Cybernova, page 7
“Very funny, Ash. Seriously though, how are you? It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.” I stop short. It seems even the air in the room stands still as I remember the fact that it’s my fault that we haven’t seen each other in five years.
Thankfully, Astra isn’t afraid to break the silence. “Well, Olly, I wish I had something more interesting to say. But really, I’ve just been alright. Nothing bad, but nothing fantastic either. I’ve spent most of my time just trying to make a living.” She pauses, carefully considering something she wants to say. “Oliver, I…” another pause, her breathing audibly unsteady, “well, I miss you, you fucking idiot! Why did you never call me? I waited for so long, expecting a call, or a text, or anything! I thought you might’ve died or something, considering how depressed you were when you left. I…” her anger quickly shifts to remorse as she admits, “I just wanted to be there for you, Oliver. I loved you. I…” She trails off, her voice breaking on the last words.
“Oh, Ash I…” I can’t form a single coherent thought. My mind is swimming through a sea of uncertainty, unearthed feelings, and guilt. I have to say something, but what? Nothing I say will make up for leaving her, or the time lost, or anything.
Before I know what I’m saying, everything comes flowing out, “I loved you too…maybe I…still do. I never really wanted to leave you. I…well, I was so messed up at that point that I actually believed that pushing you away would be the best thing for both of us. Looking back on it now, I realize that, of course, it was stupid, but at the time, my brother…he…” I can’t finish the thought.
“I know, Oliver. Miles was your biggest hero, and he was taken from you right when you were starting to become your own person. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must feel like, living with that every day. Sure, I’ve lost family members, but not a sibling. And for that, I will always forgive you. But Olly, you know I would have helped you get through that, don’t you? You didn’t have to do it on your own. You…you don’t have to be alone, Oliver.”
Astra always sees right through me. Her words cut me right to my very core, bringing back memories I’d been suppressing for the better part of a decade.
My brother was killed by CYBR Corp ten years ago for no good reason other than the fact that they could. After that, I was a scared eighteen-year-old, completely alone and furious at the world for taking him from me. Astra came into my life a few years later, and for a while, things were amazing. She picked up the pieces of my shattered existence, giving me a reason to live. But I got caught up in my own head, and I went and ruined it, pushing her away as we got closer to each other. I was afraid that she would be next: first, my parents, then my brother, all killed by CYBR Corp for ‘violating their agreement.’ I couldn’t bear to lose her too.
I suppose I should be saying this to her, but instead, I’m just sitting here in silence.
“Well? Say something,” Astra commands, clearly not enjoying the awkward silence. I can’t exactly blame her for that one.
There’s only one thing I can do at this point. I gotta lay it all on the line for her. This might be the only chance I ever get to tell her how I really feel. With a very deep breath in, I prepare myself for whatever is about to happen.
“I just want to tell you how sorry I am for everything I did back then and all the pain it must have caused you. If there’s one thing I never wanted to do, it was hurt you. To tell you the truth, Ash, I still think about you. All the time. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I loved you more than I ever thought I could love someone, especially after losing Miles. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t regret pushing you away and driving us apart in the name of your safety…In reality, I guess the truth is that I was trying to protect myself. I knew I couldn’t handle losing another important person in my life, so in my twisted way, pushing you away was the best way to protect myself from feeling that pain…I guess it’s all pretty ironic…”
I trail off, not sure if I’ve said too much or not enough, worried that no matter what I do, things will never be the same between us. The reality of the situation really hits me, the fact that in order to protect myself from the pain of losing her, I chose to lose her on purpose.
Nice work on that one, past Oliver.
After an uncomfortably long period of silence, Astra responds. “You’re right, Olly. It is ironic. Part of me has been waiting for years just to hear you say that, but part of me wishes I never actually heard it at all. I guess what I’m trying to say is…I don’t know what to do. I want to forgive you, tell you that I understand what you did and why, and that we can just move on with our lives, but I really don’t know if I can. I’m sorry, Oliver. I’m not saying I don’t want you in my life, but I’m also not saying I’m ready to have you in my life again.” The playfulness in her voice has completely disappeared, replaced by somber remorse.
