Devotion: For Love or Honor, page 29
Jenny
“Ugh.”
“What?” Merrilee, asks around her toothbrush as she races into my room first thing Monday morning, finding me hugging the toilet. After I carried my phone around with me all day Sunday finally at three when my phone rang, and it was Ryan. We used video chat and to be able to see his beautiful face, thankfully I had taken a shower after Merrilee, and I tried a new hiking trail we found, and I added a bit of make-up before we talked. It was hard to get off the phone when I am not sure when we will speak again. I cried myself to sleep. Now when I need to be dressed and ready for work, hit by another wave of nausea. “What is wrong, are you okay?”
“Ugh.”
“Did you throw up?”
“No. But it feels as if I will, any minute.”
Her pointed stare, lips pursed together after rinsing the toothpaste from her mouth. “Jen. You need to go to the doctor.” I shake my head, waving a hand at her. “Yes, you do. You felt this way on Saturday and Sunday morning before our hike you felt queasy until we went outside. Jen.”
“We already know the cause of this. My insurance starts next week. I promise I will make an appointment as soon as it does.”
“Jen, it is time you told him. He would want to know.”
“I don’t want to worry him while he is at camp?”
“What about telling him after graduation?” I nod, agreeing it will be time then.
“With the pregnancy, don’t you want to be closer to him after boot camp?”
“We just moved here, new jobs and a rented house. Ryan will be in North Carolina. We are in Pennsylvania. And to top it off I doubt we could get married housing, which means I will have to live off base.” I am rambling as my best friend allows me to release all my fears while she leans against the bathroom cabinet with her exercise leggings and her sports tank top on and her pretty, blond hair looking too good to go running.
“Are you finished?”
“Yes.” My lower lip juts out. Why I am pouting, I have no clue. I should be happy, right?
“Why aren’t you happy?”
“Because Ryan is supposed to be here.” Merrilee crawls over to me, with my back against the tub, pulling me into her arms until I have no choice but to accept her hug. “Look. Let’s see what happens after Ryan graduates, and we will look at North Carolina. A Marine base?” I nod. “Lots of single men?” I shake my head laughing. “Hey, I will follow you anywhere.” Shaking my head Merrilee helps me stand, washing out my mouth, attempting to ignore the gaunt reflection before me.
“Shit, I look bad.”
“Yes, and I still love you.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. You should be somewhere having fun not saddled with a pregnant woman.”
“I love you. You have been my best friend since freshmen year at college, and I don’t give up that easy. Besides I am the best auntie baby Ry has, you don’t think those crazy self-absorbed sisters of yours are going to be around, do you?” I laugh, shaking my head fearing she is right. I have never been close to my older sisters. With only a year separating them, they look closer to twins. Me, on the other hand, don’t resemble the family at all except for my dad.
“My dad would have been happy,” I remark, releasing the emotion welling deep inside of me.
“He would, wouldn’t he? I know who else would be extremely excited to have a grandson.” I giggle, knowing the answer before I ask.
“Who? And how do you know it is a boy?"
“Rob. I bet he will be over-the-moon when you tell him.” I secretly hope she is right. Changing the subject.
“And why are you so certain it is a boy?”
“Has to be with your walking sex-on-a-stick man there is no way he is throwing dainty little girl swimmers. Nope, I bet you get a whole house full of miniature Ryan’s.”
“Oh, no.” We laugh until nausea passes, and I manage to get dressed and ready for work.
#
Ryan
July
I lay down on my bunk, Jenny’s letter across my chest after reading it twice. It has been five weeks since I have seen her, held her, and kissed her. And now two without hearing her voice. My group missed phone privileges the past two Sundays due to other recruits, activities or lack of, making me miss the sound of my girl’s voice much worse. I received a letter from my dad the day before, and there was no mention of anything out of the ordinary. He did say him, and Jenny visit each week, her checking up on him and she has told him about some ideas for our family trip for graduation. I think my dad is excited about meeting Jenny’s mom, Ariel now that would be too weird if they hit it off, wouldn’t it? And Merrilee has me scouting out some recruits to introduce her to at graduation. Of course, I joked, not knowing who would still be here then. She didn’t like that. Not knowing if we will get phone time this week, I hurry to write Jenny so that I can send it with the early mail departure.
Jen.
