High Stakes, page 17
“Which means he has a stronger reason than cash to bargain with Kaskov.” Maria’s gaze was searching her face. “You’ve taken that into consideration?”
“Of course. But it won’t hurt to give him the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time he makes things…easier.” She shrugged wearily. “And I do get so tired of not trusting anyone. I guess it’s because this place seems like a different world. It would be nice to at least pretend that’s different, too.” She got up from where she was sitting on the edge of Maria’s bed and headed for the bedroom door. “I’m going to get a bowl of cereal in the kitchen before I start practicing. What are you going to do today?”
“Work with that new computer. It’s magic. It opens all kinds of new doors for me.” She made a face. “A gift that makes my life easier and is fascinating. Another reason Tanner is at least temporarily invaluable. He chooses wisely.” She added, “Then perhaps I’ll go and see if I can find Sam Rennell. Mallory might be able to help me. It might not be a bad idea to get to know him if he has influence with Tanner.”
“I don’t know if anyone has influence with Tanner. Except Sandrino, Sandrino mattered to him.” She stopped at the door and looked back at Maria. “Why Rennell? Why would you want to look up anyone here? You made sure that you kept me away from all of Anton’s men at the compound.”
“Because I knew exactly what kind of predators they were. But if this is a different world, the people and the rules are different, too. We have to weigh them and see which ones we can use and which ones we have to avoid.” She met Lara’s eyes. “I should be the one to decide which people are best to cultivate. I believe you’re showing signs that your judgment might be a bit impaired.”
Lara went still. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’m noticing a change between last night, when I sent Tanner into the music room to see you, and this morning when you walked into my room.” She asked gently, “Did you sleep with him?”
Lara’s eyes widened in shock. “No.” She moistened her lips before she admitted, “But I thought about it.” She should have known Maria would sense even the subtlest change in her demeanor, particularly if it was triggered by sex. Because Maria herself had been forced to study and learn every facet of sex over the years. And they were so damn close. “I wanted to. He touched me and I felt…” She shook her head. “He kept talking about feeling guilty. I think it was the virgin thing. Even when I told him you’d teach me. But I probably said all the wrong things.”
“Maybe. How do I know anything about relationships?” Maria shook her head. “I’ve always just played everything by ear that wasn’t connected to sex. I knew all about that, and it went a long way toward surviving. Sex is everything to most men.” She paused. “But it doesn’t sound like Tanner was being a bastard about it. That was the only thing I worried about when I saw where he was heading.” She frowned. “No, I also worried that you’d think that sex was love and might get hurt. That would have been bad. I would have had to do something to him if he’d not been honest with you.” She suddenly crossed the room and took Lara in her arms. “But I think it will be okay if you want to go to bed with him. You might like it. It’s time you had sex. I was worried that living with me would ruin the thought of it for you. I don’t want you robbed of anything. Sex is fine as long as you remain the one in control. I can teach you how to do that.” She shook her head. “Not that there have been any choices I’d approve. I thought you might find someone yourself while you were away on one of those damn Trials. But I guess you were always too absorbed in completing them to think about anything else.” Her brow wrinkled thoughtfully. “I don’t believe Tanner will hurt you, and if he does, it will only be once. I’d take care of it.”
Lara shook her head dazedly. “Stop right there. I didn’t ask your permission, Maria. It was a complete surprise to me when you asked that question, and my answer just tumbled out. He might not even want to go to bed with me. He turned me down flat. Maybe it was an excuse. It’s natural he’d like women with more experience.”
“You can get him over that. It’s hardly your fault. I’ll show you. It won’t take any time at all.” She turned away. “We can manage it.”
Maria was going too fast, and Lara suddenly felt panicky. “Back up. That was last night. He was kind and I was a little shaken. I’d never felt like that before. I might have changed my mind since then. On second thought, I’m almost certain that I have.” She opened the door. “I’ll see you later, Maria.”
“It’s okay, Lara,” Maria called softly after her. “Whatever you want. I didn’t mean to push you either way. It’s just that I’ve never had a chance to be a real mother to you all these years. You always had too much responsibility, and we were more like prisoners in the same cell than mother and daughter. I’ve wanted to do things for you, and with you, like a normal mother. It’s probably a little twisted, but I thought this might be a way to let you know that I’m here for you.”
Lara looked back at her and was suddenly filled with warmth as she saw Maria’s expression. “You’re crazy,” she said huskily. “No one could have been a better mother than you. Do you think I don’t know that?”
She closed the door quickly behind her. She drew a deep breath as she hesitated outside the door. It was one thing to toy with the possibility of having sex with Logan Tanner. That had been almost dreamlike and vaguely exciting. But her interchange with Maria just now had been unexpected and brought that possibility into stark reality because that was what all sex was to Maria: carnal intimacy, technique, and control. Yet somehow the acceptance of that reality had made Lara’s excitement deepen and come alive. Even her body felt…different.
Ridiculous. Forget it.
