The Trouble with Players, page 13
“Peyton.”
“Maybe his first impression of me never faded. Maybe us being together was just a nasty game. Maybe it was payback for me flipping out that first day.”
“If it really had been to get back at you, why disappear before his opportunity to play in front of the scouts? If this was about you, why would he miss his big shot?”
“That’s what’s so crazy,” I said. “Will you do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“If he by some slim chance shows up at the game tonight, will you call me?”
“Of course,” she said.
I lay in my bed feeling more alone than I had in a long time. Even the crashing of ocean waves outside my window did little to calm my mind. I picked up my phone and called my mom. She answered on the second ring. “Hi, sweetie.”
“Are you busy?”
“I’m never too busy for you.”
I sighed.
“Uh oh. What’s going on?” she asked.
Where did I even start? My boyfriend disappeared. I’ve been having panic attacks. Dad slapped me. “I started dating someone.”
“That’s great!” she said, excited for the details. “Who is he?”
“Well…actually…the baseball player we’re hosting. Crew.”
Her tone instantly changed. “Does your father know?”
“Why is it any of his business?” I asked.
“Because the two of you are dating and living under the same roof. Can’t you see how that could be a bit of an issue?” she asked.
“Well, there’s nothing for either of you to worry about,” I explained. “He left.”
“What do you mean he left? The season’s not over yet.”
“His mom showed up, and I accused her of being a whore.”
“What?!”
“I guess you could say I jumped to conclusions.”
“I’ll say. Was Crew upset over that?” she asked, trying to understand what one thing had to do with the other.
“That’s’ the thing. He wasn’t. He said he’d explain everything to her. And then he disappeared.”
“What do you mean he disappeared?”
“I went to his game, and he wasn’t there. When I came back home, all of his stuff was gone. I tried calling him, but he hasn’t returned any of my calls or texts. His teammates don’t even know where he went.”
“Does your father know?” she asked.
“If he does, he’s not saying.”
“Oh, honey. I’m sorry. There’s got to be a good explanation. No guy in their right mind would leave you without a good reason.”
I closed my eyes, wishing she was right.
“I’m flying up,” she said.
“No. Stay with Grandma.”
“I can be there by morning,” she assured me.
“I know. But there’s nothing you can do. I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do.” He’d left. He’d cut off contact. He’d broken my already broken heart.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
“You did not hear this from me,” Gina said as she swooped into the gift shop two days later.
I stood from where I was crouched fixing shirts on a bottom shelf. “Hear what?”
“He’s staying with DePetrillo.”
“What?”
“Crew. He’s crashing there.”
My mind reeled, and I couldn’t believe my ears. “He’s still on the Cape? Is he all right?”
“From what Cody heard, he’s not doing a lot of talking. Something’s up, but he hasn’t told anyone what it is.”
“I’ve gotta go see him.” I bolted toward the door.
Gina grasped my arm. “I swore to Cody I wouldn’t tell you.”
“Why aren’t you supposed to tell me?” I asked.
“Because Crew doesn’t want to see you.”
It was as if the floor had dropped out from beneath my feet. “What? Why?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. That’s all DePetrillo could get out of him. But I figured if you came to the game tonight, maybe you could get some answers.”
“But why is he avoiding me?”
She shrugged.
“I’m going to the game tonight.”
“I hoped you’d say that,” Gina said.
Gina picked me up at five. The pit in my stomach couldn’t have been any bigger. I hadn’t eaten all day, and despite it being in the nineties, my hands trembled no matter what I did to stop them.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her eyes moving between me in the passenger seat and the road.
“No.”
“You’ve got this,” she assured me.
“Right.”
“You’ll watch the game, and when it’s over, you’ll get answers.”
“I don’t know how I’m gonna be able to sit through the whole game knowing he doesn’t want to see me,” I admitted.
“You’ll do it because you know when it’s over, this whole thing will make sense.”
“And what if it doesn’t?” I asked.
“Then, we figure it out together,” she said as she pulled into the parking lot.
My heartbeat began to wallop in my chest as Gina parked her car and we got out.
“Ready?” she asked.
“Nope.”
We took our usual spot amongst the host families. Many of the Sharks were out on the field stretching or playing catch, but I couldn’t see Crew. I didn’t want it to look like I was searching for him, so I sat in my chair and pretended to look at my phone while I kept the field in my peripheral vision.
“Can you see him?” I asked Gina.
“No,” she said, blatantly staring out at the field.
“Don’t be so obvious,” I urged.
“Well, if I can’t see him, that means he can’t see me.”
“Maybe he’s not here,” I said, glancing up at the field.
She was right. He wasn’t out there with the rest of the team.
After the national anthem, the Sharks ran out to their positions. My heartbeat tripped over itself when Crew ran out to short stop. His ball cap was pulled down low like it usually was, and if he was looking at the fans, no one would’ve been able to tell.
