Black of Hearts, page 9
part #12 of Quentin Black Mystery Series
That one wasn’t quiet.
It wasn’t particularly subtle, either.
I glanced up at him, quirking an eyebrow, and he shook his head, muttering something in a language I didn’t know.
We were still jogging down the crevasse, although it had widened where we were. Black and I were back to running more or less side-by-side, followed by A.J., Michelle, Reuben, Jake, and Holo, with Cowboy, Mika, Angel, Wu, Luce, Ace, and Dex directly ahead. All of us were soaked in sweat, both from the desert air and the length of time we’d been at this pace.
It definitely wasn’t the time to get into it with Black.
Even if it increasingly felt like he was spoiling for a fight.
Anyway, I could guess what his problem was.
You don’t have to fucking guess, Black grumbled in my mind. You can just fucking ask me. Anyway, your guess is right.
Which one? I sent back drily.
His thoughts contained even less humor than mine.
The one where I find it ironic and mildly hilarious that you’re worried about Kiko around vampires, when she has others with her, we’ve got comm contact, we have drones, we’re relatively close, I’m in the loop… but you went to meet with Brick alone, right after Nick attacked you, going behind my goddamned back, without backup, with no one at all in the loop, and after you in fact drugged me with a fucking horse tranquilizer so I wouldn’t even hear if you screamed for help––
I nodded, deadpan.
Ah. That guess.
He gave me a hard look.
“Not funny, Miriam,” he muttered.
We were both still jogging, but I grabbed his arm, gripping his bare skin between where he wore dark gloves and an armored, short-sleeved shirt under a Kevlar vest.
Hey, I sent, my thoughts harder. Can you remember what I said before? Can we not do this out here? Can we at least get Kiko home first?
“We are,” he growled softly. “We are getting her home.”
At my silence, I saw his jaw harden.
“We are,” he repeated, glancing at me. “And we’re good, doc. I’m not going to dredge all that shit up again, not like I did on Urtre. You’re right. We talked it through, and we’re good. But you have to admit, it’s a little fucking different now, being back here.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, but only nodded.
It was different.
When he wouldn’t return my gaze, but just increased his pace through the narrow passageway, I let it go.
Even so, I found myself looking at him.
Most of his expression wasn’t visible to me––by him looking away, by the shadow of the cliffs, by the mirrored sunglasses he wore, by the motion of our different leg-lengths and paces. Still, I could see enough of him to know he was, like me, fighting in some way to stay level, to “land” back in this dimension.
He seemed to be doing better with it than me, though.
On him, even more than on me, and despite his words about us being “good,” I could feel the immediacy of what Nick had done in his light, and not only to Kiko. I could feel the immediacy of my betrayal when I went to meet Brick.
I could also feel a good chunk of it wasn’t even about Nick, not anymore.
There was something else going on with him.
Possibly even something organic.
Whatever the full story there, it wasn’t really about me.
Again, Black swore under his breath, giving me a disbelieving look.
What? I sent, frowning back at him. You give me a hard time for not telling you things, but now you’re doing the same damned thing. I know we’re both off-balance, but you’ve been acting positively bizarre to me since we got back… and it’s getting worse, not better. What the hell aren’t you telling me? What is going on?
He stared at me through the mirrored sunglasses.
When I didn’t react, he clicked at me in annoyance.
Gaos, Miri. You can be really fucking dense sometimes.
I tensed, and he waved off my reaction with a scowl.
You know what I mean, he growled in my mind.
Do I? I sent icily.
Yes, he snapped back. For such a smart woman, you can be really fucking dense. Whenever the subject happens to be you… or you and me… or you and whoever… you suddenly lose like a hundred IQ points.
At my openly angry look, he cut me off.
––Especially, for some goddamned reason, when it has anything to do with your safety, your freedom, or even with your goddamned life being in danger.
Seeing me about to answer, he cut me off again.
Hasn’t it occurred to you yet, doc, that other people… Brick, your uncle, the fucking United States military, other countries… might find the fact that you can fucking TELEPORT mildly interesting?
My frown deepened.
Again, he cut off whatever he saw growing in my eyes.
Don’t you think that information might be just the tiniest bit fascinating to the vamps wanting to take down Charles? Or that it might clue your uncle off that you’re a little more valuable… and dangerous… than he previously thought? Too dangerous to be allowed to run free? Or to be in the arsenal of your disobedient and erratic husband?
I frowned, dismissing his words with a shake of my head.
You’re exaggerating, I sent. Nothing’s really changed. Least of all around me.
Feeling a pulse of furious disbelief leave Black’s light, I glared at him.
That time, it was me who cut him off.
Brick was never exactly “safe” to partner with, I reminded him sharply. As for my uncle, you’re assuming he didn’t know I was weird already. Ironic, given that you’ve said from day one that Uncle Charles’ behavior towards me was odd. Especially given I’m a hybrid, not a full-blooded seer.
I squinted up at him, blinded by the glare of sunlight behind his shadowed head as we jogged through the tunnels.
Anyway, how is that any different from you? I sent, without slowing my pace. Our team has definitely noticed changes in your light––
“No,” Black said, his voice hard.
