt and that pain."
"I will always carry it. It doesn't matter what I have now. I don't even care. Money means nothing to me. Money doesn't make you happy. Money can't bring her back."
"I'm sorry. She'd want you to be happy."
"You know"—he chuckled—"that's the truest thing you've ever said. My little sister was a lover, and she loved me, and all she would want was for me to be happy. That's all she ever wanted," He sighed. "And I try, you know, I try to be happy, but then I feel guilty because why should I get to be happy when she's not even on earth anymore?"
"I'm sorry, Brad. I'm really sorry."
"Where are you right now?" he said.
"Some random street."
"So you're close to IKEA?"
"Yeah, I am."
"Come back," he said. "We can continue our date."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, if you don't mind having a first date at IKEA."
"I think I'd love to continue my first date with you at IKEA," I said and hung up and hurried there quickly.
Chapter Twenty-Five
My heart was racing as I waited at the entrance of Ikea for Brad to join me. I stood there for what felt like hours, but could only have been a couple of minutes. My heart started thudding as soon as I saw him walking toward me. He had a wide smile on his face and a boyish air about him.
"Hey," he said, smiling.
"Hi," I said, almost shyly. As I walked over to him, I grabbed his hands as he'd done to mine so many times and squeezed. "I just want you to know that any time you want to talk about anything or cry or rant or rave, I'm here for you."
I stared up at him. He nodded. "I know that you're a man and you're a football player, and you're successful, and you have everything going for you, and I'm just this receptionist that goes off really quickly and jumps to conclusions and has a little bit of an attitude sometimes. But I like you, and I like what we have, and I want us to continue pursuing whatever this is. And I want you to know that I understand that your childhood was traumatic and heartbreaking, and you might not have fully processed that grief. Who knows, maybe you'll never process that grief all the way. But any time you want to talk about it, or any time you want to remember your sister, you just let me know. I'm not the ogre I sometimes pretend to be."
He nodded again, and I wasn't sure if he was just going to completely ignore what I was saying. Then I realized that I'd made him emotional. His eyes were welling up, and I saw him blinking and looking away for a few seconds. He was close to tears, and I realized I'd touched him, and that made my heart skip a beat because this big, handsome, alpha male was just a little boy inside. He looked back at me and smiled a sweet, genuine, loving smile, and I felt like I was looking into the eyes of an angel.
"You know, Shantal, there's something that I never told you before."
"Oh? What's that?" I said, slightly nervous.
"When I'm with you, I feel a sense of peace and calm and happiness. And the last time I truly felt that," he choked and I just waited patiently for him to continue. "The last time I felt that was when my sister and I were at the beach. I can still remember running after her, trying to grab her, laughing as we fell into the sand. Then we built a sand castle, but we built it too close to the shore. One big wave came in and knocked it down and she cried and she'd screamed at the ocean. I said we can build another one, but she shook her head because she was tired. Her cheeks were pink and rosy from the sun and her hair was frizzy and sand was everywhere and we were happy." His voice caught. "She was my best friend, you know?"
"I know," I said softly, because even though I'd never met her and even though I'd never heard about her before today, how much he loved her, how close he was, was evident in everything about him.
"Sometimes I think to myself, what's the point in life, you know? I'm not suicidal or anything," he said quickly, "but I just think what's it all for? Then I think about my sister and I think how mad she would be if she were to hear me say something like that. So I go on my day and I do my best and I try to live my life as carefree as possible. When she died, I lost a piece of me and I don't think I ever really recovered from that. Every single day there's something that reminds me of her and I never wanted to feel that pain again. I never wanted to let someone too close to me." He looked me in the eyes. "Then I met you and it was just natural and I don't know, I felt like she sent you for me. That sounds kind of weird, huh?"
"No," I said, shaking my head. "Not at all. That's actually kind of romantic."
"See?" he said with a goofy smile. "I told you I could be romantic."
"Yes, you can," I said, softly. "How does your mom feel about everything? Did she..."
"My mom feels guilty, of course. She," he took a deep breath. "She did her best. She didn't have many options and I know she beats herself up about it."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay," he shrugged. "I love my mom. I know that she was young and I know that she did the best that she could with the resources that she had. We shouldn't have been in that situation. We shouldn't have had to sleep in our car. But I can't go back. I can't change the past. My mom can't go back and she can't change the past. My dad couldn't go back." His voice caught. "Sometimes I think to myself, if someone invented a time machine, would I go back? And the answer always used to be yes."
"Always used to be?" I asked him, questioning.
"Yeah, up until I met you."
"Oh?" I said, staring at him in surprise.
"Up until I met you, nothing in my life mattered more than my sister being back here on earth. I would've lost it all. I would've given it up just to touch her silky skin, to hear her laughter, or to see her smile one more time. But then I met you, and now I don't know if I would go back. Because what if I went back and I never got to meet you and see you and kiss you and hold your hand and stare into your big, beautiful brown eyes and share moments like this? Moments that make me feel and remember what it is to be in love and to love."