“I completely understand,” I respond. I honestly do understand. I haven’t forgiven myself, so why should she? “So, for now, let’s just keep moving forward. I find it works best to tackle a problem by working through it rather than being immobilized by it or ignoring it.”
“I can get behind that.” She seems relieved by the idea.
“Okay, that’s really great to hear…Now, I hate to do this, and you probably saw this coming, but I do actually have a favor to ask of you.” I can’t tell which part will be more challenging, fixing our relationship or convincing her to help me take down CYBR Corp.
“Some things really never change, do they?” To my surprise, her tone is a little bit more playful already. She truly is wonderful.
“Okay, so hear me out. I’ve put a lot of thought into this, ran it past Zeke, and decided to go through with it. You’re gonna think I’m batshit but bear with me. I’m going to take down CYBR Corp, finally getting some fucking justice for the countless people like Miles who lost their lives or wish they had, all because the heartless bastards running CYBR Corp arbitrarily decided they “owed them money.” But to do that, I need some help. I need your help, Ash.”
“Oh, you can’t be fucking serious. I was willing to do a favor for you. I really was. But taking down CYBR Corp!? You have got to be out of your damn mind. There is no possible way to take them down. People have tried and failed for years. No offense, Oliver. You know I’ve always supported you, but what makes you think you’re any different?” Her tone is harsh but sincere, rough but in a caring way.
Obviously, she cares about me and my well-being, but god damn, did she need to be so blunt about it?
“First of all, ouch. You really just tore me a new one there, Ash,” I chuckle, making a feeble attempt to lighten the mood slightly, “But to answer your question, I know I can do it, and here’s why: I took down an entire squadron of Retribution troops singlehandedly and with no preparation. I went toe-to-toe with a Shinigami, and before you ask, yes, I’m serious about that. And what’s more, I came away with nothing but a damaged power core. With a little more time, preparation, better equipment and cybernetics, and the support of you all, I know that I can do this. If we make a good enough plan and take them by surprise, I truly believe our little group can do this.” I really am not that confident, but hey, fake it ‘till you make it, right?
“You…wait a minute, you said you fought a Shinigami? Not only is that hard to believe, it’s impossible because they don’t actually exist! Look, Oliver, I really want to believe you, and obviously, I want to see those bastards knocked off their high horse as much as anyone, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to encourage this sort of devil-may-care bullshit that you’re clearly high on.” I can hear an intense amount of concern behind her words.
“I understand why you wouldn’t believe me, but you can ask Zeke, and he’ll tell you that as crazy as all of this sounds, it’s true. He’s the one who patched me up both times, and you know he always tells the blunt and honest truth. You don’t have to believe me or answer me now, but I really need your help, and there’s no one else I trust enough or who I want to be my partner in this as much as you.”
“Alright, we can come back to this Shinigami nonsense later. I’ll listen to what you have to say, so go for it.” She’s always been a unique mix of brutal and caring.
“Thank you, I really appreciate it. So basically, I am in desperate need of a new power source for my cybernetics. Mine is old and got fried by the…by electricity. I can’t afford anything remotely worth trusting my life with, so the plan is to, well, steal the best one available from CYBR Corp. We’re all wanted criminals, so we need someone to get on the “Friends of CYBR Corp” list so we can even get close to this thing. And that’s where you come in, Ash.” I find it hard to imagine she’ll do this without giving me a truckload of criticisms, but here goes nothing.
“Oliver, I have so many problems with what you just said. But…god damn it, I’m in. I’ll help you steal that power source.”
My heart jumps out of my chest, and a shiver runs through my entire body. “Wait, seriously? I was expecting more of something along the lines of ‘no way, you fucking idiot,’ but hey, I’m not complaining!” I say with a genuine laugh, the first I’ve had in a long time. Ash joins in, too.