He gave me a hard look, but as he talked angrily under his breath, I honestly wondered if he was talking more to me or to himself.
“You shouldn’t be here,” he growled under his breath. “Honestly, I shouldn’t have let you come. I shouldn’t have let you or Kiko come… but especially you. I knew that. I fucking knew it. I just couldn’t deal with having you out of my sight, and frankly, I couldn’t decide which thing was more dangerous… to leave you alone without me, or bring you with me. For fuck’s sake, we still haven’t even dealt with Solonik. For all I know, that piece of shit’s still in the city, stalking the building on California Street, waiting for me to leave you alone––”
I flinched at the other seer’s name, but Black didn’t seem to notice.
“––Now I wonder if Charles sent Solonik on purpose, and not only because of his sight rank. I wonder if he sent that fucker specifically to freak us out… to freak me out… and to make me afraid of leaving you alone. I wonder if having you here is playing right into Charles’ hands. But I also know leaving you behind might have painted an even bigger target on your chest. With Solonik. Hell, with Nick. Both your ex-boyfriend and your goddamned uncle are fucking with my head, and I have a feeling that’s not exactly unintentional––”
I blinked at him.
“Ex-boyfriend?” I said. “What are you talking about?”
Thinking through his words, I felt my expression harden.
“Are you talking about Nick? Is Nick supposed to be my ex-boyfriend?”
Black’s jaw hardened, right before he shrugged.
“You toyed with dating him. You and I were already involved, and you were still trying to decide if you should date Nick. You kissed him. Hell, you nearly fucked him. Moreover, you told me you and he went on at least one date when you were both in the military––”
“That doesn’t make him my ex-boyfriend,” I snapped, staring at him.
A real anger took over my light as his words sank in.
It grew intense enough that I could barely think. When words came out of me, they were loud. I didn’t even try to hide my anger.
“You know what it sounds like, don’t you, Black? It sounds like you’re still not seeing that rape as an actual, goddamned rape––”
“NO!” Black growled.
His voice was loud, slicing through mine.
He came to a dead stop, fast enough that A.J. and Holo nearly ran into us, skidding in the loose dirt and weaving to get around us in the narrow passage. Black didn’t give them so much as a glance.
He glared down at me, panting, his face beaded with sweat.
“NO, goddamn it!” he snarled. “That’s NOT what it means.”
“Then what the hell are you saying?”
“I’m not saying that!”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I said, panting, but not from exertion. I shoved at his chest with both hands. “What is wrong with you?”
He stared back, his light coiling and sparking around him, especially around his feet. Separation pain hit out at me––anger, hurt, and weirdly, more separation pain.
Looking at him, I could feel that deeper, heavier light of his, the kind that felt like underground rivers of lava, beating, leathery wings, fields of stars so dense the pressure and power of them crushed some part of my lungs and heart into a preternatural stillness.
I felt that part of him, felt it expanding like a cloud of dense fire around both of us, cutting my breath, making my skin hot…
I found myself thinking he was like a fire burning behind closed doors that were about to burst open from the heat and pressure.
He was losing control over his light.
That, or that part of his light was changing too fast for him to be able to even see the difference anymore, or to realize how much it was affecting him.
I remembered his outbursts, how he would flip out when he hit his limits on emotion or charge, or both.
I realized he was there now.
He was on the verge of flipping out.
Here. When we were about to meet up with a bunch of vampires.
I was so far in his light, so tightly bound to him, I hadn’t even seen it.
Realizing we were both just standing there, alone in the narrow passage since the others had gone on ahead, I flushed, realizing they’d heard us.
The others heard those last few things we’d said, and not only the seers.
In my mind’s memory, I saw Holo glance back at me as he jogged past us in the narrow passage. I saw Angel, Cowboy, Dex and Mika gave us looks, glancing at one another with flushed faces as Black and I faced off against one another.
None of them had said anything.
The look in Angel’s eyes was mostly sympathetic, although I couldn’t decide if that sympathy was aimed at me or more at Black, or at both of us equally.
Moreover, we were almost to Kiko and the caves.
We were close to the hatch. I could feel it.
I could feel them, waiting for us.
“We need to calm the fuck down,” I told him, realizing he was listening to me think. “We need to calm the fuck down, okay? We’re worse here. Maybe because of my Uncle’s fucked-up constructs… maybe because of what’s happening here, with the vampires and Uncle Charles. Whatever it is, we’re not okay.”
“No shit, we’re not okay!” Black burst out, staring at me. “You’re still mad at me! You don’t trust me. You think I don’t care about you. You think I’m going to fuck your sister, for gaos sake! Worse, you only came back here because of me. You wanted to stay on Urtre, with my goddamned cousin––”
“Black.”
I grabbed his arms, tightening my grip when he tried to pull away. I fought to hold his gaze even though I couldn’t see his actual eyes through the mirrored sunglasses.
“Calm down,” I said. “Calm down, okay?”
Looking at him, watching him breathe hard through the armored shirt and Kevlar vest, I fought the impulse to snatch the mirrored sunglasses off his face.
