Sacrifices, page 42
Chapter Twenty
Honor is stabilized but needs her rest. That’s what I’m told after sitting in the waiting room for three hours without being able to see her. Though Mr. and Mrs. Stevens give their permission for me to peek in, the doctors slam the door in my face. Not literally, but it’s the same result—I’m not family, I’m not allowed to see her. I understand her heart is in jeopardy, and it needs to last until she has a donor, but honestly, is peeking in to say hi going to hurt?
Too tense to go home, too anxious to sit any longer in the waiting room, I pull out my cell and dial Shelby.
“Hey. It’s me,” I tell her when she answers.
“Hey.” She doesn’t sound too pleased.
“Honor’s in the hospital again.”
“Damn. Her heart?”
“Yup.” I have no idea why I called Shelby instead of Tamlin or one of my brothers, but I went with my instincts. Now I’m wondering if calling her is fair. Especially after kissing her last night then spending the rest of the cruise with Honor.
“Ethan,” she says after several seconds of silence. “Tell me...what the heck? Is she gonna be all right?”
Taking a deep breath to stop myself from screaming, I finally say, “Yeah. I think. They’re keeping her in until they find a heart.”
I hear Shelby gasp. “Oh my God, that could be a long time.”
“I hope not.” I am so at a loss for words, regretting now that I even called. I’m making such a fool of myself.
“Ethan,” she calls out again. “Listen. You sound weird. Should I come get you?”
“No.”
“Ethan. Where are you?”
“I’m at the hospital...I’m sorry...my mind is on everything all at once. Plus, all these people in here. I’m feeling everything.” I pace the hallway.
“Okay. Then get the hell out of the hospital.”
“Can I pick you up?”
“Sure.”
In forty minutes, I’m parked in front of Shelby’s house, where I find her sitting on her front step tapping away on her phone. The chunky silver medallion that hangs against her black tank top lends a biker chick look to Shelby’s dark hair, which today is pulled back in a ponytail. When she stands to greet me, I can’t help but notice her tan legs beneath her denim cutoffs. “Nice boots,” I tell her, commenting on the Doc Martens she’s wearing on her feet. “Purple. It’s different.”
“Yeah. I like to be different.” She steps forward and reaches for my arm. I think I’m going to be getting a hug, but she rubs my arm instead. “You doing all right?”
I nod. “Better. Thanks. Wanna go for pizza or something?” I ask, peering into her eyes. I’d never noticed they were green. Not girly bright green but a dark army-type green.
“What?” she asks about my staring.
“Your eyes. I hadn’t noticed them before. They’re nice.”
I get half a smile from her, like she’s suspicious of my compliment. “Thanks?”
“Come on.” I tap her arm and we walk to the car.
“So, about Honor. They’re really keeping her there until they find her a heart?” Shelby’s thumbs twirl around each other while her hands are set on her lap.
“Yeah. It sucks.” My head is one conflicting mess—worrying about Honor while lusting after Shelby who’s sitting so close to me that I can smell the pears wafting off of her. Guilt is not a fun thing to feel, especially while my heart is hurting over Honor.
“Did they say when?” I see her hands tensing. She must be nervous too.
“No. They didn’t.” I grip the steering wheel tight and focus on the road ahead of me. “Listen, Shel. I’m sorry about last night.” I turn in her direction for a fraction of a section. “Kissing you and then...sitting with Honor the rest of the night...I’m sorry.”
I wait for her to say something, but she doesn’t.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I ask her.
A chuckle forms under her breath. “It was kinda shitty. But I understand.”
“What do you understand?” I ask, taking my eyes off the road for a little too long. “’Cause I sure as hell don’t.”
“You’re in love with Honor. I get it.”
Since we’ve made it to the pizza place, I wait to pull in to say anything. “That’s just it. If I’m so in love with Honor, why do I have feelings for you?”
Sucking in her lower lip, Shelby shrugs. “I don’t know, Ethan. You tell me.”
All I can do is sigh.
“C’mon. Let’s get that pizza,” she says, getting out of the car.
