Waiting in the Wings, page 6
part #7 of Off Screen Series
“Shut down in what way?” Emma asked.
“He was distant from all of us. Timid, I guess I would say. Like he was afraid he would cause some tragedy if he disagreed with me over anything or if he reprimanded any of you. Loss does strange things to people sometimes. Losing your parent… Well, Emma, the truth is that most of us see our parents as immortal,” Sherry observed. Emma frowned. “We do,” Sherry said. “Not that we don’t rationally understand they will die, but they have always been there. We don’t know any life without them. And, we learn what we want and don’t want to be as parents from them,” Sherry continued. Emma smiled. “Yeah, know a little bit about that now; don’t you?” Sherry teased.
“Maybe.”
Sherry nodded. “I didn’t understand it myself until I lost my mother,” she said honestly. “It took me a while to be able to put it in any perspective. I don’t think I understood your father until then. Believe me; we had different relationships with our parents. But, your mother is still your mother. I started to think of it like being a lighthouse.”
“What do you mean?” Emma wondered.
“Well, think about it. When a ship sets sail, it counts on having the lighthouse to help it find shore again. It depends on that light in some way to keep it from crashing or drifting too far the wrong way. That’s how I started to think about it. My mom was like the lighthouse that made sure I got home safely. In some way, no matter what home looked like, she was still that beacon guiding me. When she died, Emmie, for a while I felt like I was drifting aimlessly, and I have to tell you it felt like I was going to crash.”
Emma sighed. “I know that I can’t honestly understand. I’m sure that’s true with Addy, but it’s more than that. Somewhere along the way she got it into her head that if she had stayed home, her Mom wouldn’t have died. That’s what I think. She thinks her leaving for school somehow is the cause.”
Sherry shook her head. “I think maybe, Emmie, that what she feels is lost. Still. She didn’t have a beacon again until she found you. You’re her lighthouse. And, one thing I do know, losing your parents changes the type of parent you are. You know what that loss is like, and you feel a weight with your children; wanting them to feel secure and yet needing them to feel safe when you let go. I suspect you are right, being away from you makes Addison feel adrift and afraid. I’m not sure it’s because she feels responsible for her mom’s passing. Maybe she feels she failed because she wasn’t there to spend that time together.”
Emma groaned. “Okay? But, why is she so afraid to go out and do her own thing?”
“Because you are that light, Emma. She never wants to disappoint you or Vicki.”
“You think she thinks she disappointed her mother?”
“I think loss always brings a little piece of guilt and regret. Sometimes we regret what we don’t say or we don’t ask.”
“Her mom has been gone a long time,” Emma said softly.
“And, it still feels like yesterday,” Sherry replied. Emma looked up at her. “It does. Every time she looks at you and Vicki there is a small reminder, Emmie. Trust me on that.”
“I want her to be happy.”
“You want her to be you,” Sherry said.
“No…”
Sherry smiled. “Yes, you do. We all do, sweetheart. That’s what we know. Maybe Addison will learn in time to be more comfortable apart from you. Maybe she won’t. That’s who she is, honey. All you can do is keep loving her. She’s not going anywhere.”
“But, she shouldn’t feel like she can’t do the things she wants to do.”
Sherry nodded. “True,” she agreed.
“You think this was a bad idea?” Emma asked.
“No,” Sherry answered. “I do think she has to find her way, Emma. You can nudge her a bit, but what you really need to be is that lighthouse.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’re not a tug boat. It’s not your job to trudge out into the harbor and pull her back to shore. You’re the steady light that helps her find her way home. Just be that. Just be there. Trust her.”
“It’s not me who doesn’t trust Addy.”
Sherry smiled. “Mm-hm. Maybe you need to think about that a bit, Emmie. You trust her not to betray you. You trust her to love you. Trust her to find her way home. Not just to you,” she said. Sherry patted Emma’s hand and got up from her chair. “I’m going to take a ride into town for a few things. Care to join?”