Thanks for checking on my dad, he sent me a letter telling me how much he is enjoying getting to know you better. He seems excited to meet your mom, should I be worried? And would that be weird for you if they hit it off? I can't decide if it would bother me or not. My dad hasn’t dated since my mom died. Well, I guess if he does start liking her at least, we know her background and don't have to worry. I am making a joke, so I hope you are laughing. See this is hard work this writing stuff. Not like when we could talk. Do you remember when I started courting you, and we talked about the old times and how these poor guys would wait for months to marry their girl? Well, this is the way it feels to me. This is my attempt at a love letter.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I am hopelessly in love with you.
Love forever
Ryan
#
Jenny
I walked out of the doctor's office armed with pregnancy vitamins, prenatal care pamphlets, dietary suggestions, and a card with my next appointment. The July heat has me feeling weaker than I ever believed possible, with the fourth of July in two days, I am much closer until Ryan’s graduation. Merrilee was not pleased when I informed her about the delay in getting a pregnancy new patient office visit. It appears there has been a rush on prego women in this town. I felt assured after the appointment when the doctor declared both the baby and me healthy. I smile then tears threaten then I smile once again. I want to be able to pick up a phone to call Ryan with every ounce of my being and yet the fear of what he will say. Shit. He is eighteen years old, a fresh graduate of high school and embarking on a new career in the Marines. What if he isn’t ready for all of this? What if I made a huge mistake?
Walking towards my car, hearing Merrilee’s ringing on my phone.
“Well?”
“Positive, all confirmed. And yes, that little stick and my best friend were right.” Merrilee squeals in my ear, her excitement overshadows my nervous laughter. “I'm on my way home, left the office early.”
“Yay. I will go buy some ice cream.” Ice cream has become the equivalent of wine for girl time. I feel the need for something different than sitting at home. I change our afternoon plans.
“Instead of us gorging on ice cream for the next few hours on the couch, what about if I come home, change clothes, and we can walk over to that cute little bistro we saw. I think it is only a few blocks from the house and then this way we can sight-see while we walk.” Merrilee agrees, an hour later, after an enjoyable walk, we are seated at an outdoor table overlooking the small shops, people watching. Well, to be exact I am people watching, my best friend is watching every man who happens to walk past. Instead of mentioning another handsome man, she asks.
“What are you going to tell your mom?” Sighing in between bites of my grilled chicken salad, along with fresh bread and butter.
“I don’t know. My mom made it clear last time we talked. Mer. She actually said, why can’t you be more like your sisters.” I laugh, but inside I am quaking. Every woman, no matter how old, or how strained the relationship is, wants their mother to be present for their first pregnancy.
“Jen, I know the relationship between you, your mom, and your sisters have never been what you have wanted. But I still believe it would be better to tell her sooner rather than later.”
“If I tell her before Ryan’s graduation, then she acts up, it could ruin everything. I don’t believe it would be good for her to be there at all.” I sip my iced water with lemon, longing for my afternoon caffeine fix. “I frankly was surprised when she agreed to come. If Ryan didn’t want to meet her, then I never would have given her the information.”
“Jen. Why do you think she agreed to meet Ryan and his Dad? She was still critical of you, the divorce, and the fact that you fell for a student. It does not make any sense why she would take this sudden turn-around and agree to meet Ryan.” I hear my friend’s concern, niggling long into the night and for the next few days.
I attempt to question my mother once again on her intentions. At the end of the phone call. “Jennifer. It makes perfect sense for me to meet the young man, you have so grandly changed your lifestyle for.”
Even weeks later, her words echo through my mind with worry, enough that I wish for something to prevent her from coming near the man I love.
Chapter 27
Ryan
August
Just when I thought I would never survive boot camp, we are nearing the end. Letters from Jenny and my dad are the only thing getting me through this tough time. I sent my dad a message this morning asking him to get Jenny’s ring out-of-layaway and bring it with him to graduation. I have every intention of proposing and sealing the deal before the end of my ten days. Jenny arranged for us a place to stay for the entire time of my leave, even though our parents and her best friend will only be there for a small portion of the time with the hope they will stay for our wedding. I open the latest letter from my dad. This would be so much simpler if I knew I could rely on phone time each weekend, but my dad doesn’t mind. I think he enjoys writing me letters each week. He insists he can add to what he wants to tell me each day instead of trying to wrap up seven days in a few minutes of phone calls.
