Burdened by Desire, page 18
Landon opened the doors leading to the terrace in his office and shifted, becoming the almighty werewolf that would change the future of his people. He howled and jumped off the third story balcony. He ran and ran as he remembered how he used to enjoy the cool breeze on his fur. It no longer felt the same. Nothing would ever feel as it did. This was his future, no happiness, no pleasure only the solace in his resolve.
He sprinted for miles on end without a pause or a thought until he was so tired his paws buckled beneath him. He howled and then finally lay on the dirt of his land nuzzling his nose beneath his paws and let sleep claim him.
****
It had been nearly three hours; Landon hadn’t returned from his run. Jocelyn was starting to worry.
“Why are you doing this to me? Are you making me pay for denying you by denying me?” he’d asked.
His question had caught her off guard. She wasn’t denying him, and if she was it was for his own good, for the good of his pack. Perhaps, she had gone about this all wrong. She was only trying to save him from himself, from risking his life for hers. Perhaps, she should have explained her reason for denying him instead of making him think she didn’t care for him. What if he had been injured? Oh God! It would be my fault.
Her male was alone, distraught, who knew where, but alive. She knew it because she could still feel him and his agony. And all she wanted to do was erase it, his grief. She wanted to endure it for him. She was to blame after all. She should suffer it for him before it claimed his life and soul, before it claimed his humanity. While all she really wanted do to was lay on his bed immobile with his arms firmly wrapped around her and the heat of his body warming her soul. It wasn’t conceivable, not now. His life was worth more. His breed was worth more. This was what she had do. But oh God, did it hurt. It pained her so deeply; it shattered any semblance of reason. Remember, remember your reason, she chanted. It hurt, but it was better this way. Better for him because she couldn’t live knowing she was the end of any breed let alone the breed that created the wonderful male Landon was. She had to endure for both their sakes. And everything would work out.
Why? her conscience asked her. Because it always has, she consoled herself. But it’s different this time. It is. It is because he is your male. You’ll never escape him like he’ll never escape you, the voice warned her.
She needed to get away from here—from Landon. Maybe then she could escape the worry she faced. It won’t help, her conscience taunted her.
A knock on the door surprised her and released her from her chaotic thoughts. “Come in,” she called.
The door opened; a worried Olivia greeted her.
“He’s not back?” she asked knowing the answer but needing to hear it either way.
“No,” she said barely a mumble. Cain walked in behind Olivia and placed his hand on her shoulder offering comfort.
“Cain, I have class in an hour. We should go.”
Cain gazed at her, disbelief splattered on his face. “Are you sure?”
Jocelyn nodded, then said, “Yes.”
Cain nodded and walked toward her. He glanced at Olivia, then wrapped his arms around Jocelyn and dematerialized. Jocelyn and Cain appeared moments later on Jocelyn’s floor in the demon compound. She dashed into her room and then into her closet. Cain stood at the doorway of her room and patiently waited until she reappeared wearing a pair of jeans and a knit top.
“What’s all this about now, Joce?” Cain asked her.
“Nothing,” she claimed.
“Don’t lie. It’s not becoming of you.”
“I’m doing it for his own good,” she admitted.
Cain closed the distance between them. “Oh, really? Well, please never do anything for my own good because you may kill me in the process.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means what you claim you’re doing for his own good is probably going to drive him mad. He’s better dead.”
“No one goes crazy from being without their mate.”
“Joce, please explain how you’re helping him.”
“Cain, I’m the target! I’m always the target. Someone tried to kill me yesterday. A few days ago, Aleta almost kidnapped me. I’m not letting him sacrifice himself for me!”
Cain studied her then said, “I get it. I really do, but it’s ridiculous just the same, and it’s a poor excuse to get your way.”
“To get my way?”
“Yes, to get your way. You know you want him. You know you can’t deny your feelings, but you want to deny him because he denied you. Stop being so petty.”
“Petty! I’m not being petty. I love him!” she screamed, then her jaw dropped as her words resonated through her. I love him? she asked herself, and her heart skipped several beats as the aching in her chest reminded her Landon wasn’t near. Yes, I do. I love him, she admitted again to herself. “He could have died yesterday. If the arrow had…only because he tried to save me.”
Cain’s expression softened, and he drew closer to her, wrapping his arms around her as she laid her head on his chest and breathed deeply.
“Come on, let’s get you to school.”
Chapter 22
Jocelyn sat in class taking notes as her professor rambled on and on. She was typing, but her mind was consumed with thoughts of Landon. She was worried for him, wondering if he had returned, if Olivia had heard from him, if he was okay. Her class dragged until finally her professor announced class was dismissed. Relief flooded through her. Finally she could check with Cain; hopefully he had heard from Olivia. How much longer could she keep this up? How much longer could she withstand the torture of being without him?
Without bothering to turn off her laptop, Jocelyn dashed out of class. A clatter drew her attention to the floor. She had dropped her phone. She bent over to retrieve it, then continued on her path and stumbled when she bumped into someone. She mumbled, “Sorry.”
