Aphrodite, page 30
Salt to taste
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon Salsa Picante
1 cup stock
1/2 cup sherry and port
1/2 cup ground walnuts
Preparation
Rub the rabbit with lemon juice and let stand in a vessel with 2 cups of water for 6 hours. Remove and dry well. Sauté the pieces in bubbling lard with the onions, salt, paprika, and salsa picante. When the rabbit is browned, add the stock and sherry. Cover the casserole and cook over low heat for 50 minutes. Add the ground walnuts and cook an additional 10 minutes.
Rabbit Hamburgers
This recipe was born of leftovers from wild hare. During a visit in the country, my grandfather went out hunting and came back with half a dozen he had bagged. Once they were skinned and the buckshot picked out, there wasn’t a lot left to eat but enough to inspire these hamburgers. They can be made with chicken, duck, turkey, and other aphrodisiac meats, and accompanied with mushrooms sautéed in garlic butter.
Ingredients
3 strips bacon
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
2 cups cooked and ground rabbit
1/2 cup bread soaked in milk
1 pinch mustard
Salt and white pepper to taste
1/2 cup cream
2 eggs yolks, lightly beaten
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 tablespoons soft butter
1 cup Sherry Sauce or Red Wine Sauce
Preparation
Cut the bacon in small pieces and brown in the oil. Add the ground meat, bread, mustard, salt, and pepper. Mix the cream with the egg yolks. Add to the mixture in the pan and cook for 5 minutes, stirring, over low heat. Remove and let cool. Shape 4 small hamburgers from this mixture, dip in the bread crumbs, and cook in the butter for 5 minutes on each side. Place the hamburgers in a baking dish and bake in a hot oven 5 minutes more, so they fluff up. Serve with a sauce of your preference.
Rosemary Venison
It’s not always easy to find venison—that is, unless you have a friend who’s a hunter—but there are times of the year when it appears in the butcher shops. The recipe is for six; don’t waste your time preparing less. It will keep several days in the refrigerator. If you want to make an unforgettable impression on your partner, serve stuffed apples with the venison.
Ingredients
2 pounds deer, best cuts, off the bone
3 teaspoons olive oil
3 medium onions, quartered
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 tablespoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1 sprig rosemary (or about 6 leaves)
2 cups red wine
1/2 cup port
1/2 cup heavy cream
Preparation
Cut the meat in large cubes and brown in the oil. Add the onions, cinnamon, salt, cloves, and rosemary, and stir until browned. Add the wine and port. Cover and cook over low heat for 30 minutes. (To prevent burning, it’s a good idea to set a flametamer between the pot and the burner.) Remove and gently add the cream.
If you decide to serve with baked apples, you need 1 green apple per person. Cut out the stem end and remove the seeds with a small spoon, hollowing out the core. Fill the core with a combination of cherry or red currant jelly, a little sweet wine, sugar, cinnamon, and the merest pinch of clove. These apples are great with many meat dishes. Keep them in mind.
Kidneys Montmartre
For anyone who likes kidneys and believes in their erotic properties, this is a quick recipe. Serve with rice.
Ingredients
1 pound calf kidneys
4 tablespoons vinegar
2 tablespoons butter
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 tablespoon chopped parsley
2 tablespoons fresh chives
Salt and white pepper to taste
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce or meat extract
Preparation
Clean the fat and veins from the kidneys and slice. Soak in water and vinegar for 30 minutes. Drain and dry with paper towels. Sauté in a skillet with the butter, garlic, parsley, chives, salt, and pepper. When barely done, 10 minutes, splash in the wine and Worcestershire sauce (or extract). Don’t allow to boil because that makes kidneys tough.
Brains Italian Style
We’ve already mentioned that in some countries the brain of certain animals is considered to be very aphrodisiac. This recipe from the south of Italy has the great advantage of your not knowing what you’re eating. If you have to buy the whole brain and it weighs more than what is called for here, double the recipe and drum up a small orgy, because this is a dish that won’t keep. Serve with rice.
Ingredients
1 pound cow brains
2 eggs
2 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon chopped cilantro
Salt and pepper to taste
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1/2 cup olive oil
1 lemon, quartered
Preparation
Clean the brains well and boil for 5 minutes. Drain and remove the skin. Cut into slices 2 inches long. Beat the eggs lightly and add the water, cheese, cilantro, salt, and pepper. Dip the brains in this batter and then in the bread crumbs. Fry in the oil on both sides until browned. Serve with rice and the lemon quarters.
Alpine Osso Buco
This is one of the most substantial dishes in world cuisine. Bone marrow is credited with all kinds of nutritional and erotic properties. Serve with boiled potatoes or rice.
