An Outback Affair, page 14
“I said the first time in the bush is always the worst.”
Now that Joel was with her, she was much calmer. Her heart fell into a soft thud and the buzz in her head dropped to an even drone.
She tightened her grip of his pants. “Let go of my jeans,” he said.
“Why, where are you going?” she demanded.
He laughed. “Nowhere. I want to fix your sleeping bag.”
Reluctantly, she released her hold, standing and moving in close to him. He nearly knocked her over as he spread out her sleeping bag.
Even though he said, “Move off. I can’t concentrate,” he curled his arm around her waist.
“Sorry,” she murmured. “I’m just a yellow-bellied coward at heart.”
As he kissed her mouth, she drew quickly away from him. Ignoring the throb of her heart, the craving to taste more of his mouth.
“Glad to play the hero.”
“Do we have ground sheets?” Even to her own ears, her voice sounded tiny.
“Ground sheets?”
“Please.”
“I’ll get you one, okay?”
The chill of being alone cascaded her mind as if someone had thrown ice water over her head. She grabbed his arm. “On second thought, please don’t bother.” She glanced anxiously at the fire. “You’ll keep the fire going all night?”
“What do you suggest? That we take two-hour shifts?”
Refusing to move as much as an inch away from him, she said, “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.”
“Yeah, but the highest form of entertainment.” He let out a heavy sigh. “The fire will die out eventually and there’s nothing I can do about that.”
“Are there snakes?”
“Yes.”
A shiver. “Can they get into the sleeping bag with you?”
“Only if you’re silly enough to leave it unzipped.”
A frown. “You can be crass at times.”
He was chuckling as he turned and disappeared. His outline shadowed on the other side of the fire.
She had no intention of taking off so much as a sock. Too vulnerable. Sliding into the sleeping bag, she zipped it up and cuddled down into its soft warmth. She would never sleep. Not here in the open with all those horrible creepy-crawlies out there.
She willed her eyes closed. Okay, okay, relax. You’re becoming neurotic. You’re going to be fine. Everything’s okay … She heard a rustling sound in the bush behind her. Her body tensed. She strained her ears, spelling backwards at the speed of sound. She heard the trees whisper strange and exotic tales to each other, and her heart pounded loudly in her ears. There it was again, that rustling sound as if some slimy creature was slithering its way through the bush towards its target — her!
“Joe — lll,” she shouted, sitting up as best she could with the restriction of the sleeping bag. He never answered her. She screamed his name. “Joel!”
“What?”
“Something’s in the bush behind me.” Was he deaf? Anyone with minimal hearing could hear it.
“No kidding.”
“It could be a s-s-snake.” She hated even uttering the word. It made it seem more likely and more real.
“Go to sleep.”
“But … but — ”
This time it was an order. “Go to sleep.”
She screwed her eyes tight, wriggling her way down the bag as far as she could. If she were to be bitten to death by some ghastly adder then she would prefer not to see it happen.
Her heart thudded wildly in her chest; she was as taut as a violin string.
Everyone had his or her own special fears. Some people couldn’t climb a ladder. And what about those who turned pale when they had to use an elevator? Or feared spiders or dogs — the list went on. Okay, so her aversion was to anything that had to slither on its stomach to be mobile.
Was that a sin? Did it make her the odd woman out? So she had a weakness. Well, with a little spunk and tenacity she could overcome this fear. Why, she could —
A heavy thud on her legs. She tried to sit up. The thing moved. It was a snake. She’d die a horrible death.
“Oh, hell … oh, hell … oh, oh, oh — ”
The scream began at the base of her throat then ripped out with such abandon that birds, nesting in the surrounding trees, soared off into the night sky with matching screeches.
“Damn, what now?”
With adroitness born of terror, she managed to unzip her bag enough to release her arms. Joel, dear sweet Joel, was kneeling beside her. Would it matter if he were Jack the Ripper? Wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, she moaned. “Joel, oh, Joel, it’s a snake.”
“Cassie, for God’s sake, let me go,” he wheezed, “you’re choking me.”
Tightening her grip, she cried. “On my legs. On my legs.”
Attempting to wrench her arms away, he staggered. She was drowning and he was a plank of wood. With heavy grunt, he managed to straighten, bringing Cassie, still cocooned in her sleeping bag, with him.
While not relinquishing her hold of his neck, she managed to kick her way out of the sleeping bag. With a flick of her legs, she straddled across his back, wrapping her legs securely around his waist. He gave a groan and fell to his hands and knees.
“Get off me, you’re breaking my back.”
Burying her face into his back, she cried. “Oh, no, no, no.”
Stretching a hand behind him and grasping her around her waist, he dragged her until she swung beneath him clinging to him like a baby koala clung to its mother. Peering down at her through the darkness, he said in even tones, “Cassie, let me go.”
“Never.”
“Listen to me. If there is a snake, then we’re going to be bitten to death unless you release me and I can investigate.”