We bring our slices and soda to a table.
“I am sorry, Shelby. I’m just...I don’t know what I’m feeling lately. There’s just so much on my mind—”
“I get it. No big deal. You’re cute, Ethan. I like you. But if you’re into Honor, it’s not gonna break my heart. I hardly know you.” She shrugs before taking a bite of her pizza. She’s cool. Probably too cool for me.
After taking several bites of my pizza, I finally say, “The government came for her today.”
She dropped the slice that was on her way into her mouth. “You’re kidding, right?”
Shaking my head, I tell her that I don’t joke. Anyone who has spent any time with me should know that.
“What the heck? What do they want?” Shelby pushes her food away, suddenly too disgusted to eat I guess.
“They want her for what she can do.” Though I haven’t eaten since yesterday sometime, I find it difficult to eat right now.
“They said that? They can do that?”
Slouching back in my chair, with a defeated sigh, I say, “They were there to ask her questions. They never got to. She hid out in her bathroom.” I start ripping a napkin into little pieces. “Her dad told them he would get a lawyer, and they left. Honor’s heart stopped when her dad told her.”
“Holy shit, Ethan. Can they just take her and use her like that?”
“I don’t know. That’s been my fear all along. She healed a whole plane that went down. They’ll find a reason to take her, I’m sure. I don’t trust them at all.”
“Damn. Now what?” Shelby asks, slinking down in her chair.
“Hopefully, Mr. Stevens will find a good lawyer, but the government sucks. They do what they want.”
“I wish there was something we could do.” She wraps her arms in front of her chest, shivering as if she just got a chill.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Just freaked out by all this.” She squeezes herself tighter.
“You wanna get out of here?” I ask, not into finishing my pizza at all.
“I’d like to go to the hospital. Can we see her?” Shelby leans forward, placing her elbows on the table, she clasps her hands together.
“No. Not unless you're family.” I lean forward myself.
“I’d like to be there anyway. Wanna take me, or should I get my own car?”
“I’ll take you.” I stand and fish in my pocket for my keys.
“Let me just give Tam a call. She’ll probably want to know this...unless,” she stands and looks at me, “did you tell her?”
“Dammit, no. You were the only one I called.”
Shelby’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. A cute dimple highlights her cheek when she tries to subdue her smile.
Which makes me smile back at her.
And makes me more confused than ever.
Chapter Twenty-One
Tamlin shows up at the hospital, barely minutes after we do, in hysterics. “Tell me she’s going to be all right, Ethan. Tell me she’s okay.”
What am I going to say? I have no idea if she’s going to be all right. “I’m sure she’ll be fine once they get that heart.” Of course this is a lie. Once she gets her new heart, the government is going to come back and claim her.
After an hour or so, the hospital smell is finally getting to me. I need to get some fresh air. “You guys want anything downstairs? I’m going to take a walk.”
Shelby and Tamlin shake their heads. “No thanks,” they both say.
When I’m halfway out the door, I hear Tamlin say, “I saw Storm today.”
Spinning around and grabbing the door jam, I shout, “Storm is back?” For some reason this gives me a sense of relief. I don’t know why. I can’t stand the guy, but if he is here, I am certain he’ll make things better.
“I saw him driving down Berkshire Valley. I’m not sure if he saw me. I turned around and went to his apartment, but he wasn’t there.” Tam said, sitting cross-legged on the waiting room chair.
“Was he alone?” I was curious. Why the hell would he leave? And if he’s back, why wouldn’t he let us know?
“He was alone. I was honking and beeping, but he didn’t turn his head at all. I think he has a beard now.”
My tension is back. “I’m going for that walk.”
The reality of Honor’s fate slaps me in the face as I step out onto the pavement. Even if she survives this, the government is going to control her life. Honor will never be free. Not only will she keep absorbing the world’s pain, she’ll be made a guinea pig to see just how much she can endure, and just how far her healing abilities will go. What kind of life is that? Honor doesn’t deserve it.