Dear Ryan,
I hope this letter finds you well and ready for the end of this newest life's journey. I can understand you missing your girl, I have been there with your mom, harder than heck being away from her. So, I will never fault you for debating your choices. Jenny is proud of you, son, and she misses you terribly. We have gotten to know each other well, speaking each week she fills me in on her new job at the newspaper and exploring her new home. I am excited to visit her and have her play tour guide. I took care of the special project you left me. The ring is perfect and very fitting for your beautiful girl. I do believe you chose well, both of them. Do not worry about reimbursing me for the balance of the lay-a-way, which I have a feeling you would insist. It is my gift to both of you. And onto other business, I have arranged a beach ceremony, justice of the peace, a guitar player with a small reception dinner for us at an intimate beach-side restaurant near the hotel Jenny booked. I have spoken with Merrilee several times, and she is helping from her end. And your girl is none the wiser. Are you sure you don't want to ask her ahead of time and give the girl a chance to prepare? Well, your decision, son. Scheduled for your third day of leave. I am counting down the next two weeks until I can see you.
Love
Dad
Oh, and I promise I will not forget the ring!
I read the letter again and again before I put my pen to paper.
Dad
I thought about what you said, and I stick by my decision to wait until I can see Jenny in person to ask for her hand in marriage. One. She deserves to have the romantic proposal, and I don't want to give her a chance to argue herself out of saying yes. I fear she will do if she thinks it is the best thing for me. Thank you for taking care of the ring and the other arrangements. I hope Merrilee hasn't been too much of a pain. She tends to become very pushy to get what she wants, but that best friend thing pays off when she is determined to make something right for Jenny.
See you soon
Ryan
#
Jenny
“Jen, are you ready?” I hear her voice and the soft knock while I am much too busy hugging the toilet as I have done every morning for the past nine weeks. Damn him. When I get my hands-on Ryan, I will. -Will. Thoughts race through my head, fueled by frustration as the life we have created grows inside of me while a part of me wants to blame him the other side wants to shout it from the damn top of the hotel.
“I am pregnant with Ryan Raines baby.” Ugh. I moved to stand-up, a daunting feat this early in the morning. From Merrilee’s insistence from the other side of the hotel door I need to increase my speed getting ready, we still have to eat breakfast, yuck, followed by a twenty-minute drive to the base, get through security and get a seat for the graduation all in time to see the actual event. “And I have to stop puking every five minutes.” I open the door, my best friend taking in my newfound color, green. “I swear if you tell me the books say this is supposed to be ending soon, I will scream. So far nothing has been by the book.” She laughs.
“Oh, honey. Come on a shower for you and here.” She shoves two packets of saltines into my waiting hands. Presenting an ambitious smile, then slipping out of my night-shirt to melt into the warm spray of water while she lays out my dress. Somehow between the small packet of crackers and the warmth of the water, I begin to feel human once again. My hand skates over the soft swell of my lower belly before I slip into my lace boy-short undies and matching bra. Both new along with four additional sets waiting patiently in my suitcase to show Ryan.
“I don’t think he will notice until you are ready to tell him.” Our eyes meet over the opening of my dress as I slip my arms through the sleeveless peach summer dress reminding me of something a southern lady would wear for a garden party, along with matching hat. My hair is pulled back into a low bun, adding make-up, and sunglasses.
“Well?”
“You look beautiful. I have five more packets of crackers for during the ceremony and a bottle of water.” I squeeze her arm as we walk out of our room towards the elevator before I can ask. “Your mom and Rob are downstairs waiting for us.” I am thankful Ryan’s dad has been keeping my mother from harassing me since she arrived at the hotel after we did the night before. Merrilee loops her arm through mine. “You look beautiful, stop worrying.” Our eyes meet, never having to explain what I feel when you have a friend that knows you inside and out, my hopes, dreams, and fears long before I am ready to voice them. “Ryan will be so happy to see you; he will not notice the little bean you are carrying.” These words are whist of a whisper, for my ears only.
A short time later, after I found myself starving, eating my fill at breakfast, sipping on a seven-up during the drive over to the base. I watch from the back seat of the large SUV Rob rented, raising my eyebrow when my mother, the most uptight woman on the planet flirts, actually flirting with Ryan’s dad, the quietest man on the planet is laughing.
We are seated in the stadium, a sea of graduates before us; my eyes searching for one special man while Merrilee searches each of their faces forever looking for the one man who will make all her dreams a reality. I lean close to her ear.
“I am telling him tonight. I can’t wait any longer.”
“Good.”