Emma shook her head. “I think I’m just going to stay here. Maybe I’ll go for a walk down to the pond later or something.”
Sherry nodded. “Sounds like a good idea.”
Emma leaned her head on her hands and sighed. She’d only been in Kansas for two days, and she already missed Addy. “Why am I doing this again?” she muttered just as her cell phone rang. She lifted it and smiled. Addy.
***
Addison waited on the line, hoping Emma would pick up. She would be happy just to hear Emma’s voice. Life with a toddler got crazy at times. Emma was always running after Vicki, and when Addy heard Emma’s voice, she was genuinely surprised.
“Em?”
Emma laughed. “Did you expect someone else? You did call me, remember?”
Addison sighed with relief. “I didn’t really expect you to answer.”
“No?”
“Nah, I figured you’d be off somewhere with your mom and the munchkin.”
“Well, Dad took Vicki to the pond and Mom is off to shop.”
“You stayed home?” Addison asked curiously.
“Yeah. To tell you the truth it’s nice to have a few minutes of solitude,” Emma admitted.
“I’m sorry that I’m stuck here, Em.”
“It’s okay,” Emma replied. “How is it going there?”
“Okay, I guess.”
“Just okay?” Emma asked. “From what I read, it looks like you have a great script. You’ve got terrific people on board…”
“Yeah, I know…”
“Addy?”
“I wish you were here,” Addison told Emma.
“Well, you’ll be here in another week.”
“I’m sorry about the other day,” Addison apologized.
Emma smiled and looked at the phone in her hands before responding. Addison had been less than thrilled with Emma’s departure. She’d been irritable, and that had carried over to their brief phone conversations the last two days. Emma hadn’t taken any of it to heart. She had expected that Addison might get testy as the time for Emma’s trip home approached.
“It’s all right,” Emma replied.
“No, it isn’t. You didn’t deserve my bitchiness.”
“It’s okay, Addy,” Emma repeated her assurance. “Come on, tell me what’s going on?”
“I’d rather hear about what you’ve been doing.”
“Eating, sleeping, and for whatever crazy reason watching Scooby Doo with my father and Sprout.”
Addison chuckled. “Your dad is a cartoon addict.”
“I know. Weird. So? How are things going?”
“Good,” Addison said. “On track for the most part. A couple of minor snags.”
“Oh? Such as?”
“Typical stuff, Em. You know the drill. Jillian Dorn backed out last night.”
“What?” Emma’s voice rose an octave. Jillian Dorn had been slated to play a former Hollywood starlet who was vying for the newly single Jack in the Off Screen reboot.
Addison cringed on the other line. “Health issue, Em. Not her fault, but it could delay filming. And, hell… You know what that can mean. Jeff promised the network a rough cut by the end of next month. I have no idea how long it will take to replace her. Jeff’s been putting out some feelers, but… It’s gotta fit with Sandra, you know?”
“Christie.”
“What?” Addison asked.
“Call Christie. She’s between projects, so to speak.”
Addison was blown over by the suggestion. Christie Shelton was a talented actor. She was also one of Emma’s closest friends and Tamara’s fiancée. Addison would never have considered calling Christie about the part.
“Addy? Did you hear me?”
“Yeah. Christie? Em, do you really think…”
“Christie’s great, Addy. She would rock that part,” Emma said affectionately.
Addison sighed heavily. Christie was great. “Do you think she wants to play a lesbian? I mean, Em… She’s gone out of her way to avoid any part like that.”
Emma knew what Addison was referring to. Coming out publicly had been a harder decision for Christie than it had been for Emma. Emma understood all of the reasons, and she also understood Christie’s reluctance to take on lesbian roles. The last thing any actor wanted was to be placed in a box. And, there were legitimate reasons to fear that repercussion.
“You won’t know if you don’t ask her,” Emma said. She heard Addison sigh and chuckled. “You want me to give her a call?” she suggested.
