Take Me There, page 18
She shook her head again, swiping at her tears with her knuckles. “How do you know?”
“Because I know what it feels like to love someone. And I love you. You.”
She pressed her lips in a line. “I don’t believe you,” she announced.
“You don’t have to, but I love you. I know this. And I know you have plenty of reasons not to believe in love. While I believe in love, I have plenty of reasons not to want to give love a chance again, but it doesn’t change that I love you.”
“What does it mean?”
“What does what mean?”
“What does it mean that you love me?”
“It means that I miss you when I’m not with you. It means I think about you just about all the time when I’m not otherwise occupied. It means that I hope you’re okay all the time. It means I want to be the person you turn to when you’re having a good day or a bad day. It means I want you to be that person for me. It means I feel like I won something when you smile. It means I know life has banged you up a little bit. It bangs everybody up. I love you just the way you are, a little cynical.” She twisted her lips to the side. “Okay, maybe a lot cynical. A little doubtful. So independent and so brave. So loyal. It means I want to do this with you. I want it to be more than what we’ve had.”
“What have we had?” she whispered.
“The best sex of my life. I don’t want to keep fighting off falling in love with you. Instead, I’d rather just relax into it and let it be what it is and know that we can face what life throws our way together. I’m ready to give it a chance. I figure I’ve got a little luck on my side.”
“How can you say that? You fell in love with someone in high school, and she died,” Skylar said so bluntly it should have hurt.
But it didn’t. It was a bracing breath of fresh air, the facts of what happened when I was younger. “I know. I’ve already been unlucky, so I figure maybe I have less of a chance of that happening again. The same goes for you. I don’t expect you to tell me the same thing. I hope maybe I can earn your trust.”
Skylar was quiet for several beats of my heart. Her eyes searched mine before dipping down. She slowly unfurled her arms from around her waist and laced her fingers together. She took a quick, sharp breath, almost as if she were bracing herself before her eyes lifted to mine again.
She whispered, “I already trust you, Tucker.”
“You do?” This surprised me. I didn’t think Skylar trusted anyone. Faith and trust weren’t something she handed out easily.
“I do.” She looked down again, and I saw her shoulders rise as she drew in a gulp of air. This time when they lifted to mine again, she looked so vulnerable it was all I could do not to kneel in front of her, pull her in my arms, and just tell her it would all be okay. I would somehow make it okay. I would bend the will of the universe to mine.
“I don’t want to tell you this, but I think I love you,” she finally said, her voice as clear as a bell. My heart felt like a pair of hands loudly punching the sky.
“I used to be in love with falling in love. I thought I was in love all the time. I just wanted someone, anyone to love me, and I didn’t have the best judgment in relationships and who to trust. But with you, I tried not to be in love with being in love. I tried really hard not to be desperate, and I don’t actually feel desperate. Which is why I think I’m probably really in love.” She swallowed, blinking rapidly.
For a few seconds, that guarded, vulnerable look in her eyes—a look I knew so well—fell away as we stared at each other. She blinked and looked down again.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
When she looked over at me again, her expression was almost shy. “For telling me how you felt and for trusting me.”
“Well, you kind of make it hard not to,” she grumbled.
My lips twitched with a smile. “Really?”
“Yeah, you’re nice, honest, and straightforward. You have good friends. Everybody says you’re a great guy. I don’t even know what to think. I usually date assholes.”
“How about you not worry about it?”
“I worry all the time. You better be ready for that. Because if you can’t handle that, well, you might as well forget about it.”
I smiled. “I can handle it.”
I stood, taking the two steps between our chairs and lifting her into my arms as I sat back down.
“What are you doing?” she squeaked.
“Holding you.”
“Oh.”
She was stiff for a second before she softened and relaxed. She rested her head against my shoulder, and we sat there quietly. After a few moments, she lifted her head, peering up at me.
“What is it?” I prompted.
“I didn’t expect this.”
“Yeah, me neither. Join the club.”
Skylar smiled, the joy in her eyes sending my heart flying.
We were going to go back to her place, but she pointed out that tonight was staff dinner at the lodge.
“Are you sure you want to do that?” I asked.
“Well, they expect you,” she explained.
I laughed softly. “They do.”