Instead, I fought to ground myself, to control my light.
“We need to calm down,” I said, knowing my voice still held an edge, even as I said it. “Both of us need to breathe… to calm down. This is what they warned us about. Back on Urtre, remember? They warned us this would happen. Your cousin. Allie. Balidor. Zarat. They said we’d be volatile when we got back here. They said that’s why I started teleporting. It’s why you’ve had the weird stuff with the…”
I trailed.
Glancing forward in the tunnel, I lowered my voice, motioning vaguely towards his shoulders with one hand.
“…the wings,” I said, soft. “And the tail. And the crazy shit that you were able to do on that island. They warned us. Remember? They said we’d be volatile. They said you’d be volatile. They said you could even be dangerous, if I didn’t help you control it.”
When he scowled, shaking his head, I gripped him with both hands.
“Hey,” I said. “We can’t turn on each other, Black. We can’t. Everything you said about me just now? That’s pure paranoia. You get that, right? Underneath the fear… you get that’s not real?”
His jaw clenched.
He shocked me then, removing the sunglasses.
I got a bare glimpse of his too-bright, gold-flecked irises before he wiped them with the back of his hand and his fingers, clenching his jaw as he stood next to me. The muscles of his arms and shoulders were so tense, they looked like they were made of rock.
“Black,” I said, softer. “Hey. We can do this. Whatever this is… they said it would be temporary. They said my light would help yours, and vice-versa. When you start feeling like this, try to remember to merge more into my light. Try not to let the paranoia get so bad that you close to me. Okay?”
As I said it, I tried to put more of my light into his.
The relief I felt off him when I did cut my breath.
His light flooded into mine in the next set of seconds, intensely enough that my face flushed, my whole body softening to the point where I was leaning on him.
The relief on him grew stronger.
It also grew more overtly sexual… as did his light.
“Gaos,” he said, letting out a half-gasp as he leaned into me. “You’ve been keeping me at arm’s length since we got back here. I didn’t even realize how much. You close that part of yourself like a goddamned steel vault, and a part of me panics. I freak the fuck out. I don’t even know why I’m freaking out. Not until I’m already a complete mess––”
“No, I haven’t,” I said, frowning, shaking my head. “I haven’t been keeping you out.”
“The fuck you haven’t,” he growled.
He opened his eyes, staring at me.
“The fuck you haven’t, Miri,” he repeated, gripping me tighter. “You want me to tell you what’s going on? What’s bothering me? Then you need to stop pretending this doesn’t happen with us on a semi-regular basis. You need to stop pretending you don’t shut me out whenever you get nervous or overwhelmed, or just don’t want me to know how you feel––”
“No,” I said, still shaking my head. “No, Black.”
He stared at me, his gold eyes now holding disbelief.
“You’re really going to deny this?” His voice lowered to a growl. “You’re doing it right now, Miriam. Right. Fucking. Now––”
“You just said you didn’t notice when I did it!”
“I didn’t notice!” he snapped. “That’s my fucking point! We’re in such a damned habit with this, I don’t notice until I start being a full-blown asshole to you… or you start pulling away from me to the point where I literally can’t ignore it. I can see it now because I’m standing right next to you. I’m literally standing here, watching you do it. When we got back from Urtre, I was too scrambled to notice much of anything––”
“Hey.”
At the new voice, Black and I froze.
Slowly, we turned our heads.
Cowboy stood there, looking distinctly not-pleased with having to interrupt us. He looked between us, his gray eyes holding something between caution, worry, annoyance for having to stand there, and what might be an apology.
“Sorry to bust this up,” he said. “But we got company coming. We’re all at the hatch. It’s close. Just a hundred yards or so from here. They’re waiting for us.”
His eyes shifted to Black, still uncomfortable.
“Kiko’s fine, brother,” he said. “She’s waiting for us. But the others won’t go down there. Not without you two.”
He motioned towards me, his face still overly flushed.
Black’s jaw hardened.
Giving me a bare glance, he grimaced, then shoved his sunglasses into a breast pocket, extricating his arms from my hands. He didn’t quite push me aside, but I moved out of his path anyway, almost as if some part of his light pushed me instead.
Watching him walk towards Cowboy, I had to fight the sudden impulse to cry.
Fear rose in my chest as the impulse worsened.
We shouldn’t be out here, my more logical mind told me.
Whatever else I didn’t know about what was going on with the two of us, that much was clear. We definitely shouldn’t be out here. Neither of us was in any state to be out here, and we were getting worse.
Even as I thought it, Black disappeared around a slight bend in the passage ahead.
Before I could pull my shit together though, or start to go after them…
Everything ripped apart around me.
7
Silence
THE SKY WAS BLUE overhead.
I stood there, gearing up to follow Black.
I watched him turn that corner in the narrow rock passage. I fought a pain in my chest and my gut, a pain I suddenly realized I’d been suppressing for a while, maybe even before we went to Urtre… maybe since the night Nick attacked me on that roof.
Irrationally, I wanted sex.
The fact that I could even think about that right then disturbed me.
Things hadn’t been quite right with the two of us in that area either, though.