A tiny shred of sanity inched into her fear-stricken brain — her pounding-with-horror brain — her brain that would stop working unless somebody did something about getting rid of snakes. “Don’t let me fall onto the ground.”
Struggling to his feet, he juggled her onto his hip. “Where do you suggest I put you?”
“Preferably on asphalt.”
He laughed, but he didn’t put her down. Instead he stooped, and lifting her sleeping bag, gave it a hefty shake, placing it back onto the ground and lowered her on to it.
“If there’d been a snake,” he assured her, “it would have well and truly gone by now. He’s not going to stay around to be introduced. Trust me, he doesn’t want trouble anymore than you do.”
A flash of shadowy movement. “There, see, it’s a opossum. He must have fallen out of the tree and landed on you.”
Nestling close to him and wrapping one arm around his neck, she pressed her face against his bare chest. Her shoulders heaved. “Are you crying?”
She was laughing. “Oh, Joel, I lost it there for awhile.” She laughed louder. He joined in. “A opossum. I was scared out of my brain over a opossum.”
He chucked her under the chin. His eyes glinted in the blackness. “Do you want to sleep with Sam?”
“No. I’ll get back in the sleeping bag. I’m not scared anymore.”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “Cassie, Cassie. Do you know how much I want you?”
She sighed his name. “Joel.” Her lips parted in sweet anticipation of his kiss. He pulled her into him, burying his face into her hair.
You smell like gum trees,” he whispered. “Like a green field wet with spring rain.”
Unable to resist him, she wound an arm around his neck and lowered his head to meet her eager lips. “Kiss me, Joel?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” he said, and brushed his lips across hers. “I can’t begin to tell you how much you mean to me — I want to tell you, Cassie, how — ” He briefly closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m tongue-tied. I feel like a school kid who’s been found nicking sweets from a shop.”
He drew her close to him and pressed his mouth against hers. The curve of her body molded against the strength of his. He tasted like eucalyptus, pine smoke, and wattle. He tasted good.
Fragrant perfumes assailed her mind.
This kiss would never end. She didn’t want it to. She curled an arm around his neck, drawing him tighter into her embrace.
His hand touched her hair. “Your hair is as red as a summer sunset, wild as the storm. See how it slips through my fingers.” His lips found the cradle of her neck. Her heart thundered in her ears as she heard him whisper, “Don’t you understand? Don’t you understand that I love you?”
And in that moment together in the sweet-smelling bushland her dreams, her hopes all came together with those three little words. I love you.
The truth, which had lain at the bottom of her heart for so long, stirred, and she thought the words she’d been so afraid of. I love him. She loved him and had done so since she’d first met him. He filled her heart. He was her life, her joy, her future, her everything.
Now she would never have to leave him. They would stay together on Oriole for the rest of their lives. She would ask for no more than this.
Joel had completed her life.
“Oh, Joel.”
He drew back from her. “Do you know what I think?”
“What do you think?”
“I think you’re in love with me.”
She was enclosed by his love. “I am, I am.”
“Marry me, Cassie. Be my wife. Stay with me on Oriole for the rest of our lives.”
“Yes, yes, yes.”
“How much do you love me? Tell me.” His voice was thick with emotion. “Tell me.”
“More than life itself.”
“Through all eternity nothing can destroy our love.” He kissed her gently at first and then with such force as if he couldn’t get enough of her. Forever was the time their lips held. “Tell me,” she murmured against his mouth. “How much do you love me?”
Pulling slightly back from her, she sensed that Joel outstretched his arms. “This much.” He lowered his arm and clasped her hand. “Think there’s enough room for me in your sleeping bag?”
She laughed gleefully. He slid one hand to her nape while the other tangled in the mass of her hair as he pulled her toward his mouth.
He loved her.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Cassie walked into the kitchen. “Hi, Berta. Got a coffee for a thirsty woman?”
“Nice and hot,” Berta said pouring the coffee into a large mug and placing it before Cassie. “How’d the trip go? Did you have a great time?”
“Wonderful.” Cassie swallowed down the desire to tell Berta that Joel had confessed his love for her. That everything between them was all right. That they would marry and she would stay with them on Oriole. They wanted to tell Queenie first. Her heart sang with delight.
“Sam’s done nothing but talk, talk, talk about the trip and what he saw.”
“It was such a wonderful experience for him.” And for her.
“He loves Oriole.”
“And everyone on it.” And so did she.
“That’s right, he does. The sweet little chap.” Berta squeezed her arm. “And you’re a wonderful girl.”
Slightly surprised, Cassie answered, “Oh, I don’t know about that.”
“Yes, you are. Everything you’re doing for Joel and the missus.”
Confused, Cassie shook her head lightly. “Everything I’m doing? I don’t understand.”
Berta patted her hair. “That you’ve decided to leave Sam here. It’s a great life for a little boy.”
“Leave Sam here?” Cassie asked bewildered. “Whatever do you mean?”
