Pack Punished, page 9
part #3 of Thrown to the Wolves Series
While all of the guys feel like home in their own ways, Boden feels safe in the freeing sense that I don’t have to be anything, and it’s exactly what I need right now. Slade, Damian, Kaige, and Hunter; there’s a subconscious desire to prove my worth, to take on some of their burdens and stand beside them so I’m not one more person for them to have to take care of. Cinjin’s the devil on my shoulder, encouraging me to burn as brightly as I can without worrying about the fallout in the heat of the moment. And Reid? He’s always seen me better than any of them, and that’s why we’ve been caught in this dance of being afraid of each other. He saw before any of them what kind of monster I could be if I stopped holding back, and I saw what life could be like with someone that cared enough to really see me, and how much it would hurt to lose.
“You’ve been pretty quiet through everything. Any deep, dark secrets you want to get off your chest?”
Humming low in his throat, he makes a show of mulling things over. “Have I already told you how in love with you I am?”
Smiling softly into the side of his throat, I wrap my arms around his neck. “I don’t believe that you’ve gotten around to it yet, no.”
“To be fair,” he amends, “I don’t consider it a secret, but something I should get off my chest. So thank you, Sabrina Whatevernameyou’reusingthisweek for telling my sister to take her money and shove it up her ass. Pretty sure I fell a little bit in love right then and there.”
Pivoting so that I’m straddling his lap, I languidly kiss him, as if we have all the time in the world instead of possibly only another day. Rather than ‘I love you, too’ or any clichéd retorts, I opt for what I think would mean the most to him to hear.
“Thank you for making it easy to let my guard down.” With another lingering kiss I pull away, settling back in on his lap to look Damian’s way as he uncomfortably clears his throat.
“You know-” he meets my eye for a heartbeat before returning to talking to the fire “- when you think about it, Kaige is the only one that actually has a shot of doing this entire mate thing right from the beginning. Courting you properly before being chosen or not.”
My stomach tightens as I glance towards where Kaige is face-palming himself. Sarcasm saturates the smooth cadence of his voice as he glares at Damian. “Subtle, D. Thanks for that.”
Squirming on Boden’s lap, I face him more fully. “With as much as you've kept your distance since I marked Damian, I thought that was a deal breaker for you, what with having separate packs and all.”
His eyes widen as he whips his head my way. “What? Fuck, no, I-" he rakes a hand through his disheveled blonde hair with a grimace, and I watch in fascination as the firelight dances across his bright orange irises, turning them into living infernos.
With a deep breath, he meets my gaze with an unwavering intensity that makes it hard to breathe. "I absolutely have an interest. How could I not? I was trained to kill people and lead, yet you put my skills to shame after only being at it for a couple of weeks. You’re brilliant, gorgeous, sweet, and lethal. You don't need any of us, so those that you've done the honor of choosing have to add something to your life, stand out amongst all of your options.”
Pressing his lips into a thin line for a moment, he confesses, “You don't need anyone to take care of you, and with the money this lot has, you'd want for nothing if you let them actually spoil you like you deserve. Financial security gives you the option to do anything or go anywhere you'd like, yet I can't even escape Ash's torment? What do I possibly have to offer besides a dying chunk of forest and a miserable pack? I can't keep up with conversations about your work, or make you laugh." A bit of red creeps up his neck as he forces out the admission, "And I've never slept with anyone before, so not exactly about to impress you on that front when you have several mates to tend to your needs already."
"How can you be a virgin?" I blurt in genuine surprise, and by the way his blush deepens, he clearly doesn't see the underlying compliment.
He clenches and unclenches his fist at his side, but still refuses to look away. “Sex isn’t meaningless to me, so I was waiting for my mate, if I were ever lucky enough to find one. Even if I weren’t, it's not often I get to leave my territory. I was fully prepared to take a human mate someday, yet when you’re interested in dating instead of hooking up, it’s that much harder to meet someone when you only make the random trip into town. So it just... never happened."
