"I'm so sorry, Keira." He hugged me back.

  I felt safe in his arms. Connor was so sweet. He had tried so hard to help me with Rory. But of course it didn't work. Because Rory was Rory and I was just me. I could feel Connor's shirt getting damp from my tears.

  "I might have misunderstood what he said, you know. Maybe he didn't say date," Connor said.

  "Don't, Connor. Please don't defend him. I know he's your friend, but if that's what you're here to do, then please just leave." I pushed on his chest so he'd release me from his hug as I wiped away my tears.

  "That's not why I'm here, Keira." His expression was pained.

  I didn't know what to say. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

  "I was worried about you." His words hung in the air. He had left his date to track me down. That was probably the sweetest thing a guy had ever done for me.

  "I'm sorry that I ruined your date."

  "I don't care about that."

  Our eyes locked together. "Connor, I'm really glad that I got to meet you."

  "You're acting like you're not going to be seeing me anymore." He gave me a small smile.

  I sighed and sat down. "I'm going to move out."

  He sat down across from me. "It's your apartment, Keira."

  "I can't live there anymore." Rory only wanted sex from me. And I couldn't wait around hoping he'd change his mind. It hurt too much to think about him on other dates. And now everywhere I looked in the apartment would remind me of him. I bit my lip. I didn't want to start crying again.

  "I'm sorry that I tried helping you make things happen with him. I should have known he'd screw it up."

  I laughed. "He didn't screw anything up. He told me all he wanted was a one night stand. And when it became more than that, we never talked about what we were. There's no reason why he shouldn't be out screwing someone else right now."

  "There is a reason. You."

  I could feel my tears welling in my eyes again. "Me? That doesn't seem to be enough, does it? I'm never enough for anyone." I thought about my past three boyfriends breaking up with me. No one ever wanted me back.

  "For the record, I would never do that to you." He reached out and put his hand on top of mine. "You deserve better."

  "Better than your best friend?"

  "I love him to death, but he's clearly an asshole."

  I laughed.

  Connor rubbed his thumb along my palm.

  Suddenly the reason why Connor had run after me was apparent. And it hurt me that I was about to hurt him. "I'm in love with Rory," I whispered.

  Connor immediately removed his hand. "What?"

  "I am." I shook my head. "I was. I thought I was?" I took a deep breath. "I am. But it doesn't matter now." I put my hands in my lap.

  Connor looked like he was in pain again as he searched my face. "I didn't realize. Honestly, I was still hoping I had a chance." He gave me a small smile.

  "Maybe you can call me in a few months." I wanted to believe that I'd be over Rory by then. I wasn't sure I'd ever be, though.

  He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I really want to take you up on that offer. And I hope I don't look back on this and realize it was the biggest mistake of my life. Because I think you're absolutely amazing. You're beautiful and funny and smart. And you get along with my friends. A little too well." He smiled. "But I think you should give Rory one more chance."

  "It's not that I'm not willing to give him another chance. It's that I know he doesn't want to be with me. He's made that perfectly clear. Over and over again. So what's the point?"

  "You know, I never actually got to cash in on that favor you owe me."

  "Are you sure you don't want me to just sleep with you?"

  He laughed. "Yeah, I'd certainly like that more. But I'm going to ask you to give my best friend the benefit of the doubt. Like I said, maybe I misunderstood what Rory said he was doing tonight. Besides, aren't you two going to a wedding tomorrow?"

  "We were supposed to."

  "So go. Weddings are romantic. Just give him one last chance to make the right choice."

  "I'm not sure I'm what he wants."

  "You are. I know him better than anyone. He's been screwing around waiting for someone like you."

  "I don't understand why you keep trying to help me."

  "Because you're my friend and so is Rory. I want you to both be happy."

  "You're the sweetest guy..."

  "Yeah, don't say anything else. Because you'll make me change my mind about the favor you owe me. And I don't think the owners of this place would be happy when I started fucking you on this table."

  I swallowed hard.

  "I see that I've still got it." He winked at me. "Let me walk you home." He lifted up the crumpled up letter to Rory. "What is this?"

  I had completely ruined it with tear stains. I'd have to print out another one anyway. If we ever even got to that discussion. Right now I just needed to see how our date went without any extra problems. "I don't need it anymore. It's just trash."

  "Okay." Connor grabbed the crumpled up paper, the envelope, and my melted ice cream and walked over to the trash can.

  He put his arm around my shoulders as he walked me home.

  Chapter 29

  I had avoided Rory all morning and afternoon. I wasn't sure when he had come home, but no screams of pleasure had woken me up. So I was hoping that meant he hadn't actually been on a date. I didn't realize how much being in love was going to hurt. In the movies it always looked so wonderful. But my chest hurt. And I felt anxious. And I was so nervous about going to the wedding with him. It was like we had just met all over again.

  I looked through the dresses in my closet. There were five bridesmaid dresses in it, all equally hideous, and all taking up a ridiculous amount of room. I wasn't sure why I had kept all of them. For a while I thought maybe it was because I wanted to remember how fun the weddings were. I was usually sentimental. But that wasn't it. The weddings all sucked. I was happy for my friends, but their weddings had just ended up with me getting drunk and going home alone or making out with one of their distant cousins and never hearing from them again.