#
Ryan
My eyes search the crowd for my family. My dad, Jenny, and Merrilee are my family. The jury is out on how things will go with my girl’s mother. I am not expecting much after all the stories Jenny has told me, about the strained relationship since childhood. I was saddened to learn Jenny never felt as if she could depend on her family for support throughout the last year of her marriage. All this knowledge makes, shaking hands and cordial behavior with the woman who is your future mother-in-law daunting. I am willing to make an effort if for nothing else than to show my intentions are serious.
The process of the ceremony moves swiftly, and it’s official. I have succeeded, past the first obstacle of this new life, adulthood. Now for the remainder of the four years to pass as quickly and I will be a happy man. But first, I set out to ask Jenny to marry me. My eyes search the crowd until they land on my dad as his head turns in my direction. I push through the crowd of fellow cadets and their families all with similar intentions, to be near the ones they love.
I see her turn, the same smile that rendered me speechless once upon a time, the one I want to witness every day until the end of time.
“Jenny.”
“Ryan”
My lips meet hers, arms circle her body, lifting her against my chest, squeezing tightly until my dad clears his throat. “Sorry.” Jenny uses a tissue to wipe the effects of my kiss off my face. I return the favor, removing the smudge I created.
“Proud of you son.” I accept his embrace, then Merrilee’s.
“So good to see you again, Ryan.”
“Hey, thanks for all that you do.” I wink towards my girl’s friend. Jenny leans against my uniform covered shoulder. I tip the hat back from her head so that I could gaze upon those eyes I have missed so much. “I like your hat.”
“Thanks. We paid attention to the warnings on how hot it could be out here.” I laugh.
“Yes, you should feel it under this get-up.” She leans close, breath warm as she whispers.
“You, look extremely sexy soldier.”
“Why thank you, mam.” Jenny shivers in the August heat if that is possible, leading me to wish for the dinner to hurry and pass fast so that we can be alone in the hotel room. Jenny turns in my arms, the blush of her cheeks evident, with her hand out towards a woman I can assume her mother.
“Ryan. This is my mom, Ariel Ryan. Mom. Ryan Raines.” Extending my hand, in greeting to Jenny’s mother, her apparent disdain evident in her hesitation before accepting my introduction.
“Ugh.”
“What?” Merrilee, asks around her toothbrush as she races into my room first thing Monday morning, finding me hugging the toilet. After I carried my phone around with me all day Sunday finally at three when my phone rang, and it was Ryan. We used video chat and to be able to see his beautiful face, thankfully I had taken a shower after Merrilee, and I tried a new hiking trail we found, and I added a bit of make-up before we talked. It was hard to get off the phone when I am not sure when we will speak again. I cried myself to sleep. Now when I need to be dressed and ready for work, hit by another wave of nausea. “What is wrong, are you okay?”
“Ugh.”
“Did you throw up?”
“No. But it feels as if I will, any minute.”
Her pointed stare, lips pursed together after rinsing the toothpaste from her mouth. “Jen. You need to go to the doctor.” I shake my head, waving a hand at her. “Yes, you do. You felt this way on Saturday and Sunday morning before our hike you felt queasy until we went outside. Jen.”
“We already know the cause of this. My insurance starts next week. I promise I will make an appointment as soon as it does.”
“Jen, it is time you told him. He would want to know.”
“I don’t want to worry him while he is at camp?”
“What about telling him after graduation?” I nod, agreeing it will be time then.
“With the pregnancy, don’t you want to be closer to him after boot camp?”
“We just moved here, new jobs and a rented house. Ryan will be in North Carolina. We are in Pennsylvania. And to top it off I doubt we could get married housing, which means I will have to live off base.” I am rambling as my best friend allows me to release all my fears while she leans against the bathroom cabinet with her exercise leggings and her sports tank top on and her pretty, blond hair looking too good to go running.
“Are you finished?”
“Yes.” My lower lip juts out. Why I am pouting, I have no clue. I should be happy, right?
“Why aren’t you happy?”
“Because Ryan is supposed to be here.” Merrilee crawls over to me, with my back against the tub, pulling me into her arms until I have no choice but to accept her hug. “Look. Let’s see what happens after Ryan graduates, and we will look at North Carolina. A Marine base?” I nod. “Lots of single men?” I shake my head laughing. “Hey, I will follow you anywhere.” Shaking my head Merrilee helps me stand, washing out my mouth, attempting to ignore the gaunt reflection before me.
