Breaking Broken (Love After Life), page 19
The world flickers, darkens, turns itself off. And then relaunches again. I can’t see the child, but I can feel her, in the next room, ear against the wall, listening quietly.
The nanny’s voice is a low whisper. “Lust, if you would just let me take the child out—”
“No.” His answer is more vicious. “Sin said not to.”
“Eight weeks is a long time to keep the girl trapped—”
“It’s not my decision.”
“Please.”
The shadow shakes its head. “It’s not safe.”
“Okay, well then let me keep her in my Realm. I have more jurisdiction there.”
Lust is desperate now. “Please, stop—”
“You can’t leave her here!”
“Obey him, witch.” A third voice suddenly joins the argument, this one deeper, and more violent. It sends a shiver through my bones, and I unwillingly stumble away from the scene. I feel the anger, the deep sense of rage as another shadowy beast enters the room. He immediately sucks the air from the room. The God of Sin is here.
“My little girl will not leave this house.” His tone is vicious, and yet devoid of emotion. A black hole of rage and silent threats. “It is protected. Yes?”
The nanny nods quickly. “Yes, Sir, but you know that I’m only one ma—”
“You’re supposedly the best Mage in the Sphere. Is the house protected? Yes or no?” The huge beast is mistrusting, as if doubt was carved into his soul.
“Yes.”
“Hmm,” he grunts. I feel him drag his disapproving gaze up and down her body, “—you’re ageing. Are you capable of protecting my child?”
“A mage’s powers only grow stronger with age.” She responds quickly, though her voice wavers. It’s evident that she’s terrified of this snarling creature leering over them both. “She’s safe with me, Sin. Trust me. I just wish we could go—”
He interrupts her sharply. “Trust? I don’t trust anyone. But trust this, witch. If anyone lays a finger on my princess, I’ll eradicate you and your entire fucking bloodline. Got it?”
She’s trembling. “Y—yes, Sir. And what about your other children?”
“They can fend for themselves.” His answer is cruel, wicked, “They’re not pure like her.”
Pure. The word poisons my mind. Siren is anything but pure. She is the epitome of malice and jealousy.
“Stray,” Siren’s voice is barely a whimper behind me, devoid of any rage there was before. “We need to go now.”
“Why? What happens? What’s going on, Siren?”
“Please.” She holds her bound hands to her face. “I—I can’t!”
For a moment, I see the overlap between the child and herself. Drawn with anxiety, peeking through her clasped fingers. She holds her chin to her chest, her shoulders almost touching her ears. Her knees wobble: for a second it looks as if she’s going to buckle and fall to the floor.
But then the world starts to tremble as though time is fracturing. It splinters, cracks and falls apart before suddenly forming again quickly. The air thickens between my lips, then sours.Plaster board dust turns to mush on the tip of my tongue. Darkness falls upon the room, but I can just about make out little Siren and her nanny, cuddled up on the small bed.
I hear scratching. Shrieking. Gargled snarls of creatures with bile bubbling at the back of their throats. Banging and shouting, pounding on the wall as dust from disturbed bricks fall from the ceiling. It’s like a war is at their front door.
“What is that?” It’s my turn to be frightened now. I stumble back, closer to Siren for some mad reason. My knees are weak and with every tremble of the walls, I feel as though I’m going to fall over. I don’t know what to look at—the victims, the creatures trying to peel through the walls, or Siren’s reaction.
“Make it stop!” The child shrieks. Or was it, Siren? I’m not sure— both their voices are cracked with horror. Before I can keep up, the child screams in fear. Her cry echoes around the room when a brick collides with the floor, creating a plume of smoke.
“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay.” Her nanny tells her assuredly, though her face is struck with fear. Her eyes are wide, bulging from their sockets. “Your dads will be back soon.”
“When? It’s too much, Nanny Mage!”
She doesn’t answer the child as a beam of light shoots through like a strobe, burning the floor in front of them. The roof is chipped away by the beasts above.