She started downstairs. She’d have breakfast and then get to work. Music always took her mind away from everything else, and she obviously needed that where Tanner was concerned. By the time she saw Tanner again, she would be in full control and—
“Do you want an omelet or just oatmeal?” Tanner was coming toward her across the foyer. “I’ll give you one or the other, but if you want anything fancier, you’ll have to fend for yourself. I figured you’d probably want something light to start your day anyway.”
She stopped short in surprise. “I do.” She recovered immediately. “What are you doing here this early?”
“Trying to intercept you before you started to work and managed to rebuild all your defenses against me. I didn’t want to have to go back to square one after I’d worked so hard to establish minimum trust. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle no matter how you decided to play it.” He grimaced. “Last night was a mistake on so many levels that I was pretty dizzy before I threw you out.” His lips suddenly curved in a rare smile. “But some of them were yours, and I don’t think I should take total blame. Your reaction was…unexpected. You caught me off guard. But that was probably my fault, too. In my profession I have to be able to read the other players or lose my shirt. I thought I was beginning to be able to gauge your responses.” He made an impatient gesture. “Anyway, that’s my elaborate explanation that was at least a half apology. Now may I fix you breakfast, give you a cup of coffee, and mend fences?” He added coaxingly, “I talked to Kaskov and Rennell last night after you went upstairs. I’ll share it with you.”
He was being completely honest, and as usual it disarmed her. “This isn’t necessary. I was partly to blame. I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward. We’ll forget about it.” She slowly came down the final few steps. “And you shouldn’t feel bad for not being able to read me. These days I have trouble doing that myself. Everything is…new to me.” She frowned. “No, that sounds like an excuse. It’s not as if I was sheltered or anything. Maria tried to shelter me, but once I was in a Trial, I was on my own. I had to make whatever adjustments were necessary to get it done. I suppose Maria is right, and I couldn’t behave normally with the people around me even if I’d wanted to.” She shrugged. “So I guess you could say I sheltered myself.”
“And your Maria is displaying her usual perceptiveness.” His eyes narrowed on her face. “When did she utter those particular words of wisdom?”
“This morning when I went in to wake her to tell her about what happened at the airport. Why?”
“If she’s awake, then I should invite her to breakfast. I never want to get in her bad books. Will you come to breakfast if she chaperones you?”
She wasn’t at all sure that was why he had asked that question. He always saw too much, and she had an idea he had gone that one step ahead again. But she wasn’t going to challenge him—there was no real reason why she shouldn’t have breakfast with him and listen to what he had to say. They needed to be on the same page, and it was better that last night’s foolishness fade away. She shook her head. “I asked her if she wanted to have breakfast with me, but she turned me down.” She started across the foyer toward the hall leading to the kitchen. “I want an omelet and some of the strawberries I saw in the refrigerator yesterday. Does Rennell grow them?”
He nodded as he followed her. “He has gardens galore at the back of the property. Sandrino told me that working in the earth relaxes him. When he’s not target shooting or painting in his studio.”
“Painting?” Her eyes widened. “I wouldn’t think…it’s a surprise. Is he good?”
“I have no idea. He’s very private where his paintings are concerned. He’s never let me see one. I don’t believe even Sandrino was permitted into his studio.” They were in the kitchen now, and he was at the refrigerator taking out eggs. “I know Sandrino would never have asked if Rennell didn’t offer. He respected his independence just as he did mine.” He nodded at the peacock-blue granite kitchen bar. “Sit down while I whip up that omelet. Or you can put on the coffee if you like.”
She headed for the coffeemaker on the cabinet. “I’ll do my part. Since you said that even omelets were difficult for you.”
“Not difficult. Just boring. I learned to cook in a dozen restaurants in Hell’s Kitchen when I was growing up. That was enough for me. As soon as I could afford it, I started hiring other, more talented cooks to do it.” He was beating the eggs. “Except here. Sandrino liked my cooking, even the fast food. So I’d spend a couple of evenings a week doing my duty.” He shrugged. “I owed him, and it was kind of fun. Rennell put in his kitchen duty, too, but he was much more high cuisine.” He put some butter in a frying pan. “But I like butter, and you won’t find anything high cuisine about what I put before you.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Not like those Swedish meals you had to prepare when you were doing the Trial with that family in Paris.”
“Those weren’t high cuisine, either. I told you, Nilssen wanted comfort food that reminded him of home. Once I learned how to do that, they were happy.”
“And you were happy, too?”
“Until the end.”
“The Rembrandt.” He turned back and poured the whipped eggs into the pan. “I imagine that was rare, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. Though there were a few other times that weren’t so bad, because I was able to learn something. That made all the difference.”
“Such as?”
“Well, I learned to ride horses for a Trial at a horse farm in Austria.”
“What?” He glanced at her. “I didn’t see anything mentioned in Kaskov’s notes on you about horses.”
She chuckled at his surprise. “I made sure that not many people knew about that Trial. I was supposed to work in the stables exercising the horses so that I could get information when they were moving Montara, a prize racehorse, to another stable so they could steal him. Volkov wanted him because his stud fees were enormous, and he planned on either ransoming him or selling him outright.” She made a face. “I didn’t know anything about riding horses. I’m sure that was the point of the Trial. Because they never made it easy for me. They took me to a stable outside Moscow, hired two stallions for me, and told me they’d give me three months to teach myself what I needed to know.”