Hunter groans and throws out a hand in my direction. "Well, shit, look at her face. Thanks a lot for making the rest of us look like even bigger assholes than we already did."
Cocking my head, I point out, “You know, it's comments like that that make you look like an asshole, not other people.”
Slade absentmindedly strokes a hand over my leg as he watches it all play out with amusement beside me and fake coughs. “Not the comments, the personality.”
Flipping him off, Hunter gets to his feet and paces around the fire like a restless animal. All the while, Damian tracks his movements as if expecting to need to intervene, but attempts to keep things from escalating. “Like we explained when we first showed up, Annika leaving broke something. While you all struggle with being cursed to live with your wolves, we,” he trails off, hunting for the right words, and Kaige picks up where he left off.
“We struggle with living.” My head whips his way as he shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Hunter doesn’t sleep for shit; never has, and not for lack of trying. But his other half gets his kicks by fucking with his head when he lets his guard down.”
“That’s enough,” Hunter snaps, rubbing the heel of his palm across his heart. “She doesn’t want to hear this shit.”
“Actually, I do.” He faces me with a scrunched-up forehead, so I clarify, “Not like you’ve made it easy to get to know any of you. And I know that’s as much my fault for being caught up in my project, but it doesn’t mean I’m not interested.”
Turning to Kaige, I encourage him to keep going. “So it isn’t only the lack of girls and food. Your other halves have more of a foothold? As in, they’re stronger than what we deal with?”
Beside him, Cinjin is frowning. “You barely ever flip the psycho switch, though.”
Swallowing, Kaige tilts his head in acknowledgment. “Years of practice keeping him on the sidelines, but when he taps in, he goes all in. Zero or one hundred; I don’t have a middle ground.”
I turn to Damian, only to find him already watching me. “And you?”
Tongue darting out to wet his lips, his voice comes out gravely with the admission. “Obsession. I don’t consider my wolf a curse, but the things that I feel strongly about are amplified by him. Rage, revenge, love. Anything intense becomes all-consuming, and I can’t let something go once I have my mind set on it.”
There’s so much left unsaid with his declaration, but I’m in no shape to delve into it right now. Thankfully, or maybe not, I’m saved from responding as Hunter snaps at something Reid muttered under his breath while we were distracted.
As he storms over like he’s going to punch him in the face, I groan. “Will you get off your high horse and let me help you shift already?”
“I can handle it,” he barks back.
Reid shoots his foot out at the perfect moment, tripping him and growling, “Watch your tone when speaking to her.”
Hunter catches himself before bashing his face, wasting no time in pushing himself upright and fisting the front of Reid’s shirt. “Says the unclaimed wolf talking about my mate.”
Rubbing circles over my throbbing temples, I give them my back as I seek out Slade. “How in the actual hell did any of your mothers survive raising boys?”
Chuckling, he wraps a hand around my ankle, leaning in to kiss my cheek. “Took a hands-off approach and left us to kill each other until we worked past whatever current issue was pissing us off.”
I huff an exasperated breath. “Sounds about right. Only problem is that Hunter’s about two minutes from shifting, and Reid isn’t.”
Carefully weighing his response, Bo pipes up, “Then that’s on Reid for being stupid. And I don’t know about you, beautiful, but while my baby brother is an idiot where it comes to you, that’s where it ends.”
Not particularly buying it, I press my lips into a thin line, but don't argue. When it comes down to it, I know none of us are going to sit back and let Hunter tear Reid apart, but we are horrible enough to be curious how this version of him will handle the situation.
Sputtering after the quick throat punch Reid landed, Hunter’s fist goes flying towards Reid’s jaw, but he pauses a hair's breadth away and holds his position for several tense moments. Cursing, he abruptly shoves his shoulder, knocking him off of the makeshift bench before turning on his heel. “Only reason you get a pass is because she’s already upset, and I’m not going to give her a reason to fuss over you. Stay in your lane, pup.” He makes it all of five steps before he stumbles with a grunt, hissing in pain as he falls to his knees.