Then I realize—this is all happening to her because I came looking for her. My stupid ass curiosity about Honor Robinson got the best of me, and now she’s paying the ultimate price.
My mind starts working overtime. I have to find a solution - a way to fix this mess I made of Honor’s life.
“Ethan,” Mr. Stevens calls from the hospital doorway.
“Mr. Stevens?” I ask, apprehensive to feel what I’m feeling, because suddenly I am overwhelmed with hope. “Everything okay?"
He laughs and cries at the same time. “A heart is on its way.” He hugs me so tight I can’t breathe.
“Oh thank God.” I cry onto his shoulder.
“They’re going to start prepping her for surgery in an hour. I can’t believe this,” he says, gasping, smiling, laughing, and crying. His emotions are everywhere. I feel them deep in my soul.
I involuntarily bring my hands to my mouth, overwhelmed with gratitude. “Can I see her?”
Shaking his head, he tells me no. “They need to keep her sterile. Her mom and I aren’t allowed in either. But it’s okay. It’s good.” His smile reaches across his entire face.
Patting him on the back, I say, “Come on. Let me buy you a cup of coffee.”
“I could use something stronger, but coffee’ll do.” His hand slaps across my back. “The girls are upstairs screaming, they’re so happy.”
I roll my eyes. I can only imagine Tamlin’s reaction. She must be bouncing off the walls.
As suspected, Tamlin is beaming and barely staying still when I get back upstairs. “Oh, Ethan, you heard? Isn’t it awesome? Oh my God, I can’t believe they have a heart for her already. Oh, Ethan.” She hugs me almost as hard as Mr. Stevens did.
“It’s awesome, Tamlin,” I say, much more collectedly than my inner-emotions reveal.
After several highly emotional minutes, we sit waiting, much more relaxed than we were a while ago.
“I can’t wait until this is all over with,” Tamlin muses.
“Me neither,” Shelby agrees.
With a sigh, I sit back, my head against the wall, and silently disagree with them. When this part is all over, the CIA is going to come back looking for her. They’re going to use her for all she’s worth. Something tells me getting this new heart may not be the best thing for Honor.
“Where the fuck is room 433?” we hear out in the hallway. “Where the fuck is she?”
“Sir, calm down,” a female voice says. “Who are you looking for?”
“Oh my God,” Tamlin shouts. “That’s Storm.” She goes running out of the waiting room.
“Holy shit, it is,” Shelby says after her.
“Storm?” I ask when I get into the hall. “Where’ve you been?
“Where’s room 433, Eeth?” His voice is shaky. He’s scared. Tamlin was right, he does have a beard. And he looks like he hasn’t showered since before he left town.
“It’s right over there,” I say, pointing across the wide hall.
“Sir. You need to lower your voice,” the nurse says to Storm.
“Honor Stevens is in that room?” His voice is still loud and very hoarse. He’s frightened. I feel it.
“Storm. It’s okay...”
“Shut up,” he demands of me before looking at everyone else. “I have something to say.” He’s still shouting. “You,” he says, pointing to the nurse. “You listen to me. Ethan.” Now he looks to me. “Record what I have to say.”
“Storm...”
“Record it,” he yells.
I pull out my phone. God knows what he’s about to say, but I press the record button on my phone.
“This heart,” he says pointing to his chest. “It’s hers.” His other hand points to Honor’s room. "This heart is Honor’s. You hear me?”
The nurse shakes her head, but a grin is forming on her face. She must think he’s a drunk professing his love for her.
“This heart doesn’t go to anyone else. You got that?”
I look around and everyone else is as confused as I am.
“Okay. Ethan, you got that?”
I chuckle. “Yeah. I got that.” Storm must be saying all this for my benefit. He’s finally claiming Honor as his own. He’s fighting for her, and I have to back off.
“I got it, Storm. You want Honor. I got it.” I stand there shaking my head.
“NO. YOU DON’T GOT IT,” he screams as loud as he can. “MY HEART IS TO BE PUT INSIDE HER HEART.”
Oh my God. “Storm. No. Don’t. You got it wrong.” I try to tell him, but I’m too late.