Addison closed her eyes. “You don’t have to, Em. I know that you don’t want to get involved…”
“No. I never said that, Addy. I said that I don’t want to be on screen, and I do not want to commit to any projects right now. I never said that I didn’t want to be involved.”
Addison thought for a minute. Emma’s definitive declaration that she would not sign on to any projects as an actor had been just that. Addison had never considered that there were other ways that Emma could contribute.
“I’m an idiot sometimes,” Addison mumbled.
“What? Addy? Do you want me to? Call Christie, I mean?”
“You think she might do it?” Addison asked.
“I don’t know. I do know that the only way to find out is to ask.”
“I love you, you know?”
Emma laughed. “Miss me, huh?”
“More than you know,” Addison said honestly.
“I’m a phone call away.”
“Not the same thing,” Addison said. It wasn’t. Emma knew that too. “You know, if you had been here, I would have had this solved hours ago. At least, I would have had some ideas.”
Emma smiled at the compliment. “You don’t give yourself enough credit,” she said. “You’ve maneuvered more upheavals than I can count without any help from me.”
“Not true,” Addison disagreed. “I always had you there.”
“Still do,” Emma said. “I’ll give her a call; okay?”
Addison decided it was time for a change in subject. “How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Good,” Emma said. “A little tired,” she admitted. “But good.”
“Good. I just wanted…”
“I know, to hear my voice. Didn’t expect to have to hold a conversation, huh?” Emma joked.
“No,” Addison confessed. “But, I’m glad that we did.”
“Me too. I’ll call you tonight so Sprout can say hello.”
“Mm. What about the seedling?” Addison asked.
Emma laughed. “Seedling?”
“Well, it goes with Sprout,” Addison pointed out.
“Uh-huh.
“You know, King…”
“Goodbye, Addy,” Emma kept laughing.
“You know; it would be…”
“Goodbye, Addy,” Emma repeated. “I’ll talk to you tonight,” she said and disconnected the call.
Addison grinned. A short conversation with Emma had left her feeling a thousand pounds lighter; at least, it did for the moment. She snickered and typed a short message.
Emma picked up her phone when it buzzed again:
Think about it. If you let me get a dog, we won’t have to name our son King.
Emma rolled her eyes. For some reason, Addison wanted a dog. Emma could not begin to imagine why.
If you bring home a dog, the only thing you’ll be naming is the car you’ll be sleeping in.
Addison picked up her phone and laughed. “I do miss you, Em.”
Chapter Five
One Week Later
“Hey,” Addison called across the hallway. Sandra turned and smiled. “Hey, Brody!” Addison crouched down to the toddler.
“He’s a little restless,” Sandra commented.
Addison laughed. “Oh, I don’t know anything about that.”
“So? Emma’s expecting again, I hear,” Sandra replied.
Addison picked up Brody and beamed. “Yep.”
“Too bad you’re so miserable about it,” Sandra laughed.
Addison shrugged while Brody played with her ponytail. “Yeah, well, I was surprised it happened so quickly to tell you the truth. But, it’s good. Emma didn’t want the kids to be too far apart in age. This one will be more than three years younger than Vicki. I doubt she’ll want to wait all that long the next time.”
“The next time?”
Addison laughed. “Well, I know she’d like three. Which is strange. I hate the idea of a middle kid, but she was one of three, and I guess she kind of liked it that way,” Addison explained. Sandra nodded. “Hey, listen, I know you are bummed about Em not being on board with this project.”
“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t hoped she would be,” Sandra admitted.
“Me too,” Addison said.
“Sounds like you two have other projects that are more important.”
“True. I miss having her here, though.”
Sandra nodded. Brody began to fidget, and Addison placed him back on the floor. “I swear, if he gets any faster I’ll need a race car just to keep up. He takes after Dan. I’ve never moved that much in my life. Well, unless there was a snake nearby—or maybe a spider.”