  I stared at the hideous dresses in the closet. No. I held onto all of them because I was terrified that being a bridesmaid was the closest I'd ever get to the altar. I was so pathetic. I pushed them to the side. I needed to look great tonight. Because I needed to hear that he wanted to be with just me. And if he didn't feel the same way I did, I was going to run away and hide in a new apartment all the way across town.

  I sighed and pulled out one of my favorite dresses. It wasn't one that fit Rory's criteria of being sexy. But for some reason it was the one I felt like wearing. Somehow I had lost a little bit of myself ever since Rory had moved in. Just because he made me feel butterflies in my stomach and could make me want him with just a smile didn't necessarily mean he was my forever. I barely even knew anything about him. The idea of not being with him made me feel sick to my stomach, though.

  The dress was a red silky material. It was the dress I had bought for my very first date back in college. I sat down on the edge of the bed. Justin. I had said yes right away when he had asked me out. I was such a nerd in high school, and I jumped at the chance to have a boyfriend. But he always had better things to do than hang out with me. And then there was Mike, who I wanted to date in order to get over my first heartache. He was probably even worse than Justin. We weren't compatible at all. I just didn't like feeling alone. My last boyfriend, David, I had met in Philly. He was charming and seemed so much more mature than the boys I dated in college. I thought he could be the one. But he thought I had gotten too serious too fast. He wasn't ready for commitment. But he was ready to propose to the girl he started dating right after me. They hadn't even known each other for a year. And David had broken up with me over the phone right before our one year anniversary dinner. I had to hand it to David. He had been right. I didn't love him. I just loved the idea of being in love.

  I was so sick of making mistakes. And I was even more sick of having men make me feel worthless. The way Rory looked at me didn't make me feel that way. He was definitely the sweetest guy I had ever dated. I sighed. But we weren't really even dating. I so badly wanted that to change.

  I ran my fingers along the silky dress. It was definitely appropriate for a wedding. The hem landed right above my knees, although there was a slit up the side. The top wasn't low cut but somehow still accentuated my breasts. It was super tight and still made me feel sexy even though it was modest. I applied my makeup and finished with red lipstick. I smacked my lips together and looked in the mirror.

  I was so glad that Connor had convinced me not to run away. I didn't want to hide from how I was feeling right now. Yesterday before I had discovered Rory was on a date, I had been so happy, despite the weight of telling him about the newspaper articles. And I didn't want to miss out on that feeling just because I didn't have the guts to tell Rory how I felt yet.

  There was a knock on my bedroom door. "Keira?"

  Even his voice gave me that now familiar pull in my stomach. I slipped on a pair of black heels before opening my door.

  "Wow, you look amazing." He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against my lips.

  He had never kissed me like that before. There was something gentle and loving about it. When he pulled away I felt like I could see it in his eyes. He was looking at me like he had missed me. All those doubts from last night seemed so ridiculous when he was right in front of me.

  He held up a tie. "Do you know how to tie this?" Just seeing him holding a tie reminded me of being blindfolded with one in his bedroom. He smiled at me, as if he could tell what I was thinking. "I've been thinking a lot about all the ways you might want to be punished. It should probably involve this, don't you think?" He handed me the tie.

  I swallowed hard and took the tie from him. "I think you know what I like better than I do." I slipped the tie under the collar of his white shirt. He was wearing a dark gray suit and I had never seen him look more handsome. His suit was fitted and seemed to show off all his lean muscles. I pulled the end of the tie through the knot I had made and tightened it. His eyes locked with mine as I adjusted his tie.

  He took a step forward, pressing my back against the doorframe. "Are you sure you don't want to just stay here?"

  "As tempting as that is, I already told them we were coming."

  He pretended to pout.

  "Come on, Rory," I grabbed his tie and lightly pulled it, directing him to the door. "It's going to be fun."

  "It'll be fun to dance with you all night." He slapped my ass.

  "Rory!" I laughed. "You're going to try to embarrass me tonight, aren't you?" We stepped onto the elevator.

  "I do like making you blush. But no, I'll be on my best behavior." He raised his eyebrow at me.

  "You don't have to quite be on your best behavior." I pinched his ass.

  He laughed and grabbed my hand as we walked along the sidewalk in search of a taxi. I looked down at our intertwined hands. He wouldn't be holding my hand if he didn't like me. This was the first time we were going on an actual date outside of our apartment. I couldn't help but wonder when the last time he had gone on a real date was. Was it his girlfriend from college? Or was it with someone last night? I didn't want to think about last night, but something seemed different about him today. If he had been on a date, it must have been an awful one, because he was acting like he was as smitten with me as I was with him.

  Rory hailed down a taxi and opened up the door for me. He was being such a gentleman. Did a sweet, nice guy exist somewhere under his player façade? I didn't need to ask myself that question. I knew it did. Because I had witnessed him being sweet and nice. He was all those things on top of being sexy, and that was why I had completely fallen.

  He sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "So, what is your friend's name?"

  "Becca. And the lucky guy is Jeremy."

  "How do you two know each other?"