So we had dinner there.
Afterward, we lounged around the table, and Daphne glanced over at us. “So everything’s okay?”
Skylar looked up at me. “Everything’s great.”
“Tell me what happened,” Daphne pressed.
I decided to keep it simple. “I fell in love with Skylar.”
When I glanced down at Skylar, her cheeks were bright pink.
Daphne let out a whoop. Everyone laughed, and then I remembered something.
“Hey, has anyone noticed that cargo container in the hangar near the public restrooms?” I asked.
Flynn looked puzzled. Nora shook her head. Diego nodded. “Oh, yeah. Saw that the other day.”
I glanced down at Skylar. “Told you.”
She burst out laughing. Then we finally went back to Skylar’s place.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Skylar
I felt stripped bare emotionally as if all my defenses had fallen away. As vulnerable as I felt, I meant what I’d said. I trusted Tucker completely. It felt serendipitous that we both got letters from people who meant something different to each of us that basically told us not to be stupid.
Tucker was kissing me, and we had just walked in. My back was pressed against the door. I was the one who started it. I’d yanked him down because I needed to kiss him. I needed the physical, visceral sensation.
He broke free. The sound of our ragged breathing filled the air. He stared down at me, saying, “We’re going to your bedroom.”
“The door’s fine,” I teased.
His chuckle was gruff as he lifted me in his arms and carried me across the living room and into my bedroom. He undressed me slowly. I felt as if I were a gift just for him.
His hands mapped my body. His touch was gentle and sensual and sent licks of fire over my skin everywhere he touched me with sparks flying into the air around us.
He murmured hot, sweet, and dirty words. By the time he spread me out on the bed, and his weight came down over me, I was melted, liquid, and so needy I was gasping and begging for him. I was not one to plead, but I had never felt as desperate as I did then. I always held something back, but this felt different.
The reckless edge that came with sex for me was gone. This was so intimate. I almost couldn’t bear it. When I felt the nudge of him at my core followed by the thick glide as he filled me, I cried out. My orgasm startled me with its swiftness and ferocity. He held me tight, staying with me through it. He flew with me this time.
Afterward, he held me close and remained with me through the night. I felt the opposite of alone, so interconnected emotionally I couldn’t sense where my feelings ended and his began.
Epilogue
Skylar
A year and a half later
* * *
Ludie stood behind me in the mirror with her head cocked to the side. She lifted a hand and smoothed it over the back of my hair. “You look lovely, and you know I’m not one for compliments.”
I snorted at her honesty. She was helping me get ready for my wedding. Dan was walking me down the aisle. While I was wearing an actual wedding dress, which was still a little shocking to me, Ludie was wearing a practical pair of slacks with a blouse. She’d held her hand up when I saw her, announcing, “This is as dressy as I get.”
My wedding dress was simple. It wasn’t white, but I had a reason. I wanted to wear my favorite color, which I shared with Emily. It was a deep sapphire blue.
Daphne had taken it upon herself to help me find a wedding dress, clucking and shaking her head and telling me she didn’t trust me to do it myself. When I asked why, she’d said, “Because you don’t realize how beautiful you are, and you’ll try to hide it.”
The result was a silk sheath with a lovely curved neckline. The blue set off my dark hair. I’d eschewed a veil because I thought it would be annoying, which had amused Daphne.
Ludie turned me around. She rested her hands on my shoulders before lifting them to cup my cheeks. She surprised me when she leaned forward to press a quick kiss on my cheek.
In the year since Tucker had asked me to marry him, I’d learned many things about Ludie and Dan, including that they had a daughter who passed away from an accidental drug overdose. Of course, it had shattered their hearts.
Ludie had told me she felt like I was their second daughter. “The daughter of our heart,” she’d said.
Every time I thought about that, I almost burst into tears.
“You did good,” she said as she dropped her hands from my cheeks and rested them on her hips.
“Daphne picked out my dress.”
“Well, thank God for her because you wouldn’t have wanted me to dress you, but your dress isn’t what I’m talking about. You did good with Tucker. He’s a good man, and he is solid. When people are young, they don’t know what to look for in a partner,” she said with a cluck.