He pulls a gun out from his back pocket and shoots himself right in the temple.
“Oh my God, nooooo,” somebody, or everybody, yells.
“Help, we need help,” someone else yells.
So many people surround us that I’m pushed out of the way.
Security guards. They’re pushing at us.
“No. You don’t...you can’t,” I try to say, but I’m in shock. I can’t form a coherent sentence.
“Please get back.” The guards have their hands on us, pushing us down the hall.
More hospital people show up. Racing to get to Storm. Squeezing us out of the way.
I try to push my way back, but they won’t let me.
“Oh my God,” Tamlin cries next to me. “He’s dead. Oh my God, he’s dead. Oh my God, oh my God, Oh my—”
“Shut the fuck up. Shut up,” I yell.
“He’s dead. Storm is dead.”
PART FOUR
HONOR
Chapter One
This has to be a dream.
Or a nightmare.
How else could I explain being able to stare at the lifeless form in front of me? The lifeless form being me—asleep on some hospital bed.
The ironic part is, I don’t want to wake up. That would be the real nightmare.
It’s been several hours since Ethan held me in his arms on my bathroom toilet. Several hours since I’d learned that my life from here on out would not be my own. Once the government gets hold of me, I will belong to them. My dad says he’s hiring a lawyer, but everyone knows that what the government wants, the government gets. And they want me.
So why would I want to wake up?
I just wish I didn’t have to stare down at my own body being kept alive by a machine. But I don’t know how to get back into my body, so, I sit on the chair next to my bed. And though I try to close my eyes to sleep, it’s senseless, because the commotion outside my door keeps jarring me awake. The good thing about being in this ghostly state, though, is that I feel no pain. Not mine. Not anyone else’s. It’s not that I’m not grateful for being given the ability to heal people, but it’s a twenty-four hours a day painful existence. An existence that I’m not so sure I can live with anymore—even if the men from the CIA weren’t looking to use me as their guinea pig.
I’m not quite sure when I separated from my physical body, but it was definitely sometime in this room. The last thing I remember before passing out is hearing my daddy say he’s getting a lawyer. Then all of sudden, I was here, standing next to this hospital bed...with me in it...and my parents crying alongside of me. For some reason though, Ethan hasn’t been here. I haven’t seen him all day, which surprises me, because he’s always so protective and worried about me. Maybe they wouldn’t let him in, or maybe he just couldn’t bear to see me like this. Since he’s been feeling his empathic emotions again, it must be getting hard for him to deal with everything. I know how tormenting it can be.
Thinking about Ethan, I realize how I’ve hurt him lately. I’m sure he knows that it wasn’t my intention to do so, but I hurt him nonetheless. If only I could apologize to him before I...I can’t even say the word. A new heart is coming, I heard them talking about it before, but I’m not sure I want it anymore. But then I think about my parents and how they would have to live without me and I can’t do that to them. A seventeen, wait, almost eighteen-year-old girl should not have to be burdened with this type of decision. Do I get back inside that body, if I can figure out how, and take the new heart, returning to a life of feeling what everybody else is feeling? Or do I stay here, outside my real body, living pain-free every day...and hopefully finding my way to heaven? It’s tempting to stay here like this. The isolation wouldn’t be anything new. If it weren’t for my parents, my answer would be easy—I wouldn’t go back. I know that a teenager wishing her life to be over sounds so sad and desperate. Under normal circumstances, I would agree. It’s a terrible thing for someone so young to feel so hopeless, but I see no way out of the pain and no way to live with it. Even going back into isolation, crocheting in my bedroom alone, would cause me too much pain, because now I have friends. I don’t want to exist without them. And hanging with them causes me just as much hurt, because I know when their hearts are breaking, and I’d want to help them. Where does it end?
Then there’s the whole matter of Storm. He broke my heart the day he left and never called. That was a whole different kind of pain. I knew instantly that I owned the crushing in my chest the day he swam away. And when I noticed later that he’d left his phone behind, leaving no way for me to contact him, that’s when I knew I’d fallen in love with Storm Sutherland.