“Damn it, Hunter, will you suck it up and let me help you, already?” Though he remains steadfast in his determination to do it without my help, his words make me pause.
“You took three fucking days to heal, Sabrina, and just woke up, what, eight hours ago? And you were only that bad in the first place because you had to drag my useless ass out of the house, then save me again when this-” he hitches a thumb over his shoulder “-psychopath tried to rip my head off. So no, I don’t want you wasting any energy on me to make it less painful. I deserve every bit of it,” he finishes right before grunting as the sound of bones fracturing fills the campsite.
“Stubborn idiot,” I murmur, so quietly that I doubt anyone picked it up now that he set off a chain reaction and Slade, Damian, and Cinjin are following his lead. Sliding off of Bo’s lap, I give him my blessing to join the others, and settle into Slade’s empty seat on the log.
While my shift was painless, the guys’ first ones were brutal. And where before my other half was taking point, letting me observe everything through a detached sort of awareness, I don’t have that same buffer this time. I get to watch the entire horrifying transformation in slow motion. Every breaking bone, the tearing of skin like it’s nothing more than wrapping paper on a morbid present.
We’re nothing more than vessels, a living cage to the monsters contained beneath our skin.
My breaths start coming in quick, short bursts as I look down at my hands.
He just... disintegrated. I didn’t even need to shift to kill him. I nearly killed Slade, Damian, and Cinjin by draining them dry. If I don’t keep a firm handle on my temper, I could kill any of them without thinking. I can’t afford to be a mess. Either I get my shit together, or the people I care about are going to wind up dead.
“Sabrina.” Reid’s face comes into focus, and only after he sees me blink a few times does he palm my cheek. “You’re overthinking again. Want to fill me in on what’s going through your head that makes you look like you’re about to burst into tears? Because full disclosure, I think you’ll wind up suffocating under a pile of panicked hellhounds if you start crying right now.”
An ear-splitting howl as Hunter finishes shifting saves me from having to respond. He’s slightly larger than Slade, with a touch of silver mottling along his collar, but beyond that, carries the same hellhound attributes as the rest of them. Onyx fur blurred in a smoky haze, and a jaw that could crush a human skull with hardly any effort. Holding his emerald gaze, I watch the others in my peripheral vision as they begin picking fights with each other before bolting off into the forest. When they’re gone, Hunter merely lies down beside the fire, resting his head on his front legs to settle in.
Sorting through the chaos in my brain to find the heart of the matter, I give Reid the horrible truth. “I can’t feel her anymore, and I don’t know if I’m relieved, or terrified that it means she’s me and I can’t tell the difference anymore.”
Chapter 8
Sabrina
It’s nearly pitch black inside the tent, and even with my heightened eyesight, it takes several minutes to adjust to the low lighting coming from the dying campfire outside enough to see anything around me. Carefully, I disentangle myself from the sleeping bag, trying not to wake Reid. The zipper on the small tent is ungodly loud in the otherwise still forest though, the crinkling of material of the door not making my stealthy escape any easier.
“Everything alright?” he asks, voice heavy with sleep as he rolls over, reaching for his glasses.
“Yep, just need to pee, go back to sleep.”
He frowns. “You shouldn’t go stumbling around in the dark alone.”
Stepping out, I prepare to trap him inside. “I can deal with protective hovering and escorting me everywhere, but listening to me pee is where I officially draw the line.”
He attempts to smother a smile, but epically fails. “Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but-”
Giving up on discretion now that the others are stirring around us, I hastily zip up the door behind me while simultaneously scratching my nails over the polyester fabric, wincing at the noise. “What’s that? Sorry, can’t hear you over the sound of my denial.”
Picking my way through the canine moat surrounding the poorest castle in existence, I nearly trip over Slade. He releases a low chuff, prying open one eye, but it immediately falls shut again as I run a hand over the top of his head and scratch behind his ear. “Be right back.”