The older woman measured some flour into a cup. “The missus told me about how Sam would be staying here permanently.”
“That must have been when we came back from our trip.” Maybe Berta had heard Joel telling his mother how he’d fallen in love with Cassie and planned to marry her. It surprised her that Joel had spoken to Queenie when they’d decided to tell her together.
Berta looked taken aback. “Oh no, it was before you came here. I was in her bedroom when Joel rang telling her how he’d found Sam. Tickled pink she was. The best I’d seen her for such a long time — all smiles and beams. ‘He’s bringing my grandson to Oriole,’ she tells me. ‘For a visit?’ I ask. ‘No,’ she said, ‘Joel will fix it so that Sam can stay here forever. Isn’t it wonderful, Berta?’”
Please be wrong. “Is that exactly what she said, Berta? That Joel will fix it so that Sam can stay?”
This was exactly what Jane had told her to be aware of, and she’d gone blithely ahead ignoring the fact that Joel’s main objective was to keep Sam on Oriole. She’d put her own hormonal desires at the forefront of her mind, clouded her common sense and her main objective in life — Sam.
Berta broke two eggs into a dish and whisked them. “Yes, those are the words. I remember how excited we were that a child would be growing up here on Oriole. Anyhow, I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long while how lovely it is that you’ll be leaving Sam here with us. He’ll be better off here than in the smoggy city. And the missus will — ”
Cassie legs nearly gave way beneath her as she staggered towards the door.
“Where are you going?” Berta called. “I’m making some pancakes.”
“I’ve forgotten something in my room,” Cassie managed to say. “I’ll be back in a moment.”
She walked out of the kitchen, stumbled to the front door, and almost fell out onto the veranda.
He wanted to keep Sam and he’d pay any cost. He’d played her for a fool. Planned for her to fall in love with him probably from the moment he’d met her. How easy she had made it for him. One word of love and she’d fallen into his arms like the lovesick fool she was. A pat on his back. Congratulations all round on winning his prize so easily.
Joel had lied when he’d said he loved her, and marrying her made it easy for him to have what he desired — Sam permanently on Oriole. The acid rose from the pit of her stomach to the back of her throat. And her heart beat scarily in her ears.
Tears threatened.
She leaned against a railing and wrapped her arms around her chest.
He’d twisted her around until she had believed he’d loved her, and it wasn’t true — he wanted only Sam. She had known this from the very beginning and she’d chosen to ignore it because she wanted to sleep with him!
Among the sorrow came a deep sense of shame and humiliation that she had so willingly confessed her love for him. He didn’t love her, and he would never love her. And that was something she would have to accept and deal with.
If Berta in all her innocence hadn’t told her the truth, Cassie would never have known any difference.
Suddenly cold, she wrapped her arms around her breasts, rubbing her arms. She wished that Berta had never told her of the conversation she had had with Queenie. Had Cassie not learned the truth maybe Joel would, in the fullness of time, have learned to love her. Then she could have stayed with him here on Oriole; Sam would grow big and strong like his uncle. But that wouldn’t have happened. If he didn’t love her now, he’d never love her. Their life together would have been built on a lie and like a house of cards would have tumbled around them before very long.
Tears burned, and she rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes. Now for the first time in a long time, she wanted to wallow in self-pity. So what. Was that a crime? Couldn’t she do that and not feel so damn guilty? Why shouldn’t she feel bad and miserable when she couldn’t have the one thing she wanted most in life?
Joel, oh, Joel.
And she was angry. Angry for becoming sentimental, overly romantic, and weak enough to love Joel when her heart should have remained steel-encased from him.
If only Joel had been content to share him. If only he hadn’t wanted to keep Sam on Oriole through lies and deceit.
Cassie’s thoughts blew through her head like tumbleweeds.
He doesn’t love me.
He only wants Sam.
I love him so damn much it hurts.
With a sense of deep sadness, she knew she would leave him. Return to Melbourne and try to get her life back together, but somehow she doubted that she could — that it would be impossible for her to function normally again.
So what would become of her?
She didn’t know, she just didn’t know.
She wanted … she wanted …
A sob escaped her lips and her throat closed over as scalding tears finally released and slid down her cheeks. It didn’t matter what she wanted. She would never believe that he truly loved her. Whatever could he do or say to convince her of his love when she faced him with the truth of what she had learned?
Hopeless. It was all so hopeless.
Despair blazed into anger and she clenched her hands into fists. She would accuse Joel with her newly found knowledge. Tell him how much she despised him for being cruel and insensitive, and he would have to admit the truth. Then it would be easy for her to leave him.
And once she left, she would never return.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Joel had never known such happiness. They would marry as quickly as possible. Then their wonderful life would begin here on Oriole. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for Cassie. He would bathe her in diamonds. Take her to exotic places she’d only read about. His love for her was absolute, as strong and indestructible as the mountains.
He remembered the perfume of her hair. The sweetness of her lips. The fire of her embrace.