Honor is stabilized but needs her rest. That’s what I’m told after sitting in the waiting room for three hours without being able to see her. Though Mr. and Mrs. Stevens give their permission for me to peek in, the doctors slam the door in my face. Not literally, but it’s the same result—I’m not family, I’m not allowed to see her. I understand her heart is in jeopardy, and it needs to last until she has a donor, but honestly, is peeking in to say hi going to hurt?
Too tense to go home, too anxious to sit any longer in the waiting room, I pull out my cell and dial Shelby.
“Hey. It’s me,” I tell her when she answers.
“Hey.” She doesn’t sound too pleased.
“Honor’s in the hospital again.”
“Damn. Her heart?”
“Yup.” I have no idea why I called Shelby instead of Tamlin or one of my brothers, but I went with my instincts. Now I’m wondering if calling her is fair. Especially after kissing her last night then spending the rest of the cruise with Honor.
“Ethan,” she says after several seconds of silence. “Tell me...what the heck? Is she gonna be all right?”
Taking a deep breath to stop myself from screaming, I finally say, “Yeah. I think. They’re keeping her in until they find a heart.”
I hear Shelby gasp. “Oh my God, that could be a long time.”
“I hope not.” I am so at a loss for words, regretting now that I even called. I’m making such a fool of myself.
“Ethan,” she calls out again. “Listen. You sound weird. Should I come get you?”
“No.”
“Ethan. Where are you?”
“I’m at the hospital...I’m sorry...my mind is on everything all at once. Plus, all these people in here. I’m feeling everything.” I pace the hallway.
“Okay. Then get the hell out of the hospital.”
“Can I pick you up?”
“Sure.”
In forty minutes, I’m parked in front of Shelby’s house, where I find her sitting on her front step tapping away on her phone. The chunky silver medallion that hangs against her black tank top lends a biker chick look to Shelby’s dark hair, which today is pulled back in a ponytail. When she stands to greet me, I can’t help but notice her tan legs beneath her denim cutoffs. “Nice boots,” I tell her, commenting on the Doc Martens she’s wearing on her feet. “Purple. It’s different.”
“Yeah. I like to be different.” She steps forward and reaches for my arm. I think I’m going to be getting a hug, but she rubs my arm instead. “You doing all right?”
I nod. “Better. Thanks. Wanna go for pizza or something?” I ask, peering into her eyes. I’d never noticed they were green. Not girly bright green but a dark army-type green.
“What?” she asks about my staring.
“Your eyes. I hadn’t noticed them before. They’re nice.”
I get half a smile from her, like she’s suspicious of my compliment. “Thanks?”
“Come on.” I tap her arm and we walk to the car.
“So, about Honor. They’re really keeping her there until they find her a heart?” Shelby’s thumbs twirl around each other while her hands are set on her lap.
“Yeah. It sucks.” My head is one conflicting mess—worrying about Honor while lusting after Shelby who’s sitting so close to me that I can smell the pears wafting off of her. Guilt is not a fun thing to feel, especially while my heart is hurting over Honor.
“Did they say when?” I see her hands tensing. She must be nervous too.
“No. They didn’t.” I grip the steering wheel tight and focus on the road ahead of me. “Listen, Shel. I’m sorry about last night.” I turn in her direction for a fraction of a section. “Kissing you and then...sitting with Honor the rest of the night...I’m sorry.”
I wait for her to say something, but she doesn’t.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I ask her.
A chuckle forms under her breath. “It was kinda shitty. But I understand.”
“What do you understand?” I ask, taking my eyes off the road for a little too long. “’Cause I sure as hell don’t.”
“You’re in love with Honor. I get it.”
Since we’ve made it to the pizza place, I wait to pull in to say anything. “That’s just it. If I’m so in love with Honor, why do I have feelings for you?”
Sucking in her lower lip, Shelby shrugs. “I don’t know, Ethan. You tell me.”
All I can do is sigh.
“C’mon. Let’s get that pizza,” she says, getting out of the car.
We bring our slices and soda to a table.