I see it as clear as day— the horror, the disbelief— it ricochets across the nanny’s face. Her lips curl and I can see her trying to say something, anything, but she’s frozen. Time seems to slow. My heart bangs against my ribcage as I hold my breath.
“Make it stop!” Siren’s piercing scream echoes around the room. “Stop! Stop!”
The volume forces me to throw my hands over my ears, and I feel the crack of glass as though the memory is fracturing from in front of us. Her cries are assaulting. I try to drown out the pitched howl, but I can’t block it out— louder and louder they repeat in my mind until suddenly…
Silence.
The memory explodes in a howl of nothingness before we are spluttered back out onto the damp, forest floor. The stench of mould and decaying woodland replaces the thick plaster dust.
“You bitch!” Siren howls. Her fear transforms into something more violent. “You fucking bitch!”
Stumbling, she almost falls back to the floor. Her hands are tied tightly together but that doesn’t stop her from trying to point at me menacingly. “What the fuck was that? Huh? Huh?”
Alarmed, I hold my hands up. “Siren, I don’t know— I don’t know what happened!”
“Stay out of my fucking brain, Stray!”
“What was that?” The words fall before I have a chance to stop them. “What happened to you?”
“Shut—” Her voice cracks. Oh, Gods, I hear the thick and poisoned pain strangling her. For a short moment, her eyes squeeze shut as if she’s trying to contain her rage. She heaves, desperately trying to drag in air. When her eyes reopen, she’s furious. “It’s none of your fucking business!”
“What did they do to you?”
“Shut the fuck up, Stray!” She erupts. “I’m not doing this! I’m not doing all of this!”
She throws her arms around aggressively, but it’s awkward with how tightly they are bound together by the roots.
“Just you wait…” she spits. “I’ll fucking torture you.”
“I didn’t do that on purpose!”
The vein in the side of her head leaps out. “You did all of this! I didn’t put us here! You did! I’ll fucking hang you. Wait till my dad finds out about this!”
Suddenly, the ground starts to shake. I feel the grass roots beneath my boots dragging along the sole like a thick lick. The breath between my lips stales again, and that intense whoosh of air nearly knocks me backwards. We both stumble, but before the wind grows too much, the maze changes again. Forest green turns to mahogany. Warm cookies fill my nose. We return to the bedroom.
A familiar voice rings through the dark room. “Nanny Mage! Come on! Nanny! Quick!”
The old nanny hobbles into the room, holding a plate of cookies.
“I’m coming!” She laughs. “Where should I put these?”
“I— what?” Siren stumbles backwards. “What is happening, Stray?”
My voice is hoarse. Strained. I desperately try to figure it out.
“I don’t know!”
The child beckons her nanny with her small hands. “But put them somewhere— quick! Quick!”
I draw in a sharp breath. My mind whirls as the thoughts churn loudly. I drag my gaze slowly across the room, searching for something out of place— anything different. But no, it’s the same as before.
My heart shudders in my chest. “It’s happening again.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Siren
“It’s happening again.”
Oh, God! Oh, fuck!
The panic claws at my stomach like someone is tearing chunks from my body. White hot fear spreads through my trembling limbs, and I can’t seem to draw in a deep enough breath. My eyes are firmly fixed on younger me and I want to look away. I need to get the fuck out of here. But I’m firmly glued to the floor, eyes peeled open to watch how I was before the curse. The child version of me was so full of life; eyes glistening under the fairy lights, lips pulled up like the Cheshire cat. Back when I could laugh because I was happy and not because I was hurting people.
“Stray, get us out of here,” I snarl. “I’m not doing this again.”
She looks just as horrified as I do. Holding her palms upwards, she flexes her fingers again and again before thrusting her hands into the middle of the room. Nothing happens. She tries it over and over to no avail.
In the background, my old nanny is holding me in the air. I’m giggling, head too far back as sharp squeals of joy leave me. I pat the painting down once and then twice for good measure. I know the painting will not fall— nanny Mage made sure of it, but it still felt right ensuring my masterpiece could never break.