“No worries,” a familiar voice beckoned.
She glanced in his direction. It was Asher, as handsome as ever, towering over her.
“I was hoping you’d bump into me,” he jested.
“Sorry about that,” she said.
“It’s okay. You seem preoccupied, so I won’t hold it against you,” he said then flashed a smile. “Here,” he uttered and handed her a cup of coffee. “You look like you need this.”
“Oh, thanks,” she said uncertainly.
He pointed toward a bench just outside her classroom door, “Let’s sit here and enjoy these.”
Crap! she thought then glanced around her, searching the crowd for Cain.
“Got somewhere to go?” Asher asked her.
“Well, yes,” she admitted hesitantly.
“I’m sure you can spare me a couple of minutes.”
Reluctantly, she nodded, and he escorted her to the bench. She sat and observed him do the same.
“So what do you do in New York for fun?” he asked then sipped his coffee.
“I…you know…the usual, clubs, bars…”
“Been to any good ones? I’m sure you know more than me considering your sister is a New Yorker, no?”
“Well, yeah, but I haven’t really been going out all that much just focusing on school.”
“That doesn’t sound like you at all. If I remember correctly, you were a bit of a party animal in California,” he teased then grinned.
“I was. I guess people change…” she said then tensed as pain sliced through her chest.
She glanced around nervously searching for Cain. Her chest constricted; she panicked as her hands began to shake. Excitement rushed through her, and she smiled. Landon! She exhaled, relieved he was near. She could feel him, his presence. She could almost smell his invigorating woodsy scent. She searched the crowds of people walking past. Landon, she still couldn’t see him.
“Jocelyn,” Asher startled her. She quickly spared a glance in his direction. “You okay?” he asked.
“Asher, I’m sorry. I…”
“You’ve got to go?” he finished her thought.
She nodded.
“Next time, then,” he said. He stood and extended his hand to help her up, but she was already walking away.
“Thanks for the coffee,” she said.
She walked briskly, dumping her coffee in a nearby trash can then broke into a light run as her eyes perused the faces of anyone who walked by. She could feel him, but she hadn’t found him. She ran faster along the sidewalk glancing down narrow streets. Where is he? After half an hour of searching for him, she began to panic; frantic she hadn’t found him yet. She paused and wondered. Is he hiding from me? Because of… everything. She concentrated on the pang in her chest, focused all her remaining energy on it, and she ran again. The closer she got, the bigger the ache in her chest. She could almost smell him now. A breeze of wind drew his scent toward her; she paused, and then an arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her backward toward an alley. His scent engulfed her. She was safe; he was with her.
She turned to face him. His expression pained; his stare fierce. His agony sliced through her leaving her without breath. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his. He placed his arm around her waist and pulled her toward him pressing her chest against his. His kiss consumed her, mending her aching heart.
She pulled away from their kiss. “I’ve missed you so much. Why were you hiding from me?”
“I thought that’s what you wanted,” he said solemnly.
She shook her head, then whispered, “I felt you near. I was looking for you.”
“I thought you were running from me,” he said his expression wounded and stark as he stared deep into her eyes.
“Are you okay?” she asked him.
“I am right now,” he replied then kissed her forcefully, taunting her already shattered nerves. She pulled away from him again. He held his breath waiting for her next words.
“Take me home, Landon,” she whispered.
He simply nodded, kissed her again, and walked pulling her into his embrace.
They walked for several blocks until his car came into view parked on the side of a street. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his keys, and unlocked the doors. He walked her to the passenger side, pulled open her door. She climbed in, then he walked around toward the driver’s side and climbed in. He turned on the ignition and drove. As they headed outside the city, she asked, “Where are we going?”
“You wanted me to take you home,” he said simply as he glanced in her direction. “That’s where I’m taking you.”
A confused expression claimed her face, and she glanced away from him. He was taking her to his home which he considered her own. She glanced again in his direction, his expression still somber despite their kiss. Despite the fact he was taking her to his home.
Perhaps, he has lost hope we’ll work out our problems, the thought made her chest ache. Her eyes welled, and she reached for his hand, grasping it in her own. He gazed at her, and she saw his somber will flutter in his eyes. It will work out, she said soothing herself despite her previous resolve to save him from himself. It will.
****
They rode the rest of the way in silence. Once they reached the large iron gates at the entrance of the werewolf estate, Jocelyn exhaled deeply. Landon parked in the garage and led her toward his room. He closed the door behind himself then turned to face her. His intense stare bore down on her, and she shuddered.
“You are home. Would you like to shower? Get that mortal’s scent off of you?” he snapped harshly.
Her face flushed, and she turned her back on him either unable or unwilling to hold his stifling stare. “He’s an old friend, Landon. We were just talking,” she said calmly.
“He’s not for you, Jocelyn. I am,” he exclaimed vehemently as he closed the distance between them.
She turned to face him. “I know, Landon,” she said. “We were just talking. I can talk to other men.”