While the pitcher threw warmup pitches, the Sharks first baseman warmed up the infielders. When he threw a grounder to Crew, Crew threw it back to him and then dragged his cleats back and forth over the dirt beneath him, something I’d never seen him do before.
The Whalers’ first batter stepped into the batter’s box. But my eyes were on Crew. He looked fine. He didn’t look like someone who needed to miss one of the most important games of his life. The Sharks pitcher wound up and threw his first pitch. The Whalers’ batter swung and hit a line drive to short. Crew stuck out his glove to catch it, but it hit off the palm of his glove and bounced into centerfield. The centerfielder picked it up and tossed it in to second.
Crew punched his fist into his glove.
“Shake it off, Burke,” a coach called from the dugout.
Crew didn’t look up at him.
The next batter hit a home run over the fence. The fans around me groaned.
Crew dropped to his haunches as the batters made their way around the bases. Instead of one run scoring, two scored because of his error.
The Sharks escaped the inning only giving up those two runs. When they ran off the field toward the dugout, I kept my eyes on Crew. He never lifted his eyes.
Cody led off in the bottom of the first inning with a double. DePetrillo followed him, hitting a single to right field, moving Cody over. Crew was announced next. A lump crept up the back of my throat and lodged itself there as he stepped up to the plate. The crowd grew quiet as the Whalers’ pitcher wound up and delivered a nasty slider. Crew swung and missed.
“What’s up with him tonight?” a guy seated somewhere behind me asked.
Crew stepped back into the batter’s box and got into his stance. The pitcher wound up and delivered a fast ball right over the plate. Crew must’ve anticipated a curve ball because he swung the bat and missed again.
“Let’s go, Burke!” his teammates yelled from the dugout.
Frustrated, Crew shook his head as he stepped back into the batter’s box and readied in his stance. The Whalers’ pitcher wound up and delivered another curveball. Crew swung with all his might and missed again, striking out. The fans around me groaned as Crew slammed his bat down on the dirt before walking back to the dugout.
I could sense Gina looking at me, but my eyes were on Crew. He didn’t look up to where I sat. His eyes remained down as some of his teammates patted the top of his helmet on his way back into the dugout.
In the top of the third inning, there was a runner on first with one out. The Whalers’ batter hit a ball right to the Sharks second baseman. He scooped it up and threw it to Crew covering second to make a double play. Crew missed the ball, killing any chance of the double play which would have taken them out of the inning. A few fans around me grumbled while others discussed Crew’s bad game.
Crew struck out for his second at bat and when the Sharks ran out for the fourth inning, Crew had been replaced by Pryor at short.
“They benched him,” I said.
“Good thing the scouts weren’t here tonight,” Gina said.
The Whalers won the game 5 to 0. As the Sharks exited the field to the field house, the crowd cleared out.
“What are you gonna do?” Gina asked.
“I’m staying right here.”
Gina and I waited for a good half an hour. I couldn’t sit still. I was about to jump out of my skin: pissed, nervous, terrified.
The door to the field house finally opened. Almost all of Crew’s teammates filed out with their heads down.
Cody came out alone, his eyes cast down and his stride slower than normal.
“You’ll get ’em next time,” Gina said when he approached us.
Cody smirked. “We don’t play them again.”
“Well, then, you’ll get the next team.”
He laughed.
“Where’s Crew?” I asked Cody.
“It’s not a good time to talk to him, Peyton.”
I ignored his warning. “How long until he’s out?’”
He huffed, clearly frustrated with me. “He’s talking to Coach.”
“I can wait.”
“I’m waiting with you,” Gina said.
“I love you, but I’ve gotta do this alone,” I said. “Will you leave me your keys and have Cody take you home?”
She looked to him and he shrugged. She looked to me. “You sure about this?”
“It has to happen.”
She threw her arms around me. “No matter what happens, I’m here for you.”
“I’m not dying. I got ghosted.”
She stepped back with an unamused look and handed me her keys. “Call me as soon as you talk to him.”
I nodded. “Thanks for this.”
As Gina and Cody walked toward the parking lot, I sat down on the ground. The lights switched off, cloaking the area in darkness. The door to the field house opened and a few coaches walked out. The beam of light behind them was cut off when the door closed, again leaving me in darkness. Last time when I waited in the dark, I was excited for what Crew had planned for us after the game. Tonight, I was filled with dread.
Minutes passed and no one else exited the field house.
Crew had to be in there.
Was he waiting to be sure we didn’t cross paths?
More minutes passed. I reached for my necklace to fiddle with it, but it wasn’t around my neck. Dammit. I’d taken it off when it kept snagging on Crew’s jersey. I’d forgotten that.
I checked my phone. The game had ended an hour ago.
I was done waiting.
I stood up, brushing grass from the back of my shorts. I pulled in a deep breath and took off for the field house, yanking open the door and walking inside. I passed a small office and then stepped into a small locker room. Crew sat on the bench in front of the lockers, his elbows were on his thighs, his fingers were laced together, and his head was bowed.
“I’m glad to see you’re not dead in some ditch,” I said from the doorway.