Addison chuckled. She could relate. Brody was a year younger than Vicki and had only recently found his feet. Addison thought better of warning Sandra that his speed would only increase when he found his center of gravity. Vicki was constantly on the move. Addison wondered at times how Emma was going to keep track of their curious daughter while she tended to the needs of an infant. Parenthood could be exhausting.
“Wearing you out, already?” Addison teased.
“Some days,” Sandra confessed with a smile.
“So, what brings you down here today?” Addison wondered. Sandra grinned. “Oh. Looking for Jeff?” she guessed. Sandra blushed. “Well, I am sorry to disappoint you, but my partner in this current crime is down in San Diego for the day meeting with an investor. He’ll be back tonight,” Addison said. She watched Sandra’s smile fade and felt her heart ache.
Sandra had been through more than Addison wanted to imagine in the last couple of years. Dan Starr’s death had been hard on everyone involved with Off Screen. It had been nearly unbearable for Sandra. Emma had taken Sandra under her wing not long after the series had begun. Addison knew that Emma had enjoyed watching Sandra spread her wings and fly professionally. The two had become close friends over the years that Off Screen had been filming. Both Addison and Emma had delighted in the off-screen romance that had developed between Sandra and Dan. They had complimented one another. Dan’s sudden death had ended far more than a television series. Sandra had been left to mourn the man before she’d even been able to tell him she was expecting their baby. Addison couldn’t fathom that reality. The thought of losing Emma made her physically ill. More than once after Dan’s death, Emma had confessed to Addison that she had pondered what she would have done had it been Addison. It had left them both with a sense of gratefulness and tremendous sadness for Sandra.
Addison regarded Sandra thoughtfully as the actress attempted to corral her son. She found herself smiling at the sight, and realizing that Sandra was likely starved for a bit of adult companionship. As much as Emma loved being with Vicki, Addison had seen the evidence of Emma’s need for adult companionship many evenings.
“Let me guess,” Addison began. “You were hoping instead of Calgon that Jeff might take you away for the evening?”
Sandra shook her head. “Calgon? Addison, how old are you?”
Addison laughed. That was exactly what she imagined Emma would have said. “I like vintage commercials.”
“Explains why Emma has always said you were a bargain.’
“She did not!” Addison chimed. Sandra smiled. “A bargain?” Addison asked sullenly. Sandra laughed. “Very funny. You know, you technically work for me,” Addison joked.
“God, help me,” Sandra teased.
Addison rolled her eyes. Having Sandra in the office reminded her of the years they had all worked together. There had been ups and downs, but far more ups than downs. Addison missed seeing the familiar faces sometimes. “So? I know, I’m not Jeff, but my wife left me all alone for a couple of weeks. Strange thing? No toddler in the house, but also very little adult conversation. Unless I count myself, and I’m pretty sure Em would argue that could go either way.”
“You know, Addison, that’s the closest to being asked out on a date I’ve had in over two years,” Sandra teased. Addison laughed. “And, as far as adult conversation goes, I’m afraid that Little Mario Andretti here might have other ideas.”
Addison shrugged. “Like I said, my verbal skills can go in either direction. What do you say? You can bring Brody over to the house. Vicki’s room is like Disneyland,” she laughed. “I mean, for a toddler.”
“Missing them, huh?” Sandra guessed. Addison blushed. “Well, I know I am no substitute for Emma, but I’d love to.”
“Good. I have a few things to wrap up. I’d offer to cook, but maybe it’d be better if I just picked up a pizza.”
“Yeah, how long has Emma been gone?
“Eleven days, four hours,” Addison looked at her phone, “and sixteen minutes.”
“Not that you are counting or anything,” Sandra replied. Addison shrugged again. “Mm-hm, and how many times have you had pizza since she left?” Sandra asked.
“I had Chinese too.”
Sandra laughed. Some things never changed. It was a standing joke among their friends. Emma was the cook. Addison was the diner. When Emma was away for even a day, take-out was always the menu. “She’ll kill me if I encourage you,” Sandra said.