“Yeah, I’m not sure if it’s my old rebellious protester side coming out or what, but that actually sounds…exciting. I wanna do this thing with you. Although, I’m wondering who else is with you? You said that you’re ‘all’ wanted criminals. Is it more than just you and Zeke? Who else is stupid enough to join you?!”
“Oh shit, I forgot to mention, we made a new friend named Dexter. He was being shot down by the Retribution, so Zeke saved his life while I fought them off. He used to work for CYBR Corp but left because he couldn’t live with the guilt of working for such an evil corporation. I haven’t known him for too long, but he seems like a stand-up guy.” I partially forgot and partially didn’t want to tell her too much in case she didn’t want to join us. The less she knew, the more likely she was to be safe from CYBR scrutiny. I know this all too well.
“Hmm, interesting. You’ve really gotten yourself into some deep shit, haven’t you?” She asks rhetorically. Obviously, I’ve gotten myself into some deep shit.
“Yeah, yeah. So anyway, what do you say we meet at our old spot tomorrow? Right after sundown?”
“Sounds good, Olly. See you there.”
“Perfect, good night, Ash.” I end the call, realizing just how long I’ve been talking to her. I also become aware of the fact that I’m sitting on the edge of my seat, every muscle in my body as tense as can be. I really am hopeless when it comes to her.
With a sigh, I move to my bed and try to sleep, endlessly playing back the entire conversation I just had. My eyes gradually adjust to the pitch darkness of my room, a dim light blinking in and out, indicating that my Cerulean tablet is in stand-by mode. The pale, flashing blue light provides me with brief glimpses of the room, which is pretty dull, to say the least. Since this is a bunker and a rather shitty one at that, the walls and ceiling are just solid steel, and the floor is concrete. The steel is dull, but it reflects the blue light ever so slightly. It’s oddly mesmerizing and helps to soothe my frantic mind. I find myself entering an almost meditative state, slowly breathing in and out with every other blink of the light.
It’s not often that I find time to clear my mind and relax, especially recently, so it’s a welcome change of pace. I used to be much more in touch with myself, frequently meditating and practicing my martial arts, but the constant beat-down of everyday life has slowly drained most of my ability to focus or to care.
Eventually, I drift off. The last thought floating across my mind is a selfish desire for life to go back to normal, back to a simpler and easier time. A time before CYBR Corp, before I lost my family, before…everything.
Ch 5
MUSIC plays a little too loudly in my wireless earbuds as I make my way through the backstreets of Nova City. I’m on my way to meet Ash at our old spot, where we used to spend most of our time. It’s a three-mile walk, and my heart has been pounding the entire time. No matter what I do, I can’t help but wonder about how this is going to go. Is she feeling the same way? Have her feelings been rekindled as mine have, or is she only doing this to help me because she feels like she has to? At the very least, I just want to be friends again, but at this point, I’m not even sure if that’s possible.
I turn up the volume a bit and pick up the pace, eager to get there. Our spot is right between the Entertainment and Arts Districts, in what used to be our favorite historical art museum. We’re both suckers for classical Japanese art, what can I say? The place has long since been transformed into a club, aptly named Hakubutsukan, which roughly translates to “The Museum.” The art pieces still hang on the walls, now covered in graffiti. That didn’t stop us from going there, enjoying one too many drinks as we admired the barely recognizable art pieces—
“Shit!” I mutter under my breath, having just caught sight of three Retribution goons mere yards away. I duck behind the nearest building, moving silently and quickly. They’re standing just outside The Museum, of course. Did they know I was coming? No, I remember they would constantly monitor this area since it’s filled with your average assortment of scumbags and criminals. These troops held this post back before everything went to shit.
Looks like I’ll have to get creative. Can’t exactly stroll right by them, their visors would immediately identify my face, and they’d be on my ass in seconds. I creep silently around the building, moving a couple of buildings down. I check the battery level on the external power source that Zeke put together for me. The screen reads ninety-five percent, which should last me about three and a half hours, assuming Zeke’s estimate was correct. Honestly, I’m a little nervous, considering the hodge-podge nature of this battery. But he assured me it was fine, so…
You’re overreacting. You’re just nervous about seeing her.
