A Cook's Tale, page 16
part #2 of Centauri Survivors Second Chance Series
Gamin wasted no time in planting his mouth over Erron’s.
This was no fatherly kiss. Greedy and unexpected, it heated at once, flavored by need and plundering his senses with the familiar qualities uniquely Gamin. His large firm hands slid upward into Erron’s hair, holding his head in place as if Erron might bolt given the opportunity. As if he would. Every doubt he’d had of what Gamin meant to him burned away with the fierce demand singing through the full lips on his, the forceful tongue licking along his own. A moan filled the room. It shocked Erron to know it was his own. Gamin’s beard scrubbed Erron’s skin with a ferocious bite as the fevered embrace tightened, but the sensation fluttered somewhere closer to heaven. He floated on euphoric bliss as the kiss softened. Gamin pulled back slowly, his hungry eyes locked on Erron’s mouth, the tip of his tongue tracing the lingering taste along his own bottom lip.
“I should have done that a long time ago.” Gamin’s speech was breathy and heated.
“Why didn’t you?”
Gamin’s forehead furrowed as he shook his head. “I don’t know if I can explain it.”
“I know about Niven, Gamin.” Shock etched across Gamin’s face. “You became so upset when I said his name, and everyone was so secretive. I needed to know who he was. I wanted to know how to help you. I couldn’t stand to see you hurting so badly.” Erron reached up and caressed the unshaven jawline. “That’s why you panicked when we woke up together that night? Because of him?”
“In a way.” Gamin’s features twisted as he forced out his explanation. “I was dreaming of you, and then I woke up with you under me. In the bed I shared with Niven. No one had been there since he died. It was like I had cheated on my husband. I didn’t handle it well. Well…you know. You were there.
“It was bad enough how much I worried when you went to the poker game. I know what those can be like, especially one of Priest’s. I felt like it was wrong to be with you, but I didn’t want you with anyone else. Does that make sense?”
“Yes. To me it does. Although, loving Niven doesn’t mean you never get to be happy again.”
Gamin combed his fingers through Erron’s hair. “Niven’s been gone for over three years. I will never stop missing him, but it doesn’t mean I can’t love you just as much.”
“I wish you’d said something.”
“I didn’t get the chance. By the time I sorted my head out enough to talk about it, you announced you’d started seeing James and Barrus.”
It really was about the timing, wasn’t it? Erron didn’t regret the time he spent with James and Barrus, except for the breakup, because it gave him the self-confidence to survive the damage Toby had inflicted. What would it have been like if Gamin had had his chance instead? What different chain of events might they have lived? Had the same drama been destined to repeat itself forever but perhaps in different ways? There was no way to be sure, but one factor couldn’t be ignored.
“Before I say anything else, I have to say this.” Erron took a deep breath to marshal his nerve. “Your drinking scares me, Gamin. I have enough reason to be self-destructive without you doing it around me.”
“I know. It’s a habit I picked up when Niven died. I’d always been a drinker before, but I was hurting so bad, I learned a whole new level of escapism. After I got back on my feet, I told myself I was fine, but I still have trouble coping with major issues.”
Gamin closed his eyes and let out a deep exhale. “When you came on board, it dug up a lot of conflicts for me. I wanted to protect you and I wanted to keep you all for myself. It didn’t take long before I needed a drink because I didn’t know how to handle the stress. Then I had to watch you with the two of them. It only got worse.”
“They treated me well, Gamin.”
“I know. That didn’t make it any better.”
Slowly, he opened his eyes, and Erron saw the bottomless wells of sorrow. Thick with shame, Gamin’s words continued to become coarser with every syllable he uttered.
“I tried to tell myself I was fine until I saw how much it bothered you when we were on Datham, especially after you told me about your mother. That’s why I stopped a few days before the whole thing in the mess hall. I knew you were trying to say I needed some help. Doc Bosch has me on the addiction-treatment protocol. I was planning to talk to you about it after the dinner service, before everything went to hell. I am so sorry you ever had to take care of me when I was that far under the influence. You should have never had to help me to bed that night.”