“Shit, I look bad.”
“Yes, and I still love you.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. You should be somewhere having fun not saddled with a pregnant woman.”
“I love you. You have been my best friend since freshmen year at college, and I don’t give up that easy. Besides I am the best auntie baby Ry has, you don’t think those crazy self-absorbed sisters of yours are going to be around, do you?” I laugh, shaking my head fearing she is right. I have never been close to my older sisters. With only a year separating them, they look closer to twins. Me, on the other hand, don’t resemble the family at all except for my dad.
“My dad would have been happy,” I remark, releasing the emotion welling deep inside of me.
“He would, wouldn’t he? I know who else would be extremely excited to have a grandson.” I giggle, knowing the answer before I ask.
“Who? And how do you know it is a boy?"
“Rob. I bet he will be over-the-moon when you tell him.” I secretly hope she is right. Changing the subject.
“And why are you so certain it is a boy?”
“Has to be with your walking sex-on-a-stick man there is no way he is throwing dainty little girl swimmers. Nope, I bet you get a whole house full of miniature Ryan’s.”
“Oh, no.” We laugh until nausea passes, and I manage to get dressed and ready for work.
#
Ryan
July
I lay down on my bunk, Jenny’s letter across my chest after reading it twice. It has been five weeks since I have seen her, held her, and kissed her. And now two without hearing her voice. My group missed phone privileges the past two Sundays due to other recruits, activities or lack of, making me miss the sound of my girl’s voice much worse. I received a letter from my dad the day before, and there was no mention of anything out of the ordinary. He did say him, and Jenny visit each week, her checking up on him and she has told him about some ideas for our family trip for graduation. I think my dad is excited about meeting Jenny’s mom, Ariel now that would be too weird if they hit it off, wouldn’t it? And Merrilee has me scouting out some recruits to introduce her to at graduation. Of course, I joked, not knowing who would still be here then. She didn’t like that. Not knowing if we will get phone time this week, I hurry to write Jenny so that I can send it with the early mail departure.
Jen.
Thanks for checking on my dad, he sent me a letter telling me how much he is enjoying getting to know you better. He seems excited to meet your mom, should I be worried? And would that be weird for you if they hit it off? I can't decide if it would bother me or not. My dad hasn’t dated since my mom died. Well, I guess if he does start liking her at least, we know her background and don't have to worry. I am making a joke, so I hope you are laughing. See this is hard work this writing stuff. Not like when we could talk. Do you remember when I started courting you, and we talked about the old times and how these poor guys would wait for months to marry their girl? Well, this is the way it feels to me. This is my attempt at a love letter.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I am hopelessly in love with you.
Love forever
Ryan
#
Jenny
I walked out of the doctor's office armed with pregnancy vitamins, prenatal care pamphlets, dietary suggestions, and a card with my next appointment. The July heat has me feeling weaker than I ever believed possible, with the fourth of July in two days, I am much closer until Ryan’s graduation. Merrilee was not pleased when I informed her about the delay in getting a pregnancy new patient office visit. It appears there has been a rush on prego women in this town. I felt assured after the appointment when the doctor declared both the baby and me healthy. I smile then tears threaten then I smile once again. I want to be able to pick up a phone to call Ryan with every ounce of my being and yet the fear of what he will say. Shit. He is eighteen years old, a fresh graduate of high school and embarking on a new career in the Marines. What if he isn’t ready for all of this? What if I made a huge mistake?
Walking towards my car, hearing Merrilee’s ringing on my phone.
“Well?”
“Positive, all confirmed. And yes, that little stick and my best friend were right.” Merrilee squeals in my ear, her excitement overshadows my nervous laughter. “I'm on my way home, left the office early.”
“Yay. I will go buy some ice cream.” Ice cream has become the equivalent of wine for girl time. I feel the need for something different than sitting at home. I change our afternoon plans.
“Instead of us gorging on ice cream for the next few hours on the couch, what about if I come home, change clothes, and we can walk over to that cute little bistro we saw. I think it is only a few blocks from the house and then this way we can sight-see while we walk.” Merrilee agrees, an hour later, after an enjoyable walk, we are seated at an outdoor table overlooking the small shops, people watching. Well, to be exact I am people watching, my best friend is watching every man who happens to walk past. Instead of mentioning another handsome man, she asks.
“What are you going to tell your mom?” Sighing in between bites of my grilled chicken salad, along with fresh bread and butter.