"You'd go back," I said, my heart bursting with happiness at his words. "You'd go back and you'd make sure you saved her because I don't care what lifetime we would have to wait until, but we would meet." I smiled at him and reached up and touched the side of his face. "We would meet, Brad, because we're soulmates."
"You know, if someone would've told me I had a soul mate even a month ago, I would've laughed at them." He shook his head. "But now..."
"Now what," I said.
"Now, I would've told them that I know." He leaned forward then and kissed me lightly on the lips, his blue eyes bright and shining with happiness. "You're my soul mate, Shantal, and even though this is just the beginning of our journey, I know that this is forever for us. My heart is in love with you. I am in love with you and I just want you to know that it's never just been about the sex. It's always been about me getting to spend more time with you. It's always been about me getting to see you smile. It's always been about me getting to hear you laugh. It's always been about me just getting to be with you."
"I love you, too, Brad, and I think that's the reason I was so hesitant because I knew from the first moment that I saw you, that you were someone who could take over my life and my heart. You were someone who, if I fell in love with, I would never be able to get over."
"I don't want you to ever get over me."
"I don't think I ever will. You're stuck with me now," I said, smiling up at him.
"Do you think you can get some time off work?"
"Oh, why?" I asked him.
"Because I want to take you somewhere."
"Oh? Where?"
"Well, if it begins with F, is that enough of a clue?"
"F?" I said. "France?" My eyes widened.
"Yeah," he grinned. I think I kind of got the hint that you want to be taken to France. Well, I would love to show you Paris and Normandy and Champagne and Nice and Monaco and I'd love to take you on a boat ride down the Riviera and, whoa, I’d just like to make love to you in every single hotel in France that I could find."
"You just want to touch me."
"Oh, I want to do a lot more than touch you," he said, pressing his lips against my cheek. "I love you, Shantal. Even though I miss my sister more than anything, I know she's looking down at us and she's cheering us on because I know she would've loved you, too."
"I wish I would've got to meet her," I said, "but we can honor her memory," I smiled up at him.
"You're wonderful for suggesting that. I would love to do that," he said. "Thank you for even mentioning it."
"You're welcome. You have to know by now, Brad, that there's nothing I wouldn't do to make you happy."
"Oh, yeah?" he said, wiggling his eyebrows. A smirk crossed his face and I just shook my head.
"No, Brad, I'm not going to sleep with you in a bed in Ikea."
"I'm sorry."
"I love you and I love making love with you, but I don't want to get arrested and on the local news for that."
"I'm just joking," he said. "I'm not stupid enough to have sex in a bed in the middle of the floor in Ikea. However—” he said.
"Yes?" I looked at him curiously.
"... there is a family bathroom."
"Okay and?"
"And you know what we can do?"
"Fine," I said. "Come on."
"I love you, Shantal," he said, grinning.
"I love you, too, Brad Chambers."
Chapter Twenty-Six
One Month Later
* * *
"This is going to be so much fun," Susie said, as Marcia, Lilian, myself and her walked toward our gate at the airport.
"I've never been on a vacation with all my friends before," Lilian said, nodding.
We looked behind and stared at our four men: Finn, Brody, Ben and Brad were all talking about the last basketball game and who they thought were going to go to the playoffs. Neither of us girls cared, but we loved it that all of our guys got on so well.
"So Ben says that he knows all the hotspots in France." Lilian said proudly. "He said that we will feast upon foie gras and bone marrow."
"I don't know if I like bone marrow and foie gras," Marcia said, wrinkling her nose.
"Me either," I said, with a laugh. "But I'm sure down to try."
"Are you sure you're okay with all of us going?" Susie asked.
"Yeah. Why?"
"I mean, I know you wanted it to be a romantic trip with you and Brad."
"Girl, Brad's taking me to Italy and to Greece afterward. I feel like it's the best of both worlds. I get to go to France with my best friends, and then I get to go to Italy and Greece with my boyfriend who I love tremendously. And Marcia, thank you so much for speaking to Finn."
"What do you mean?" she said innocently.
"I mean, I think that if it was up to Gloria, I would've got fired when I put in a request for two months off." I laughed. "I'm pretty sure you said something to him."
"I didn't have to." She said, shaking her head. "Finn loves you."
"I don't think he loves the sort of employee I am."
"Well," she laughed. "That's why he hired another two receptionists."
"I did notice that I do have job security though. Right?"
"Of course," she said, "But I'm sure you don't need it now that you have Brad. I don't want to take advantage of him though."
"Brody was telling me that Brad was helping you get funding for a movie that you're going to make."
"Well, it's not a movie. It's a documentary that I was going to make about my hometown. There was this Reverend there that was almost cultish and married eight of the girls in my high school.”
I rolled my eyes. "And supposedly none of them knew. I really don't know how that's possible, but I figured it'd make a good story."
"Yeah, it sounds amazing." Susie said with a nod. "I'd watch it."
"Thanks. I mean, before I make it, I'm going to take a quick directing class at one of the local film schools."
"Oh my gosh. You're not going to LA, are you?" Lilian said quickly.