Can anyone’s DNA open anyone else’s quarters?
“I don’t want you to go, Erron. I want you here. I want you to be my family forever.”
Family? That sounded wonderful. Everything Gamin said was everything he’d always wanted to hear. Then why were the doctor’s words salting the moment?
The only other way I can think of is if a blood relative keyed open the door.
Erron stiffened and his eyes grew wide as he chanted, “No. No. No. No. No. This is so wrong, Gamin.”
“What do you mean?” Gamin gripped tightened as Erron thrashed to get free. His voice rose and he slapped at Gamin’s body with his weak hands, his mind racing. He was so close. The universe couldn’t be this unfair, could it?
“I can’t do this.”
“What’s going on?”
“Let go of me!”
Gamin gave Erron a shake, breaking his growing hysteria. “Erron, what are you talking about?”
Erron froze, his body quaking as his halting voice gasped out of him. “I think you’re my father.”
Gamin’s hold relaxed, but Erron lost the will to flee once the words were out. Barely whispers, they held such oppressive power. Never had an idea hit Erron with such a physical force. It stole his breath. Gamin stood unmoving, his blank expression telling nothing. He blinked several times, as if unable to accept the information.
“No, Erron. I’m not.” Gamin continued to shake his head.
“But my hand opened your door that night. Only a blood relative can do that. The doctor said so.” Erron dipped his head down. He couldn’t look Gamin in the eye if the man was going to lie to him. “That explains why you left all those years ago. That’s what you and Mom argued about, isn’t it?”
“Erron. First, I am not your father. I never touched your mother. Ever. Even with as much partying we did back then, it never happened. I had Liam add your DNA scan to my quarters about a week after we left Alpha Centauri. I trusted you with everything back in the day and I still do. Second, that is not what the argument was about the last time I spoke to your mom.”
This disaster was flaring into something hot. “Then you’d better start explaining quick if you expect me to believe you.”
Gamin stepped back, gripping Erron’s arms, and directed him to sit down on the edge of the bed. Being moved around without a word was not improving Erron’s mood. Gamin sat next to him, let out a generous sigh, and began.
“The day your mother and I had our fight, you were about nineteen. You came out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around your waist and I realized you weren’t the little boy I watched grow up anymore. You were a grown man.” Gamin paused and wet his lips. “A very…attractive grown man.
“Your mother must have noticed me staring a little too long because as soon as you were out of the room, she fucking lit into me. She was beyond pissed off. She accused me of being a pedophile and said I was helping her rear her child until I got my chance to bed you down as soon as you were old enough.
“I got so angry. I said a lot of ugly things too. I told her the reason she kept fucking losers was that she really wanted me, and there wasn’t enough alcohol in the cluster to get me to go where so many men had gone before. Those were just the highlights.”
Erron winced. “Ouch.”
“When I left and began to calm down, I started believing what she said about me and you. Why else would my best friend say something like that to me? They’re supposed to know you better than yourself, right? I couldn’t face either one of you, so I stayed away. I didn’t contact her. She didn’t contact me. You guys were my only family, so then I didn’t have much of anyone. It was a lonely time in my life. By the time I finally admitted to myself she was wrong—that I was not some child predator—the civil war broke out and everything just drifted.”
“Then who is my father?”
Gamin frowned. “Some joker named Larry she met at the pub. I didn’t like him from the moment they met, but she refused to listen. As usual. He was a loser, and when he found out she was pregnant, he ran off. It was a two-week fling. She didn’t want anything from him other than you, so she never spoke to him again. Last I heard, he died years ago in some freak transport accident. I’m sorry.”
Erron leaned forward and rested his head on Gamin’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Mom told me as much, but I didn’t really believe her because I didn’t like the story. Looks like she was telling me the truth.”
“Yes, she was.” Gamin stroked his hand along the small of Erron’s back.
“It’s not important who he was. You were the closest thing to a father I had back in those days.” Erron grimaced. “Let’s not talk about where this is going in comparison. It’s a little too ancient-Greek tragedy for me right now.”