I knew perfectly well Tucker was the only decent guy I’d ever had a relationship with. Of course, maybe that wasn’t fair to the guys I’d glommed onto like a barnacle in my younger years. I’d been young and stupid, and so had they. None of us knew what we wanted. Maybe some of them were still assholes, and maybe some of them turned out to be nice guys later on.
Tucker was a really good guy, and sometimes, I still couldn’t believe he loved me. One of my favorite things about him was his tendency to be bluntly honest. When he gave me a compliment, I knew he meant it.
“I’m glad you think so. I trust you, so I know you’d tell me if I’d fallen for the wrong guy.”
Ludie eyed me quietly for several beats before nodding firmly. “My opinion does matter, but don’t ever live your life based on the opinions of others. Mine only matters because I love you. If you’d picked the wrong guy, I’d have kicked his ass and chased him out of your life.”
I burst out laughing, which was better than bursting into tears. I didn’t want to ruin the pretty violet eye shadow Daphne had done. It was subtle, and it set my eyes off.
“Dan’s waiting for you. He’s wearing a suit.” Ludie leaned forward as if imparting a deep secret.
I still saw Ludie and Dan almost every day, although our roles had switched. They’d handed control of the business over to me. I hadn’t ended up needing that bank loan because they’d refused to sell it, but I’d worked with Garrett to ensure everything was handled properly on the legal end. While Ludie and Dan worked a lot less, they still stopped in almost daily to check on things. I loved seeing them, not to mention having them there to help steer me on the logistics helped immensely with my anxiety at taking on a business.
I smiled. “Thank you, Ludie. For everything.”
For just a second, I thought maybe I saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes.
The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. I remembered Dan’s hand on my elbow as he walked me down the aisle. I remembered stopping at the front of the small group of friends and made family gathered for Tucker and me. There was a trellis with flowers and the ocean glittering under the sun behind us.
I barely remembered the ceremony, except for looking into Tucker’s bright blue eyes, blue as the sky. I remembered him saying, “I do,” and me repeating the words and managing not to cry. The threat of ruining my makeup was the only thing that held me back.
I remembered the reception better than the ceremony. With my new friends toasting me, I looked around and realized I’d done it. I’d come to Alaska all by myself. I’d learned that families were made, and I had made one for myself.
I saw my dream with Emily through to fruition. I still missed her, and I always would. But I kept my promise to her and, more importantly, to myself.
That night we were staying in my apartment, and the next day, Tucker was flying us in one of his planes to Fireweed Harbor, a tiny town in Southeast Alaska that was promised to be beautiful. We were staying in a private resort, and I couldn’t wait. Tucker had suggested a tropical vacation, but I didn’t want one. I loved Alaska. It was home.
That night, we stepped out on the small balcony at my apartment, and I leaned my arms on the railing. When I lifted my chin, the salty sea breeze gusting off the ocean whisked across my cheeks. I felt Tucker come up behind me, sliding his arms around my waist.
“Hey there,” he murmured.
I angled my head up, glancing over my shoulder. “Hey.” I smiled.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“Pretty good. You?”
“That’s it? Just pretty good?” he teased.
I turned in his arms. “Okay, amazing,” I returned lightly. That was actually the truth.
He dipped his head, brushing his lips over mine. “Perfect because I’m better than amazing,” he replied against my mouth. “You ready?” He straightened.
“For what?”
“Life. It’s day one. We’re officially a team.” I could see the twinkle in his eyes from the moonlight falling across us.
I pressed a palm to his chest, something I did often. It was a way to ground myself, to remind myself he was here, he was real, and he was mine. His heart thudded, strong and true, against my touch.
“Of course, I’m ready.”
From the day I decided to stop running from my feelings for Tucker, our path hadn’t been a straight line, not emotionally, that is. It was hard for me to have faith in something good. While that faith came easier to Tucker, I still saw those shadows chase through his eyes every so often. I knew that he knew what real loss was like, that letting yourself fall in love meant putting that on the line every single day.
I silently thanked his old high school girlfriend once in a while. I wished he hadn’t had to lose her, but I was grateful for the letter she wrote when she knew she was dying. Without it, I didn’t know if he ever would have taken the risk. I didn’t know if I would have without the letter from Emily. It’s funny how people could reach through time and give you a little nudge.
* * *
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