Destined to Dream, page 10
Exhaling a long, slow breath, I follow their lead of pulling their shit together to deal with a scary situation rather than hide and hope it goes away. And part of handling things like a competent adult means being aware of your limitations and speaking up when necessary, even if it’s hard.
“Before we attempt it, I’d really appreciate some more practice suppressing my senses. Our last trip out was a bit-” loosing a breath, I admit “-overwhelming.” A wave of concern reaches me through the bond, so I rush out, “Not that bad, don’t get me wrong! It’s just that after being spoiled around only you and the quiet of the apartment for so long, it was a shock to my system with the onslaught of scents and sounds; gave me a headache. Strangers are one thing to risk slipping up around, but these are people you know. I’d like to make a good first impression, especially since there’s so much riding on it.”
“Absolutely, love.” Malcolm kicks off from the counter, approaching to palm my cheek. “And please know, I only suggested this at all because you’ve mentioned several times that you want a sense of direction and something to do, not because I think you need to ‘earn your keep’ as you so eloquently put it, in any way, shape, or form. Simply tossing the opportunity out there in case you want it.”
Smiling up at him, I turn to kiss his wrist. “I’ll give it some thought, and I honestly appreciate you creating an entire, unnecessary position solely to give me a sense of purpose. Let me make sure I’m not going to freak out and eat your friends, then we’ll talk.”
Grinning, he tilts my chin up to place a lingering kiss on my lips. “Keep putting dirty thoughts in my head and none of us will get any work done.”
Licking my lips, I smirk as his gaze quickly darts to Kasen and back once more. Yep, they’re in it together, after all. Real question is, why were they letting me think they only had a thing for each other instead of speaking up?
“Your threats aren’t nearly as convincing as you think they are.” Chuckling, I gently push his chest away. “Have a good day at work. This afternoon I’ll see if Kasen’s willing to walk me through how he manages to live in the city without losing his mind. Sound like a plan?”
Smiling softly, Malcolm nods, heading for the elevator. “As good of one as any. Call me if you need me?”
“I don’t have a phone, but I’m sure Kasen’s first thought if a burglar breaks in will be to give you a jingle.”
Scowling, Malcolm pulls out his phone. “I’ll swing by the store during lunch and see what they have in stock.”
“You worry far too much. I really don’t need one. The only people I’d even call are the two of you, and I’m sure you don’t want me dis-” I snap my mouth shut as an idea blooms to life. “You know what?” Giving me a curious look, Malcolm waits for me to finish my sentiment. “I’d like that, thank you.”
Beaming, even if it’s only because I’m not objecting to him buying me something, he dips his head. “My pleasure. Any requests for dinner?”
Turning in my seat, I address Kasen. “You pick.”
Caught off guard, he looks incredibly uncomfortable. “I’m fine with whatever, no worries.” At my unrelenting stare, he finally caves, looking at Malcolm. “Pizza? Text me when you’re almost done for the day and I’ll call in an order for delivery?”
He shoots him a thumbs up before getting in the elevator, the doors closing behind him. Once all of the teasing and distractions are gone, leaving me and Kasen alone, things return to the awkward stage of this morning again. Between him walking in on me mid-orgasm and the signals Malcolm was giving off, it’s impossible to look at Kasen as nothing more than a friend now.
And I don’t have the first clue where to put that in my head.
Fuck, I was the one that came to Malcolm confessing I was tempted to bite the guy, worried that I’d take things too far in the heat of the moment. But after spending time with him, it’s been getting gradually easier to bolster my defenses against the impulse, not wanting to hurt him or put any of us in an awkward position.
Has it only been easy around him because I wasn’t looking at him as a guy I needed to impress, so I could let my guard down? Or is it because him being Malcolm’s other fated mate connects the two of us on a deeper level, so being around him is as easy as it is with Malcolm?
What if we experiment with this dynamic, but it doesn’t work out? Things are good right now, is it really worth risking wrecking by pushing for more?