Gamin chuckled. “All right. If it helps, after not seeing you for so long, when you boarded the ship, I stopped thinking of myself as your father-type and more of your daddy-type.”
The hard blush in Erron’s cheeks set his face on fire. “So what do we do now?”
“First, you eat up. You need your strength.” Gamin urged Erron back to the desk and his uneaten meal. “When the ship lands in Alpha Centauri, we’re spending our five days in port getting to know each other the way we should have from the point you set foot on board.”
Smiling the whole time, he worked his way to the bottom of the bowl, while Gamin unpacked Erron’s crate and put everything back. Most items ended up in the wrong place, but Erron wasn’t about to complain. The universe was finally in alignment, granting him a positive event in the midst of the strife.
“Finished?” Gamin asked.
Erron nodded.
Gamin rolled back the chair and hoisted Erron upright into his arms. “Do you trust me?”
Erron nodded again.
“Good. Come with me.” Gamin released Erron and stepped back, offering him his hand. Accepting it, Erron ignored the suspicion glazing his thoughts. With a careful step, Gamin touched the door control and led them into the hallway.
“Where are we going?” Erron swiveled his head, looking down both directions for passersby.
“Showers.”
“What?” A skewer of panic drove itself into Erron’s chest.
“We’re both in dire need.”
Erron dug in his heels. “Wait.” Despite being stronger, Gamin stopped at the first resistance.
“What’s the matter?”
“I…I…” Images of others, of pointed fingers and hysterical laughter burst through Erron’s head. Deep down, he knew it was irrational, but the fear had its claws in him.
“What are you scared of?”
“I’m…” Erron dipped his head toward the floor when he couldn’t complete the sentence.
Gamin closed the gap and lifted Erron’s head with a gentle coaxing to his chin. “When we first launched and you were terrified to leave Alpha Centauri, I promised to take care of you. Remember?”
“Yes.”
“That hasn’t changed.” Gamin placed a light kiss on Erron’s lips. “I’m going to do a better job now that I have you. I want the chance to learn your body so we can make the most of our shore leave. Come with me. Please.”
Erron shuddered at the concept. The idea of being cared for by Gamin pushed back the haunting thoughts. Not erasing them, but shunting their screams out of the forefront. Gamin didn’t ask again, only stood waiting as he dropped another patient kiss on Erron’s lips. Trust was something Erron held for Gamin as long as his memory existed. There was no reason to divert from their history.
“Okay.”
The walk to the lockers and showers was short, but Erron still winced at every sound, afraid of running into a crew member who might stop and gawk. Gamin took his time, letting Erron’s slow gait set the pace. The lack of onlookers comforted him as Gamin selected a locker near the shower entrance. Gamin kicked off his shoes and untied his dirty apron, then dropped it on the nearby bench.
The sounds of running water renewed Erron’s anxious pulse. They weren’t alone. The fear threatened to resurface until Erron recognized what was happening in front of him. With a slow move, Gamin gathered the edge of his shirt, lifted it, and peeled it off, centimeter by centimeter. They’d been in the showers at the same time before, but this was different. Gamin’s smoldering eyes never wavered away from Erron. It was a show for his benefit.
And Erron liked the show.
A pair of swollen nipples begged to be suckled, peeking out from the salt-and-pepper whorls of hair shaping Gamin’s wide chest. Mesmerized, Erron followed the line of fur covering the swell of his firm belly. Gamin snapped open his pants, teasing at a hint of what lay hidden beneath the mound of his fly. He slid his hands into the waistline and skimmed the clothing down over his thick thighs. The sight of the meaty appendage flopping free made Erron gasp. Stepping out of his pants, Gamin stood tall before Erron in his full majesty.
Broad and strong, Gamin lacked the primping and finishing of a fitness fanatic. No tiny waist. No hard crevices defining each individual muscle and sinew. It didn’t matter. Big and barrel-chested, to Erron, Gamin was pure masculinity, solid and all man. Flawless.