It seems to go by quicker this time, as if time itself is in a hurry to escape the memory, but it doesn’t dull the throbbing in my chest. I feel every emotion as though I’m trapped in the child’s body. The happiness feels foreign, odd. I reject it, pushing it away— I can’t let myself get too familiar with the sensation. When I eventually lose it again, it only makes the loss that much harder.
My parents are here now, but I’m desperately trying to drown out their voices. I don’t want to hear their arguments again. I remember listening through the thin wall between my room and my closet. The words hadn’t made much sense at the time, but over the years, their meaning became more apparent.
They made the wrong decision.
The memory speeds by; it’s as though someone has put the world on fast forward, then pauses exactly when my parents, clouded in their dark shadows, turn towards the door. Emotions bubble and burst in my soul.
“Don’t go,” I whisper. I didn’t mean for the words to leave my lips— they were supposed to remain in my mind. But fuck, how I want to yell them. I need to grab their arms, their hands, scream in their faces what happens next. I want to chain them to the home, stop them from ever going to Earth. No. They can’t leave. Their one mistake screws me up forever.
“Wait!” I stumble forward, but I have no chance to strike before the scene changes again. My bottom lip wobbles immediately and I hear the soft coos of my nanny behind me, followed by my crying.
I smell the beasts, too— gargled snot and decaying saliva dripping from holes that shouldn’t exist. They’ve come from every corner of Hell, all desperate to claim my innocence.
“Your dads will be here soon.” I hear my nanny try to reassure me.
“She’s lying,” I answer loudly. “She’s lying, Siren!”
Fuck. I must be losing my mind. I can feel the thoughts churning, the fear bubbling up deep inside of me. I’m shaking, wheezing, heaving.
Bricks start to fall. Plasterboards create plumes of dust.
I glance at the wall my nanny hid from my parents— they couldn’t know their daughter from Hell was creating artwork. They protected me, sure. But they certainly did not coddle me. I was still raised and expected to be a fierce ruler, blinded by rage and violence. The wall flickers and I watch as her magic is infected.
Another mage is here. One darker than her, older.
We can’t see him, but I feel him, as thick tendrils of black begin wrapping around the home. His ink seeps into my nanny’s red magic, discolouring it. It’s not long before I can hear the fizzing of their chemicals colliding. Cracking, like glass, it starts to shatter. There were too many of them. And my nanny was in an unfamiliar Realm, bound by laws set to protect me.
My paintings start to fall. The colourful pages of drawings and joy dropping to the floor. They’ll be trampled on soon. Black footprints made from the goo of God knows what will stain the pinks and blues. Fire will eat them up too, when the flame creatures arrive.
And then the lights go out.
Silence.
Darkness.
Then they strobe.
Dark pulses of red, followed by intermittently deep pulsing noises. In the crimson light, the sound turns back on, and then the chanting starts. It’s a whisper at first. An incoherent muddle of syllables and sounds under my nanny’s voice, but with every beast filing into the room, her curse becomes louder. More desperate. More violent.
I shriek. I’m in pain, but nobody has touched me. The gargled howls of my small body fill the air. Poison runs through my veins. Acid scorches through my nerves. I die a million deaths in such a small body.
She cursed the very child she swore to protect.
God, it stretches on for hours in the back of my mind. I remember every twang of skin tearing from my body, the way my bones cracked and broke, the chill deep within me. It was so cold and yet I burned as though I’d been doused in fire.
I know what’s happening in those dark shadows.
My first transformation.
Time races forward. My cries are suddenly drowned out by the horrified shrieks of beasts, monsters and men being tortured. Blood spurts everywhere like a fountain. It’s hard to make out what is happening between the deep pulses, and I pray it stays that way for my Stray.
But I know exactly what is happening. My hair has thickened, rolling into baby snakes with the violence of every beast in here combined. I know they’re striking out, sinking their fangs into flesh, armour, chain mail— poisoning anyone and anything within distance. One singular bite is potent enough to wipe out hordes of armies. No one stood a chance.
The lights go out again. The pulsing noise intensifies, drowning out the suffering and it feels like the darkness consumes us for aeons. When was the last time I breathed? My body is tense, stiff, yet my bottom lip wobbles as tears stain my vision.