Nobody is pushing for more. They’re just trying to put the opportunity on the table as an option if I choose to bite. Options are never a bad thing for a girl that has so few.
“So,” I begin, attempting to break the terse silence, “have you always lived here?”
Kasen finishes off his coffee, crushing the cup in his hand. “Nah, moved out this way a few years ago. Born and raised in Shady Grove.”
Shaking my head, I chuckle. “No shit? Ashland for me.”
He stares at me for a long moment before he answers, voice gravely. “That’s only an hour drive away.”
“Small world. What are the odds?” I can’t decipher his expression, but when he continues to simply stare at me without speaking, I awkwardly try to restart the conversation. “Ever been to Goldie’s?”
He manages a strangled sound, having to clear his throat before saying, “Yeah. Goldie’s mated to my uncle.”
Realizing it’s upsetting him more than anything, I switch gears. “Why don’t you go grab your laptop and I’ll walk you through setup?”
Still staring at me far too intently, he tosses his cup in the trash and heads into the living room to the backpack he brought this morning. Following suit, I retrieve mine and get situated on the couch as he comes to sit beside me.
“Family still out there or did they follow you here?”
His lips press into a flat line as the game installation finishes and boots up. “Still out in Shady Grove. My parents, an older sister, and a younger brother. Lived out in the Wilds more than the town the majority of our life.”
Reading between the lines, I tentatively probe, “Was that a relief, or miserable? I thought most shifters preferred being able to shift whenever without fear of humans retaliating.”
He stills. “Honestly?” With a huge sigh, he deflates, focusing on the computer instead of looking at me. “I hated it. I hate camping, the heat, and how boring it all is. And I hate that I was supposed to simply appreciate not being murdered like it was some sort of benevolence instead of the fucking bare minimum. When I came out here-” he shakes his head and scoffs “-I’ve tried for years to get my family to visit me; even offered to pay their way, just so they could see how different everything could be.”
Understanding his frustration, I reach over and help him into the avatar creation screen. “While we may hate where we grew up, it was all we knew, until we knew better. And for people that are too afraid to even venture into the fringe towns, hopping on a train to go halfway across the country to a major city must seem like a death sentence, no matter logically knowing you’re here alive and well.”
He looks heartbroken as he says, “And if they realize it’s better, yet can’t afford to stay, have to go back, it’s actually worse. Right now they can delude themselves that they’re doing all that they can, make their peace with their lot in life.”
My fingers hover over my keyboard. “Knowing there’s something better and unable to keep it is a torture all on its own. Going back home after seeing this place would be painful to endure, so I get why their subconscious is keeping them from visiting; I really do. So try not to take it personally. For what it’s worth though?”
He faces me and my stomach flips with the quiet agony in his gaze. For his benefit, I smile, but I’m well aware it doesn’t reach my eyes. “I’m happy you got out, even if you feel guilty about leaving them behind to seek better for yourself. Family is hard. I’m sure if you asked, though, Malcolm would arrange for you to go home and visit, or them to come out here if you could finally convince them.”
He gives me a resigned smile. “They’re not coming. But maybe someday we can make a trip back out there if things calm down. You can reconnect with any family you’ve got out that way, and I can introduce you to mine. And we can both sleep easy at night knowing we don’t have to stay; that we managed to escape.”
I bite the inside of my cheek and turn back to my screen, sending him the invite to join my party. “Who’d have thought freedom had so many strings attached? They sure as shit lied to us about becoming adults, didn’t they?”
He snorts, hunching over on the couch to reach the table, looking incredibly uncomfortable, and I make a mental note to figure out a better set up. “One hundred percent. Made it out to be all this freedom and power, and really, we’re everyone’s bitch. Our bosses, the government. Bills. I didn’t appreciate naptime nearly enough as a kid.”
Chuckling, we meet up with the other member of our party and I give him a quick heads up that we’re going to cover Bearwithme’s ass through the next level since he’s a noob. “Good thing we married up in the world, then, huh? After we tackle the next boss, we can cash in on one of those naps we missed out on.”