  "We were in a journalism club together in college."

  "You really are a huge nerd, aren't you?" He smiled at me.

  I shrugged. "I was worried about getting a job after graduating. Journalism club was just something else I could add to my résumé."

  "Isn't actual experience better than some club?"

  "Yeah, but how was I supposed to get my first job? That's the problem. Everyone wants someone with experience, so it's hard to land your first gig. I was worried. Weren't you? Culinary arts is really competitive, isn't it?"

  "It is." He shifted slightly in his seat, but kept his arm around me. "I never actually finished, though."

  "Wait, you didn't graduate?" I never would have guessed that. Everything that he had made for me was delicious and he had a really good job.

  "Is that a deal breaker for you or something?" His thumb had dipped below one of the straps of my dress. There was something comforting about the way he always wanted his hands on me.

  "No, not at all. I was just surprised. Why didn't you finish?"

  "I just figured that actual experience was better than being critiqued over some dish I had no desire to ever make again in my life."

  "So you just quit? How close were you to being done?"

  "I finished two out of four years."

  Two years. That was how long he had dated his last girlfriend. That couldn't be a coincidence. "What do you want to do?"

  He looked back at me and traced his fingers along the back of my dress. "You know what I want to do," he said in a low voice.

  "No, Rory," I laughed. "I mean what do you want to do in the future? Like five years from now what do you want to have accomplished?"

  "I don't really like thinking that way. I just want to be happy. And thinking about the future all the time isn't the way to get there." He turned and looked out the window.

  The way to get there. So he's not happy now? I wanted to be the one to make him happy. "So what did you do after you dropped out?"

  "After crashing in Connor's dorm and driving him crazy, I went to Italy and got a job at this amazing restaurant. I learned way more in those few months than I did in two years at Penn University."

  "If you liked it so much, what made you come back to Philly?"

  "I loved Italy, but I was homesick. It was more running away from something than actually wanting to be there."

  "Your ex?" He was even more like me than I realized. I always wanted to run away from problems too. That was why I had told Connor I was moving out last night. I couldn't help but think that it was bad that we were both flight risks. But being with him was a risk I was more than willing to take.

  "Yeah." He scratched the back of his neck. "So what about you, Keira? What's your master plan for five years down the road?"

  I'd like to be with you. "Being happy seems like a pretty good goal. That's what I want too." Give me a chance to make you happy. I leaned against his shoulder and was happy when he didn't flinch.

  Chapter 30

  I grabbed another glass of wine off one of the trays that waiters were carrying around.

  "What do you usually do at weddings when you don't have a date?" Rory was smiling at me.

  "Honestly? I usually drink too much and try to make out with someone in a closet." I lowered my glass of wine.

  He laughed. "Well, I guess it's good I came with you then. Because I wouldn't mind making out with you in a closet at all." He wrapped his arm behind me and let his hand rest on my hip. "By all means, keep drinking."

  "You don't have to get me drunk if you want to kiss me, Rory."

  "But what if I want to do more than kiss you?"

  I could feel my face flushing. I had never done anything like that before in public. But for some reason the idea excited me.

  "From the look on your face, you probably don't need to be drunk for that either." Rory glanced behind him. "There's a closet right over there if you're interested."

  Holy shit.

  "Oh my God, Keira, is that you?!"

  I turned my head to see another girl from my journalism club. "Hi, Ella. Wow, it's been so long." I gave her a quick hug. We had never really been friends. I probably wouldn't have even said anything to her if she hadn't approached me. She always talked too much and tended to annoy me. The only thing I ever wanted to listen to when I was writing was music, not Ella's endless chatter.

  "And is this your boyfriend?" Ella stuck her hand out to Rory and gave him a big smile.

  Shit don't use that word, Ella! You freaking bitch! I took a deep breath. I was completely on edge tonight. I almost wanted to laugh at my reaction. Calm down.

  Rory coughed. "We're just friends," he said and stuck out his hand.

  "Oh, sorry. You just..." she let her voice trail off and let go of his hand. "It was nice seeing you, Keira." She quickly walked away.

  My reaction hadn't been that inappropriate. That was completely awkward. But I didn't want to dwell on it. Rory and I still hadn't had that conversation. I might have said the same thing if one of his friends had asked. It definitely wasn't worth ruining our night over. Besides, I had never seen Ella shut up so quickly. It was probably good that Rory had acted weird.

  Rory put his hands in his pockets instead of putting his arm back around me.

  Damn it. "Do you want to go find our seats?" I asked. The cocktail hour was winding down and the doors had been opened to the banquet hall where the reception was being held.

  "Is that a rain check on the closet?"

  "I'll probably need another drink before that."

  "Then let's go find our seats and get you another drink." He put his hand on the small of my back and escorted me over toward the reception room.

  I wanted to sigh with relief. His hand on my back made me feel like we were back to where we had been before Ella had almost ruined everything.

  Rory pulled my chair out for me and sat down beside me. "So, are you going to know any of the other people at this table?"

  "I'm not sure. I wasn't super good friends with Becca. We were in that club together but never really hung out beyond that. But since I'm a huge nerd...we saw each other a lot."

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24