All I Want, page 1
part #1 of Haven’s Bay Holiday Series Series
All I Want
Haven’s Bay Holiday Series
J.H. Croix
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
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Copyright © 2017 J.H. Croix
All rights reserved.
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Cover design by Cormar Covers
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
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Contents
1. Dallas
2. Audrey
3. Dallas
4. Audrey
5. Dallas
6. Audrey
7. Dallas
8. Audrey
9. Dallas
10. Audrey
11. Dallas
12. Audrey
13. Dallas
14. Audrey
15. Dallas
16. Audrey
17. Dallas
18. Audrey
19. Dallas
20. Audrey
21. Dallas
22. Audrey
23. Audrey
24. Dallas
25. Audrey
26. Dallas
27. Audrey
28. Dallas
29. Dallas
30. Audrey
31. Dallas
32. Audrey
Epilogue
Find My Books
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Chapter One
Dallas
Snowflakes floated down from the night sky, skidding off my windshield as I drove north. I rolled my neck from side to side in a weak attempt to ease the tension bundled there. The digital clock on my dash told me it was past midnight, and I’d not so wisely left Boston when it was already dark for my drive to Maine. Through the darkness, the highway sign loomed. Haven’s Bay showed clearly in the darkness, the light snow doing little to obscure the view. The moment I saw the sign, tension unspooled inside me. Haven’s Bay was the place I went when I needed to get away, although I hadn’t been here in almost four years. It was home in a way that nowhere else was.
A short trip on a side highway and then I was traveling through the quiet downtown. Holiday lights glimmered through the falling snow. The town might as well have been straight out of a postcard with old colonial homes lining its streets, trees decorated with lights and a tall Christmas tree standing in the center of town. No one was around. Hell, who would be at this hour when it was barely above ten degrees outside and snowing?
A winding road led out of town, and I turned off onto another long road. This was past the lovely, manicured part of town where the locals who’d been here for years and years lived. It was a mix of mansions and beach cottages. Lobstermen and fishermen rubbed elbows with the wealthy in Haven’s Bay. The common link was their love of the ocean, their family’s roots here in Maine, and the hardiness to stand strong through the harsh winters.
I passed by a car half in the ditch. I slowed to check to see if anyone needed help, but whoever had slid off the road was gone. I figured someone else had come along to help.
Despite the cold, I rolled my window down, savoring the salty scent of the ocean rushing through the window. I turned down a familiar driveway. I was about halfway down when my headlights illuminated a figure walking down the drive. My focus had been hazy because I was absorbing the feeling of coming home. Otherwise, I’d have noticed the lone pair of footprints along the side of the drive sooner. Everything sharpened. Aside from desperately needing a break from work, I was here in Haven’s Bay for a reason. An old family friend had asked me to check on their home over the holidays. There’d been a rash of burglaries in the area in recent months.
I slowed to a stop beside the person, rolling down the passenger side window.
“Excuse me, you’re…”
I meant to tell the person they were trespassing. My words petered out when I saw who it was. My heart lunged, and my mouth fell open.
“Audrey, what the hell are you doing here?”
I swung into action, climbing out quickly and walking around to her. So many questions tumbled through my mind, I didn’t know where to start. I took the heavy bag she had clutched in her hands.
“Dallas?”
“Yup. It’s me. I’m sure I have more questions than you, but let’s get you inside.”
She was covered in snow and visibly shivering despite her fluffy down jacket. Worry rolled through me. It made no sense for her to be walking through the snow in the dark, much less for her to be here. I surmised the car in the ditch belonged to her. She didn’t resist when I opened the passenger door and all but shoved her inside. Once I was back in the driver’s seat, I cranked the heat up, flicked the interior light on, and looked over at her.
She pushed her hood back with a sigh and turned toward me. Her dark brown hair was damp on the ends, and her hazel eyes looked weary in the soft light. My entire body tightened. I hadn’t seen her in five years, and she was as beautiful as ever. With her wide eyes, her high cheekbones, her slightly crooked nose that tipped up at the end, and her lush, full mouth, she was an odd combination of regal and endearing. Oh, and sexy as hell.
I knew where she was supposed to be and where everyone believed her to be, and it most certainly wasn’t here in Haven’s Bay. It was her father who had asked me to come check on their family home. Her family had long since moved away from here year-round, yet they’d kept the home. I’d grown up just down the street. Our families had been friends until my family blew to bits, but that was another story. Right now, I knew Audrey was supposed to be in Italy on a skiing vacation with her fiancé. In fact, her father, Warren Edwards, had mentioned just last night they’d miss her for the holidays.