“I am sorry, Shelby. I’m just...I don’t know what I’m feeling lately. There’s just so much on my mind—”
“I get it. No big deal. You’re cute, Ethan. I like you. But if you’re into Honor, it’s not gonna break my heart. I hardly know you.” She shrugs before taking a bite of her pizza. She’s cool. Probably too cool for me.
After taking several bites of my pizza, I finally say, “The government came for her today.”
She dropped the slice that was on her way into her mouth. “You’re kidding, right?”
Shaking my head, I tell her that I don’t joke. Anyone who has spent any time with me should know that.
“What the heck? What do they want?” Shelby pushes her food away, suddenly too disgusted to eat I guess.
“They want her for what she can do.” Though I haven’t eaten since yesterday sometime, I find it difficult to eat right now.
“They said that? They can do that?”
Slouching back in my chair, with a defeated sigh, I say, “They were there to ask her questions. They never got to. She hid out in her bathroom.” I start ripping a napkin into little pieces. “Her dad told them he would get a lawyer, and they left. Honor’s heart stopped when her dad told her.”
“Holy shit, Ethan. Can they just take her and use her like that?”
“I don’t know. That’s been my fear all along. She healed a whole plane that went down. They’ll find a reason to take her, I’m sure. I don’t trust them at all.”
“Damn. Now what?” Shelby asks, slinking down in her chair.
“Hopefully, Mr. Stevens will find a good lawyer, but the government sucks. They do what they want.”
“I wish there was something we could do.” She wraps her arms in front of her chest, shivering as if she just got a chill.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Just freaked out by all this.” She squeezes herself tighter.
“You wanna get out of here?” I ask, not into finishing my pizza at all.
“I’d like to go to the hospital. Can we see her?” Shelby leans forward, placing her elbows on the table, she clasps her hands together.
“No. Not unless you're family.” I lean forward myself.
“I’d like to be there anyway. Wanna take me, or should I get my own car?”
“I’ll take you.” I stand and fish in my pocket for my keys.
“Let me just give Tam a call. She’ll probably want to know this...unless,” she stands and looks at me, “did you tell her?”
“Dammit, no. You were the only one I called.”
Shelby’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. A cute dimple highlights her cheek when she tries to subdue her smile.
Which makes me smile back at her.
And makes me more confused than ever.
Chapter Twenty-One
Tamlin shows up at the hospital, barely minutes after we do, in hysterics. “Tell me she’s going to be all right, Ethan. Tell me she’s okay.”
What am I going to say? I have no idea if she’s going to be all right. “I’m sure she’ll be fine once they get that heart.” Of course this is a lie. Once she gets her new heart, the government is going to come back and claim her.
After an hour or so, the hospital smell is finally getting to me. I need to get some fresh air. “You guys want anything downstairs? I’m going to take a walk.”
Shelby and Tamlin shake their heads. “No thanks,” they both say.
When I’m halfway out the door, I hear Tamlin say, “I saw Storm today.”
Spinning around and grabbing the door jam, I shout, “Storm is back?” For some reason this gives me a sense of relief. I don’t know why. I can’t stand the guy, but if he is here, I am certain he’ll make things better.
“I saw him driving down Berkshire Valley. I’m not sure if he saw me. I turned around and went to his apartment, but he wasn’t there.” Tam said, sitting cross-legged on the waiting room chair.
“Was he alone?” I was curious. Why the hell would he leave? And if he’s back, why wouldn’t he let us know?
“He was alone. I was honking and beeping, but he didn’t turn his head at all. I think he has a beard now.”
My tension is back. “I’m going for that walk.”
The reality of Honor’s fate slaps me in the face as I step out onto the pavement. Even if she survives this, the government is going to control her life. Honor will never be free. Not only will she keep absorbing the world’s pain, she’ll be made a guinea pig to see just how much she can endure, and just how far her healing abilities will go. What kind of life is that? Honor doesn’t deserve it.
Then I realize—this is all happening to her because I came looking for her. My stupid ass curiosity about Honor Robinson got the best of me, and now she’s paying the ultimate price.