Ingredients
6 pieces veal shin bone
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 onions, chopped
2 carrots, sliced
1 tablespoon flour
1 cup dry white wine
Salt and pepper to taste
3 tablespoons tomato purée
1 sprig parsley, chopped
1 sprig chervil, chopped
1 clove garlic, crushed
Grated zest of 1/2 orange
Grated zest of 1 lemon
Preparation
Brown the meat in hot oil. Add the onions and carrots, sprinkle with flour, and cook until browned. Add the wine and enough boiling water to cover the meat. Season with salt and pepper. Add the tomato purée, parsley, chervil, and garlic. Cook over low heat for 1 1/2 hours (45 minutes in a pressure cooker). Shake the pot from time to time to prevent sticking. Set aside the pieces of meat in a deep baking dish and keep warm in the oven. Add the orange and lemon zests to the sauce and cook 10 minutes more. Strain the sauce and pour over the meat.
Vegetarian Dishes
Asparagus and Caviar Pasta
Delicious, extremely attractive, and very aphrodisiac, but not cheap. You don’t have to use Beluga caviar; it can be a less costly one. You must not fail to tell your lover how complicated, expensive, and aphrodisiac this dish is and how you expect payment—in carnal tender—for your money and trouble.
Ingredients
2 tablespoons olive oil
Salt
1/2 pound noodles
6 small asparagus
1 cup Light Dressing
1 hard-boiled egg, chopped
1 tablespoon capers
1 1/2 ounces caviar (the best you can afford; it can even be red)
Lemon quarters for garnish
Preparation
Set 8 cups of water to boil with 1 tablespoon of oil and some salt. Cook the noodles al dente. As they are cooking, steam the asparagus for 5 minutes (they should be crisp). Cut into pieces of about 1 inch. Sprinkle with the remaining 1 tablespoon of oil. Remove the noodles and drain. Combine with the sauce and asparagus in a baking dish already warmed in the oven to keep from cooling. Sprinkle on the chopped egg and capers. Last of all, place a little mound of caviar in the middle. Garnish with lemon quarters around the dish. Serve immediately.
Noodles With Artichoke
I recommend this one for reconstituting exhausted and ravenous lovers because it is saturated with aphrodisiacs. It’s also good as salad the next day and can be prepared in ten minutes.
Ingredients
1/3 cup olive oil
1 cup bottled marinated artichokes, chopped
1 small jar of pimientos
1/4 cup piñon nuts (optional)
1/2 pound noodles
2 large ripe tomatoes
6 large black or green olives
2 ounces goat cheese, crumbled
2 tablespoons minced fresh sweet basil
Salt and pepper to taste
Preparation
Heat the oil and the liquid from the artichokes and pimientos in a small skillet. And the piñon nuts if using. Cook the noodles al dente as you chop the tomatoes and olives. Combine with the chopped artichokes and pimientos. Drain the noodles and return them to the same warm pot. Add all the other ingredients, including the goat cheese and sweet basil, and stir. Season with salt and pepper.
Curried Zucchini
Quickly prepared, with exotic results. If you give this dish some Oriental name taken from A Thousand and One Nights, you can produce an enormous impression with little effort. Serve with white rice or, for an even more erotic effect, saffron rice.
Ingredients
4 medium zucchinis
1 tablespoon oil
1/2 onion, grated
1/2 carrot, grated
2 tablespoons grated coconut
1 teaspoon curry powder
4 dates, cut in strips
1/2 cup coconut milk or sweet wine
1/2 cup cream
Preparation
Cut the zucchinis in half lengthwise. Warm the oil and rapidly sauté the zucchinis on both sides. Remove from the skillet. In the same oil, sauté the onion, carrot, coconut, curry powder, and dates for 5 minutes. Add the coconut milk and cook over low heat for 10 minutes. Place the zucchinis in the sauce and cook 10 minutes more. Turn off the heat, add the cream, and serve.
Eggplant to a Sheik’s Taste
This is one of those old, old recipes that every good lover should know. It’s for two, but I recommend doubling it. Serve with rice.
Ingredients
1 onion
1 clove garlic
4 tablespoons olive oil
1 pinch ground cloves
1 teaspoon sugar
Salt and pepper to taste
1 large or 2 medium eggplants
2 tomatoes
Butter
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan or Gorgonzola cheese
Preparation
Mince the onion and garlic, and sauté lightly in the oil. Add the cloves, sugar, salt, and pepper. Cover the skillet and cook over low heat for 3 minutes. Meanwhile, cut the eggplant and tomatoes in thick slices, and preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Arrange the eggplant in the bottom of a buttered baking dish. Cover with half of the onion and garlic mixture and sprinkle with half of the cheese. Place the tomatoes in a separate layer. Add the remaining onion and garlic mixture, and, finally, the remaining cheese. Dot with butter, cover the baking dish with aluminum foil, and bake for 30 minutes. Remove the foil and leave the dish in the warm oven until the eggplant is tender, about 10 minutes.
Punjab Kebabs
Inspired by the smells and tastes of India. You can vary vegetables to your taste. This is enough for four large kebabs.
Ingredients
1 small onion
1/2 red pepper
1/2 green pepper
1 medium zucchini
6 large mushrooms
Juice of 1/2 lemon
1 jar (6 or 7 ounces) marinated artichoke hearts
4 pieces tofu, cubed
Quick Curry
Preparation
Wash, dry, and cut the vegetables into large pieces. Place alternately on skewers, along with the artichoke hearts and tofu, and sprinkle with lemon juice and oil from the artichokes. Heat the oven and bake the kebabs for 20 minutes. Serve covered with the curry sauce.