Bo’s already up, taking a step in my direction, but I put my foot down on this one. Reaching down through Slade’s button up to where my necklace is settled above the stomach of my tank top, I tug it free to make my point. “I’m holding up my end of the bargain; haven’t taken it off. You already canvassed the area, and are clearly comfortable enough in us being alone that you were able to sleep.” Letting the pendant fall, I wiggle my fingers. “Not only can I siphon, but if I run across any human serial killers disposing of bodies, I can hit them with the worst bitchslap in history. Or scream. So you’re going to sit your butt back down, and give me five minutes of privacy.”
He narrows his eyes at me the entire time, but lowers himself back down to the ground. I’ve no doubt he’s already started the timer and will come looking the second it reaches zero, but I’m counting this as a win.
“Thank you. Be right back.”
Making a beeline through the trees until I’m far enough away that I should be out of earshot, I quickly relieve myself, internally grumbling over how much easier guys have it. Finishing up, I carry on a little further towards the river and sit on the bank, rinsing my hands in the water. It’s chilly, but bearable, and I allow myself to enjoy my final two minutes of alone time before accepting that I need to head back.
As I dry my feet on the grass and hands on my shorts, a quick flash in the darkness has my head jerking up to find a set of luminescent eyes only a stone’s throw away. Taking an automatic step back, my foot slips on the river’s edge. I brace myself for the incoming rush of cold water, clenching my eyes shut, but it never comes. Prying open one eyelid, I find a shifted Hunter staring back at me, teeth clamped around the front of my borrowed shirt to keep me from plummeting into the water.
He steps back, dragging me with him until I have both feet firmly on the ground, but still doesn’t release me. Waiting until my rapid heartbeat is under control, I gently tug my shirt free, and this time, he lets go without resistance.
“You scared the hell out of me.” Naturally, he doesn’t respond. “Awesome, your alter ego has all of the patience you lack, but is a creepy pervert.” At that, he sends an indignant rush of air out of his nose right into my face before giving me his back, walking away. With a roll of my eyes, I follow him.
Hissing in a sharp breath when I step on a rock, I pick my path more carefully, but it’s dark enough that it makes my progress slow going. I was clearly wrong about his patience, because Hunter’s hellhound makes it all of thirty seconds before he returns and lowers himself onto the ground in front of me with a low growl, shooting me an expectant look.
“I'm not riding you. That’s weird, even by our standards.”
But he doesn’t budge, so I walk around him. Or at least, I try to. The air rushes from my lungs as he bites the back of my shirt, lifting me off of the ground and starts walking. At this point, I’m annoyed enough to pull a Reid and throat punch him, but to pull that off, I’d need to spin around. The only thing more embarrassing than being dragged back to camp like a wayward puppy by the scruff of its neck is to flail around helplessly as I dangle from Hunter’s mouth.
Turns out, a small bit of pride survived the fall, after all.
Flicking open the top buttons of Slade’s shirt, I lift my arms and let gravity take care of the rest. The air rushes from my lungs as I land on my ass, rolling out of the way before I get stepped on. Giving Hunter a smug, one fingered salute, I get to my feet and start walking again. He lets me take the lead, turning my victory into a loss as he morphs the situation so that I’m being herded back to camp. It shouldn’t annoy me nearly as much as it does, and maybe I wouldn’t have the same reaction if it wasn’t Hunter, but I’m quickly coming to realize that he’s the Cin to my Slade.
He’s incredibly irritating.
But because I’ve studied the rest of them and their unique dynamics over the last several weeks, I see the benefit in it. Each of these men aren’t simply ‘part of the pack,’ they’re people with individual personalities and problems. The only reason they work well as a whole is because they’re so wildly different. They pick up the slack where one of the others is failing, even if it’s only in order to one-up them. They’re able to identify each other’s weaknesses, and then push that person to their limits in order to make them stronger to benefit not only them, but the pack as a whole.