“Son of a bitch. You could have been killed.”
“That’s what I thought for the first three days. I couldn’t stay on the damn horses. But then I watched the other riders at the stable and studied everything they did and didn’t do. And I saw the expressions on their faces…The next week I started to learn. Soon I managed to stay on the stallion’s back, and I let him free to run.”
Tanner’s gaze was fastened on her face. “And how did it feel?”
“How?” She was suddenly no longer in the kitchen but back to that day in Moscow with the stallion streaking around the track and the wind tearing at her hair. “It was wonderful. And frightening. Like nothing I’d ever felt before. It was almost like the thunder of the music in a Tchaikovsky concerto.”
“And nothing could be any better than that,” he said softly. “I can see it in your face.”
“Can you?” She shook her head and smiled. “I’d never felt anything like that before, and it made me want to reach out and see what else was out there that I’d never experienced. That was a good day, and the time working in Austria was good, too.”
“But only until the end?”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t let that Trial end like the others. I was afraid the racehorse would be hurt, and I’d be responsible. So I did everything exactly as Anton told me to do. It all went well, and they managed to steal the racehorse. But a few weeks later the police received a tip and raided the stable where he was being kept by two of Volkov’s hired henchmen while they waited for the ransom to be paid.”
“No one realized it was you?”
“Why should they? When I’d been so meek during the other Trials? They knew how terrified I always am about Maria. Besides, I was very careful.” She suddenly chuckled as she looked down at the smoking pan. “More careful than you. You’ve burned my omelet!”
He swore beneath his breath and jerked the pan off the flames. “I’ll make you another one.” She couldn’t stop laughing as he reached for another pan. He grinned back at her. “And it was worth it to hear about how you got the better of those bastards. Just the look on your face was enough. I like that story much better than the ones I read about in your file.” He cracked another egg into the saucer. “Like you, I appreciate a happy ending. I don’t imagine that there are many more like that tucked away in your memory.”
Her smile faded. “No, but sometimes I learned things even from the bad ones.” She turned and opened the cabinet to get down cups. “And I had the music. Maria is smart and kind and she went through so much, and she had nothing.” She looked at him over her shoulder. “But she loves the computer you gave her. She mentioned it again this morning.”
“Then we’ll have to see what else we can come up with to keep her entertained.” He added quietly, “But she had you, Lara. She might have thought that was enough.”
She shook her head. “You don’t understand. I know she loves me. But I’ve always been trouble for her, and a chain that kept her bound to a place she hated. Even the love she felt for me was another shackle.”
“Bullshit. I’ve never seen two people as close as you. And you’re both free now, and you’ll find a way to give her whatever she needs.”
“If she doesn’t decide she still has to take care of me.” She added soberly, “We’re not free of them yet.”
“The hell you’re not.” He frowned. “It’s just a question of time. You’re not going to go through all this for nothing.” He slid the fresh omelet onto a plate. “Now sit down and let me tell you how eager Kaskov was to take me out when I hinted I might want to interfere with his plans for you.”
* * *
“And Kaskov said it would be over soon?” Lara gazed thoughtfully down into the coffee in her cup. “What if he was lying?”
“That might be a possibility, but I don’t think so,” Tanner said. “He doesn’t have that reputation. I’m not saying he’s honorable, but he keeps his word. He thinks it’s good business.” He grinned. “We made a deal about Sandrino. I told him I expected him to keep it or I’d keep the merchandise.”
“Merchandise?” she repeated dryly. “I assume that’s me and Maria?”
“I’m glad you’re smiling. Well, I didn’t use that word. But this was a business negotiation and I wanted to make sure he got the point. I think it came across loud and clear.” He smiled crookedly. “He was getting pissed off enough to make a few subtle threats. Look, I was upset last night, and no one can say I’m the most selfless person in the world. I wanted to get the information I needed about Sandrino and get out of the box I was finding myself in. I used you to try to get it. But you should be pleased that he didn’t like the idea of me trying to take over. He even sounded a bit possessive.” He added bitterly, “That might have been why he was so blunt about Sandrino almost certainly being dead. He wanted to punish me for questioning the great Kaskov. It’s definitely not a common practice in his circle.”
“And it did hurt you,” Lara said quietly. “You care about him. I’m sorry. He could be wrong.”
“Yes, he could. It’s only been eighteen months. He doesn’t realize how smart Sandrino is. But it’s unlikely.” He took a swallow of his coffee and leaned back in his chair. “I’ll know everything soon. Kaskov knew a hell of a lot that he wasn’t telling me, but he made it clear that if Sandrino was killed, it didn’t have to be the end of…there was something about bait. He told me he thought it would only be one or two days. That’s all I’ll give him before I follow up.”
She smiled. “And then what will you do? Threaten to get rid of the ‘merchandise’ if he doesn’t give you the information?”
He grimaced. “No, it only took him a couple of minutes to see through that bluff. I’m still working on alternative plans.” He pushed his cup aside. “But I thought you might want to know what Kaskov said about making sure the place where he settles you and Maria would make you very happy.”