Chapter 15
Scarlett
Eyes closed, I rub at my ear, growing increasingly frustrated. “Okay, walk me through it one more time.”
“Hold on,” Malcolm interrupts, dragging me across the smooth, flat rock that the three of us are situated on top of at the end of the beach.
The spring air is relatively cool with a heavy breeze, bringing with it the scents of a few people walking along the shore in the distance, mixed with the salty tang of the sea. We scaled the rocky outcropping amidst the smattering of trees and unkempt foliage, giving us the illusion of privacy. Not many people are out here since it’s too chilly to swim, but there are still a handful walking along the beach, and we’d all rather avoid close calls. I may need to get used to being around people, but right now, I’m just happy to feel the sun on my face again, to see the ocean up close for the first time.
Malcolm slides me between Kasen’s legs, pushing my back into his broad chest. “The wind shifted.”
I hum in agreement. Last thing we need is even a faint trace of vampire to reach the people walking and think some are hiding in the rocky terrain behind us. So far we haven’t had any issues, but all it takes is once. While Malcolm assures me that he and his friend Archer are hard at work implementing plans, using what they’ve learned from Evie’s studies, it’s difficult to imagine them actually going well. Best laid plans and all that jazz.
Honestly, though? Even if I have to spend the rest of my life hidden away, a penthouse with an ocean view and not having to work isn’t anything to sneeze at. There are much worse ways to spend an existence, as I’ve unfortunately discovered, so I’m not really losing any sleep if things don’t work out like he’s hoping. I’m happy sneaking in the occasional brief outing when I can, and the company at home is way better than hitting a bar on the weekend with my old coworkers.
For being at risk of being murdered by an angry mob at any given moment, my life is strangely less stressful than before. Then again, that could simply be Malcolm’s influence. There’s something about having someone love you at your worst and still sticking around that makes whatever the world throws at you not seem so impossible anymore.
Kasen wraps his arms around me, pulling me tighter against him and closing out the world around us. I’ll give the man credit; he’s mastered bear hugs. Malcolm sits across from me to the side so that he doesn’t block my view of the water, able to watch for anyone approaching the base of the rocks. A shiver runs down my spine as Kasen rubs his cheek along my temple, ending with his chin resting on top of my head.
For fucks’ sake, the guy saw us naked and acted like it was no big deal. He’s just good at his job and keeping you safe... for Malcolm’s sake.
But even as the thought creeps in, I shake it away, knowing it’s bullshit that stems from doubt. I’m about at the point where I might just throw caution to the wind and flat out kiss him, see what happens. If I blow everything up to see where the dust falls, I can stop from falling any deeper into this mess, but I’m not really sure if I actually want to know or what I’m hoping for.
And starting a conversation of ‘Hey, want a three way?’ seems like a recipe for disaster. I may as well slide him a note that says ‘Do you like like me? Check yes or no in the boxes below’ like we’re in grade school. I legitimately don’t even know where to start in getting this figured out, and I have the sinking suspicion that once I open that dialogue, it’s going to get intense quickly. Because there has to be a reason they didn’t correct me when I made it clear I thought Kasen only had a thing for Malcolm, only for my mage to subtly push the two of us together.
Malcolm’s as direct of a person as any; if he isn’t saying something, there’s a purpose behind the logic, and that’s the only reason I haven’t outright asked yet.
Stop freaking out about the people on the beach, Scar, you’re not going to rip their throats out. Even if Malcolm wasn’t in the picture, Kasen wouldn’t let that happen; he’s too inherently a good person, just like my... mate.
My mate that wants to watch me bone my bodyguard.