Risotto Lori
Each and every ingredient is aphrodisiac! With this recipe Lori Barra, the woman who did the graphic design for this book (we keep it all in the family), seduced my son, wrenching him from the grip of loneliness following a sad divorce.
Ingredients
3 cups Vegetable Stock
4 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons minced onion
1 tablespoon grated garlic
1 cup chopped brown mushrooms
1 cup chopped Portobello mushrooms
1 cub arborio rice
1 tablespoon chopped rosemary
1/2 teaspoon grated fresh nutmeg
1/2 cup white wine
1 teaspoon truffled olive oil (optional)
Salt to taste
1/2 cup grated fresh Parmesan cheese
Preparation
Warm the stock, then remove from the heat. Put 3 tablespoons of olive oil and 1 tablespoon of butter in a skillet and sauté the onion, garlic, and brown and Portobello mushrooms. Set aside on a plate. In the same skillet, put the remaining 1 tablespoon of oil and 1 tablespoon of butter and lightly brown the rice. Gradually add the rosemary, nutmeg, and 2 1/2 cups of the stock. Cook over low heat, stirring occasionally, for 20 minutes. Return the mushrooms to the skillet, pour in the remaining broth, and cook 10 minutes more. When the rice is tender, not dry, add the wine and truffled oil, and cook a few minutes more. Check the seasoning and add salt if desired. Remove from heat, add the grated cheese, and serve warm.
Desserts
The Happy Ending
After an erotic meal
that spoonful by spoonful
has led the lovers
through amorous games and
foreplay to the bed,
there should be a happy
ending: dessert.
Dessert is the crown
of the intimate orgy:
mangos flambé au rhum
or profiteroles
filled with strawberries
and blanketed
with a velvety mantle
of chocolate.
In deluxe restaurants there is usually a chef whose sole assignment is sweets, a fortunate fellow who spends his days among aromatic spices, whipped cream, fruits, tarts, cakes—that is, doing exactly what I would like to do to earn my living. Desserts are to the table what baroque concerts are to music: a delicate art. But sugar is lethal; it puts on pounds, eats your teeth, and ruins your skin—to say nothing of the dangers of diabetes, cholesterol, and other ills invisible to the eye but, over the course of a lifetime, heart-stopping. Learn to prepare desserts with grace and serve them with feeling, but try not to eat them. Once you have the taste for sugar, it, like caresses, becomes an addiction. Toy with your spoon, moving the sweet around on your plate until it looks like something you threw up, then slyly throw it under the table—this is one of those times it’s handy to have a dog—or simply don’t give any to yourself and tell your lover you’re keeping your serving for some erotic game later on. There’s nothing as aphrodisiac as a mousse au chocolate on the skin, but try to make sure it’s on you, because if you get it on the other person, you’re the one who will have to lick it off and absorb all those calories. After playing with your dessert in bed, draw a bath for two, nice and hot and with perfumed bath salts, put on some quiet music, light candles, and serve champagne from a single goblet. (All this, so easy to describe, never works for me in real life; my tub gets cold and my partner falls asleep while I’m trying to get the chocolate stain out of the sheets.)
Sweets are a weakness I’ve fought continually almost from the time I was aware I had teeth. It’s a worse vice than alcohol or drugs because it’s legal, it’s not considered immoral, and it’s something people can do in public. Every bite of candy that goes into the mouth cascades directly to the hips and then must be paid for with countless diets and workout programs. I was born at the wrong time. Whatever happened to that wise old saw about “plumpness is the soul of beauty”? I belong on the canvas of some Impressionist painter, at one with the corpulent nude bathers; or in the verses of an Arab poet, among pillowy odalisques nourished on honey and nuts; or in the pages of a Victorian author whose erotic fantasy was that of a complaisant woman whose bombé buttocks he stroked with a peacock feather. I know. Feathers, like incense, have been out of style since the sixties, but nothing has come along to replace them. What the devil am I doing in California at the end of the twentieth century? Here everyone is obsessed with health and beauty; at six in the morning all my neighbors are running through the streets, even though no one is chasing them, puffing along in shorts and with instruments strapped to their wrists to monitor any lurch of their heartbeat. I think the more palpitations per minute, the more fat is shed and muscle developed, but I’m not sure because even though my heart gallops at full speed, I don’t have a visible muscle anywhere on my body.
Cherries, Pears and Butterfly, casein and oil by Stone Roberts, 1989, Salander-O’Reilly Galleries, New York.
This section of the book has been the most difficult for me. I dream about desserts at night and spend my days studying recipes while my mother prepares them in the kitchen and the rest of the family enjoys them. It’s been months since I tasted a sweet of any kind, but I think about them constantly. I shouldn’t complain: most of my fiftyish women friends go through the same hell in regard to sex. With a little luck, I will soon be admitted into my neighborhood circle of flagellants. (By the way, a few weeks ago an ad appeared in a San Francisco newspaper calling for sadists and masochists to cast for a pornographic film. Four sadists and sixty-nine masochists showed up.)