The redness returns. Chaos. It’s hard to make out limbs from weapons. All I know is the stench of death is thick in the air.
I wheeze, glancing at Stray to gauge her reaction. She’s transfixed by the scene unfolding, eyes bulging out of her head. She doesn’t say a word, but the horror painted across her face speaks for itself. Her lips are curved as though she’s going to scream. She can’t possibly know about the creatures on my head, but certainly now she knows who is behind all the misery. I keep my eyes shut. There’s no need to relive all of this again, I know how it ends.
The lights finally turn back on, and colour drips back into the scene. A war zone.
I’m gone. Everyone is dead. Blood wades up to my ankles. Bodies pile around the room— indistinguishable masses of limbs and chewed flesh.
Keep your eyes shut, Siren.
Keep them shut.
And yet… I have to look.
Caught in the crossfire, my nanny lies lifelessly under three beasts. She’s been crushed, but I know what stole the life from her lips. Blood pours from the old woman’s body. There are small, shallow bite marks all over the exposed, wrinkly skin from where her robes have been torn.
She, like everyone else in this god forsaken home, didn’t stand a chance against my snakes.
There’s no time to mourn. To choke. To cry. Because suddenly the world shifts again. It races forward. I feel the air brushing against my skin, pulling my hair back.
Air smacks against my skin. Time races backwards. The child is back, clutching her artwork proudly.
“Nanny Mage!” She cries out in excitement.
Again. And again. The memory replays over and over again, picking up in speed each time until the motion sickness claims me. The sounds all blur into one enduring shriek. I claw at my throat as the stale air suffocates me. When I blink, I feel my fingers in my hair, pulling, tugging, desperately trying to peel the memory from me.
“Stop it, Maze!” It doesn’t sound like my own voice. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Just fucking stop!”
Time appears to be a circle, sharp-edged and perverse, it forces me to bleed on it every second. I fall to the ground. My screams bounce back at me, shrill and futile. I slam my fists into the ground as if this will do anything. The pain doesn’t ground me. It drowns me. I can’t breathe. I can’t think.
“Stop!” I cry.
My worst fear? It isn’t the dark. It isn’t being alone.
It’s this.
Being forgotten. Being left behind.
And I’m being tortured. Repeatedly.
The loop resets.
No. No!
I pound the floor with my fists until the bones grind. I want them to break. I need something real to claim me. Something that bleeds. Something that doesn’t shift in time. But this place doesn’t fucking care. It watches. It waits. It mocks me.
The world tilts, the edges buzzing and going numb, but there’s no off-switch. It doesn’t stop.
“Why did you do it, Siren?”
I whirl around. Maze’s voice throbs in the back of my mind, but her lips are tightly sealed, eyes locked on the trembling child in front of us.
“Why did you kill me?” It returns. The whimper slithers under my skin, wrapping around my spine. I clutch my head, trying to squeeze her voice out.
“I had to!” I choke. “You don’t understand. I had to!”
“What?” Maze’s attention shifts to me. Confusion, fear, panic. I see it grip her in a vice.
Then laughter.
Not mine.
Hers.
In the back of my mind, the laughter is mocking, taunting, revelling in my pain. Punishment. But the Maze in front of me drips with anxiety. “What is happening, Siren? What is all of this?”
Fuck. Her eyebrows are pulled together; for a long moment, her reaction is genuine. But then time shatters. New air forces its way between my lips. Time races forward and gets lodged like a bullet misfiring. Death and decay drips out from the memory, but I know it’s not over. It simply shifts to something else. I know justice hasn’t finished torturing me.
Bleary eyed, I weakly stare at the teenager in front of me. She sits in front of the mirror numbly. I must have started Middle Earth Academy just recently. There is a darkness around her eyes, and the rings of another sleepless night stares back at her. She runs her hairbrush through her hair which no longer hisses. It moves easily. Mockingly easy. Teenage me gathers all her hair in one place and brushes the tips of her black lengths.