I’ve given plenty of thought to the group relationship dynamics that supernaturals find themselves in during recent days. I’d never been able to successfully manage one relationship for more than six months before, so the thought of juggling two sends my nerves into overdrive. It’d be multitasking to disappoint several people at once, failing them all in one fell swoop instead of destroying relationships one at a time. But it’s hard not to imagine it in the privacy of my own head with how seamlessly Kasen’s presence fits in with us, and I see the appeal to the group project aspect. No one can be everything for someone without losing a part of themselves in the process, and it’s selfish to expect them to make you their entire world.
I don’t want to be the center of someone’s universe, I just want to be loved and explore it alongside them.
Malcolm has so much on his plate already and I’m occupying every bit of his free time. When does he have any time for himself? His hobbies? With Kasen around, it helps ease the burden of guilt since Malcolm was my only human interaction before Kasen came around, so no matter how exhausted he came home, he felt obligated to spend all of his time taking care of me. That’s what a pack is supposed to be all about, right? Taking care of each other and sharing the load. Kasen may not be in love with me, but he can still love me as a friend; potentially with benefits.
‘I hate that I was supposed to simply appreciate not being murdered like it was some sort of benevolence instead of the fucking bare minimum.’ Here I am, hemming and hawing about whether or not I should fuck Kasen like the choice will ruin my life, and he was raised one involuntary shift in the wrong place away from catching a bullet to the head.
My priorities need a huge fucking reality check. Now I’m the one that might be gunned down at a moment’s notice, and it’s a huge wake up call. I went from the subconscious knowledge that I’d be okay no matter where I traveled, to even shifters waiting to rip my throat out.
The rest of the world hates me and here I am, debating if one of the two people that care about whether or not I exist wants to rail me. Maybe I shouldn’t be trying to suppress my senses so much as ask someone to smack me across the face and confront all of the things I’m attempting to avoid dealing with.
I’m pretty sure being forcefully turned into a predator damaged the part of my humanity that trained me to be grateful for what I was given without complaint. Now, all I can think about is that I might finally be strong enough not to have to settle when everything I want is within reach. Everyone is willing to condemn me simply for existing, so does it really matter if they scoff and whisper behind my back?
“Shallow breaths for now,” Kasen encourages, voice low and oblivious to my mental breakdown. “Focus on the faint salty taste of the air, the scent of the water. Disregard everything else as unimportant. You don’t need to have your guard up; we’ve got you.” He tightens his arms around me to emphasize that fact, making me hyper-aware of everywhere he’s touching me. “You’re safe, so these people don’t need to register on your radar as worth tracking their movements.”
Closing my eyes, I breathe through my mouth until I have a firm grasp on that singular taste before switching to inhaling through my nose. The fine hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, the strangers nearby unfamiliar, instinctually knowing they’re a threat. But just as quickly I start to relax, an ominous sense of self-assurance settling over my shoulders.
They might be a threat, but they aren’t a bigger one. I’m faster, more brutal, and the terrifying certainty that I could switch off my emotions and rely on muscle memory weighs heavily on me. Humans have guns, and shifters tend to hunt in packs, relying on their numbers and coordination to take us down. Vampires may be a corrupted evolutionary glitch, but one on one, we’re the apex predators.
It takes another minute before I’m able to actually shove the scents of the strangers away, and then I risk taking normal breaths before drawing in a deep lungful. There’s a faint, unsettling sense nagging at the edge of my mind, but I’m able to ignore it for the most part.
“Does it ever go away completely? That feeling of paranoia?” I whisper, eyes shut tight to prove that I trust them implicitly. “It’s like I’m always waiting for someone to step into my space, even with my guard down and knowing there’s no reason to be afraid.”
His voice is a rumble against my back. “No. Eventually, you just get used to it. It’s why out in the Wilds, territories are respected first and foremost, even if you hate someone. Everything else in the world works against us, and it’s a constant battle to fight what our instincts demand. Out there, it’s easier to give into our baser nature, and it’s far more likely if you piss someone off encroaching on their space, you’ll trigger a defensive reaction before they even have time for rational thoughts. Deeper you go, the more time people spend in their other skin, instincts driving their actions heavier than the shifters you’re used to being around.”