“Hi Dallas,” Audrey said, her words falling softly through the hum of the heaters blowing over us.
She peeled off her gloves and held her hands in front of the heat, her gaze dropping from mine.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in Italy?”
She looked back at me. Bitterness and pain flashed in the depths of her eyes. She swallowed, the sound audible in the small space of the car.
“I’m not.”
“Clearly.”
I waited. I was very good at waiting. I also didn’t mind silence, no matter how tense it was. This helped immensely in my job as an FBI agent. Most of the time, I loved my job. I savored the chance to sit down with criminals in the interview room and outwait them through the heavy silence until we talked in circles to the heart of whatever dark matter they were tangled within. My skill in interviews and in leading investigations had gotten me promoted quickly through the ranks. This past year had worn on me as I’d overseen an ugly web of an investigation related to human trafficking. My specialty was in untangling financial fraud and money laundering cases. Sometimes following the money led to very sad places.
Right now, the small mystery of why Audrey wasn’t in Italy swept the cobwebs of those worries out of my mind. I welcomed something else to fill the space.
“I found out he was seeing someone else,” she said, her tone level and flat, as if she was consciously wiping it clean of emotion.
Anger scored through me—hard and fast.
“Matthew was seeing someone else?” I asked, my calm, controlled tone belying the fury I felt inside.
I’d fucking hunt him down and make him pay. Later though. Not now. Not with Audrey sitting beside me, pain coming off of her in waves. I sensed it because I knew her. Too well for my own good.
She was almost always level and controlled. Once, only once, had I seen her let go of her precious control. No matter how hard I’d tried to shove that memory away, it was rather insistent. Audrey was forbidden to me, or so I’d convinced myself. I also wanted her more than any woman. Ever. I’d pushed her away because I’d felt I must. Her family meant too much to me. Five years ago when she was home for the summer from college, I’d let things go too far. We’d come so close to fucking, it had taken more discipline than I’d known I had to put a stop to it. She’d been glorious when she let go. I vividly remembered the feel of her slick channel pulsing around my fingers. I gave myself a hard mental shake.
She nodded, her gaze fixed out the window. There was nothing to see but the snow falling softly, and the wind occasionally sending it in little swirls in the darkness.
“He’s a fucking idiot.”
She looked back at me, weariness lining her features, and lifted one shoulder in a graceful shrug. “It doesn’t really matter. Can we get to the house?”
There were so many things I wanted to say, but she was clearly exhausted. That much was obvious. I nodded quickly and started driving. When I said the driveway was long, I meant it. It was almost a full mile long. I used those moments until we reached the half-circle at the end to rein in my fury at Matthew. I needed to pummel the guy, and even then I’d still be angry. Yet, that anger wouldn’t do much for Audrey, and Matthew was nowhere near here.
That was another thing I was good at—compartmentalizing. Tucking emotions and details away to save for when the time was right.
I rolled to a stop in front of the house. It might’ve been five years since I’d seen it, but it was just as I’d remembered. A charming cottage with trees clustered to one side and a lawn stretching behind it. I would be able to see the ocean waves crashing against the rocky shoreline in the morning.
“Wait here,” I said before hopping out and jogging through the snow on the front walkway.
I kicked my boots on the threshold as I stepped inside. I quickly turned on some lights and the heat. Spinning to head back outside, I found Audrey dragging her bag out of the back of my SUV. I snagged it from her.
“So much for waiting,” I said, hoping to annoy her.
She straightened and rolled her eyes. Perfect. I’d rather her be annoyed than see that bitter, sad look in her eyes just now.
I grabbed my bag out of the back, hooking them both in one hand. She walked alongside me, kicking at the snow on the slate walkway with her boots.
In short order, we were inside. She went upstairs to shower, while I took stock of what was available in the kitchen.
I spun around when I heard footsteps. Audrey stood there, her glossy brown hair falling around her shoulders. She wore a faded sweatshirt and cotton pants that clung to her curves.
My cock twitched, and I ignored it. Just because I wanted Audrey and had ever since she’d been old enough for me to think about her that way didn’t mean I could have her.
She crossed her arms and eyed me.
“Tell me why you don’t want me,” she said, her eyes flashing and dark.
Her question was so out of the blue I was unprepared. A bolt of lust hit me so hard, it nearly buckled my knees. Thank fuck I was standing beside the counter.