“I hate—” he started as he recalled the torment that sliced through him upon seeing his female with another man. He forced himself to remember what she had said moments after, that she missed him. Relief had swelled inside him. He had wanted to yell and scream and chant that his female had missed him, but his fear had halted him. Fear of what would happen next had surfaced because the past could predict and if it did then once again she would push him away. “He wants you.”
“So…” she said, and his eyes darted toward her, yellow swarmed his irises, and he fisted his hands in his palms as he clenched his jaw. “You know I’m not interested,” she said simply.
“No, I don’t know that!” he yelled losing all composure. “I don’t know anything about what you want or what you are capable of doing to spite me!”
His body began to convulse, his wolf howled. He inhaled as he attempted to rein in his temper, the fury and jealously sizzling inside him.
“I would never—” she began to explain, but he cut her off.
“What? What would you never do? Make love to me then leave me?” he screamed as he closed the distance between them.
“That was different!” she yelled as her eyes welled with tears, and she turned away from him and his hateful gaze.
“That proves I never know what you’ll do!” he screamed louder as his fury claimed him coiling around him.
“I only did that because—”
“Because you hate me? You want me to suffer? You want to hurt me because I forsook you?”
“No! I did it because I love you!” she screamed.
Landon’s face paled as all, his pent up anger dissipated around him. His wolf cried deep and guttural inside him, begging him to act on her declaration, except he wasn’t sure. Was his mind playing tricks on him? She couldn’t have said it. Only hours ago, she’d said she would never admit to wanting him. Now, she said she loved him. It wasn’t possible.
She loves us. She loves us! his wolf chanted. His heart lurched. Could she?
“I did it because I love you, and you could have been killed because of me, and if you don’t exist, then I’ll never be yours, and you’ll never be mine. And then life and immortality will lose meaning,” she said as tears claimed her cheeks. When he said nothing, she continued, “I think I’ve loved you since the night at the bar when you saved me. I tried to deny it because I didn’t want to be destined for someone who could live without me for months because I didn’t want to love anyone who could.”
He was dumbstruck by her admission, awed by her bravery and repentant for the awful things he had said to her. Shame engulfed him, and he said the only thing he could. “I love you, Jocelyn, and nothing, not even death, will ever keep me away from you.”
She sighed, and Landon took her in his arms as he pressed his lips firmly and forcefully against hers without a thought but his need to make her his. Their battles could last several lifetimes, but he couldn’t withstand another moment without his mark on her.
“Forever begins today, baby,” he whispered after he broke away from her lips and trailed his lips along her neck.
He kissed her lips once more. She moaned into his mouth as he traced his fingers along her jaw down her chest and grasped the bottom of her shirt and pulled it off exposing her lace bra and flawless skin. He ran his hands over her stomach then chest, touching her softly as he admired every curve, every inch of her exposed skin. She moaned again as he licked down her neck then up toward her earlobe where he paused and sucked as his arms pressed her closer.
She grasped his white t-shirt and ripped it down the middle baring his broad chest and abs. She ran her fingers down enjoying the feel of him within her fingertips then she traced his abs with her nails.
“Forever begins today,” he whispered in her ear once again and chills ran up and down her spine. “Say it,” he begged as he pulled himself away from the crook of her neck and stared into her deep brown eyes hazy with need. “Say it; say that nothing will separate us from this day on, Jocelyn.”
She blinked several times then said, “Forever begins today. Nothing will separate us from this day on.”
He took her mouth again, and their tongues battled with need as he lifted her and pushed her against the wall. He kissed her until she moaned with desire then clutched her behind, squeezing until she begged him to take her. He rubbed his hands over her thighs admiring her skin smooth as silk as she dug her nails into his back.
Landon pulled away from her, then trailed his tongue down her neck and chest as he wrapped his arms around her and unbuckled her bra, then removed it revealing her plump breasts. He kneaded her breast while he licked and sucked her nipple. She ran her hands over the back of his neck, wrapping one leg around him egging him on.
He continued his gentle rough sucking until she threw her head back and moaned. He licked his way to her other breast, took her nipple in his mouth swiftly as he massaged her breast softly teasing her. He ran one hand down her stomach, then he grasped the top of her jeans, then swiftly pulled them off. He traced the edges of her underwear with his fingers sending shivers of anticipation down through him. He roughly tore them off her.
Landon reached toward her core and lightly played with her as he continued to suck her nipples drawing circles around them with his tongue. His fingers pleasured her and she moaned louder and louder, pained with desire, then he used his fingers to enter her, and she screamed and begged him to take her.
****
Suddenly, he was gone, and she was bereft without his taunting touch. He grabbed her face and kissed her, then broke away.
“No,” he told her. “I’m not taking you yet. I’m going to show you how good it feels to be with your male, so you never, ever think of leaving me again.”
Abruptly, his hands assaulted her again, kneading her breasts, playing with her folds. He teased and taunted her.
“Landon, please. I need you,” she moaned. She was about to break. She needed him inside her. There was no other, nor would there ever be another. It was Landon her heart cried for, battled with, and loved.