“I don’t know. My mom made it clear last time we talked. Mer. She actually said, why can’t you be more like your sisters.” I laugh, but inside I am quaking. Every woman, no matter how old, or how strained the relationship is, wants their mother to be present for their first pregnancy.
“Jen, I know the relationship between you, your mom, and your sisters have never been what you have wanted. But I still believe it would be better to tell her sooner rather than later.”
“If I tell her before Ryan’s graduation, then she acts up, it could ruin everything. I don’t believe it would be good for her to be there at all.” I sip my iced water with lemon, longing for my afternoon caffeine fix. “I frankly was surprised when she agreed to come. If Ryan didn’t want to meet her, then I never would have given her the information.”
“Jen. Why do you think she agreed to meet Ryan and his Dad? She was still critical of you, the divorce, and the fact that you fell for a student. It does not make any sense why she would take this sudden turn-around and agree to meet Ryan.” I hear my friend’s concern, niggling long into the night and for the next few days.
I attempt to question my mother once again on her intentions. At the end of the phone call. “Jennifer. It makes perfect sense for me to meet the young man, you have so grandly changed your lifestyle for.”
Even weeks later, her words echo through my mind with worry, enough that I wish for something to prevent her from coming near the man I love.
Chapter 27
Ryan
August
Just when I thought I would never survive boot camp, we are nearing the end. Letters from Jenny and my dad are the only thing getting me through this tough time. I sent my dad a message this morning asking him to get Jenny’s ring out-of-layaway and bring it with him to graduation. I have every intention of proposing and sealing the deal before the end of my ten days. Jenny arranged for us a place to stay for the entire time of my leave, even though our parents and her best friend will only be there for a small portion of the time with the hope they will stay for our wedding. I open the latest letter from my dad. This would be so much simpler if I knew I could rely on phone time each weekend, but my dad doesn’t mind. I think he enjoys writing me letters each week. He insists he can add to what he wants to tell me each day instead of trying to wrap up seven days in a few minutes of phone calls.
Dear Ryan,
I hope this letter finds you well and ready for the end of this newest life's journey. I can understand you missing your girl, I have been there with your mom, harder than heck being away from her. So, I will never fault you for debating your choices. Jenny is proud of you, son, and she misses you terribly. We have gotten to know each other well, speaking each week she fills me in on her new job at the newspaper and exploring her new home. I am excited to visit her and have her play tour guide. I took care of the special project you left me. The ring is perfect and very fitting for your beautiful girl. I do believe you chose well, both of them. Do not worry about reimbursing me for the balance of the lay-a-way, which I have a feeling you would insist. It is my gift to both of you. And onto other business, I have arranged a beach ceremony, justice of the peace, a guitar player with a small reception dinner for us at an intimate beach-side restaurant near the hotel Jenny booked. I have spoken with Merrilee several times, and she is helping from her end. And your girl is none the wiser. Are you sure you don't want to ask her ahead of time and give the girl a chance to prepare? Well, your decision, son. Scheduled for your third day of leave. I am counting down the next two weeks until I can see you.
Love
Dad
Oh, and I promise I will not forget the ring!
I read the letter again and again before I put my pen to paper.
Dad
I thought about what you said, and I stick by my decision to wait until I can see Jenny in person to ask for her hand in marriage. One. She deserves to have the romantic proposal, and I don't want to give her a chance to argue herself out of saying yes. I fear she will do if she thinks it is the best thing for me. Thank you for taking care of the ring and the other arrangements. I hope Merrilee hasn't been too much of a pain. She tends to become very pushy to get what she wants, but that best friend thing pays off when she is determined to make something right for Jenny.
See you soon
Ryan
#
Jenny
“Jen, are you ready?” I hear her voice and the soft knock while I am much too busy hugging the toilet as I have done every morning for the past nine weeks. Damn him. When I get my hands-on Ryan, I will. -Will. Thoughts race through my head, fueled by frustration as the life we have created grows inside of me while a part of me wants to blame him the other side wants to shout it from the damn top of the hotel.
“I am pregnant with Ryan Raines baby.” Ugh. I moved to stand-up, a daunting feat this early in the morning. From Merrilee’s insistence from the other side of the hotel door I need to increase my speed getting ready, we still have to eat breakfast, yuck, followed by a twenty-minute drive to the base, get through security and get a seat for the graduation all in time to see the actual event. “And I have to stop puking every five minutes.” I open the door, my best friend taking in my newfound color, green. “I swear if you tell me the books say this is supposed to be ending soon, I will scream. So far nothing has been by the book.” She laughs.