Chapter Two
Audrey
Dallas Tate stood before me—in all of his ridiculous, sexy glory—and opened and closed his mouth, his hand curling around the edge of the counter.
Good. I’d rattled him. That was no easy feat.
Dallas had starred in far too many of my fantasies. Once, only once, had he given me the slightest clue he might want me as much as I wanted him. The clue involved the best orgasm I’d ever had, thanks to his expert fingers. But no sex. Right when I’d reached for the buttons on his jeans, he’d shoved me away so fast, I literally fell off the bed.
Without a word, he’d left the room. I hadn’t spoken to him for a full year after that. I’d been visiting my parents one summer between semesters in college and scrounged up the nerve to finally do something about the pent up desire I felt for him. Dallas had been the older boy-next-door all through my childhood. He was almost a decade older than me and so tempting, I’d have done just about anything to have him. But he’d made it crystal clear he didn’t want me. Thanks to his family moving away, I’d rarely seen him. In fact, except for one brief encounter the following summer, I don’t think I’d seen him until now. Five long years since my best orgasm.
I’d told myself I had to move on. So I had. Or rather, I’d convinced myself I had. I’d finished college and then law school. I’d dated here and there and gotten engaged, thinking I should. Matthew had been so charming. Clear-eyed, I knew I’d never experienced the white-hot passion with him that I’d felt with Dallas, but I’d talked myself into thinking that was a fluke, that I’d overblown my recollection of how I’d felt about Dallas. Seeing Dallas now for the first time in years was a brutal reminder of how foolish I was.
I was all a muddle inside. I was furious at Matthew and so mortified. Just my luck to get engaged to a cheating asshole. Even worse, I’d broken up with Matthew a month ago. He’d begged me to reconsider and persuaded me not to formally call off the wedding. Then, I’d walked in on him fucking one of my friends. Maybe it made no sense, but Matthew doing what he did had brought my thoughts full circle to Dallas.
Why, oh why, did I have this terrible habit of falling for guys who didn’t want me? Dallas held the highest stature in that regard. He was the pinnacle of unavailable and not interested as far as I was concerned. I’d conveniently forgotten just how much I wanted him. For example, tonight. He pulled up beside me in the snow. I was cranky, upset and exhausted. One look at him, and I wanted to climb in his lap and ride him. It didn’t matter how tired I was.
Instead, he treated me like family. Like he always had. I knew it didn’t make sense to stomp down here and demand answers, but I wanted them. Maybe if I knew why Dallas couldn’t be bothered with me, then I could figure out what it was about me that came up short.
“Well?” I asked, staring at Dallas and hoping he couldn’t tell I was flushed.
Oh. My. God. He was too hot. With his black hair damp from the snow, his piercing blue eyes locked to mine, and his face looking like a damn sculptor’s dream with his square jaw, his blade of a nose and his lips with that dimple in the middle, it just wasn’t fair. His sleeves were rolled up, one forearm boldly decorated with a stark, black tattoo. He carried a day’s shadow, the dark stubble only adding a dash of roguishness to the whole picture.
He was quiet for a few beats before his shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath.
“Mind telling me where this is coming from?”
“Me. It’s coming from me,” I snapped. “Don’t try your annoying interview diversionary tactics on me. I’m not some criminal you’re investigating. I have one question, and it’s quite simple.”
“That wasn’t a question. It was more like an order,” he countered, his lips curling at one corner.
My belly flipped, and heat rolled through me. I’d forgotten how potent Dallas was. Time and distance had faded the memory of what it was like to be near him. His presence was so powerful, my body lit up inside whenever he was near.
I realized I was drifting inside. I narrowed my eyes. “Fine. It was an order. Explain,” I said, circling my hand in the air.
“Audrey, I haven’t seen you in…”
“Four years,” I added helpfully.
“Can we just have some dinner and…”
Emotions were roiling inside of me, little earthquakes of all kinds of feelings rocking me. Anger mingling with insecurity colliding with pain and tangling with desire. Matthew’s betrayal was enough to deal with. Yet, in a strange way, my feelings about that were straightforward—I was angry, but I’d get over it. Dallas stirred up a storm inside of me—too many years of longing, fierce desire, the sting of his rejection, and the wish I didn’t want him the way I did.
“No. We can’t just… whatever. I’m tired and I’m upset. I just found out my fiancé is fucking someone else, and I want to know why. What’s wrong with me? I’m not enough for him, and I obviously wasn’t enough for you. I want to know why!”