The glorious trance broke when Gamin reached for the edge of Erron’s shirt. Frozen in terror, he did nothing as Gamin lifted his shirt up and over his head. Gamin kneeled down and unzipped Erron’s pants, then drew the garment and his underwear down to his ankles, not stopping until Erron was stripped bare.
This was the moment Erron dreaded. Gamin stood upright, his gaze roaming over every square millimeter of Erron’s exposed body. He knew his shoulders no longer sat level, his left side weaker than the right. The lilting stance, and the curl in his limbs, made him asymmetrical in a way Erron could barely stand to look at. How could Gamin?
“You’re so beautiful.”
Erron frowned with doubt. “How can you say that? I’m not what I was.”
“You’re still the same man inside. That’s what I see. It’s always been about wanting you.”
The intensity in Gamin’s confession spoke volumes of truth. There was nothing held back, free for perhaps the first time to voice his needs. And the need was audible. Gamin didn’t seem to care about the frailty of Erron’s body. He didn’t shrink away at the sight. It didn’t diminish the heat in his stare. Gamin wanted Erron and the reality held him dumbfounded. Only the sound of wet feet slapping on the tile broke the moment.
“Evening, Liam,” Gamin said.
Dripping wet and scrubbing a towel over the tight crop of his auburn hair, Liam entered the locker area. The sergeant was enormous, every bulging muscle on full display. Erron kept his head up high even as a new wave of nerves simmered. For the first time ever in his life, it seemed wrong to look at another man’s cock.
“Hey, Gamin.” Liam glanced between the two of them. “It’s really good to see you up and about, Erron.”
“Thanks, Liam.”
“How are you two doing?” Liam stepped over to a nearby locker and dried himself without a hint of modesty, brushing the towel over every hill and valley.
“We’re doing very well. It looks like I’ve managed to convince Erron to stay with us.”
“That’s great! I wasn’t thrilled to hear you were going to leave.”
Erron tried not to stare as Liam slipped a pair of shorts over his round haunches. “Gamin is very persuasive.”
“I’d like to take care of my boy, Liam. If it’s not too much to ask under the circumstances, we could use a little privacy.”
At the words “my boy,” Liam paused and scanned over the two men. A pleasant, nonjudgmental smile brightened his face. “Consider it done.”
Reaching into his pocket, Liam placed a pair of tech in his ears. Tapping its edge, the muffled sounds of music hummed into the room.
Liam spoke far too loud over the noise in his ears. “Take as long as you need.”
Collecting spare towels from the supply closet, Gamin led Erron into the showers, hanging them on hooks to the right of the entrance. Liam took his place in the doorway, giving his back to the tiled room. A human wall, no one was getting past the hulking sergeant. He stared ahead into the locker room, and with the volume raised, it was doubtful he could hear anything.
If Gamin noticed the lurch in Erron’s step, he didn’t say a word as he guided them to a station at the far end of the room, with a light touch at Erron’s waist. After starting the water, Gamin positioned Erron in the spray and wet his head and back. Erron gave into Gamin, allowing him to soak his hair. Gamin gathered a handful of soap and massaged his firm hands into Erron’s scalp, the lather building into lazy streams of foam. It was hard to keep his eyes open, but he didn’t want to miss a moment.
After rinsing Erron clean, Gamin began a new exploration with suds, washing every ounce of flesh within his reach. He paid close attention to everything, giving equal time to Erron’s fingers as well as the small of his back. Each unhurried contact and stroke of Gamin’s hands cleansed away the last of Erron’s doubts. The race of his heart lacked the earlier terror. Want screamed along the edge of Erron’s skin in a way Toby, James, or Barrus never created.
This was right.
Two weeks of sick-bay seclusion under constant monitoring held Erron’s desire in check, assuming he had any as he recovered. Gamin’s caresses brought his libido to life, and given the heated organ jutting against him, the chef was no better off. Turgid and purple, the fat head wept a slippery trail on Erron’s hip, not a product of soap or water. Entranced by its swollen beauty, he reached after it, only to have Gamin snatch his wrist.