After a few deep breaths to calm myself, I move as silently as I can across the street and into the alleyway across from me. I move with a combination of tip-toeing and full-on sprinting, a patented technique if I do say so myself. Luckily, the mindless goons don’t seem to notice. They’re too busy showing off their newest cybernetics to see much of anything. Now, it’s just a matter of making my way around these buildings and over to the back entrance of The Museum. As I round the corner to the back entrance, I half expect to see another squad of Retribution troops waiting for me, arc rifles primed and ready to fry me to a crisp.
“Looks like it’s my lucky day,” I chuckle to myself as I knock on the back door of The Museum. A pair of stone-cold grey eyes peer through the sliding view box in the door.
“Password?” A gruff voice greets me, obviously refined through years of chain smoking.
“Creativity takes courage,” I reply, reciting an old quote by Henri Matisse, which is a favorite of the classical art scene. Early twentieth-century art’s been really hot lately, or so the posts on CYBRNet tell me. People used to say the quote means that it’s brave to pursue art in a capitalist society. But now, well, you’re hard-pressed to find someone willing to break the mold at all, to stand against CYBR Corp and their iron-tight chokehold on every aspect of life. Needless to say, that’s what the quote means to me.
My answer is accepted with a grunt of approval, and the door is opened. As the heavy steel door slides open, I am greeted by a wave of nostalgia that nearly brings me to tears. The smell of a unique combination of sweat, alcohol, cigarettes, and spray-paint all flood into my nose while the flashing, strobing neon lights dance across my eyes. And most of all, the ear-splitting, bass-blasting, synth-electric punk band is throwing the whole club into a wild frenzy, moving in a chaotic symphony of jumps and head-bangs.
The holographic sign above them says “The Insurrection” in a font resembling claw marks on a brick wall. I recognize the name from the headlines. Everyone’s been obsessed with them ever since their hit song “SLOBR Crap” came out a couple of years ago.
The song is a heavy-handed diss track aimed directly at the heads of CYBR Corp, and people cannot get enough of it. Honestly, I don’t usually listen to this type of music, but their blatant fuck you attitude toward evil mega-corporations really clicks with me and everyone like me, living a sad, rejected life scraping the boots of the mega-rich elites running our lives.
I snap back to reality, remembering why I came here and the time limit I’m on. My eyes scan the crowd of thrashing bodies as I walk farther into the room.
And there, hanging toward the back of the room, is Astra Odelle. A purple-streaked, leather-clad angel gently bobbing her head to the beat as she sips her drink. The whole club scene never really was her thing, nor was it mine, but we could always enjoy anything as long as we did it together. She catches sight of me, her face lighting up into a broad smile, her teeth reflecting the strobing neon lights as she moves toward me.
As soon as she smiles at me, my heart tries to take an unsteady flight out of my chest. I walk over to her, every step faster than the last, until I’m basically running into her outstretched arms.
It’s a warm embrace that I haven’t felt in years, an embrace that takes me right back to five years ago and a time in my life that I desperately miss. A time when I was happy.
I want to tell her everything, anything, but the music is impossibly loud. Instead, we sway to the beat, holding each other close for what feels like an eternity. I can smell her perfume. It smells like a sweet rose, and it’s the most beautiful smell I can imagine. Through the left leg of her jeans, I can feel her cybernetic leg shifting back and forth as we sway. Sometimes, I forget she even has it since it’s such an impressive prosthetic. But of course, I could never really forget about it, no more than I can forget about my right arm.
She lost her leg at the same time I lost my arm. Almost seven years ago now, a building was bombed while we were inside. It was our favorite abandoned warehouse to hang out in. It was a place we could be alone, away from the incessant noise and lights of the city: the people, the cars, the ads blaring on every screen and every speaker. Life is so damn complicated, but when we were hiding away in a quiet, secluded place like that warehouse, it felt so much more manageable. Like I could breathe freely. I miss that feeling. To tell the truth, I can’t think of a time I’ve felt that free in years…