My mind starts working overtime. I have to find a solution - a way to fix this mess I made of Honor’s life.
“Ethan,” Mr. Stevens calls from the hospital doorway.
“Mr. Stevens?” I ask, apprehensive to feel what I’m feeling, because suddenly I am overwhelmed with hope. “Everything okay?"
He laughs and cries at the same time. “A heart is on its way.” He hugs me so tight I can’t breathe.
“Oh thank God.” I cry onto his shoulder.
“They’re going to start prepping her for surgery in an hour. I can’t believe this,” he says, gasping, smiling, laughing, and crying. His emotions are everywhere. I feel them deep in my soul.
I involuntarily bring my hands to my mouth, overwhelmed with gratitude. “Can I see her?”
Shaking his head, he tells me no. “They need to keep her sterile. Her mom and I aren’t allowed in either. But it’s okay. It’s good.” His smile reaches across his entire face.
Patting him on the back, I say, “Come on. Let me buy you a cup of coffee.”
“I could use something stronger, but coffee’ll do.” His hand slaps across my back. “The girls are upstairs screaming, they’re so happy.”
I roll my eyes. I can only imagine Tamlin’s reaction. She must be bouncing off the walls.
As suspected, Tamlin is beaming and barely staying still when I get back upstairs. “Oh, Ethan, you heard? Isn’t it awesome? Oh my God, I can’t believe they have a heart for her already. Oh, Ethan.” She hugs me almost as hard as Mr. Stevens did.
“It’s awesome, Tamlin,” I say, much more collectedly than my inner-emotions reveal.
After several highly emotional minutes, we sit waiting, much more relaxed than we were a while ago.
“I can’t wait until this is all over with,” Tamlin muses.
“Me neither,” Shelby agrees.
With a sigh, I sit back, my head against the wall, and silently disagree with them. When this part is all over, the CIA is going to come back looking for her. They’re going to use her for all she’s worth. Something tells me getting this new heart may not be the best thing for Honor.
“Where the fuck is room 433?” we hear out in the hallway. “Where the fuck is she?”
“Sir, calm down,” a female voice says. “Who are you looking for?”
“Oh my God,” Tamlin shouts. “That’s Storm.” She goes running out of the waiting room.
“Holy shit, it is,” Shelby says after her.
“Storm?” I ask when I get into the hall. “Where’ve you been?
“Where’s room 433, Eeth?” His voice is shaky. He’s scared. Tamlin was right, he does have a beard. And he looks like he hasn’t showered since before he left town.
“It’s right over there,” I say, pointing across the wide hall.
“Sir. You need to lower your voice,” the nurse says to Storm.
“Honor Stevens is in that room?” His voice is still loud and very hoarse. He’s frightened. I feel it.
“Storm. It’s okay...”
“Shut up,” he demands of me before looking at everyone else. “I have something to say.” He’s still shouting. “You,” he says, pointing to the nurse. “You listen to me. Ethan.” Now he looks to me. “Record what I have to say.”
“Storm...”
“Record it,” he yells.
I pull out my phone. God knows what he’s about to say, but I press the record button on my phone.
“This heart,” he says pointing to his chest. “It’s hers.” His other hand points to Honor’s room. "This heart is Honor’s. You hear me?”
The nurse shakes her head, but a grin is forming on her face. She must think he’s a drunk professing his love for her.
“This heart doesn’t go to anyone else. You got that?”
I look around and everyone else is as confused as I am.
“Okay. Ethan, you got that?”
I chuckle. “Yeah. I got that.” Storm must be saying all this for my benefit. He’s finally claiming Honor as his own. He’s fighting for her, and I have to back off.
“I got it, Storm. You want Honor. I got it.” I stand there shaking my head.
“NO. YOU DON’T GOT IT,” he screams as loud as he can. “MY HEART IS TO BE PUT INSIDE HER HEART.”
Oh my God. “Storm. No. Don’t. You got it wrong.” I try to tell him, but I’m too late.