“Oh, honey. Come on a shower for you and here.” She shoves two packets of saltines into my waiting hands. Presenting an ambitious smile, then slipping out of my night-shirt to melt into the warm spray of water while she lays out my dress. Somehow between the small packet of crackers and the warmth of the water, I begin to feel human once again. My hand skates over the soft swell of my lower belly before I slip into my lace boy-short undies and matching bra. Both new along with four additional sets waiting patiently in my suitcase to show Ryan.
“I don’t think he will notice until you are ready to tell him.” Our eyes meet over the opening of my dress as I slip my arms through the sleeveless peach summer dress reminding me of something a southern lady would wear for a garden party, along with matching hat. My hair is pulled back into a low bun, adding make-up, and sunglasses.
“Well?”
“You look beautiful. I have five more packets of crackers for during the ceremony and a bottle of water.” I squeeze her arm as we walk out of our room towards the elevator before I can ask. “Your mom and Rob are downstairs waiting for us.” I am thankful Ryan’s dad has been keeping my mother from harassing me since she arrived at the hotel after we did the night before. Merrilee loops her arm through mine. “You look beautiful, stop worrying.” Our eyes meet, never having to explain what I feel when you have a friend that knows you inside and out, my hopes, dreams, and fears long before I am ready to voice them. “Ryan will be so happy to see you; he will not notice the little bean you are carrying.” These words are whist of a whisper, for my ears only.
A short time later, after I found myself starving, eating my fill at breakfast, sipping on a seven-up during the drive over to the base. I watch from the back seat of the large SUV Rob rented, raising my eyebrow when my mother, the most uptight woman on the planet flirts, actually flirting with Ryan’s dad, the quietest man on the planet is laughing.
We are seated in the stadium, a sea of graduates before us; my eyes searching for one special man while Merrilee searches each of their faces forever looking for the one man who will make all her dreams a reality. I lean close to her ear.
“I am telling him tonight. I can’t wait any longer.”
“Good.”
#
Ryan
My eyes search the crowd for my family. My dad, Jenny, and Merrilee are my family. The jury is out on how things will go with my girl’s mother. I am not expecting much after all the stories Jenny has told me, about the strained relationship since childhood. I was saddened to learn Jenny never felt as if she could depend on her family for support throughout the last year of her marriage. All this knowledge makes, shaking hands and cordial behavior with the woman who is your future mother-in-law daunting. I am willing to make an effort if for nothing else than to show my intentions are serious.
The process of the ceremony moves swiftly, and it’s official. I have succeeded, past the first obstacle of this new life, adulthood. Now for the remainder of the four years to pass as quickly and I will be a happy man. But first, I set out to ask Jenny to marry me. My eyes search the crowd until they land on my dad as his head turns in my direction. I push through the crowd of fellow cadets and their families all with similar intentions, to be near the ones they love.
I see her turn, the same smile that rendered me speechless once upon a time, the one I want to witness every day until the end of time.
“Jenny.”
“Ryan”
My lips meet hers, arms circle her body, lifting her against my chest, squeezing tightly until my dad clears his throat. “Sorry.” Jenny uses a tissue to wipe the effects of my kiss off my face. I return the favor, removing the smudge I created.
“Proud of you son.” I accept his embrace, then Merrilee’s.
“So good to see you again, Ryan.”
“Hey, thanks for all that you do.” I wink towards my girl’s friend. Jenny leans against my uniform covered shoulder. I tip the hat back from her head so that I could gaze upon those eyes I have missed so much. “I like your hat.”
“Thanks. We paid attention to the warnings on how hot it could be out here.” I laugh.
“Yes, you should feel it under this get-up.” She leans close, breath warm as she whispers.
“You, look extremely sexy soldier.”
“Why thank you, mam.” Jenny shivers in the August heat if that is possible, leading me to wish for the dinner to hurry and pass fast so that we can be alone in the hotel room. Jenny turns in my arms, the blush of her cheeks evident, with her hand out towards a woman I can assume her mother.
“Ryan. This is my mom, Ariel Ryan. Mom. Ryan Raines.” Extending my hand, in greeting to Jenny’s mother, her apparent disdain evident in her hesitation before accepting my introduction.