"No, it's in New York. I would love to go to USC or UCLA film school, but that's just too long and too much money. I mean, I could take out loans, but I don't want to."
"Yeah," Marcia nodded. "I get that."
"So are we going to go to the Eiffel Tower tomorrow or the day after?" Susie said, pulling out her notepad.
"I don't know." I said, shaking my head. "I'm up for whatever you guys are up for."
"Can't we just play it by ear?" Marcia said.
And Susie glared at her. "You know I like to have a plan. You know I like to be organized so we don't miss anything."
"All I know is that I want to go to the Louvre," Lilian said.
We got to our gate and stopped. "You ladies are walking so fast," Brad said as he walked over to me. He put his hand on the small of my back and smiled down at me. "You okay?"
"I am perfect. How are you?"
"Good." He said, "I'm really excited for this trip."
"Me too." I nodded." I'm really excited for first class."
"Well, you know." He said. "Only the best for my girl." I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a big kiss.
"You are amazing. You know that, right? I am so lucky to have you."
"And I am so lucky to have you too." He said. "I've already got some things planned for us."
"What do you mean?" I narrowed my eyes.
"Well, I'm going to take you to see the Moulin Rouge."
"Oh, awesome. All of us?"
"No." He shook his head. "Just you and me. I know we're in France with your friends and I want to have an amazing time with them, but I also want to enjoy some parts just the two of us."
"Okay. Nice. Well, I'm down for that."
"I've also booked us on an evening cruise along the Seine."
"Wow. That sounds cool."
"It will be very cool and very romantic." He smiled. “Tres Magnifique."
"Is that French?" I said with a laugh.
"I think so," he nodded. I was never really one for languages."
"Me, either."
"For all I know, I'll be like Hola, Guten Tag.” I giggled as I spoke in Spanish and German.
"No, you won't. You'll say Bonjour, Comment Ca va?”
"What's that?" I said.
"Hello. How are you?"
"Oh." I rubbed his shoulder. "You really are smart."
"Well, you know, I picked up a phrase book just so I'd know a couple of terms. Just in case you needed something, I’d have the ability to be your knight in shining armor."
"Brad, you are too corny." I said, laughing.
"But you like that, right?" He said, hopefully.
I nodded. "I love it. I love you. I am truly blessed to be with a man like you."
"Yeah, you are." He said, winking at me. And I frowned. "You know me, Shantal. I can't not make those quips."
"I know. And now that I know that you're not serious, I think it's funny and cute and endearing."
"Ah, so you're telling me, you didn't always think I was funny, cute, and endearing?"
"You don't want to know the answer to that," I said with a laugh.
"So I was thinking..."
"Yeah?"
"You want to join the mile high club?"
"The mile high club?" I raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"What? We're going to be in first class. There's like eight people to a bathroom and we know all eight."
"Oh my gosh, is it just going to be us and our friends in first class?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. But most first classes I've been in haven't had that many seats, so..." He shrugged. "You know, I think we could get away with it."
"I am not joining the mile high club with you in front of our friends." I gave him a secret smile. "Now maybe when we fly to Italy..."
"Ooh, la, la." He said. "Me likey."
"Brad!"
"What? You're not excited at that possibility?"
"Maybe. And also a little bit scared that we will get caught and be on the news, and my mama and my dad find out that I was having sex on a plane with a football player."
"About your mama and your dad," he said, "do I get to meet them soon?"
"Um..." I stared at him in surprise. "Do you want to meet them soon?"
"Yeah. I want them to know who I am. I want them to know the man who's wooing their daughter."
"Wow." I said, grinning at him. "I mean, if you want to, of course. They probably won't come to New York because they don't like the big city, but we could most probably go down and see them."
"Sounds good to me, and I was thinking we could make a trip to Miami."
"Oh?" I said, raising an eyebrow.
"I'd love for you to meet my mama."
"Oh, really?" I said, touched and surprised.
"Yeah. I think it's important for you to know the woman who raised me, and I think it's important for her to know you. You've brought so much joy and happiness to my life and I have a feeling you'll do the same to her."
"Will she be upset?" I said, chewing on my lower lip, not wanting to bring up the topic.
"Upset about what?" He said, his brows burrowed.
"You know..." I nudged him in the arm.
"No, I don't know." He said, shaking his head.
"I mean, you know, that I'm not white."
He started laughing then. "Oh, no. Not at all." He shook his head. "Has that been something that's been worrying you?"
"I mean, I can't lie, that's crossed my mind. Not everyone's accepting of an interracial relationship."
"My mom's cool people. She's been through so much. She doesn't judge anyone or anything, and she will probably be happy to know that you are..." He paused.
"Continue."
He made a face. "I don't know I should be saying what I was about to say."
"What were you going to say?"
He laughed. "I was going to say, I think she'd be happy to know that you're Black, but I don't know if I can say that."
"I mean, why couldn't you say that?"
"I don't know. Everything's so PC in today's world."
"It's PC, but it doesn't mean we're not an interracial couple. I'm Black. You're white. So Brad, I want you to know that we have a completely open and honest relationship."