He pulls a gun out from his back pocket and shoots himself right in the temple.
“Oh my God, nooooo,” somebody, or everybody, yells.
“Help, we need help,” someone else yells.
So many people surround us that I’m pushed out of the way.
Security guards. They’re pushing at us.
“No. You don’t...you can’t,” I try to say, but I’m in shock. I can’t form a coherent sentence.
“Please get back.” The guards have their hands on us, pushing us down the hall.
More hospital people show up. Racing to get to Storm. Squeezing us out of the way.
I try to push my way back, but they won’t let me.
“Oh my God,” Tamlin cries next to me. “He’s dead. Oh my God, he’s dead. Oh my God, oh my God, Oh my—”
“Shut the fuck up. Shut up,” I yell.
“He’s dead. Storm is dead.”
PART FOUR
HONOR
Chapter One
This has to be a dream.
Or a nightmare.
How else could I explain being able to stare at the lifeless form in front of me? The lifeless form being me—asleep on some hospital bed.
The ironic part is, I don’t want to wake up. That would be the real nightmare.
It’s been several hours since Ethan held me in his arms on my bathroom toilet. Several hours since I’d learned that my life from here on out would not be my own. Once the government gets hold of me, I will belong to them. My dad says he’s hiring a lawyer, but everyone knows that what the government wants, the government gets. And they want me.
So why would I want to wake up?
I just wish I didn’t have to stare down at my own body being kept alive by a machine. But I don’t know how to get back into my body, so, I sit on the chair next to my bed. And though I try to close my eyes to sleep, it’s senseless, because the commotion outside my door keeps jarring me awake. The good thing about being in this ghostly state, though, is that I feel no pain. Not mine. Not anyone else’s. It’s not that I’m not grateful for being given the ability to heal people, but it’s a twenty-four hours a day painful existence. An existence that I’m not so sure I can live with anymore—even if the men from the CIA weren’t looking to use me as their guinea pig.
I’m not quite sure when I separated from my physical body, but it was definitely sometime in this room. The last thing I remember before passing out is hearing my daddy say he’s getting a lawyer. Then all of sudden, I was here, standing next to this hospital bed...with me in it...and my parents crying alongside of me. For some reason though, Ethan hasn’t been here. I haven’t seen him all day, which surprises me, because he’s always so protective and worried about me. Maybe they wouldn’t let him in, or maybe he just couldn’t bear to see me like this. Since he’s been feeling his empathic emotions again, it must be getting hard for him to deal with everything. I know how tormenting it can be.
Thinking about Ethan, I realize how I’ve hurt him lately. I’m sure he knows that it wasn’t my intention to do so, but I hurt him nonetheless. If only I could apologize to him before I...I can’t even say the word. A new heart is coming, I heard them talking about it before, but I’m not sure I want it anymore. But then I think about my parents and how they would have to live without me and I can’t do that to them. A seventeen, wait, almost eighteen-year-old girl should not have to be burdened with this type of decision. Do I get back inside that body, if I can figure out how, and take the new heart, returning to a life of feeling what everybody else is feeling? Or do I stay here, outside my real body, living pain-free every day...and hopefully finding my way to heaven? It’s tempting to stay here like this. The isolation wouldn’t be anything new. If it weren’t for my parents, my answer would be easy—I wouldn’t go back. I know that a teenager wishing her life to be over sounds so sad and desperate. Under normal circumstances, I would agree. It’s a terrible thing for someone so young to feel so hopeless, but I see no way out of the pain and no way to live with it. Even going back into isolation, crocheting in my bedroom alone, would cause me too much pain, because now I have friends. I don’t want to exist without them. And hanging with them causes me just as much hurt, because I know when their hearts are breaking, and I’d want to help them. Where does it end?
Then there’s the whole matter of Storm. He broke my heart the day he left and never called. That was a whole different kind of pain. I knew instantly that I owned the crushing in my chest the day he swam away. And when I noticed later that he’d left his phone behind, leaving no way for me to contact him, that’s when I knew I’d fallen in love with Storm Sutherland.