He glanced up, and even though his Sharks ball cap was pulled down low, I searched for answers behind his distant gaze. “You sure about that?”
I shrugged. “I guess it depends on why you disappeared.”
“I’m sorry.”
I stepped into the room. “This is the second time I’m hearing that from you. But newsflash. You packed up and left.”
“It’s not that simple.”
I crossed to the bench across from him and sat down. “I’d say it is. You could’ve stayed. But you left without any reason.”
“I had a reason,” he said, his eyes avoiding mine.
“What is it?”
He didn’t respond.
“Did you meet someone else?”
His eyes cut to mine. “What?”
“Did you cheat on me?” I asked.
“Why would I do that? I love—” He cursed under his breath.
“You love me?” I pressed.
I watched indecision cross his face.
“What the hell, Crew? Why’d you fucking leave?!”
He scrubbed his hands up and down his face. “No matter how I say it, you’re gonna be hurt.”
“I’m already hurt.”
He stared at me for a long time with exhaustion in his eyes. “I know what your father did to your family destroyed you.” His eyes cut away. “It was the worst kind of betrayal.”
I shook my head, not understanding what my father had to do with any of this. That’s when it hit me, and I gasped. “Did you get someone pregnant?”
His eyes shot to mine. “What? No.”
I huffed, frustrated with his inability to come straight out with the truth when it was all that I wanted from him. “I came here for answers. Not to try to guess what’s going on with you.”
“I don’t want you to feel the way I do.”
Nothing he was saying was making any sense. I stood and crossed to his bench, sitting down beside him. My arm brushed his, and he shifted away from me. I ignored the literal brush-off and persisted. “How do you feel?”
His eyes cut to mine. “Confused…Sad…Sick.”
My head hitched back. “Sick?”
He nodded slowly as if he wished I could read his mind.
“Crew.” I placed my hand on his thigh and he jumped up as if electrocuted by my touch. My eyes widened. “What’s wrong?”
He melded the brim of his hat into an arc, visibly pained by whatever he had to say. “You were convinced your father cheated with other women.”
I nodded.
“Well…he did.”
I tipped my head to the side, trying to follow.
“He cheated with my mom,” he explained.
I froze as visions of the woman in the kitchen flashed in my mind. “Okay…” I said, trying to be rational though my thoughts and emotions battled for control. “So, I was right about her being there for that?”
He shook his head. “What happened between them happened in the past.”
I exhaled, trying to be sensible. “I knew there had to be others…it’s why I had the dreams. None of this is really a big surprise.”
“But it was my mother.”
“Your mother. Not you,” I assured him.
“Peyton,” he pled.
“It’s okay. You didn’t do this. He did.”
“You’re not listening to me.”
“I am! And I’m okay. The reason you left makes sense now, but you didn’t have to leave. We could’ve dealt with it together. We still can.”
He closed his eyes.
I stood up, feeling the need to console him. I cupped his cheeks with my hands. “We can make this work,” I whispered. “Look. I’m not even having a panic attack.”
“He got her pregnant,” he said, his eyes still closed.
I bent at the waist and braced my hands on my thighs, my head beginning to swim. “There’s another kid out there?” I murmured, trying my hardest to keep my breathing steady.
Crew didn’t respond.
My eyes lifted to his. “You have a sibling?” I asked.
He shook his head.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I stood up straight, keeping my panic attack at bay. “But you just said—”
“I need you to sit down and listen to me and not say anything until I’m done. Can you do that?” Crew asked.
I nodded, lowering myself down onto the bench.
“When I left you on the beach, I went back to see my mom. She and your dad were arguing, and I could tell they knew each other.”
I listened, realizing now that my father purposely didn’t mention any of this.
“He called her some pretty ugly names so I jumped in and threatened him. That’s when my mom spoke up.”
“What’d she say?” I asked, unable to hold my tongue any longer.
“She told him…” he began, swallowing hard. “…that he’s my father.”
Bile shot up the back of my throat. I covered my mouth and bolted into the nearby bathroom, making it just in time to vomit. I dropped to my knees and hugged the toilet bowl. My head spun and tears flowed from my eyes as I continued to heave.
Did Crew know?
Had this been a twisted way to get back at a man who deserted him?
Had I been the pawn in a game I didn’t know I was even a part of?
Once every last bit of vomit was wrenched from my body, I sat with my knees tucked up on the floor. With shaky hands, I dabbed my tears with toilet paper and blew my runny nose.
There was a soft knock and then the door opened. Crew slipped inside.
“Did you know who he was?” I asked. “Was this all a twisted way to get back at him?”
“God no,” he assured me as he sat down on the floor beside me. “I’m just as shocked as you,”
“Do you swear to me?” I asked.
“I’d never do something like that. This rocked my world too.”
I finally understood why he left. Why he hadn’t explained. Why he hadn’t played in front of the scouts. I dropped my head to his shoulder because, despite what I’d learned, I still needed him—in whatever capacity I could have him. “I’m sorry.”
